(This chapter takes place during Henry's date)
Emma begins cooking dinner for just her and Killian as her son is out for the night. She begins heating oil on the stove and has to wipe a few tears from her eyes. She cannot believe her son is going out on a date. It seems only yesterday she and Neal brought him home from the hospital. They were in a bad part of Boston at the time in the tiniest apartment imaginable. Both were struggling to make ends meet and they were basically sharing a pull away couch in the front room because that's where it was warm. Henry ended up sleeping in an old stroller and a used baby carrier for the first few months of his life. That is until Neal managed to get a promotion at one of his jobs, allowing them to move to a safer part of town. The apartment was big enough that Henry could have his own room and they bought a second-hand crib. Once Emma managed to get a more stable job after Henry turned one, they moved again. Emma wanted for them to buy a house so their son could grow up like many young children, but Neal says that would cause them both to declare bankruptcy. When Henry was five, they moved to the apartment they lived in now, which was much more spacious. It became even more so after Neal left.
Emma puts on some chicken to fry and feels the baby kick. She knew that she would have to move, hopefully, this time to a house. Their family was growing. If she was honest with herself, she should have moved a long time ago, a place with more space for her and her teenage son... it's just that she felt so comfortable in the apartment and didn't want to move.
Her mind begins to wander. She wondered if Killian would want to move in with them. He kind of already had, but again, they were still in the very early stages of their relationship. For the longest time, Emma never went past one-night stands and now, she was carrying her boyfriend's baby and he was basically becoming part of her everyday life. It was a lot to process. She had yet to bring this problem up with Archie. Her whole life she'd always been on the move and built up the walls to protect herself from getting hurt, but now she had to start thinking about the future. The future of her son, the future of her daughter and her future... with Killian.
She begins making a stir-fry dish with various vegetables and remains so lost in thought she doesn't hear Killian come in.
He removes his coat and has an urge to surprise Emma with a hug from behind. He swallows and his mind flashes back to the last time he tried that, she screamed and unintentionally slapped him in self-defence. His heart aches slightly and then remembered what Archie told them, to let her come to him. He goes to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water. He waits for his lovely Swan to turn around. Even the back of her was beautiful. Her hair shines in the light of the kitchen and her entire body seems to glow. Her body was changing to accommodate the baby, but she still had curves that turned and shifted as she moved about the kitchen.
She eventually turns to see him, she's slightly surprised but then she smiles.
"Was he nervous?" she asks about Henry.
"Aye."
"Did you give him any advice?"
"Just to always be a gentleman to her, it goes a long way."
Emma cocks her head to the side. "I had no idea you were so old-fashioned."
"The one good thing that my father taught me was to respect those you love and always be polite when courting a woman."
Emma becomes curious. Even though they were practically living together, neither of them had really told their backstories. She could only recall bits and pieces of his childhood, but not much else. Her mind goes back to what Dr. Hopper suggested about just talking. She swallows. Her life and childhood were anything but happy, being abandoned by her birth parents on the side of a highway, being in the foster system all her life, her life of rejection and crime, her teenage pregnancy with Neal. It all seemed like a mess, something she didn't exactly want to revisit.
"Is that the only thing he taught you?" she asks quietly.
Killian swallows and fights back his own tears. "Also, to never abandon your family."
Her heart swells when she hears that. Now she definitely wanted to know more. He might know what it was like for her to feel like that too. Hers was probably more extreme than his, but it was a stepping stone.
...
As they sat down to dinner, both eat in silence. Emma's stomach turns several times. She thinks it might be the baby reacting to the spicy food, but it could be the idea of just talking to Killian. Making a new connection, expressing her feelings, taking it slow as everything seemed to be happening so fast.
"So, uh..." she begins, twirling a red pepper on her fork. "I've been thinking about what Dr. Hopper said, and I'd like to try the just talking part... if you're okay with that?"
Killian locks eyes with her and gives his best smile. He was happy she was open to the doctor's suggestions and wants to begin healing. "Of course, I am Swan, I'll do whatever you want to do."
"O...kay. I've just been thinking and... I know we've been... together for a while now, but we don't know a lot about each other."
"How so?"
"Like where you grew up or what school you went to."
Killian swallows hard. He knows he's going to have to relive some painful memories if that's what Emma was implying. He knew she had just a heartbreaking past, but... he knew they should get to know each other better. To connect on a deeper level.
"Alright... do you want to start out small?"
Emma fights back tears from her eyes and nods. "Where did you grow up?"
"A small town in Ireland. Just outside of Dublin."
"Really?"
"Aye, smallest one you ever did see. Neighbours knew their neighbours."
"It must've been beautiful."
"It was. The small seaside town where the beach was your backyard."
"Well, that explains your love of the sea."
"Aye. I grew up with the ocean in my blood. Early on my father would take me and Liam sailing. He taught me everything I needed to know."
"So when did you come to the States?"
Killian swallows. "After my mother died... My father thought that Ireland held too many memories so he packed Liam and I up and moved overseas."
"That must've been hard," Emma never really knew a place of permanence, she was always being moved from place to place.
"Aye, especially after we buried my mother there. It felt like we were leaving her behind."
Emma instinctively reaches out and grabs his hand. Killian is slightly surprised by this, but also very happy that she was making the first move for contact. He is fighting back his own tears. The two of them leave their dinners half-eaten and just begin to talk.
"When did your father leave?" Emma asks quietly after he told her how the three of them struggled for so long. He and Liam had to get jobs just after they turned ten, anything to get a little money. His father was barely home and Liam had to care for him. The two grew close and tried to do things that all boys did, play games, ride bikes, eat sweets... it still didn't feel normal though.
"When Liam turned sixteen..." he grasps her hand tightly for support.
"How did he do it?"
"He just left a note on the door and gave the number of a shelter we could call. Fortunately, since Liam was sixteen, he could live on his own and live on welfare. He fought to keep me considering I was all he had."
Emma is tearing up like he is, very similar to the way Neal left her and Henry.
"It must've been hard."
Killian just nods, wipes a few tears from his eyes.
"Liam worked day and night. Insisting that I stay in school. He dropped out to find a better job, but he made me stick with it."
"Then he joined the navy?"
"Aye, brought him some comfort, going back to the sea. I did miss him, but we kept in touch. I too wanted to join up Liam insisted that I go to college and make something of myself."
"And did you?"
"I found you, didn't I?" he smirks. "I got a job on the docks so I could be there to greet him when he got back, but that one day..."
His blue eyes close and he lets the tears fall. Emma reaches over and even though she's uncomfortable, she hugs him tightly. Killian strokes her arms, happy for the comfort. Reliving his memories were painful... very painful. The wound was as fresh as the day it happened. He missed his brother, he wished beyond everything that he was still here. That he could live his own life. Maybe he'd have a wife and family of his own by now. Finding a new job and finally finding peace and security, something he never had growing up. It seemed so unfair that Liam worked so hard to provide for himself and his brother, only to be snatched away like that... it was so cruel.
The two are silent for a long time, the food going cold on the table. Emma knows she's probably asked enough of him for one night. At least she knew more about him and now... it was her turn.
She was extremely afraid, very reluctant. It was like jumping off a cliff into a black void, into s sea of misery and agony. She holds on to him and kisses his forehead.
"Thank you for sharing," she whispers. "Now it's my turn."
"Love you don't have to..." he begins.
"No... it's fair," she swallows. "I...I was born at some hospital outside of Colorado and my parents... left me on the side of the highway, obviously not wanting to care for me."
"Oh Emma," Killian says. He offers his arms out to her and she hesitantly leans into them. Their chairs scrape together as they become closer.
"A-August found me and brought me back to his orphanage. I was eventually adopted by a couple until I was almost three and then they gave me back because they had their own kid."
Killian's heart twists in his chest. He felt so much anger boil inside him. Here he thought his life was bad; he seemed like a dream compared to hers. He kisses her forehead and holds her a bit tighter.
"I bounced around from foster home to foster home... some...were abusive... some... they didn't even care..." Emma feels the tears roll down her face. She doesn't know if she can go on any further. She leans into her boyfriend, even more, wanting that support. The feelings of loneliness and abandonment return. She'd felt some of these sickly emotions while she'd been kidnapped, but they weren't as severe because she knew she had Henry, Killian and all her other friends to think about. Her mind begins to flash to her time in captivity. She begins to shudder in his strong arms. Eventually, she pushes back. She looks into his hypnotic blue eyes, her heart races. She could see the pain on his face. She knew her rejections of his affections hurt him... it hurt her too, but she thought that she was protecting herself and she was trying to prevent flashbacks.
"I ran away from the system when I was sixteen. I did a bunch of things I'm not proud of until I met Neal. He was the first person who was actually there for me, made me feel important... And when Henry came, I felt better... not great but better."
"How do you feel now love?" he whispers.
"Scared..." she admits. "Nervous and scared, but not alone."
"And you never will be," he says. "I promise you that."
She leans in, ignoring the ill feelings in her stomach and kisses him. He smells like pine, leather, and a little bit like the sea. Maybe it really was in his blood. She pulls in closer, hungry for him. He's still a bit cautious, afraid that this was too good to be true, but she had her hands on his collar, pulling, not pushing. He gently strokes her hair between his fingers and lets her come to him. She practically ends up in his lap as they give in to their passion again. They hadn't been this intimate since her rescue, and not this level of passion since their first weekend together. The two continue to kiss, their tongues tasting one another, their hands going over each other's bodies.
...
The phone ringing eventually interrupts the wonderful moment. Sighing, Emma picks it up to hear Mary Margret on the other end. She asks how they've been doing and if Henry was on his date. Emma gives Killian a look of apology and goes to talk to her best friend. He shrugs and begins cleaning up dinner.
The two women talk for quite some time, Mary Margret asking when she can bring Jacob over and if the therapy was going all right. She told Emma that she and David were also considering seeing a counsellor because they too had nightmares and guilty feelings over her abduction. Emma gave them support and by the time that the mother heard her son crying, it was time for Killian to go pick up Henry.
Sad that their moment of intimacy had been interrupted, she was on the verge of tears. This was the first time that she hadn't been afraid of being near Killian and being held without the fear of being raped or abused. It seemed like a good step forward, only for everything to come to a halt. Killian goes over to her and kisses the side of her head. He too was disappointed, but it felt so nice to feel her warmth again and the same passion that he'd fallen for in the first place. Maybe he could give it time.
When she's alone again, Emma begins thinking about the future again. She knew there wasn't any way to avoid it. She'd have to start looking for a place for all of them. Just the house, she'd worry about the more complicated details later.
She sits down with some ice cream, turns the TV on, but pretty much ignores it and texts Regina, explaining her thoughts. She wants some reasonably priced homes with at least three bedrooms and that was near the harbour or beaches. She now knew that living by the sea would be important to Killian, that it gave him comfort and he'd want their child to grow up as he did.
Regina emails some listings and Emma begins scrolling through them as Henry comes home.
"Hi honey, how was your date?"
"Good," is the response.
"Did you have fun?"
"Yep,"
Emma wants to go on, but she catches Killian's glance and decides to leave it at that. She watches her son disappear into his room, while her boyfriend joins her on the couch.
"Did you give him any advice?" she asks.
"Men don't tell," he grins.
She closes her laptop so he cannot see what she was searching for. She looks deep into his eyes and kisses him again. She would have to tell him eventually and actually ask for him to live with her. Her stomach twists, wondering how she's going to do this.