Over the next month, Allie found herself more and more disillusioned with the concept of the ton and romance than she had ever been before. Everything was monotonous and repetitive, from the conversations to the people. She'd been apart from her beloved horses for far too long, as well as from the books that offered her some amount of escape from those around her, not that her family was anywhere near as supremely irritating as the ton. She'd brought some books with her, of course, and had purchased some more in Hatchards, but she missed the library at Somerhall, which was both extensive as well as interesting. Nate allowed her devour and demolish whichever of his books she pleased, but although his books on science were rather interesting, the romance novels were her favourite.
Of course, she didn't believe love like that existed in real life, at least for her. Her brother and sister had found it, along with a few others, but the vast majority of people were not as fortunate as they. Especially in the ton, one married for money and status, and love was not even a tertiary factor. Love was beautiful and something her heart ached to experience, but her experiences in the past had already proved to her that she was not to be lucky in love.
One silver lining to the cloud that had been her season was Richard Kensington. Richard, once they had affirmed their friendship of sorts, had turned out to be a man of greater depth than she had originally supposed. Although she had, at first, been apprehensive about maintaining relations of any sort with the man, they had spent far more time together. Just at balls and social events, at first, but then she'd found that they had both grown comfortable enough with one another to even call on each other.
Of course, rumours of this slowly spread through society, and certain comments were made on Allie's questionable character despite her, normally, calling only with family, usually Kit. She did not care very much for those, because she knew that people like that would always find something to pass judgement on, no matter how much Alexandra attempted to rein in her behaviour. There was never any point of pretending to be perfect as, at the end of the day, no one would ever be happy— neither she nor the ton.
This was the exact thought she found herself expressing to Richard, Cassie and Kit one afternoon over tea.
"Love, I believe I recall telling you that ages ago." Cassandra laughed, taking a sip of Kit's tea, having finished her own. Christopher simply could not stand the beverage, but only accepted it out of politeness. Although most in their acquaintance already knew this, they also knew that Cassie took this to her advantage and drank twice what she normally would. "You have cared far too long for rules and norms and things that you really oughtn't consider as being even the slightest bit important."
"It took some time for me to arrive at that realisation myself." Allie defended herself, nibbling at the lemon square that she had picked up from the tea tray. All of them were in Richard's home, which was a lovely townhouse in Grosvenor Crescent, which he resided in half the year, mostly when his father was required to be in London to sit in the House of Lords. The fact that this information came so easily to Allie genuinely surprised her, but she pushed it aside.
"We do not have to endure nearly as many of the conventions you are expected to adhere to." Kit mused, agreeing entirely with his wife and sister-in-law. "There are many things a man might get away with that a woman cannot. It is exceedingly unfair."
"It's true. There are many things that I have done that a woman would never be able to get away with." Richard admitted, wearing a small smile as he presumably considered all of his..... exploits. "On a more serious note, I do not believe we will ever develop as a nation if we continue to ignore this glaring gap and make, at the very least, an attempt at bridging it."
"Well, someone ought to tell Lord Liverpool of this fact, then." Allie said, only half joking, as she referred to their Prime Minister, someone who probably wouldn't acknowledge that such a thing was a problem.
"I believe there are some who are certainly trying to." Cassandra explained, "Kit and I have actually been able to slip some funds their way for future activities." She smiled devilishly, making the others in the room laugh.
"I'd join, but can you just imagine the look on Lady Howard's face if she heard of such a scandalous thing?" Allie joked, drawing the subject to something much lighter and more frivolous. The time still had not come for such a movement, but Allie had no doubt it certainly would arrive.
"Well, Allie, Cass and I must go to dinner with my sister and Jasper. Would you like to leave with us or will you return home later?" Kit said, rising from his seat along with Cassandra. It was not entirely proper, but Alexandra didn't mind either way.
"Oh, I am not sure. I suppose it would be more convenient if I left immediately, would it not?" She asked musingly, waiting for one of the others to answer. She had arrived with Cassie and Kit, and it would definitely be easier as well as make more sense if they left together.
"Not necessarily." Richard interjected, smiling at her softly, "I have both carriage as well as a driver for it, and they shall be entirely at your disposal if you so choose."
"Then, that would be lovely." She affirmed, and stood to kiss both her sister and Kit on the cheek, while Richard simply smiled, raising a hand in farewell. They saw them to the door, and Cassie and Christopher disappeared into their carriage.
"So," Richard asked once they had returned to the parlour and had taken their previous seats across from one another, "Do you suppose it is late enough in the day for whiskey?"
"It is 4 O'clock in the afternoon!It is nowhere near late enough for it be acceptable to drink whiskey, of all things." Allie exclaimed, scarcely able to hide her amusement as she smiled at her friend. She smirked mischievously at his mildly disappointed expression before adding, "Now, say, if you were to pour some of it in your tea, I doubt there would be a soul who would find reason enough to protest, including myself."
"You are absolutely brilliant, Alexandra!" Richard complimented, instantly reaching for the bell beside him so that he might ring for whatever he wished for. A footman by the name of Eugene, who was among the limited staff at Richard's London home, appeared not a moment later. "Eugene, bring me a bottle of the Scottish from the first shelf in my study, won't you?"
Eugene wasted no time in complying with his master's orders and, before Allie could believe it, Richard was helping himself to a rather generous share of whiskey which, surprisingly enough, mixed rather well with the tea. Alexandra remembered trying some when Nate had offered.
"Would you like some?" Richard asked once he was done, appearing all too pleased with himself although it had been all Alexandra's idea in the first place.
"I don't think so." She declined with a laugh, content enough to watch him drink. "I wouldn't dream of separating you from your one true love." She teased, giggling slightly, and even drawing a laugh from Richard, who licked his lips like a cat that had gotten the cream as he sipped his drink.
"It is true," he agreed, clearly joking, "Without her, I wouldn't be the man that I am today."
"What, a drunken scoundrel?" Allie joked good-naturedly and, for a moment, wondered whether she had taken it too far for the grin fell from his face, and he stared thoughtfully at the opposite wall for the longest of minutes, long enough for Allie to panic and try to think of something to say that would make for a sufficient apology for, truly, she hadn't meant it at all.
"I suppose that is what I have allowed myself to turn into, isn't it?" Richard mused, setting down his teacup as if it had burned him. There was a heavy sense of emotion in his eyes and, at first, Allie believed that it was anger directed at her. Then, she came to the realisation that, in actuality, it was a sadness bearing down upon him, an inward sadness.
"Of course not!" She protested immediately, but the look he gave her was enough to quell her instantly. He wanted to speak for now and the least she could do was to lend him her ear and listen to whatever he wished to say to her.
"It is true, Allie." He said, calling her by the abbreviated form of her name for the first time. "I have probably disappointed my father, as well, the one man I never wished to disappointed. If you'll listen, I have a story to tell you, one that goes back many years and one I have never shared with another."
She conveyed that she would do so mutely, through a simple look, one that needed no explaining. She was not used to a serious Richard, but there was a certain appeal to him even when he wasn't the jokester she normally knew him to be.
"Fifteen years ago, when I was a sullen boy of eleven, I resided in a place called Hartford Home for Children. It was an orphanage, a cruel place that never pretended to be anything but. My parents had left me to the wolves when I was no more than a newborn and I grew up in the orphanage, which was no place for a child. On Christmas Eve, an angel descended upon the place from Exeter, an angel who had arrived bearing presents for the orphans, having no children of his own. He took a chance on a taciturn youth and the angel became my father, the only other person I have ever loved." Richard paused, taking a deep breath, as Allie attempted to process everything that had just been said.
"He fought tooth and nail for me to be his heir and he loved me patiently until I grew to realise what it meant to be a good man. Hearing you say what you said to me today, it made me feel as though I have failed him. On further thought, that has become evident to me, for I have not been the son he prayed for." Richard sounded empty, so empty that Allie was in near tears. She would have to be strong for his sake, however.
"Richard Kensington, look up at me and listen carefully." She ordered, and smiled softly when he met her gaze with, "You are a good man. You might not express that all the time externally but, in your heart, you are one of the best men to ever have existed. You are caring and kind and the simple fact that you give so much import to your father is yet another credit to your character. You have been the best friend that I have ever had and, for that, I must thank you. I made a foolish joke and it is entirely my fault for it was not in good taste to say such a thing. Now, if you know what is good for you, you will stop speaking such utter tosh about yourself. It is frankly insulting to me for a man whom I hold in such high regard to deprecate himself to such an extent."
There was a long pause, during which Richard only stared at her in full surprise, not having expected such a response from her, especially after he'd told her such a shocking tale that she had completely ignored in favour of comforting him.
"Thank you." He said, in the end, sounding completely at peace.