Jimin’s POV
Why? Why would I do this to her. She’s so precious, so fragile. How could I have the heart to hurt her. I thought I had changed. I thought I was better. Namjoon Hyung warned me. He knew I was up to something. I can’t look at her. I was sitting on the edge of the bed, my head in my hands. look at her for few seconds. Bruises and marks. She looked so tired. I was to rough on her. I didn’t care but then at the same time I really do. I just can’t love again. It will not happen.
I hear groaning and stirring around. I look over to her still sleeping form. I go into my bathroom. The white plain walls remind me of the room I was locked in as a teenager. The pills stand out to me. Should I? I twirl the bottle around. I put the pills in my hand, tracing the square tablets. She’ll be safe. She’ll be okay once im gone. “Jimin?” she knocked on the bathroom door. I shake my head, putting the pills back in its place. I open the door, her tired frame standing before me. The bruises on her body visible. No.. I didn’t hit her or abuse her.
“Jimin, I need to go. I was just telling you.” I furrow my eyebrows. “Where are you going?” she looks down then slowly back. “I just want to go home JImin.” I slowly nod. But a idea came in mind. “How about. I come with you.” her eyes widen. “BUT! All we do is just eat junk food and watch a few movies.” her eyes lightened up at my words. She must be happy that I’m not wrecking her again. I need to stop. I need to stop and leave her alone. She’s only doing this because she loves me.
A small smile forms on her lips. “That sounds fun.”
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Lexi and I were currently in the her kitchen. I was sitting at the table while she cooked. It felt nice. It felt nice to be here just to watch her cook. No short convos. No late one night stands. It was nice to just talk. She had put concealer on her neck so nothing would be visible. “I’m sorry. For uh...being a little-”, “its okay.” she looks back at me and smiles then looks back at the stove, stirring the rice. I quietly up from my chair walking to her. I felt the need to hold her so I wrapped my arms around her, shoving my face in the crook of her neck. She tensed up but soon relaxed in my touch. I could tell she was savoring this. I was too. A thought came in my head.
I want to love her. I want to love her so bad that it hurts.
But I cant.
“Dinner’s done. You can go pick a movie.”
“ You can go pick a movie.” I snap out of my thoughts and go to the living room grabbing the movie me and her watched when I first came over. When a man loves a woman. I smile softly as I put the movie in. she sits on the couch next to me putting a blanket over us. This reminds me of something. We both sat there in silence, eating our rice. “I thought you’ve seen this?” I nod my head telling I have. She gives this weird look. We continue to watch the movie. “Why are you here Jimin?” she asks. I ask her what she meant and she replies “i mean.. All you want from me is just to use-” “I can’t tell you. Not yet.” I interrupt. She scoots away from me.
Just tell her you idiot. Just do it. Stop stalling. Try with her. “Lexi…” I quietly say. She turns her attention on me. “I need to talk to you.” she looks at me with those soft light brown eyes. “I can’t hurt you anymore..” I gulp down the last of my dignity. “I can’t use you anymore. I think I-” I pause. Her eyes were tearing up. She was going to cry. Shouldn’t she be happy that I won’t hurt her anymore. Those bruises. They’re not made with love. They were made with lust. And I have no idea how much it will take to get her forgiveness. Not only her’s, but the rest of Bangtan. “I can’t bare the fact that I hurt you everyday. You love me so much, but I don’t appreciate it. Ever.”
“What are you talking about?” I scoot closer to her. “The only man I want you with is me.” she scowls. “You’re a man right?’ I look at her confused but nod my head. “Then act like one. You haven’t been one for a long while Park Jimin. A long while. You think that i’m going to forgive you? Yes, I agreed to let you use me. But did I ever, EVER say I would forgive you?? JIMIN YOU BRUISED ME! What is wrong with you?” tears stream down my face. I was broken. I was hurting for her.
“I want to be in love with you, but do you still love me?”