*Warning: Read with caution!*
Nothing is set in stone, until it is, and Eloy isn't even aware of it. The fatigue is almost always there so it's nothing new, not to him at least. But Jace notices that Eloy sleeps in later and takes naps more frequently, he always looks tired, always looks utterly exhausted. Another thing he's noticed, Eloy is eating less. He feels queasy, though frankly he's tired of only eating instant cooked rice or steaming cup noodles. The nausea doesn't make it better, of course it doesn't, but he doesn't complain.
What really gives it away, eight weeks after their little accident, is the fainting. He doesn't faint, not really.
They were walking to a new house, Ella fussy on his hip when dark spots suddenly swam in front of his vision and made the world seem a little tilted, a little skewed. He had to stop and order Ella to wrap her little arms around his neck while he used a hand for support against the brick wall of a seemingly occupied house. Houses they try to avoid for fear of a repeat from before.
Jace had stopped at that moment to look back for a quick head count and immediately approached the pair upon noticing them a bit farther behind.
He was worried.
He is worried.
"Eloy?"
"Hi," Eloy rasps, trying to muster a smile but failing miserably.
"You okay?"
Eloy nods, but has no problem relinquishing Ella to Jace who gladly takes her from his hold. Once the light weight is gone, he breathes a bit easier and excuses himself with a hand clamped over his mouth.
He's tried to ignore the signs, the obvious symptoms. But he knows he can't, not anymore.
They reach a new house and they finally have a room of their own instead of sleeping on uncomfortable couches or dusty floors.
Eloy is sitting on the bed with the pregnancy test he swiped weeks ago in his hand, when Jace finally walks in and stops at the sight. Eloy looks up at him, bottom lip tugged between his teeth.
Jace takes a careful seat beside him and Eloy passes him the test without a word.
Positive.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Positive.
"What do you want to do?" Jace asks calmly.
What can we do? Is on Eloy's lips before he says a bit hollowly, "Get rid of it."
And it's then the older man notices something he wishes he hadn't. A crooked bent wire sitting almost innocently beside Eloy.
Jace nods, swallows thickly, and nods again. They can't have a baby, not now, not in the middle of a fucking apocalypse. The baby wouldn't survive, hell, Eloy might not survive. So, it's obvious, to them both, it's obvious that they should induce a miscarriage.
It doesn't stop Jace from feeling how he does, and it doesn't stop Eloy from feeling nauseated. Jace wants to tell Eloy not to do it. He does, because he doesn't want to let Eloy do something that can't be undone, something he might regret.
"Don't do it," he whispers as Eloy stands from where he was sitting.
It's soft, but Eloy still hears it, still stops.
He looks down at Jace.
"Don't," Jace repeats lowly.
Eloy frowns, the wire clutched tightly in his hand, "We won't survive if I don't. We... I'll... I'll become a burden and a newborn baby will only... it just won't work out. And I... I don't want to have a baby."
Jace knows that, of course he knows. But he wonders if Eloy can really say what he's saying and mean it. He doesn't want a baby? Their baby? Jace understand the dysphoria, Eloy has explained it to him and he understands, fuck he does, but it's their baby they're talking about.
"I'm sorry," Eloy whispers and walks out the room.
Jace buries his face in his hands.
He knows he could've easily stopped Eloy; his words would've been enough. But Eloy has made his decision and he will never take that away from him. As much as he hates it, as much as he hates watching Eloy go, he doesn't stop him. After all, it's his choice, his body.
Eloy's heart wrenches painfully inside his chest.
He's being practical, he reminds himself.
He's doing the smart thing.
He knocks on the door and waits with bated breath until the door opens. Alexis looks at him in surprise. Her surprise only growing when he says, "I need your help."
She walks up to Jace who's standing in front of a window watching the sun rise and shine brightly over the horizon. He has a cigarette between his fingers, a cloud of smoke puffing from his lips, and the smell of tobacco surrounding him. She's surprise. She hasn't seen him smoke since... well since forever.
"You're smoking again," she states.
"He's going to die," Jace whispers, "He's so stubborn, so stupid."
"He's being smart, for once," she argues, not quite sure why she's standing up for a person she couldn't care less about.
Except her brother is stressed and is madly in love with the person waiting in the bathroom for her.
He's right though, so many things can go wrong. She's not a trained professional, fuck she could accidentally kill him herself.
"You love him," she whispers.
"I love him," Jace agrees, the words coming smoothly.
And it's the first time Alexis has ever heard him admit his own feelings.
"It'll be alright," she whispers, "we sterilized the wire as much... as much as we could."
Jace nods, "just... just go. Leave me alone."
"You're not... you're not going to be there?" She asks, wincing, because of course he's not.
He shakes his head.
"Okay," she mumbles.
Eloy looks at the bathroom door as it opens, he tries to peek behind Alexis, hopeing that Jace is behind her.
He's not.
Her soft voice brings him back to the present, to his reality and predicament.
"Ready?" She asks.
He nods, feeling numb and sick all over again.
He strips from the bottom down and lays on the floor, looking up at the ceiling. They chose the bathroom for easy cleanup, for the inevitable stain of red.
Quietly, Alexis perches in front of his legs. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as he slowly, hesitantly, parts his thighs.
It's the cold touch on his thighs, the gut-wrenching fear and disgust he feels for what he's about to do that stops him.
He screams, fuck he screams so loud he's sure he wakes up the kids as he scrambles away from her touch. Alexis is startled, and she drops the wire with a clatter.
"Eloy?"
Eloy looks at her with wide eyes, breathing coming out in short shallow pants.
"No," he gasps, "no, I'm not ready, I'm not, I can't."
She watches as he curls up, as he cradles his belly almost protectively. She watches as he borders a panic attack, as he hyperventilates with tears in his eyes.
He suddenly can't breathe.
He can't breathe!
Alexis calls out for Sean, orders him to get Jace.
Sean nods, but Jace is already there having heard the commotion and without thinking pushes him aside, even pushes Alexis away.
"I-I-" Eloy chokes, "So-Sor-Sorry."
Jace quickly gathers him in his arms, cradling him against his chest and kissing his head, "Easy, deep breaths, breathe with me. 1, 2, 3, inhale. That's it, exhale, slowly."
Eloy mimics Jace until he can breathe properly, until he's no longer drowning.
"I'm sorry," he cries weakly.
Jace only holds him tighter. Fuck he's angry, of course he's still angry, but a part of him is relieved, so relieved to have him in his arms.
"I couldn't do it, Jace," Eloy says, trying to tell him, voice urgent, "I didn't. I-"
"It's okay," Jace assures, "I know, sweetheart, I know."
Eloy sobs into his chest, crying his heart out until he passes out.
Jace covers him up and carries him to their room, bypassing Alexis and Sean without a word.
Heavy heart light, an odd feeling he can't describe right.
Not until he looks at Eloy, at the hand cupping his belly subconsciously.
"I love you," he whispers softly, reverently, against Eloy's ear, "I love you, Eloy. You and our baby. We'll get through this and I'll be damned if we don't survive because now, now, we have something, someone, worth fighting for."