When the ‘phone rang Rose hesitated. Ever since Lloyd’s photo had appeared in Pink! She had dreaded picking it up and hearing Miles or his lawyer or another reporter. She really resented the fact that she was allowing the situation to get to her. But suddenly she thought that if she didn’t like who was on the other end she could just hang up and with a spurt of courage she grabbed the receiver from its stand and mustered a “Hello” in as humourless and assertive a voice as she could manage.A familiar female voice that she couldn’t quite place, responded hesitantly.
“Hello, is that Rose?”
Rose racked her brains trying to put a name to the voice, but in vain, and with great reluctance assented that it was she.
“Rose, this is Helen. Miles’s Mother.”
There was a pause, as if Helen knew that Rose would need a few seconds to absorb who it was, which indeed she did. She took a sharp breath and felt her heart start to thud; she wondered if this was the start of the thin end, the first throw of the dice in trying to get Lloyd from her. She tried to steady herself; after all, she had liked Helen, had trusted her; but then she had trusted Miles too.
As her mind somersaulted through the endless speculations as to Helen’s motives for calling her, Helen herself continued to talk. Rose remembered now the woman’s calm and reassuring voice and how much she had been drawn to her down to earth common sense and sensitivity.
“I’m really sorry to call out of the blue but I don’t have an email address for you and I thought that if I wrote to you that I might….” She paused again,”…well that I might lose the courage to call you at all. I saw the picture of Lloyd in Pink! and realised at once that he…….that he’s my grandson.”
Rose heard a tiny falter in Helen’s voice and realised how hard she was finding it to call. Immediately she relaxed; she knew now that Helen had called for personal reasons, unrelated to Miles. This was a call from a woman who was desperate to see her grandson.Rose interrupted.
“Helen, you don’t need to apologise, I’m so glad you found the courage to call me. I often think of the times we spent together last year, I enjoyed your company.”
This time there was a much longer pause and Rose realised that Helen was struggling to keep her composure. In danger of losing her own, she tried to move the conversation on.
“Does Miles know you are calling me?”
“No, he doesn’t. I think he would probably be very angry with me if he found out. Look, Rose, I don’t know what happened between you and Miles, Miles has never, ever spoken of it and I’m not interested into prying into what happened. But I would so love to meet Lloyd and see you again. I am prepared to meet you anywhere you like, with any conditions attached, but if you can’t do it then I guess I will sort of understand.”
Helen’s voice had tailed off at the end of this speech, very forlornly and Rose felt her heart tug at her. She imagined how she would feel in Helen’s place and she made a quick decision.
“Helen, I’m happy for you and LLoyd to meet. It would be better for Lloyd if you came here so that he feels most comfortable and at ease. But I’m worried that you may be spotted coming in to the flat by some reporter or photographer, so we may have to think of a way of getting you in incognito. Also, look, this isn’t easy to say and I trust you completely to do what’s best for Lloyd, but I really would prefer that nobody else knows about you visiting, including Miles.”
Perked up by the thought of seeing Lloyd, and this with the blessing of Rose, Helen promised immediately that the visits would be confidential to themselves, even though at the back of her mind she knew that if Miles found out there would be one heck of a row between them. The pull of seeing her grandson was just too strong to resist and she started to think about how she could slip into the flat without being seen.
“Will you be at home all day tomorrow?” Helen decided she would move fast before Rose had second thoughts,
“I can be,” responded Rose. “I will be working from home in the morning whilst my sister looks after Lloyd and then I will have him in the afternoon. He tends to have a nap at about 1pm and goes to bed at about 7pm ish.”
“OK, I’ll be there tomorrow,” Helen was decisive, “and I promise you that I won’t be recognised. Let me give you my mobile number in case anything crops up.”
At 2pm the next day, Rose jumped when the intercom rang; it was George, the Concierge.
“Afternoon Ms. Pendry. I have a Mrs Helen Wood here to see you; she said she’d like a quick word with you before she comes up.”
“Thanks George, please put her on.”
Rose heard Helen’s voice at the other end,
“Hello Rose, its Helen, is it ok for me to come up?”
“No problem, just hand me back to George and I’ll confirm.”
Rose heard the lift smoothly slide up to the 7th floor and stop. The heavily carpeted corridors prevented footsteps being heard and very quickly the doorbell chimed at her penthouse flat.
Lloyd, exceptionally sociable even at nine months old indicated his excitement at the thought of yet another adoring visitor by crawling at a fair lick towards the door. Rose scooped him up and held him on her hip whilst she checked the spyhole. It was indeed Helen, although in a very strange looking cap and uniform, and she was alone. She opened the door and was immediately enveloped in a hug by the older woman.
“Oh Rose, I’m so happy you agreed to let me visit.”
Rose remembered Helen’s soft, soft skin as her cheek was pressed against hers and the gorgeous understated scent of a Guerlain, one of Helen’s favourite perfumiers.
However, as was the wont these days, Rose was almost immediately upstaged by her son who produced the most enchanting of toothless smiles for his Grandmother and delighted her by immediately making a grab for her pearls and then charmingly submitting to being held by her in order to examine them more closely.
Rose took the opportunity to close and lock the door and took the parcels that Helen pushed at her so as to release both her hands to hold Lloyd. Helen gazed at her grandson adoringly and made comforting cooing noises which he seemed to perfectly understand, adding a few “ga, ga gas” of his own.
Rose tried not to stare at Helen’s outfit, which if she was not mistaken was indeed an actual uniform; it looked very similar to the one that George wore. She had to admit that the peaked cap hid Helen’s features well, particularly since she had pulled back her normally chic blonde hair into a tight bun and substituted her trademark elegant court shoes with a pair of flat pumps, navy to match the uniform. Helen caught her looking.
“I borrowed it from a friend of mine; she runs the recruitment agency that recruits for ES Security; I told her I needed it for a practical joke, I’m not sure if she believed me, but I’m certain she will never guess the real reason! I told George that you had hired me as part of your additional security - he seemed to accept it, but you may need to confirm the details with him!” Helen’s eyes twinkled. Rose thought that Helen seemed to be enjoying the deception and in fact, she was enjoying it too.
Helen nodded towards the parcels, “please do open them, I’ll explain them as you do; the box is for Lloyd; the softer one is for you; the small one is for your sister.”
Rose was touched that she had thought to bring a present for Nathalie, whom she had never even met before. Rose led the way into the sitting room, a large and airy room with multiple floor to ceiling windows that gave first class views over Hyde Park and which led out onto a 100ft long covered balcony. She had had the balcony firmly baby-proofed whilst still pregnant and in any case never let Lloyd out there unaccompanied. However, she had decided that she would probably move as soon as Lloyd was able to walk as she would be constantly terrified of him trying to scale the balcony.
In the meantime, she enjoyed the spaciousness and views of the flat which she had purchased years ago when her career had first really taken off. It had been expensive then but had more than trebled in value since. It held many happy memories for her, including the first months of her romance with Miles and now it had become the first home of Lloyd too.Helen was drawn to the views across Hyde Park, all visitors were mesmerised by it, particularly at night with the London streets busy and twinkling until the early hours of the morning.
Rose called Nathalie and introduced her to Helen. Helen was gracious and Nathalie was intrigued to meet Miles’ mother. Rose knew that Nat would be desperate to pump Helen for information, but would be too polite, yet, to do so. Rose handed Nat her present – a generous bottle of a latest limited edition Chanel perfume – perfect for Nat, who thanked Helen with genuine appreciation. For Rose, a beautiful pure cashmere shawl in a shimmering shade of olive green. Helen watched her unwrap it.
“When I had Miles I had a shawl just like that, but in powder blue and I used it over and over – it was light but warm and big enough to wrap around the both of us - I hope you’ll enjoy this one as much as I did mine.”
Rose loved it and said so. She wrapped it around her shoulders as she unwrapped the final present, the one for Lloyd. Helen sat close as she did so.
“It’s not new, its more of a family heirloom really; it seemed appropriate that Lloyd should have it now.”
Rose had unwrapped a fairly plain cardboard box, about 12” by 10”; the box looked old and delicate and she removed the lid carefully. Inside were a set of beautiful glass animals, of all colours, as slim as a stained glass window and probably designed and cut using the same method. The animals were attached in pairs, by a pretty thin cord to a slim bamboo cane and as she gently lifted them from the box they evolved into a five tiered mobile. She cried out at how pretty it was.
“It was mine when I was a baby and then I hung it in Miles’s room – I do hope it hasn’t become too ancient to be used again.”
“It’s perfect,” Rose said.
“I’ll have it hung next to Lloyd’s cot, somewhere where it can catch the sun from his window.”
Lloyd had already caught sight of the mobile and pointed his finger at it. He looked at Helen to make sure she had seen it too. Rose could see that Helen was already bonding well with Lloyd and now that her nerves at the thought of meeting Helen, had been calmed, she wondered where this was relationship between Helen and Lloyd would lead to. Rose had listened intently when Helen had said that she had had no idea what had happened between her and Miles; she tended to believe what Helen had said.
And if that was the case then it left Rose none the wiser as to why Miles had dumped her like a hot potato in the way he did. To say that the way he had left her was brutal would be an understatement; he had barely been able to talk to her or to look at her when he had told her he was leaving. She had been so shocked that she had felt physically sick; so disbelieving that she had been lost for words; she had asked him again and again why he was going but he had just stuck to a few monotonous answers, mainly “you know why!”
But she did not know why and she was no closer now to knowing why. The hurt and pain had not abated, but she had developed since Lloyd’s birth a slow burn anger that had not been present in the first days and weeks of Miles’s absence. She also felt incredibly sad that he had missed the birth of Lloyd and other small but beautiful steps in their son’s life, like his first smile.
She and Miles hadn’t known each other long enough to have developed a solid bank of mutual friends and when they had parted their friends had reverted to taking the side of one or the other. She had felt that somehow Max knew more than he was letting on and that meant that possibly Francesca did too; but she did not know them well enough to approach them independently of Miles and was certain anyway that they would close ranks against her.
She knew that Max had been furious about the break up between his sister, Francesca, and Miles; but as far as he knew, she hadn’t been dumped by Miles so that he could return to Francesca. Rose thought that actually it was Max who had taken the split far harder than his sister as after an initial frostiness, Francesca had started to thaw in her presence.
Rose wondered if she could broach the subject with Helen and decided to have a gentle probe.
“Helen, you said that you didn’t know why Miles and I had split up……did Miles not say anything at all about it?”
Helen had wondered whether Rose would raise the question and appraised her keenly. It seemed to her that perhaps she was as much in the dark about Miles’s motives as Helen was. But how could that be? She had seen no evidence so far that there was anyone else in Rose’s life. Was it possible that Rose still cared for Miles? Helen dared to hope.
“Nothing. I presumed that there were very personal reasons for the split and clearly Miles did not want to discuss them.”
Rose wasn’t sure if this was a probe for more information or Helen stating what she believed to be factual in the face of complete lack of evidence. Rose had spent the last year surviving on her own and she had gone through hell when Miles left her and Lloyd; his public statements had led to her public ridicule; it had affected her career and her morals had been trashed in the tabloids. She had survived this but the experience had started off the anger she now felt towards Miles. Bur despite all this she was curious about why Miles had left her. The not knowing why, gnawed at her.
“Helen, I know that this is a sensitive issue but the fact is, I don’t know why Miles left me and so far there seems to be nothing I can say or do that is going to get him to be honest with me about whatever it is that led him to leave. He was adamant that I knew why, but I don’t.
Helen said nothing but Rose could tell that she was listening so she continued.
“I have learned to accept that he wants nothing to do with me, but not knowing why he left me is ……well, it’s just so hard to live with, the not knowing…”
To her horror, Rose felt tears start to well in her eyes, and had to stop talking. She desperately squeezed her eyes shut hoping that she might stop them from leaving her eyes, but nope, they rolled right down her cheeks and wouldn’t stop.
She hadn’t felt this wretched for quite a while and was deeply ashamed that it should happen in front of Helen. She knew what had set it off, it was whenever she thought a bit too hard about the fact that Miles had rejected Lloyd. She loved her son so much and felt such regret on his behalf that his Dad should have rejected him; he was such a gorgeous, loving little boy.
Helen was moved by Rose’s tears. In her head she kept asking herself what was going on here. Unless she was a consummate actress, she was in genuine distress about Miles’s absence. Helen moved closer to her and squeezed and held her hand.
“My dear Rose, I’m so sorry you are upset like this. What do you want me to do?”
As Helen had hoped, asking Rose a question helped her to focus and the tears eased. Lloyd, sensing his Mum’s distress, stared at her with a wobbling lip and eyes filling up. He looked at Helen for support and Helen took him back into her arms, simultaneously patting Rose’s hand. She hiccouphed a few times and wiped her eyes and apologised, which Helen brushed off.
“It’s ok, I’m fine now. My situation just gets to me now and again, it’s so hard being a single parent and Lloyd is so lovely.”
“He’s gorgeous, and a real credit to you, I mean it,” said Helen. “Now how can I help you out?”
Rose thought. She was still so very scared that Miles would try to take Lloyd away from her. Having Helen on her side felt really positive. But she was not sure how much she could ask of her. She decided to take the plunge.
“I know that Miles will want to talk to me about Lloyd. I wonder, it’s a really big ask, but do you think you could mediate a meeting between us? I am really dreading having to meet with lawyers from either sides, or even worse, in court. Lloyd will be bound to fret and I’ll certainly be nervous even if Miles isn’t. I would really appreciate being able to meet somewhere neutral but where Lloyd will be comfortable. I would like to have a friend or a family member around for support.”
Helen mused over her request.
“Yes, I’m happy to give it a go. You will have to trust me to deal with Miles and I have to tell you, he has not been easy to communicate with lately. Give me a bit of time to think it through and I’ll give you a call later this week – is that ok?”
Rose smiled, relieved. “Yes, that’s great, I really appreciate it.”