This is the final chapter of Almost. This is unedited and may contain a lot of typographical and maybe, grammatical errors, too. Despite all of the loopholes mentioned, this chapter's still made with love.
To you, the one who's reading this, thank you for being with me up to this point. Thank you for the endless and timeless support. I'm really grateful for having you alongside this whole journey. Silent or not, I appreciate you still. Godbless!
• • •
I closed my eyes slightly just like what my makeup artist asked me to do. I breathed slowly as I refrain myself from moving. She's busy doing my eye makeup, which's one of the most critical part, kaya naman ayaw kong magulo siya sa kaniyang diskarte. Ako na kasi ang panghuling aayusan, gaya ng napag-usapan.
"You may open your eyes now, Raina." Gale said after a few minutes.
Tiningnan ko ang aking repleksyon sa salamin. I checked almost every part of my face, at wala naman akong napunang mali. Everything's perfectly fine. Akala ko nga'y tapos na dahil sa sobrang pagkamangha, hanggang sa naalala ko na may iilan pa siyang kailangang ilagay na makeup sa aking mukha. She's really good at these kind of things. Hindi ako nagkamali ng pagpili sa kaniya bilang head ng glam team para sa kasal na gaganapin ngayong araw.
"You look so gorgeous! With or without makeup, actually, mukha ka ng dyosa. Kahit ano yatang style ng makeup ang gawin ko sa'yo, bagay pa din!" Pag-puri niya sa akin. I just smiled shyly at her, dahil na rin sa pagka-ilang sa mga papuri niya. "I'm sure, you'll be a wonderful bride!" She was all smiles.
Unti-unti namang nabura ang ngiti sa aking mga labi matapos marinig ang sinabi niya. Ako? Magiging wonderful bride? Hindi siguro... I smiled bitterly. Kasi kung oo, bakit niya ako iniwan? Bakit hindi ako ang pinili niya at ipinaglaban? Ayaw niya ba akong pakasalan? Bakit niya ako pinagpalit?
Maybe he was right. Maybe I'm not good enough, and I will never be. Maybe he was right when he said that he'll be happier if I'm totally out of his sight, if we're totally gone from each other's life.
Agad namang nataranta si Gale matapos makita ang reaksyon ko sa mga sinabi niya. I tried my best to smile as an assurance that I'm fine, even though I'm not. Sanay na rin naman akong magpanggap na ayos lang, ngumiti kahit masakit na deep inside. Wala eh, natutunan ko lahat 'yan simula noong iwan niya ako.
I had to be fine, at least for the people who were there for me... for the people who remained by my side, especially during hard times. I had to be fine in front of my best friends Brent, Janella, and Yvan. I had to look strong, cause I never wanted them to see me, being weak. I had to fight, hindi na para sa aming dalawa, kundi para sa sarili ko... kahit para sa sarili ko man lang.
I had to fake everything, including my feelings and emotions.
She looked at me with concern eyes, asking me if I'm alright or what. Mukha siyang kabado, lalo na noong may mga patak ng luha na ang tumulo sa aking mga pisngi. I wiped it using my bare hands immediately.
"A-Are you alright? Did I say something wrong?" She was rattled. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang una niyang gagawin : ang i-retouch ako, o ang abutan ako ng tissue pampunas sa mga luha ko.
I laughed awkwardly, trying to hide the pain... again.
"N-No, it's not your fault..." I sniffed and smiled at her. Gale didn't look satisfied with my answer, because she still looks guilty and all. "I'm just being emotional kasi alam mo naman, araw ng kasal. But really, I'm perfectly fine." I let out a chuckle.
"A-Are you sure, Raina?" She was hesitant to ask.
I immediately nodded and excused myself. Agad naman siyang pumayag at sinabing palitan na ang suot ko na robe, at isuot na ang gown ko. Tsaka nalang daw tatapusin ang paglalagay ng kaunti pang makeup sa aking mukha pagkatapos makapagpalit.
Everyone was busy with their own duties. Ang ilan ay nililinis na ang mga natitirang alikabok sa sulok para naman mas maging presentable ang bahay. Nagkalat ang mga photographer sa loob, cameras and lights were everywhere. They were about to corner me for a picture taking but I immediately declined their offer politely and gladly, naintindihan naman nila na hindi pa ako prepared.
I stepped down on our grandstaircase and scanned the whole place. The grand staircase was even stunning with the red carpet in it, and the chandelier above. The receiving area looked elegant with the flower arrangement, too. Everything's in their right places. Patuloy akong naglakad pababa, at doon ay sumalubong sa akin ang iilang mga guests para sa kasal. I spent time greeting all of them, at natagalan din sa iba dahil nagkaroon pa konting kumustahan at kwentuhan.
"How are you after your breakup with him?" The mala-paparazzi guest asked me without hesitation. I just found it rude for her to ask me about that topic. Kasi una sa lahat, hindi kami close. Second, I don't even know her. And third, as far as I know, no one invited her for this wedding.
But her question made me think a bit. Kumusta na nga ba ako? I breathed heavily. I had a hard time moving on, to be honest. Mahirap mag-move on, pero mas mahirap kung hindi naman kayo. 'Yung purong landian lang, walang linaw kung papanagutan ka ba o hindi. In short : Kung wala namang kayo. I smiled bitterly.
I cleared my throat before answering. "Hindi naman naging kami," I smiled and responded cooly at her. She shot her brows and pursed her lips, preventing herself from laughing.
"Oh, oo nga pala. I remember how he denied you, as his girlfriend... kung paano niya itinanggi na mahal ka niya." she looked at me from head to toe. Damn, is she one of his ex-flings? Tanong ko sa sarili. I'm glad I didn't think out loud, I don't want to make a scene. I don't wanna ruin this day. "Kaya pala..."
"Kaya pala ano?" I responded. She's wearing her white cocktail dress, and I must admit, she looks like an angel. But the attitude? I don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's just stick with her physical appearance, tutal, mukhang 'yon lang naman ang maganda.
"Kaya pala... kaya pala sa iba nag-propose." She smiled at me. I swallowed the lump forming on my throat immediately.
Ganoon kabilis? Nag-propose siya sa kaniya ng ganoon lang kabilis? Nang wala man lang pagdadalawang isip? Nagawa niya 'yon sa kaniya ng basta basta nalang? Bakit parang ang dali para sa kaniya? Ganoon ba katindi 'yung pagmamahal niya sa babaeng 'yon?
Eh ako, simple lang naman ang hinihingi ko noon, ah? I didn't ask him to propose to me. I didn't ask him a grand proposal or what. Pero bakit sobrang hirap para sa kaniya?
Ang hinihingi ko lang naman ay 'yung ipaglaban niya ako, eh. Kahit 'yon man lang.
Kahit kumapit lang sana siya ng konting konti pa.
Kahit sana hinigpitan niya man lang 'yung kapit niya sa akin para sana hindi siya nadulas at napunta sa iba.
Fuck, is that even hard? Tell me, is it hard to stay?
Is it too much to ask if I wanted him to stay and fight with me?
Is he too tired to fight? Tangna, kung pagod na siyang lumaban, ready naman akong lumaban para sa aming dalawa eh. 'Yung hinihingi ko lang naman ay 'yung 'wag niya akong iwan sa ere. 'Yung kumapit siya sa pagmamahalan namin hanggang dulo kahit sobrang sakit at hirap na.
Kasi, putangina, ako kapit na kapit ako eh.
Akala ko kasi ganoon din siya.
I thought there was an us.
Ginantihan ko din siya... ng ngiti. And she even looked surprise that I'm not pissed. "Yeah, and I'm happy for the both of them. They deserve to be happy, and I think they can only find that happiness with each other." I said before leaving her, pissed and amused at the same time. Bitch, kung tutol ka sa engagement nila, silang dalawa ang puntahan mo at 'wag ako. I calmed myself.
"Edi wow, magsama sila. Wapakels."
Natawa nalang ako sa sarili sa sobrang pagka-childish ko sa part na 'yon. The things you make me do until now, really. Matipid akong ngumiti.
"Ang hirap paring kalimutan ka... Hanggang ngayon, hindi mo pa rin ako tinatantanan. Gago, hayaaan mo naman akong makalimot. Tutal, mukhang masaya ka na naman... hayaan mo na din naman akong sumaya." Para akong tangang kausap ang sarili habang naglalakad palayo sa bitter na babaeng mukhang inlababo kay gago.
Inlababo.
Sus, parang dati lang sa akin ka pa inlababo gaya ng sabi mo.
Eh ngayon, mukhang nakahanap ka na ng iba eh... in love ka sa kaniya at hindi inlababo...
She's the real deal...
Ako, pang joke time lang.
I shrugged off my thoughts and went outside our house kung saan idaraos ang reception. Umabot pa ako sa garden para i-check kung okay na ba ang lahat. Matapos makita na settled na ang lahat, nakahinga na ako ng maluwag. This wedding should be perfect. I sighed. The wedding's very simple, yet elegant like how it should be.
"Are you excited for today's wedding?" My heart thumped after the sudden voice I heard from my back.
"Pwede ka namang mag-hi or hello para hindi ako nagugulat." I smiled sarcastically at Janella.
She's very very ready for the wedding like the others. I was smiling sweetly as I scan her whole body. My bestfriend's very gorgeous as ever. Ako nalang talaga yata ang hindi pa naka-ayos. I came closer to her for a hug which she gladly accepted.
"Ano, ready ka na ba?" She wiggled her brows at me.
"Halata ba? Hindi pa nga ako naka-ayos eh."
"Ang sungit mo naman." She rolled her eyes at me. "Eh sino ba kasing poncio pilato ang nagsabi sa'yo na ma-stress pa sa mismong araw ng kasal imbis na magbihis na, ha? You don't need to worry about anything, okay? Everything's perfectly fine... so relax."
"Now, are you ready for the wedding?" She probed.
"I've worked hard for this. So I'm freaking ready."
"That's my bestfriend," she was about to mess up my hair, pero hindi na naman niya tinuloy dahil baka masira ang ayos ng buhok ko. "Oops, sorry."
"Ano bang trip mo't sobrang saya mo ngayon, ha? Nag-propose na ba si Brent sa'yo?"
"Ikaw talaga! What the hell's going on your mind? Parang tanga 'to!"
"Ewan ko sa inyo. Napakababagal niyong magsikilos. 'Wag na kayong magpakipot, akala mo naman ngayon lang naging kayo." I rolled my eyes at her. "Sige ka, baka maghiwalay pa kayo niyang si Brent."
"Pwede ba, huwag niyo nga kaming itulad sa inyo ni Ricci !" I stiffened after hearing his name. It's been a long time. "We're taking things slowly, but surely."
"Tsaka subukan lang akong lokohin niyang si Brent. I'm not as kind as you, Ysa. Baka pagbuhulin ko sila ng babae niya 'pag nagkataon. Hmp, makikita talaga niya. Huwag niya akong susubukan!"
Kumusta na kaya siya?
Masaya na ba talaga siya?
Is he finally happy? Masaya na ba siya dahil wala ako sa buhay niya? Ginawa ko na ang gusto niya, kaya sana naman sumaya na talaga siya ng tuluyan... kasama 'yung taong mahal niya.
I didn't sacrifice for nothing.
I want him to be happy. And I'll do anything just to see him happy, even if that means I need to be totally gone from his life.
"Hey, earth to Ysa. Are you listening?"
"H-Ha?"
"I was asking you something," she replied. "Pero parang wala ka sa sarili mo? Are you fine?"
"Ah! Oo naman!"
"Don't tell me..." she gave me a concern look. "Ysa, kalimutan mo na siya. It's been months at lahat ng tao naka-move--" Naputol siya sa pagsasalita matapos dumating si Brent.
He was all smiles as he came closer towards us. He looks good with his attire for today, mukhang pinaghandaan talaga ni gago.
Ever since I left the Philippines, I cut all of my communications to everyone, including my bestfriends. Ilang buwan din 'yon, pero hindi ko na din kinaya lalo na nung sabihin sa akin nila Kuya at ni Yvan na sobrang nag-aalala na ang dalawa sa akin.
They were mad at me noong una, lalo na si Janella. She immediately flew back to California just to see and talk with me.
I explained her everything that she and Brent needed to know. Eventually, naintindihan rin naman nila ni Brent ang mga rason ko. Brent visits us sometimes and tell us stories, and to catch up na rin. They never talked about him in front of me.
No one dared.
It's just been almost six months after I left, but it felt like forever. Para bang ilang taon akong nawala sa sobrang dami ng nawala, at sa sobrang dami ng nagbago...
"Sorry, muntik nang ma-late!" Brent said. He was still catching his breath. "Grabe, I can't find any near Grab sa condo ko. I wasn't able to use my car pa kasi nasa shop pa at inaayos."
"Good thing my handsome and kind bestfriend volunteered to drive me here." He was beaming widely.
"Tinatanong ko ba?" I responded quickly at him.
He frowned at me.
"Wassup, dude? Missed me?"
I was smiling widely at him. Sinuklian niya naman 'yon ng matamis na ngiti. Slowly, I came closer to him for a hug.
"It's been a long long time, and the Philippines missed you so freaking much! More than you think." Aniya habang mahigpit akong niyayakap.
"Weh? The Philippines missed her, huh? Natanong mo 'yung bansa, ha? Natanong mo? Close ba kayo?" Singit naman ni Janella na nagpatawa sa akin.
Brent broke the hug and pouted at his girlfriend.
"Love naman eh..." Putulin ko yata 'tong nguso ng pabebeng lalake na 'to eh. I laughed. "Are you still mad at me?"
"Oo, sino bang hindi magagalit sa ginawa mo?"
"Sorry na, love..."
Brent was about to kiss Janella, so I decided to let them deal with their own business. I had enough of their kalandian today. Agad akong lumayo sa kanila at napagdesisyunang magpalit na ng gown para matapos na din ang pagme-makeup sa akin. Gale's probably waiting for me now, so I should move fast.
"Hey, where are you going?" Janella punched Brent. Napangiwi siya sa sobrang sakit kaya naman hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili sa pagtawa.
Kawawa naman si Brent. Wala na ngang kiss, nasuntok pa. Black belter pa naman 'tong si Janella tulad ko.
"Magbibihis lang! Go on and continue with your thing there," I shouted at them. Both of them blushed. "Kiss responsibly, kids!" I laughed out loud, still facing the both of them.
"Use protec-" hihirit pa sana ako.
I blinked twice.
I don't know if I'm dreaming or not. Kung namamalikmata lang ako at dahil sa sobrang dami ng tao, baka nagkamali lang ako ng tingin.
Pero hindi eh! Sa kaniya 'yung Trailblazer na nakita ko. Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali!
Muli akong kumurap.
Nandun pa rin siya! Halos mabuwal naman ako sa aking kinatatayuan nang magtama ang tingin naming dalawa. My knees were trembling, and my face's probably pale as fuck now.
"What the hell is he doing here?" I whispered to myself.
I was about to run back to Brent to ask him about what I saw nang bigla nalang akong tawagin ni Gale.
Muli akong sumulyap sa lugar kung saan ko siya huling nakita, nagbabakasakaling hindi talaga ako nagkakamali. Pero wala na akong inabutan. Wala na siya.
Brent and Janella looked at me with concern. Napalingon din sila sa lugar kung saan ako nakatingin, nagtataka kung ano ba ang bumabagabag sa akin.
"Namamalikmata ka lang, Raina Ysabelle... Bakit naman siya pupunta dito? Para saan pa? Engaged na sila, okay? Engaged na." I convinced myself.
"Raina? We need to hurry. The pictorial will start any minute now." Gale said, approaching me.
"Y-Yeah, papunta na!"
Unti-unti, nawala din sa utak ko ang aking nakita. I'm sure, no one invited him in this wedding. So it's really impossible that he's the one that I saw earlier. He wouldn't waste his time attending someone's freaking wedding. Abala siya sa sarili niyang kasal. He's engaged and kung may paglalaanan man siya ng oras, sa fiance niya 'yon.
Hindi sa kahit sinuman.
At mas lalong hindi sa akin.
Wala ako sa sarili habang naghihintay ng hudyat mula sa wedding organizer dito sa kotse. Wala eh, hindi ako mapakali.
"Isa, dalawa, tatlo..." Napalingon ako, umaasang baka siya 'yong nagsalita. Na nandito siya.
He used to call me like that.
Pero, si Janella lang pala.
My shoulders fell down. I looked at the current situation outside the car. Sumilip ako sa bintana ng kotse para makita ang nangyayari sa labas ng mabuti. The church was filled with a bunch of people. Sobrang dami, but at least the wedding organizer managed to keep the crowd sane and of course, organized.
Everything's perfect...
It all paid off.
"Ysabelle, dito ang tingin! Let's take a picture!" Janella waved her hand at me to get my attention.
Matipid naman akong ngumiti.
I guess, things really did changed.
"Ysa, smile!" I looked and smiled at the camera. Nakailan pang shots bago makuntento si Janella sa mga picture.
Nilingon ko si Achi Roseanne na tulad ko, ay mukhang kinakabahan na rin. She's Kuya Ryle's girlfriend. 'Yung babaeng ipinaglaban niya sa pamilya namin hanggang dulo, kahit sobrang hirap na. 'Yung babaeng hindi niya sinukuan.
Siya 'yung babaeng mahal ng kuya ko, 'yung maswerteng babae na pinaglaban ng lalakeng mahal niya.
Hindi tulad ko. Basta basta nalang sinukuan at iniwan sa ere.
I held her hand to make her relax, hanggang sa dumating na nga ang pinakahihintay naming moment ngayong araw.
"Pwede na po kayong lumabas. The wedding's already starting na po..." the organizer opened the door of our bridal car.
"Ready?" I beamed at Achi Roseanne.
She nodded at me enthusiastically. Dahan dahan kaming bumaba sa kotse gaya ng inutos ng mga nagdo-document ng kasal.
"Seize every moment of this once in a lifetime event." That's what they said.
I breathed heavily as tears started to form in my eyes. I thought ako lang ang emotional, pero nang ibaling ko ang tingin sa dalawa pang kasama ay mangiyak-ngiyak na din pala sila.
We were walking slowly towards the church. Photographers were taking picture of us, as we seize every moment of the wedding. I can already hear the orchestra playing their instruments which made a heartfelt music that made the wedding even special. Tama nga sila't nagsisimula na ang kasal.
People were wearing their beautiful smiles on their faces. Halos wala ka ngang makita na naka-simangot at kung meron man, baka naligaw lang. Everyone's happy for today's wedding. And me? I just don't know what to feel. Mixed emotions ika nga nila.
"Kaya ikaw, deserve mo ring sumaya."
Gulat kong hinarap si Ate Roseanne. What does she mean by that? Did I think out loud too much? My brows furrowed.
"It's never too late for you to be happy, Ysabelle. You deserve to be happy, kaya naman huwag mong ipagkait sa sarili mo 'yung kasiyahan mo... don't let anyone steal that happiness in your heart." Her angelic faced softened even more.
"It's never too late to follow your heart's desire, my dear."
Bullseye.
"It's never too late..." bulong sa akin ni Janella. She was looking somewhere while smiling widely. Parang ewan lang.
"Ms. Janella Adriadne Ong," the wedding organizer called her finally.
Bago siya makapasok ay may tinuro siyang kung ano sa aking likuran. I frowned at her. "Lumingon ka for a surprise." She mumbled.
Mariin akong pumikit at sinunod ang utos niya. Paglingon ko, nandoon na naman 'yung Trailblazer. My heart thumped at the thought that he's here...
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I cursed underneath my breath. "Don't leave the line... huwag ka nang lumingon... You're just imagining things, Raina."
"Huwag ka nang umasa. Huwag ka nang umasa pa."
I was preventing myself badly from turning around, pero hindi ko kinaya. Muli akong lumingon. At sa unang pagkakataon matapos ang mahabang panahon, muli ko siyang nakita.
Nagsimulang pumatak sa aking pisngi ang mga luhang kanina ko pang pinipigilan. Tangina naman, hindi pa ba ubos 'tong lintik na mga luhang 'to?
"Huwag... huwag kang tumakbo. You can't just leave," I whispered to myself.
"Miss, you may walk down the aisle na po."
Fuck, kanina pa pala ako tinatawag.
I walked gracefully like nothing happened. Na tila ba wala akong naririnig na mga bulung bulungan sa paligid. Some were praising me, while some? Pinaguusapan lang naman nila kung gaano ka-fucked up
ang nangyari sa amin ni Paolo.
"Naging sila ba?"
"Ricci denied it! But I'm sure, naging sila nga."
"Hindi sila naging official 'di ba? There were rumors about their relationship, but Ricci would deny it every single time. Ang sakit naman noon para kay Ysabelle."
"Sayang, bagay pa naman."
"Well, girls... it doesn't matter if they became a couple now." Napalingon ako. It's the bitter girl earlier. "Ricci's engaged now." She smirked at me.
Binaling ko nalang ang tingin ko sa dulo ng aisle. Kuya Ryle was there, wearing his tuxedo, too. He was also teary eyed like the others. I've never saw or even imagine him crying.
Kasal lang pala ang makakapag-paiyak sa kaniya. I chuckled.
Ngumiti ako matapos makita ang mangiyak ngiyak ding si Yvan. He's wearing his tuxedo, and he looks good, especially with his clean and tidy haircut. Kausap niya si Brent, but his eyes were on me. I chuckled matapos siyang kilitiin ni Brent habang tinu-turo pa ako.
And then I saw my Dad. He was crying. A bit. I smiled at him after our eyes met. Naayos na lahat ng gusot namin, sa wakas. Siguro nga, nagkulang siya sa amin noon. Siguro nga, hindi siya ang the best na dad sa buong mundo. Maybe, he hurt us. Maybe, he was distant from us. He's not the best dad in the world. But I'm happy that he's trying to be one.
At least he's trying.
He smiled at me.
The wedding ceremony started. Hindi ako mapakali at panay ang lingon ko sa kung saan. Yvan held my hand to calm me down. Tipid niya akong nginitian.
"Everything's good, Ysa. Everything's perfectly fine so stop worrying now." I nodded at him. He intertwined our hands, which made me jump a bit.
"Chancing ka." I glared at him.
"Sorry na," he pursed his lips.
"Mag-concentrate ka nga. Epal ka." He just laughed at me. Feeling ko tuloy clown ako dahil ang hilig niya akong pagtawanan. Am I a big joke to him? I glared at him.
The ceremony continued. Maayos naman ang daloy ng kasal at wala namang nangyayaring aberya... so far, which made me felt a sense of relief.
Konti nalang at matatapos na ng maluwalhati 'tong kasal.
"May tumututol ba sa kasalang ito? Kung mayroon mang tutol, mangyari lamang na tumayo kayo at sabihin ang inyong dahilan para itigil ang pagiisang dibdib ng ating magsing-irog."
There was a moment of silence after the priest talked. May tututol pa ba? Sino naman ang gustong sumira ng ganito kaimportanteng event?
"Mangsing-irog?" I whispered to Yvan. He chuckled at my question.
"Really? You don't know-" he was cut off suddenly.
Natigil ang lahat matapos bumukas ang pintuan ng simbahan.
"Damn, I thought these things only happen in telenovelas." Yvan was holding back himself from laughing real hard.
"Itigil ang kasal."
What. A. Cliche. Line.
Lahat ay napabaling sa lalakeng tutol daw sa magaganap na kasalan. Unti unti siyang lumakad papunta sa gitna.
Lumakas ang bulung bulungan at nagsimula nang magkagulo ang mga tao. The organizers tried to calm down the guests, pero hindi man lang mabawasan ang bulung-bulungan sa paligid. Everyone was alarmed by the sudden appearance of this antagonist.
The man can be barely seen due to the strong sunlight mula sa labas ng simbahan. My heart thumped. Everyone was panicking. And so I am.
"Fuck." Sabay kaming napa-mura ni Yvan matapos makita kung sino lang naman ang tutol sa kasalang magaganap.
"Tangina..." I cursed real hard. "Yvan, is this really happening?"
"Putangina."
Mas lalong lumakas ang bulung-bulungan. I saw Brent trying really hard to held himself back from laughing. Nagkatinginan kami at hindi na niya napigilan ang sarili na matawa. Even Janella was shook as fuck!
Kasi naman, tangina lang talaga!
"I bet he's still after you." Nagkatinginan kami ni Yvan. "Ang gago, mahal ka pa din."
"Mahal ka pa din ni Rivero."
He smiled weakly.
Hindi na ako nagpatumpik-tumpik pa at mabilis akong naglakad papunta sa kaniya. My knees were trembling, pero wala na talaga akong paki!
He just fucking ruined my brother's wedding!
I turned to Achi Roseanne and my Kuya Ryle. Both of them were smiling widely, mukhang hindi apektado sa ginawang kalokohan ni Ricci sa araw ng kasal nila. I look at them apologetically. They just nodded at me with a smirk plastered on their faces.
Mas lalo naman akong nanlambot matapos kong hawakan ang kamay niya. Sinubukan ko siyang hatakin palabas ng simbahan, but he was too stiff. Namumutla siya at mukhang hindi pa rin makalimutan ang ginawa niyang katangahan.
He looks so embarrassed!
Aba, dapat lang! He just ruined Kuya Ryle and Achi's wedding! Hindi ba siya na-inform kung sino ang ikakasal?
"Sasama ka ba sa akin o hihintayin mo nalang na lamunin ka ng lupa dito dahil sa sobrang kahihiyan?"
He looked at me. His cheeks was as red as a tomato.
"Fuck, what did I even do." He said, almost whispering.
"Yeah, fuck you." Sabi ko at hinatak na siya palabas ng simbahan, palayo sa kahihiyang ginawa niya.
"Continue with the wedding!" Sigaw ko bago tuluyang lumabas ng simbahan together with this idiot. Everyone, literally everyone was looking at us!
"Let go of my hand. Now." I commanded him. Ilang minuto na simula nang makalabas kami sa simbahan, pero hindi niya pa rin binibitawan ang kamay ko.
"I-I said let go." My voice cracked.
"Ysa, I'm sorr-"
"Sorry na naman?" I cut him off.
His bloodshot eyes bore onto me. I saw how his tears started to roll down on his cheeks. Mariin niyang hinawakan ang aking kamay, tila ba ayaw nang pakawalan.
"Ricci, m-masakit." Tumingala ako para pigilan ang mga luhang nagbabadyang tumulo. Pagod na akong umiyak. Ayaw ko na.
"Bitiwan mo na ako. Masakit na." I repeated.
Tahimik lang siya. Tahimik lang siyang umiiyak habang nakahawak pa din ng mahigpit sa kamay ko.
"Tangina, bakit ka ba umiiyak?" I ask him, but he didn't answer. Mas lalo lang humigpit ang hawak niya sa kamay ko. "Wala kang karapatang umiyak."
"I said let go, you're hurting me." Mariin kong sabi.
"Y-Ysa, I'm s-sorry..." he kneeled in front of me, still not letting go of my hand.
"Ricci, tumayo ka na nga d'yan," nag-iwas ako ng tingin. "Stand up or else, mapipilitan akong buhatin ka patayo."
"I'll not stand up hanggang hindi mo ako pinapatawad." He continued crying.
"Edi wow, tangina mo." Nagsimula nang mangilid ang aking mga luha. "Sino bang tinakot mo? Lumuhod ka hanggang gusto mo." Pilit akong nagpumiglas.
"Ysa, I still love you."
"Stop saying things that you don't mean, Paolo. Huwag kang magsabi ng mga bagay na hindi mo kayang panindigan." Hinayaan ko ang sarili na umiyak.
"Learn how to stick with your principles. Have some fucking balls, Paolo. Fucking man up."
"I'm sorry..." he kept on crying.
"Tumayo ka d'yan."
"Ysa, mahal kita. Mahal pa din kita. Please hear me out." He hugged my knees. Nagpumiglas ako, pero sadyang hindi talaga siya bibitaw.
"Sana ganiyan kahigpit 'yung kapit mo sa akin noon." I chuckled as I cried simultaneously. "Kung kumapit ka lang sana, Ricci. Kung kumapit ka lang, hindi sana tayo umabot sa puntong 'to."
I heard him sniffed.
There was a moment of silence. His grip also loosened up, but I didn't move. I don't have enough energy to move even a bit. I'm just fucking tired with all of these.
Until, he started to speak.
"Ysa, mahal kita. Alam mo 'yan." He trailed off.
"Hindi, Ricci. Hindi mo ako mahal."
"Ysa, I left you for a reason." Mas bumilis ang patak ng aking mga luha.
"Naaalala mo pa ba 'yung panahong hindi ako nakasipot sa dinner natin? I was freaking supposed to ask you that time. I was supposed to ask for your sweetest yes. Ysa, nung araw na 'yon dapat tayo na. Tayo na sana. Kaso hindi, hindi nangyari. Bakit?"
"Your Dad asked me to stay away from you. Believe it or not, hindi ako pumayag sa gusto niya. Hindi kita iiwan. I said that to myself. Maniwala ka man o hindi, Ysa, ipinaglaban kita. Ipinaglaban ko 'yung tayo--"
Pinutol ko siya sa pagsasalita.
"Kaya ba? Kaya ba simula nung araw na 'yon, nilayuan mo na ako? 'Yon ba 'yung paraan mo para ipaglaban tayo, ha? 'Yung layuan ako? Iwan ako?" I asked, emotionless.
"I needed time to think, Ysa. It was too much to handle. I was losing you, I was losing my world. Unti unti kang inilalayo sa akin." Patuloy siya sa pag-iyak.
"Sabi mo, ipinaglaban mo ako? Asan doon, Paolo? Saang banda mo ako ipinaglaban? Kasi hindi ko makita 'yung point mo, Cci."
"He talked to me for the second time. Nanindigan ako. Pero nung narinig ko na kung bakit niya ginagawa 'yon, naintindihan ko na lahat. Nasagot na lahat ng bakit sa utak ko. Sinabi niya sa akin lahat ng plano niya para sa'yo... lahat lahat. I was happy during that time. Noong mga panahong 'yon, mas lalo kong napatunayan na mahal ka niya talaga. And he only wants the best for you. For you, and for your older brother. That's the reason kung bakit sobrang higpit niya sa inyo. He doesn't want you to go through the same thing that he did. He doesn't want you to suffer."
"At lahat ng pangarap niyang 'yon para sa'yo, mauuwi lahat 'yon sa wala kung ako ang papakasalan mo balang araw. I was hurt as fuck. Imagine, mismong tatay na ng babaeng pinakamamahal ko 'yung nagsabi sa akin na hindi ako makakabuti sa anak niya? Na wala akong maidudulot na maganda sa buhay niya?"
"And you believed him? Sa tingin mo ba, Ricci, wala kang magandang naidulot sa akin sa mga nakalipas na taong magkasama tayo? Are you fucking stupid to believe that you don't deserve me after all the things you did, and made me realize? Are you that stupid?"
Tumayo siya at tiningnan ako. Namumugto at mapupungay na ang kaniyang mga mata, pagod na sa pag-iyak.
"Siguro nga. Maybe I was too stupid to let you go. Tama nga siguro 'yung sinasabi ng mga tao, na kapag nagmamahal ka, nagpapakatanga ka, nagiging tanga ka. I just want what's best for you."
"Kahit na nasasaktan ako, pinili ko pa rin 'yung makakabuti sa'yo. Kasi mahal kita eh. Siguro nga ganoon ako katanga."
"Mahal pa din kita kahit ang sakit na." He added.
I smiled at him. A genuine one.
Minahal din kita noon kahit ang sakit, sakit na.
Siguro nga, ito na 'yung closure na matagal ko nang hinahanap. Ito na 'yung oras na masasagot na lahat ng tanong na tumatakbo sa isipan ko.
"Kahit na magpaliwanag ka, wala na rin namang magbabago. May kaniya kaniya na tayong mga buhay ngayon." I wiped my tears away.
"Ikaw, engaged ka na kay Eunice."
Buntong hininga.
"This whole thing? Wouldn't change anything now, Paolo. Wala nang mangyayari. But I promise you, everything's okay between us now. Both of us have our own shortcomings. And the two of us know that it wouldn't change the fact that you're bound to marry Eunice."
He stared at me, pursing his lips like the usual Ricci Paolo.
"Sino ba kasing nagsabing engaged na ako?" He pouted at me.
"Akala ko after all these time, nagbago ka na. Loko loko ka pa din talaga," para kaming tangang tumatawa habang umiiyak. "Kalat na kaya! Ano, ide-deny mo din siya gaya ng pag-deny mo sa akin?"
"Akala ko ba okay na tayo?"
"I forgive, but I never forget, Paolo." I stuck my tongue out.
"Wala akong ibang naging girlfriend simula ng umalis ka, Ysa. At mas lalong hindi ako nag-propose kay Eunice. At higit sa lahat, hindi ako engaged. Kasi kung magpapakasal man ako, gusto ko... sa taong mahal ko." He pinched my nose.
"A-Aba, makapisil ka ng ilong! Close tayo?" I rolled my eyes at him.
"Ikaw lang, at wala ng iba."
"Hanggang ngayon, ang corny mo pa rin Mr. Ricci Paolo Uy Rivero." Hinampas ko siya.
"Ysa, let's start over again, can we?"
We were silent for a minute or two. No one dared to speak.
"Ricci, alam mo na naman ang sagot ko d'yan sa tanong mong 'yan, hindi ba?" Nag-angat ako ng tingin.
He smiled weakly at me. Another batch of tears were forming on his eyes kaya naman tumingala siya para pigilan ang sarili sa pag-iyak. After that, he looked at my eyes directly and cupped my cheeks.
"I respect your decision, Ysa. But please, always do remember that I love you, only you. Ikaw lang hanggang dulo, Raina Ysabelle Yap. Ikaw lang ang mahal ko." He kissed my forehead.
I was stunned with his sudden movement. Hindi ako nakakilos, hanggang sa namalayan kong naglalakad na pala siya palayo sa akin. Tumunog na rin ang dambana ng simbahan, at mukhang tapos na ang kasal.
Hindi ko inalintana ang ingay ng dambana ng simbahan at palakpakan ng mga tao. I don't wanna regret this opportunity for my entire life.
It's now or never.
"It's never too late to follow your heart's desire..."
"Ricci Paolo Uy Rivero!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
He then stopped walking. Hindi niya ako hinarap, pero tumigil siya sa paglalakad papalayo sa akin.
"Akala ko ba mahal mo ako?!"
Kahit naka heels, hindi ko na inalintana ang suot at tumakbo na papalapit sa kaniya. Unti unti, hinarap na niya ako sa wakas. A smile was plastered on his face as he walked closer to me.
"Akala ko ba mahal mo ako?!" Ulit ko. "Eh bakit ang bilis mo nanamang mapagod? Ang bilis mo nanamang sumuko?"
Muntik pa akong matalisod nang matapakan ko ang laylayan ng aking suot, pero hindi pa rin ako nagpapigil. We've been through so many challenges at hindi ko hahayaang maging sagabal pa 'tong gown na 'to sa love story namin.
"Ibigin pa rin kita." he sang softly. "Kahit ayaw mo na."
"Tatakbo tatalon sisigaw ang pangalan mo?" I joked out which made him laugh really hard.
"Mahal pa rin kita... kahit ayaw mo na." Bahagya siyang ngumiti.
"Sino ba kasing nagsabing ayaw ko na?" I shot my brows at him.
"Darn it, love..." he cursed softly.
"Mahal din kita sa kabila ng lahat, Ricci Paolo Uy Rivero." I tiptoed and kissed him softly on his lips.
"Damn, let's get married now."