The end of the school year was only a week away. Everyone finished their exams and I had completely checked out of anything happening at school.
Class was better without Anita there. It turned out that I had fractured her nose, but she healed up just fine. After the fight, everyone around school was talking about it and how I was just like Ray.
Another thing that happened after the fight was people kind of shunned Anita after they heard what she said. I think my concern with people in school was that they would be harsh or rude to Ray and Victor, but none of that happened. As a matter of fact, there were others that came out shortly after Ray and Victor did.
Ray and I had planned to make a trip to see Lucille for a few days with Victor and Matthew tagging along. We were going to stay in a hotel and the rest of family got their own rooms in the same hotel. We did this so I wouldn't have to encounter my mother at any time.
Being in the same state as her didn't bother me anymore. As long as I didn't have to see her, I was okay. We haven't spoken since the time she told me about the trial. Ray and Matthew did not permit me to call her again. They both said I had made too much progress to let her ruin it again. I didn't want to admit it, but they were right. I had gotten so much better and have learned to let things go easier. I knew if I saw her or tried to call her again, I would have to start the process over again. I didn't want to take away my own happiness.
Our summer was spent with days at the flea market buying useless junk, at the farmers market buying pretty much all of our groceries there and endless trips to the beach. We would spend the weekends at different beaches and there ended up being a lot of sand fights. Most of them were started by Matthew throwing wet sand at me. They usually ended with one of the guys throwing me in the water because I started putting sand in their swimming trunks.
We ended up waiting until the summer to get all of Matthew's things moved in. He just brought the rest of his clothes, his dresser and whatever game systems he had. He left his television and bed behind. We cleaned up his room and that was the end of Matthew living at his parents' house. Luckily my room was big enough for two dressers because he had entirely too much clothes for us to share a dresser. That even after I made him get rid of half of the clothes he didn't wear. Ray and I had this strict rule, if we haven't worn it in six months, it had to go. Matthew was no exception to this rule and he donated about half of his clothes. Ray and I did the same thing and got rid of our stuff too, just like we did every summer.
It was the most relaxing summer I have ever had. I found it amazing how much calmer and easier my life was without my mother breathing down my neck every day. Any time I thought of her or my Uncle I told myself life was too good right now to take myself back to that darkness. I have gotten to the point again where it took me no effort to push these things aside.
On the last weekend of summer vacation, we planned a party at our house. We invited Victor's family, but before they came, it occurred to all of us there was one thing we forgot to do. We forgot to tell Victor's family that he was dating Ray. Half the school was going to be at this party and there was no chance they wouldn't hear about it.
"Mom, Dad, there is something I need to tell you guys." Victor sat his parents down the day before the party and we all sat with him, including Adriana and Vivian.
"Do we need everyone here?" His Mom said to him.
"Yes, I asked them to be here." Victor was sweating profusely.
"Well go on, you're making me worry."
"Ray and I have been seeing each other." He blurted out. I knew from previous conversations that he just wanted them to know now. I had told him when he did tell them, just to say it and not beat around the bush.
His parents looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. "You're gay?" his dad said.
Victor took a deep breath, "Yes."
They looked between Victor and Ray a few times and just said, "Okay."
I held in a laugh and Matthew elbowed me.
"That's it?" Adriana said. "You're not upset?"
"Why?" their mother said, "Victor dates terrible girls. Ray is a good guy."
"Oh, okay." Adriana said. Her and Vivian looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.
"Anyone else, we would be upset, but not Ray." Their father said.
"And there it is." Vivian said.
All these months of panic and not wanting to tell his parents, and they didn't even care. They asked if Ray was going to teach him to cook and clean since he didn't do it at home. They knew we were teaching Matthew to cook and had always insisted we teach their kids as well.
Victor looked at Ray who was trying so hard not to laugh, "Yeah, of course we can teach him, won't be as good as your cooking though."
Victor's mom gushed as she always did when Ray flattered her. "Good, but no moving in together until after High School."
"Mom!" Victor yelled, embarrassed, "No one said anything about that!"
"No one has to, Mateo lives there now. You will live with us until you finish High School." She said firmly.
Instead of arguing, Ray told him to let it go and Victor did.
When we were preparing for the party in the morning, we needed to light the tiki torches we had just bought for later that night. I thought we had a lighter in the kitchen, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I knew my dad kept a few hidden in his dresser for his cigars that he smoked on the patio sometimes.
He didn't know I knew he smoked sometimes, but I have been watching him since I was a kid. He kept a little cigar box hidden in his dresser with the lighters. I found it in the very last drawer, of course I started at the top and messed up his neatly fixed clothes. Underneath his jeans wrapped in a jean cloth was a little wooden box. I knew that was it, I had seen it before. I pulled it out and carefully unwrapped it, taking note of exactly how everything was positioned so I could position it back.
When I opened the box, I found a single cigar and a lighter lying next to a little black leather notebook. The lighter had a skull and cross bones on it. Something told me I shouldn't touch the cigar or the lighter, but I was too curious about the book not to touch it.
I put the box down in the drawer and opened the book. It seemed to be a list. First there was a name, just one name, either a first or a last. Then, there was another row with a number and a third row with a larger number. The numbers in each row varied. Some were the same, some were different. I turned the pages trying to figure out what the numbers meant. Nothing came to me. The notebook was almost full, I noticed there was only one full name in the entire book: Brian Miller, my mother's maiden name. Next to his name was the number '70 and next to that was the number –10,000.
I slammed the book shut and put everything exactly as I found it. When I got up my head felt a little bit dizzy. I walked out the room trying not to alarm anyone. I calmed myself and told Ray I couldn't find a lighter and that he needed to go get one from the store.
I did my best to enjoy the party and I managed to have a good time, but in the back of my mind I knew something and I hoped to God I was wrong about it.
It tugged in the back of my head on the way to school the next day and I was pretty quiet. I had to make myself aware that I was acting strange. I didn't want to lie, but I also didn't want to tell anyone what I found. I wasn't sure if I was worried about them confirming my suspensions or thinking I was crazy.
I focused on the first day and compared schedules with Ray, Matthew and Victor. Ray and I never had any classes together, it was a school rule, no siblings could have classes together. Matthew and I had two classes together and Victor had a class with each of us.
School felt so different this year, I didn't feel like the most hated person in school because my brother wouldn't date any of the girls. People stopped hating me because Matthew and I were dating. People just stopped disliking me in general it seemed. This was how High School should have always been for me. Now, people knew to expect the four of us together all the time. We were getting invited to go out places and to hang out with the other students. It felt so weird, but I also still didn't feel interested in being around any of them more than I needed to.
"What should we do for your birthday?" Matthew said to me while we were in bed that night.
"I have no idea."
In one week, Ray and I would be eighteen-years-old. We had been talking about what we should do for our birthday, but we haven't settled on anything yet. We just had a party, so I didn't want to have another one. In the back of my mind I kept thinking about what I saw in the notebook. I felt like it was something I should address or tell someone about, but I hadn't figured it all out yet. Trying to figure it out distracted me most of the day sometimes and I had no idea what was going on. I was supposed to be figuring out what to do for our birthday, but the thought hadn't even crossed my mind.
"Well we can go out somewhere for the day, do dinner. Since it is Saturday, we have the whole day."
"Let's ask the guys tomorrow. I guess since it is both of our birthdays, we should agree on it."
"Fair enough."
He wrapped his arm around me and took less than ten minutes to fall asleep, as always.
My eyes stayed open, the number of pages in the book haunted me. I couldn't admit it to myself, but I had a feeling the family rumor was true and I had seen the proof of his murder. And if that was one murder, then I was sure the rest must be the same thing.
I wasn't going to tell Ray or Matthew because if it was true, then they had the knowledge too. I didn't know what would happen if my Dad ever knew what I saw. I liked to think he wouldn't have me killed, but I did worry there may be some sort of consequence.