CHAPTER forty-eight| DOCTOR, DOCTOR
Ava Max~ sweet but psycho
❝Oh, she's sweet but a psycho, a little but psycho.❞
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THE ROOM WAS filled with little trinkets that looked out of place in District 13. There was a clock on the wall, red and vibrant compared to the grey concrete that it was surrounded by and just below it there was a bowl full of real fruit. The colours were so fresh; I could just about feel the real outdoor air that was infused within the slightly sweet juices of the one red apple or the smell of grass on the two oranges. I didn't know why I focused on those so much every time- all I knew was that I would do anything to avoid looking the woman in front of me in the eye.
"How are you feeling today Lorna, any improvements from the last time we talked?"
I hated that question. It was always the first one we started with and to begin with, it was the only one I would answer. I had been curt at the start but as the days went by I realised that no matter how much I hated it- I needed this. Finnick had told me that I needed it. So now I barely scowled when she asked me the question.
"Nothing's changed. I'm still here, Remy still tries to bully Finnick into giving him a different answer and-" I had to stop to clear the lump in my throat.
"And Lillian is still dead."
The clock on the wall seemed incredibly loud from my position on the hospital bed. If I sat up straight and really stretched my neck I could see the room that they kept Peeta in through the door window, I didn't dare go and see him. Not after what he had done to Katniss just a week before.
"And your memories?" The woman asked again as she tapped her pen on the side of her clipboard.
The memories. That was what I was known for- the killer that lost her mind before miraculously finding not only her dead brother but everything else she lost. I could feel the hot breath of others on my neck with how close they hovered over my every move- some did not trust me after what I had said while others welcomed me with open arms that somehow got laced with greed. And yet they still idolised me, I was still one of their leaders.
They could do better.
"I don't quite know how to explain it. It's like- have you ever tipped over your bookcase? All the books are still there and they're still in some kind of order but, it's a mess. There are covers everywhere; some are upside down; a few are bent onto one page that you can never undo and one or two, they land so far away that you either forget to put them back in or they get destroyed." I explained softly.
"I don't see how this is relevant." The woman said as she leaned forward in her wooden chair. It had been a while and yet I still expected everything to be velvet- the long term residents of Thirteen would of loved it if that was true but I could never. To me velvet was the Capitol, District Thirteen was stone and wood.
"Well, that's me right now." I tried to justify. "I just need to put the books back in the bookcase and tidy up a bit. See what I've lost."
I knew what question would come next. It was another one of the regulars and suddenly I was looking out the large side window to glance and Finnick and Gale. They were talking amongst themselves but there was something that told me they were both still watching me when I looked away. Finnick liked the idea of me here, Gale hated that I was forced into it. Why was it his business? I didn't know. I just happened to always stumble into him when I needed a second opinion and most of the time, he sided with me.
"How are you dealing with putting the memories, I mean books, back in? I know we had some complications at the beginning; I'm worried you aren't processing the grief." The doctor asked as she leaned forward in her chair.
"You mean I don't cry." I stated as I swung my legs over the side of the bed to face her.
She was nothing like the people in Five. Her skin was not dry and cracked so that she looked twice her actual age, instead she looked only a few years older than me. I had not asked about her District- or what she did before she was forced to try and put me back together but there was something that made me not want to ask. It might of been the fear inside of me that she was from the Capitol- or worse that she was from somewhere closer to home.
Still, she had the characteristics of a poorer District. Her hair was curly, she could hardly pull it back into the frizzy bun that she had forced it into and there were hairs that still hung down in rings beside her eyes. They were distinctly green, the colour of oak trees had seemed to have been injected into them so that they shined with intellect and the memories of a woodland somewhere far away. She ignored her hair; she ignored anything that took those green eyes away from me and my intertwined hands.
"I just mean that you still don't show any signs of closure." She clarified.
"I wish I could cry. I want to, but there has been so much death- I can't keep up with it all. So I've stopped trying. The last person I got to mourn was Carmella. Those two minutes before the games started were the last minutes I ever had by myself to catch my breath and The last time I felt as if there were tears inside me left to spill. It's all so busy. I don't know what's wrong with me; my sister just died and I can't even shed a tear for her."
As if to emphasise my point Finnick gently knocked on the door to the office. The woman turned, and allowed him access so that he could come in and sit down just beside me on the bed. He watched me with those blue eyes of his until the doctor coughed and got his attention, then he offered me his tanned hand.
"Plutarch has asked for us. I'm sorry Dr. Granger but we're going to have to cut this one short."
Dr. Granger nodded her head as I stood up from the bed and dusted off the black cargo pants I had been given. I didn't mind the clothes or the simplicity of my blonde ponytail. If anything the simple colour scheme made me feel comfort, it was so stark against what I had etched into my mind about my time at the Capitol.
Gale stood with his hands in his pockets when I gently closed the door. I hated loud noises now, I had come to realise that before it was simply a distaste. He looked out of place amongst everything else, sure he was rugged and unkept but he looked more stable than everyone else in the room.
He also smiled.
"Hey, Katniss is getting her neck brace off today and Plutarch wants you to be there." Gale said. He didn't look unsure like most people when he talked to me, he just talked to me like a person.
"Why?" I asked smiling back. Finnick took my hand from beside Gale, I wasn't sure why until a set of nurses walked passed me. They were wearing white and their faces had been covered so that I could only see their eyes, I closed my own to try and ignore the feeling of dread within me.
"Something about Peeta. I know it's not exactly easy but you're the only one that makes her feel better about talking about him. I think you're the only one that can get her to at least pretend to be in charge when she gets her voice back." Gale said. There was an edge to his voice- perhaps the jealousy of Katniss's attention.
"Yeah ok." I muttered as I opened my eyes again. Finnick still held my hand, it was warm on the surface but there was still something cold about it; maybe it was worse than just his hand. I feared that there had been something cold between us since I came back.
"Anything else?" Finnick asked curtly. He didn't like Gale all that much, not from what I had seen. That might of been the only thing that Remy had in comman with Finnick; there was a part of me that thought that Gale hated them both too. Gale didn't like people that treated him like dirt or something that could be replaced and Finnick- there was a lot that he seemed to dislike about Gale.
"Yeah, one more thing." Gale said as he wandered closer. He looked at Finnick until he stopped by my side and gently grabbed my arm. Then he looked at me.
"Johanna wanted to talk to you Finnick. So, I'll take her down to Katniss- unless you don't want to see Mason?" Gale asked casually.
Finnick set his jaw but did not protest. Instead he relented by letting go of my hand and taking a step back, but I didn't feel as if he wanted to leave. I smiled at him; my smiles had become less like my own the more I tried to force them.
"I'll see you after Finnick. At least you are allowed to see her." I muttered. I wished that I could talk to Johanna, I wished that I could do anything other than what I was forced to do in the rebel's District. More than anything, I wished that I could just go home.
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1764 words.
I would like to dedicate this first chapter to ProudToBeSarcastic , Wanderlust003 and WadeAMinute for the excitement.
It's here, chapter one of FIRES. Lorna is finally back with Finnick and the cuteness can continue (between all the blood and rebellion of course) but most of all you guys are going to get a new chapter every Sunday for sure. I can't wait to hear what you guys expect from this third book and what you want to see- just tell me everything!