Two days after the office party failure, Connor still had one more trick up his sleeve. Unfortunately, traffic seemed determined to stop him from checking the last item off his list of Connor Everson's 3 Step Guide to Giving Your Robot Boyfriend the Greatest Christmas Ever...
After they came to a complete stand still in the middle of Ambassador's bridge for the fourth time, Connor slammed his head straight into the steering wheel. The horn drowned out the 50th rendition of Happy Xmas in a long, groaning beep that screamed throughout the small car with deafening strength but was lost in the sea of other angry horns droning on. The human slowly drug his eyes back up from his floorboards to let them cast out across the open water, trying to distract himself from the abominable butchering of John Lennon's masterpiece with the soothing scenery surrounding them on all sides.
The world around them was dark, the sky black as sin and inking across the clouds like someone had laid a blanket over the city and left it to fend for itself against the creeping night. However, the valiant cityscape had yet to succumb to that darkness, a thousand street lights shining out against the impending gloom and a billion glowing windows casting a fighting firelight around the city so it became a beacon of light in the dark night. The light reflected off the black water, distorted in a mirror image to create a surreal twin city that wavered in the dark river's drowning depths.
Connor had spent his fair share of time perched at the edge of the metal railing staring down into that mirror city. It wasn't like the movies. No one walked there that time of night and the drivers racing by just stared on with the same dumb, "Oh shit, is he really gonna do it?" look before remembering to watch the road and swerving back into their lanes. Nobody stopped and nobody came to save you.
But the word freefall echoed in the back of his mind and drew him down every time. The thought of not having control of his body terrified him.
Right now, the guy was seriously considering driving them over the edge out of pure irritation alone. Another rendition of Last Christmas blasted through the speakers as they painstakingly crawled forward another coveted inch, his old car snarling dangerously under his hands and rumbling vengefully along its grumbling way until Connor was sure it would shake itself to pieces under his fingertips.
"Please try and relax, Detective." Mace's deep tones soothed from the passenger seat, a heavy hand coming to rest over Connor's where the human's pale fingers gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles. The android's huge fingers rubbed gently along his partner's tensed digits, tracing over tight knuckles and brushing along long fingers near trembling with pent up rage - Or maybe it was anxiety, Connor really didn't know at this point.
"We're gonna miss it." Connor argued, voice tight and edged as he let his gaze slowly pull away from where it stuck like glue to the taillights of the car in front of him, the red lights glaring back him like the burning eyes of Lord Lucifer his fucking self. Instead he opted to let his eyes rest on Mace, the android's ever handsome face a perfect picture of calm against his storm and his steely eyes warm and content when they met Connor's own frazzled gaze.
"I am perfectly content as it is, Detective." Hand reassured steadily, rumbling voice a gravelling baritone that soothed over Connor's prickling anxiety like sandpaper over a rough piece of wood, leveling and smoothing in the most assuring of ways. The android's face spoke of genuity, lips curled up in the faintest of smiles and muscles as relaxed as they could be in the cramped little space the human's car had to offer the machine's hulking body.
"I'm sure you're just having a great time staring at this guy's bumper." Connor snorted snarkily, far from convinced and well aware he wouldn't actually be calming down until he pulled their damn car into a parking spot at the park and had a tree in front of his face. He'd be lying if he said Mace's calming tones hadn't eased him any but at the same time they'd only made him want to give that perfect Christmas he had far from provided as of yet. He'd nearly had an anxiety attack in the dressing rooms when they were supposed to be picking out sweaters, the office party had been a huge bust... This, final event he had to get right.
"I am not staring at his bumper." Mace denied in what could almost be called a teasing drawl, sly smirk crawling across his lips as he made a show of letting his eyes rove over the man beside him until they fixed on the detective's hips.
Connor snorted lightly, shaking his head a bit at the android's crude attempt at flirtation. There was no way Mace could see his ass when he was sitting on it, the joke missing a few vital elements like - believability and humor to name a few - but the human felt his lips slip into a smile nevertheless, a warm feeling breathing its way into his chest and easing away the biting snap of his overextended mind still reeling with his exhaustive efforts to make Mace's first Christmas what it should be.
Oncoming tension headache slowly retreating, Connor let himself soak in the welcome glow of Mace's ever steady presence and found that when he wasn't thinking about the cars in front of him so much, they seemed to actually move forward rather than just sit in place to taunt him. They inched on, eventually letting him escape from the bridge he'd tried to throw himself off more times than he would like to admit and onto the solid asphalt beyond, where he was free to take to the side streets and the shortcuts he'd long since memorized and thread through the buildings beyond that warded off the massive crowds spilling into the roads everywhere else.
Down a side street, up the straightway, turn at the barkery, go past Lou's Pizzeria but not past the original Lou's Pizzeria. Streetlights whizzed by overhead, rushing past in quick blocks of light to let darkness overtake the inside of the vehicle again in their wake, sweeping moments of brightness in an otherwise black night. The hum of the car rumbling along on its last legs filled Connor's ears, the monotonous sound reminding him the constant thrum just under his fingertips when he let them rest against Mace's chest, soothing in its familiarity, keeping him settled until he finally pulled into the park the tree lighting was to be held at.
The detective flicked on his blinker and turned onto a gravel road that wound through a thick mess of trees until it gave way to a crowded parking lot beyond, the shady outline of a sign he couldn't make out in the darkness his only indication of where the hell he was supposed to go. The blinding gleam of his blazingly white headlights flashed across the thing as he turned into the parking lot, revealing an arrow pointing him in the direction of an overflow lot before the thing was masked in darkness once more, the all too bright light gone as quickly as it had come.
Connor followed the direction indicated, the wheels of his old car crunching noisily in the loose gravel below as he cranked the steering wheel in a sharp turn and skidding out under his spinning wheels when he pressed his foot to the gas pedal, leaving them growling into the ground for a moment before the rubber found traction and drug them forwards once more. The detective squinted into the darkness in search of an open spot and eventually caught one out of the corner of his eyes - Or, well, he saw an unclaimed patch of grass that you were probably allowed to park on.
The man turned them as smoothly as he could on the loose ground into the spot and threw the car into park, yanking up the hand brake as well before finally twisting the key back and sending the old vehicle whirring down into silence. "You ready for this hot load of holiday fun?" Connor asked his companion cheekily, turning in his seat to cast a wiry grin in the robot's direction, the expression sitting crooked on his lips.
Mace looked... Oddly doubtful. The robot's face was set in a troubled frown, heavy brows furrowed and lips turned down just at the corners as he watched Connor from across the car. The android opened his mouth a fraction as if he meant to say something, letting it linger like the words were caught on his tongue, but then let it fall closed again a moment later with a disgruntled breath of air puffing from his nostrils and a deeper frown than he had started with playing across his lips. "If you are, Detective." The robot finally settled on slowly, voice dragging out as if it wasn't exactly what he wanted to say and that bothersome troubled look never leaving his designer face.
Oh, Connor sure as shit wasn't. He wasn't the least bit ready for any of this.
"Ready and waiting, babe." Connor offered with an easy grin, trying to pack as much confidence into the look as he possibly could while he reached over and popped open his door to let the frigid night air sweep in.
The night was mercilessly cold, sucking the warmth out of Connor's very bones as he pulled himself out of his car and slammed the door shut behind him, the wind whipping at his cheeks and biting at his nose with vicious teeth and tearing through the layers of his heavy coat with poisoned claws. It was unrelenting, picking up the ends of the thick scarf Mace had wrapped over his neck and pulled up to his cheeks before they'd left the house and sending them whipping into his face as he tried to scrunch himself farther into his dark trench coat, arching his angular shoulders to bring the collar up to his ears. Worse, they never fucking started these things on time, Connor had no doubt he'd be stuck out here in the seventh inner circle of icy hell for at least an hour.
Heavy bulk pressed in behind the human, Mace's weighty presence blocked the wind and bore over him with... Warmth. Like, really fucking warm. Everywhere the android pressed in against him felt hot to the touch, like someone had draped a huge, electric blanket over the detective's frozen from. The machine's hands were a melting kiss of cherished heat as they wrapped around him from behind and settled over this stomach to bring him as close as possible, chasing the chill from his bones.
Connor's gaze trailed down the the heavy hands pressed against his front and found synthetic skin to be melted away to reveal white plastic and, more than that, a faint red light creeping between the cracks where Mace's chassis fit together, glowing faintly so it looked as if the fires of life itself were burning just under the android's fingertips. A slight turn of his head revealed the areas of Mace's clavicle and collarbones Connor could barely see under the heavy jacket he'd forced the android into even through the robot resolutely claimed he didn't need it to be displaying the same mesmerizing sight, warm firelit orange licking languidly across pale plastic in the dark.
The only light to guide the human in the blackness. Keeping him warm.
"Since when can you do that?" Connor whispered softly, voice gentle and awed as he brought one of his own hands out of where he'd stuffed them in his pockets to capture the glowing plastic pressed against his chest with his fingers. The detective drew his companion's hand up to his face, pressing Mace's massive palm against his chilled cheeks to chase away the blistering cold and leave sepia warmth creeping over his skin in its wake, leaning into the heated touch with a happy hum breathing between his lips.
"It's a new update." Mace replied in his ear, rumbling voice pleased in a way that deepened his tones and gave a warm gravel to the very back of his throat in a sound that Connor swore liquified his mind and squeezed his heart. God, he just wanted to hear it all the time.
"It's incredible." Connor gushed happily, threading his fingers with Mace's heated ones to finally pull back and begin actually making their way toward the tree lighting itself, satisfied with that touch of warmth to battle the cold for now. Sure would be a shame if he beat the traffic only to miss the event basking in the glory of his lover - and now heater - in the parking lot.
"I thought you would like it." Mace conceded proudly, not bothering to hide the self-satisfied grin brimming across his features as he let Connor guide him away from the car and toward the park itself.
The walk to the lighting itself didn't feel quite so long with Mace's heated fingers intertwined with Connor's own, their interlocked hands swinging lightly between them as they passed from gravel into grass and came to where a huge crowd could be seen gathering around a massive pine tree in the middle of an open field. The tree was a great and sprawling, crawling up to the heavens from the ground so that its peak seemed to touch the clouds themselves while an explosion of thick, bristling branches covered its trunk to create a display fit for marvel. Bright, shining decorations hung from nearly every branch, massive bulbs and ornaments of every shape and size adorning the tree until all was covered in their festive embrace. They were just vague shadows in the bristling branches now but they still gleamed in the low light and Connor had no doubt they would look incredible when the lights finally came on.
His stomach lurched.
Connor pushed the feeling aside, ignoring the nagging discomfort creeping around the dark corners of his mind in favor of focusing on the feeling of Mace's hand on his own, still warm to the touch yet hard and unyielding under his own hands. The plastic hidden just beneath the android's skin was sleek and unnatural under the human's fingertips, the pads of his own digits pressing against solid chassis that couldn't dip or sink when it met his hands. His nails caught in the tiny cracks where the smooth plates that made up Mace's outer shell came together when he tried to run his fingers over his partner's true skin and scratched against harsh plastic with every dragging touch.
Connor loved it. It was so real, so truly Mace. There was no deeper down to the machine's core he could get than when his partner pulled back the fabricated overlay and let his lover see him for what he truly was. Not a human; blood, and flesh, and bone like himself... but an android. An android that was alive. That loved him.
The sound of the crowd beginning the countdown was what finally drew Connor out of his musings, the unanimous "Ten!" rising from the amassed people echoing out to him where they stood just on the edge of the fray. It kept going down from there, seeming to only get faster with each passing number like the whole thing was spiraling out of control and Connor had no hope of digging into the dirt and keeping himself from falling with it. It was 7. It was 6. It swept him under. It was 5. It was 3. What happened to 4? It was 2. What about 4?? It was...
Blazing to life. The moment ended and the tension that had been building finally cracked, turning empty darkness to an aurora of color and light. Blues, and reds, and greens shone forth over the huge tree, spanning from the tip in the clouds to the trunk buried deep below. The tree shone out like a lighthouse across the dark, blinding against the blackness as screaming light exploded out over all. It gleamed off the ornaments and shone off the colorful bulbs, bringing the whole tree to life and sending it up in flames all in the same moment. The multicolored glare shone off the light covering of snow that swept the ground underneath its cool blanket and smothered the world beneath it, brimming with warmth and holiday splendor as the whole scene seemed to culminate around the gorgeous tree and its heavenly light shining out over all and pressing against the dark night of cold winter solstice. It was gorgeous.
A smaller hand slipped into his, tiny fingers curling tight around his own as an awed sound breathed between a mouth left hanging agape. Christmas lights reflected in eyes as brown as his own, outshone only by the wonder gleaming there.
The multi colored lights began to blur into one another, once individual specks of light becoming wavering smudges of color smearing across his vision until all was one distorted glow. A choked sort of noise crawled up Connor's throat, scratching over his lungs and squeezing the life out him until it emerged in a broken hiccup, cracking and quiet. All at once, his eye were burning and his breath wouldn't come, his throat too busy choking up half formed sobs to worry about drawing air as his body curled over itself, shoulders rising over his head which dipped to let his hair fall into his face.
Hands found the man's cheeks but he couldn't look up, couldn't bare to see those lights. Wayward strands of mahogany fluff clung to his cheekbones where salt water made them stick when he tried to push them aside as he brought a hand up to his mouth to try and smother the sound. The sobs cracked out around his fingers nevertheless, choking, horrible, butchered noises that spilled forth from him as burning tears seared his eyes where they squeezed shut against them and pressed out to flood over his cheeks in a drowning river. His body wouldn't be subdued, refusing to quiet the shuddering convulsions wracking his frame and shaking through him with enough force to send him crumpling to his knees.
They very well might have done just that is Mace's massive hands hadn't found their way to his shoulders, keeping him standing as he was drug forward until his nose pressed against fabric and his face smushed up against the cold material of the android's coat. The human's eyes finally cracked open from where he'd squeezed them tight shut, vision gratefully blocked from the lights beyond by the machine's broad chest until Mace was all he could see. Long fingers found there way into the dark threads of his companion's jacket, twisting the material into tight fists and clinging on for dear life lest he be swept away by the current and drown in an ocean he couldn't see but could feel flooding into his lungs, choking the air from his throat and smothering the words from his mouth.
Mace was his anchor. The android's hands pressed the human's lithe body tight into his chest, keeping him guarded from the rest of the world outside and his solid presence under the detective's twisting fingers was gounding, keeping him there, in one piece. The tears didn't stop but Connor found his ability to breath once more, drawing in an aching gasp around a choked throat and releasing the words he so badly needed to be heard.
"I miss him." Connor croaked into Mace's jacket, voice breaking and cracking over each painstaking syllable. "God, I miss him so fucking much." The human tried again, choking on his tongue as everything he'd tried so hard to keep pent from December first 'till this very moment spilled out in a crashing wave, taking him under with it.
He missed Liam.
With every screaming fiber of his being, he missed Liam. He missed putting up decorations, missed the smell of gingerbread and eggnog his house always used to carry this time of year, missed the appalled, offended, horror, painted across a face nearly identical to his own when an unexpected snowball splattered across the back of the boy's head. He missed his brother more than he could possibly fathom and it was ripping him apart at the seams.
"I know, Connor. I know." Mace rumbled underneath him, the android's voice reverberating under Connor's fingertips as huge arms tightened around the human, pressed him closer, held him together. "I'm here." The broken boy's partner promised, his voice too strained to ever be a machine's and buzzing over with static as his hands squeezed what truth he could into the man's arms - Not "I'm sorry." Not "It gets better."
I'm here.
When they had left the park, Connor didn't know. Mace must've steered him away from the crowd and into the car at some point. He ended up home somehow or other though, unaware of most things going on around him except Mace's hands on him until the world settled back into stillness and reality slowly started to creep back in.
When Connor came back to himself he found his body to be sinking into the familiar cushions of his own couch, the television casting a faint blue glow flickering across the floor a few feet away and filling the room with a low thrumming background noise as the people on the screen argued about some silly thing he couldn't quite make out. The soft brush of whiskers under his nose brought his attention to where Sakura had crawled up in his lap and now butted her head against his affectionately, puffy gray fur soft and comforting even as it tickled. A warm sensation in his fingers drew his eyes to a cup clasped between his fingers, thick plumes of steam billowing from the dark brown liquid inside where large marshmallows floated and bobbed in the drink.
A larger pair of hands wrapped over his, keeping his grip steady and with them they drug a thick blanket, slung over both him and his companion to hang off bulky arms as they reached around Connor, creating a small tent of comfort and warmth. Mace's solid form pressed firmly into the human's back, his reassuring weight a constant pressure that Connor couldn't help but sink into, letting the tension drain from his limbs as his partner stirred at his response and in turn tucked the blanket a little tighter around them both.
"My bet is on blondie getting with brooding beefcake." Mace rumbled in his ear, voice a soothing vibration in his bones Connor felt more than heard as the android nodded towards the screen and the human vaguely became aware that The Christmas Prince was playing... Truly, the most cliche of cliches.
I'm here, Echoed in Connor's head as he felt warmth drain back into his frosted veins, feeling coming back into his numb mind.
I'm here. Everything still ached, Connor's head felt stuffy with the same oncoming sinus headache he always got when he cried and his heart was heavy with loss; but with his android, and his cat, and a cup of cocoa all wrapped in one, safe tent on the couch... He thought maybe...
I'm here.
That's all he needed this Christmas.