"You ready?" Dad asks from the driver's side of his SUV, carefully trying to read my expression as soon as he asks the question.
I like to believe that I'm pretty good at masking my emotions, so I know he won't be able to see the fear I'm feeling within on my exterior. I would never admit it out loud, but I'm nervous. I mean, why wouldn't I be? A new state, a new town, a new house, a new school, and new people. It's a lot to take in.
I study the school building my dad is parked in front of from out the window. It's not too big, just your average brick building and typical schoolyard. This town is pretty small, too, so I'm guessing that there isn't too big of a student body.
I force a smile as I turn to look at my dad. "Yeah," I lie in response to his question, grinning as brightly as I can muster. "Ready as I'll ever be."
Minutes later, Dad leads me into the school building. I keep my head down as I walk, not wanting to draw attention to myself. Dad takes me straight to the front office, smiling at me encouragingly as we go. I know how badly he wants this move to be the last; how badly he wants to make a life here in this town for good. I guess I know this because it's how I'm feeling, too. I don't want to keep moving around, waiting for home to choose us. I want to stay here, to choose this as home.
Maybe then I'll finally find peace.
"Hey, Elena," Dad says to the receptionist as we enter the office together, side by side. I study the receptionist, Elena, quizzically, wondering if we've met before. She's a brunette with sparkly dark eyes, and looks totally foreign to me, as most things in this town do.
"Elena and I went to school here together," Dad informs me with a smile, clearing up some of my former confusion. I guess that makes sense as to how the two evidently know each other.
Elena rolls her dark eyes. "I spent so many years waiting to get out of this place," Elena mumbles, gesturing around so I know she's talking about the school, "just so I could come back as soon as I left college." She then gives me a what are you gonna do about it look that—I can't help it—makes me smile.
"You must be Morgan," Elena says, smiling at my dad knowingly. "I've heard so much about you."
I shoot my dad a questioning glare, wondering when the two adults before me had the time to chat so much, and about me. Dad simply looks away, as if his gaze removing itself from mine is an answer to my unasked question.
"Here you go," Elena exclaims as she extends a piece of paper out to me. "That's your schedule. First bell starts in thirty minutes. If you need help finding anything, just drop in. I won't mind helping you." With that, Elena winks. "Trust me, I know this place like the back of my hand. I've been here so long now."
I can't stop the smile from spreading across my lips. "Thank you," I tell Elena as Dad leads me out of the office with a goodbye and a departing smile.
After we leave the office, Dad gives me a quick tour of the school, showing me to my classes to make sure I'll know where to go when we part ways. He ends the brief tour at the gym, minutes before the bell is due to ring.
"If you need anything," Dad starts, gesturing to the gym doors in front of us, "anything at all, I'll be in here, okay?"
I nod. "I know, Dad," I assure him, rolling my hazel eyes teasingly.
Dad offers me a smile, eyes shining brightly. I can tell that he's happy in this moment. I want this moment to last forever simply for that reason. If I could give my dad eternal happiness, I would. Sadly, there's nothing I can do to take the weight of the last few years completely off of his shoulders. All I can do is share the load with him, hoping that's enough to relieve some of his pain.
"All right, kiddo." Dad pats me on the shoulder as he informs me, "After school, head out to the football field, okay?"
"Okay, Dad," I agree with a smile, trying to take after my father and channel whatever happiness is left over inside of me. Finding that I don't come up with any enthusiasm, I'm guessing the amount of happiness I still withhold is a very small amount. "I should get to class. The bell is about to ring."
Dad looks almost hesitant to let me go. It feels like kindergarten all over again, but we've seemed to switch places. Now Dad is the one who wants me to stay, and I am the one ready to spread my wings.
"Go on, kiddo," Dad mutters after what feels like an eternity of silence, his smile a little somber. I don't hesitate to wrap my arms around him, finding comfort in his arms as we embrace one last time before I'm ready to wander off.
"Bye, Dad," With one last wave, I head toward my first period class. I feel a serious case of déjà vu as I roam the hallway alone, remembering every other time I've started over in a new school, trying to find my new classes that I would get used to for maybe four months before heading off to the next town, the next school, with all the people I wouldn't bother to get to know.
This is it, I think to myself for the millionth time, my heart feeling heavy. A fresh start. A new beginning.
I wonder how long this "beginning" will last.
• • •
My first class of the day is English with Mrs. Leblanc. I enter the classroom just as the bell rings, surprised to see that the class is already full for the most part. A few students file in behind me, taking their seats. That's when I remember I don't have a seat yet, and I pause in the doorway.
Here goes.
I make my way up to the desk in the center of the room where Mrs. Leblanc sits, looking down at a piece of paper in front of her. Mrs. Leblanc is a middle-aged woman with shoulder-length blond hair, wide blue eyes, and a kind face.
"Um, hi," I mutter as she looks up from her paper to find me standing in front of her desk. "I don't—"
"You must be Morgan Scott!" Mrs. Leblanc exclaims, cutting me off. Her smile reaches her eyes, and I can feel relief flow through my veins. I guess I hadn't expected this to go so smoothly. "You can take a seat by the window right there."
I glance over at the empty desk Mrs. Leblanc has pointed out to me and give Mrs. Leblanc a smile of thanks before heading in that direction. I take my seat quickly, aware of the eyes that follow my movements. Fortunately, I'm used to being the new kid that the class stares at. Despite being in a new place, none of this experience is too foreign to me. I've done this a million times already.
"So you're new, huh?" the girl in the seat next to me asks, raising an eyebrow as our gazes lock. She's pretty, with pin-straight blond hair and light blue eyes, a few freckles scattered across her fair skin.
"Yeah," I admit, wishing I was invisible. "Is it that obvious?"
The blonde laughs, blue eyes twinkling with amusement. "Well, most students don't need to ask the teacher where they sit, so, yeah."
A smile creeps onto my lips. It hurts less to smile now. Maybe that means I'm getting used to it.
"I'm Lana," the blonde introduces herself, tucking her hair behind her ear a little shyly.
"Morgan," I respond, trying to muster a friendly-ish smile. This doesn't normally happen when I start at a new school. I usually just lay low, become part of the background. But this is supposed to be different, I remind myself. This is supposed to be permanent.
"Nice to meet you, Morgan," Lana says kindly before tuning in to Mrs. Leblanc, who has begun to go over the homework from the night before.
When first period finally ends, Lana turns back to me. I'm a little surprised that she's talking to me again, and even more so that she bothered to talk to me at all. In all the times I've moved, I've made a handful of friends. I guess I'm used to keeping to myself. I mean, the less people you let into your life, the less people who can just up and leave, hurting you on their way out the door, right?
"What class do you have next?" Lana asks, eyeing my schedule.
"Um, physics with Mr. Puth."
"Hey!" Lana grins as she exclaims, "Me too! I'll walk with you, okay?"
To this, I manage to nod and smile. That's what most normal girls do when they're trying to make friends, right? Nod and smile, and everything's okay.
I wish it were really that simple.
Lana leads me to the physics classroom across the hall. She looks back at me over her shoulder and beams reassuringly, so I try (and fail) to mirror her enthusiasm. This already feels like too much, and it's only been one class.
You've got this, I remind myself. Don't give up now.
Lana stops at a table in the middle of the classroom where two boys already sit. There's a blond boy with blue eyes and a lip ring, and next to him sits a dark-haired boy with even darker eyes. They're both cute, which is a weird thing for me to think. I can't remember the last time I thought a boy was cute.
"Boys," Lana says, taking a seat in front of the dark-haired boy. "This is Morgan. Morgan, this is Lucas and Kyler." Lucas is the blond, Kyler the dark-haired. I notice that Kyler wears a letter man's jacket, signifying he's on the football team.
"Oh," Kyler muses, giving me a once-over. Raising his eyebrows, he mumbles, "A newbie." I don't quite like the way he's eyeing me, like I'm some sort of trophy he can't wait to win.
Lana takes notice of my discomfort, leaning forward to shove Kyler's shoulder. "Don't mind him," Lana assures me with an eye roll. "He flirts with anything that breathes."
"Exactly," Lucas chimes, biting down on his lip ring. "So don't let him get to you. He's probably already moved on." Lucas offers a smile to my direction, and a giggle escapes my lips. An actual giggle comes out of my mouth.
Lord help me.
"So, what's Mr. Puth like?" I hear my voice ask the question, but I refuse to believe I actually said it. This is so unlike me, the friend-making and giggling and questioning and trying to make small talk. But things are different now, I remind myself. So am I.
"A nightmare," Kyler says, leaning closer as he whispers, "He likes to give the newbies a real tough time, if you know what I mean."
I do know what he means. I've been new enough times by now to know that teachers either pretend you've always been part of their class, or they single you out. I can feel my eyes widen, throat tightening. I am not the kind of person who enjoys being in the spotlight, especially not when I'm being made fun of.
Lana swats Kyler's arm again just as he starts to chuckle.
"Don't listen to him," Lucas informs me, rolling his blue eyes. "He's just messing with you."
"Oh." My voice is small, and I'm sure my face is beginning to flush red.
Lucas, seemingly sensing my embarrassment, rushes to add, "Mr. Puth is all right. His teaching style is kind of boring, but you'll get used to it."
I muster a small smile, trying to think of something to say in return just as I'm literally saved by the bell. Mr. Puth enters his classroom and starts his lecture only seconds after the bell rings, saving me from further embarrassment.
I may not be able to see the future, but somehow I know it's going to be a long day.