XIA
I can't really sleep last night and today my head is hurting so much that i really think i will get sick. My body feels so weak and everything around me just keep spinning. But i still make it to class and meet Hye Joo's worried expression. I can't focus at all. I dont know what my body wants. I can't sleep when i have been trying so hard to sleep last night and i didn't eat anything too during breakfast. A glass of juice also just makes me feel like i want to throw up.
I keep thinking about him. Jaeyoung sudden change and his high voice in my head. Did i do anything wrong? Any bad rumours about me that makes him mad? What is really happening? I also can't stop wondering how he has been doing today. Does he remembers anything about last night? Did he arrives home safely? I think so? Because if he's not, his friends might have call me right?
During lunch, when we enter the cafeteria, Lei suddenly appears infront of me and grab my wrist. I look at him, asking for an explanation.
'Let's eat together. Theres no porridge here. I bought porridge for you. Sit with us. You too Hye Joo,'
I have no energy to say no and i really in the mood to cling on my brother today. I see all of the boys are there including Sanchai. She must just arrived too because she is about to put his bag down when i take a seat beside her. I look at Ximen, who i thought will look at me and remind me about last night but he didn't. He just focus on his food instead while playing with his phone.
Sanchai rub my back while giving me a smile and ask, 'Are you okay?'
I just nod. I took the porridge that Lei prepares for me and start eating while Sanchai and Hye Joo go and buy their own food. They are all so quite. Ximen and Meizou are busy playing games with their phone, Ahsi is checking on papers that i think his assignments while Lei is focusing on his food.
I can't stop thinking while playing with my food. I still dont feel like eating. I really want to know what is going on. Jaeyoung also don't leave me any messages or give me a call. I can't help but thinking that he doesn't really care what i have in mind and how i feel. Or maybe he cares but he needs some space? I don't know what to do. I want him to talk with me if he has anything that bothering him. I want him to know that i care and i will always listen. But at the same time i don't want him to yell at me again and feel annoyed.
'Xia, what are you doing with your food?' Lei's question brings me back to reality and that's when i realize that half of my porridge is gone, and it's on the table instead.
'Oh my god im sorry,' I said while grabbing a tissue immediately and start cleaning up the mess that i did. Sanchai who already come back with her foods help me clean up.
I sigh heavily after it's done and put my head on Lei's shoulder. Half of me think Lei knows what is going on and half of me think he doesn't know. Maybe he knows i'm dealing with something but he doesn't know the detail. My eyes look at Ximen who sits across me and he looks at me at the same time. But i don't bother to look somewhere else. We just keep looking at each other until Lei pat my head to break the stare.
'Do you want to go home?' He asks.
'I still have class at 3pm and then i have a discussion until 6pm at the library,'
'Okay then i'll wait for you. We go back together. Try to finish your food Xia,' I nod then i take my spoon and eat my porridge silently.
-
XIMEN
I'm pretty sure Lei still doesn't figure out what is going on with Xia. She really doesn't look good. I try to hide my shocking face when i saw her infront of the club with Yoon Jaeyoung. Why among all guys it has to be Yoon Jaeyoung? For sure Lei is not happy at all if he knows about it. But i don't have the right to tell him right? I mean he can ask Xia and if Xia wants him to know she will tell him. And it's pretty obvious she doesn't want him to know when she asked me to stay quite.
I'm glad i found her last night or she might end up hurting. I saw Jaeyoung keep pushing her and Xia is being the stubborn Xia. Even she didn't say anything at first but her eyes obviously telling that she's trying to brain what is happening and stay calm but she's actually scared.
She looks so pale today but i avoid to keep looking at her. I want her to know that i will act like nothing happen and her secret is safe with me. I'm not telling anyone. That's what she wants and it's her decision if she wants anyone else especially her brother to know about it. It's also pretty obvious that her friends didn't know what happen to her. But she indeed really looks sick. Worst than i saw her last night, i mean this early morning. She's wearing a hoodie with a pair of jeans and high cut converse. She lets her hair down, and put her hoodie up. I never saw her wearing something like that before. She always look like a classy simple lady. She has a great style and she cares about how she looks, according to Lei, because that's the reason why they are late most of the time, but i don't see she cares about it anymore.
I don't really know about her except the fact that she's stubborn and hard headed and maybe ego, but i hope what happened last night makes her realize that she should stop seeing Jaeyoung. I'm not sure how serious their relationship is but he is clearly not a good guy for her.
I caught her looking at me. Probably wondering did i tell her brother anything. I'm trying to tell her through my eyes that i didn't say anything before her foods are everywhere on the table.
-
XIA
'Xia i think you should just go home, i'll cover for you and tell them you are not well,' Hye Joo said when i stumble for the 5th times during our way to the library.
I look at her while thinking should i follow what she said or i can still force myself. It's 5pm and i am not sure if Lei already done with his classes.
'Just go. Don't worry about the project. I'll make sure you cover everything and do well in your part,' Hye Joo still doesn't give up.
'Okay. Tell them i am sorry,' I said and finally i can see her smile a little bit.
I call Lei immediately to check on him and gladly he is done with all his classes and he is actually waiting for me in the F4 study room. So i go there to meet him and see he is playing cards with the other 3.
'You want to go home now?' Lei ask the moment i take a seat.
'Yea if you don't mind,' I said while looking at the cards on his hand.
'Yea i don't mind. Just playing to kill the time while also practicing we have tournament next month,' He said and gives all his cards to Meizou.
'Lets go,' He continues after grabbing his coat and reach out his hand to take mine.
'Have a good rest,' I heard Ximen said, and i turn around to see him smiling at me. Well, he is not that bad when he smiles. For a second i forgot that he is a jerk, and maybe not so much anymore.
-
I tried to call Jaeyoung when i reached home and alone in my bedroom. Lei had been trying to make me talk about what is going on with me for half an hour but i still said nothing. He is not answering his phone for the 10th times. Half of me is so mad at him and another half of me is so tired. The ego part of me said i am not suppose to give up and he makes me become like this. If he has a problem then he should talk, not just suddenly ignore me like this.
After a few times more and he still didn't answer his phone, i try to call his friend. His bestfriend told me that he is fine and he just need some time alone. He also told me that i did nothing wrong and it is not my fault. Yeah so cliche. I said i want to meet him, just to see him to make sure he is okay then i really will give him time as much as he needs. He tolds me that they promise to go to the usual club in Gangnam at 10pm.
Don't do anything stupid Xia, just go there and see him. Then leave. You don't need to create another drama.
I need to stay awake so another cup of coffee while watching 'The Notebook'. I really think i am crazy, or maybe about to go crazy. No sleep and too many caffeine when i can't drink any before, probably this is the way i die. I have this thought honestly. Then when i become a ghost i will haunt Jaeyoung. Huh
When the clock hit 9.30pm, i get myself ready. I'm just wearing a jeans with a crop top hoodie and knee high boots. Lately hoodie is my style. I'm going to hate hoodie for the rest of my life. I let my hair down and let it curl at the end, also not to forget to put some make up to cover my tired eyes. I really look terrible.
I go there by taxi, after i make sure Lei is not downstairs and my parents are also in their room. This is completely insane. I never know i will become like this just because of a guy that i know around 2 months ago. Is this how love suppose to work? I don't think so. I mean in drama it looks just okay, but it's actually not okay at all.
I arrive at the club and immediately go inside. No sight of Jaeyoung or any of his friends. It's 10.15pm. I should just wait. This guy never really on time. Besides i didn't have any plan to talk with him, i just want to see him. So i take a sit at the bar and order coke, as usual while watching other people dancing and getting drunk, going in and out from the club. The music is so loud that after half an hour i starting to get headache and about to throw up everything i have in my stomach.
I should just go out and wait outside.
That is when i saw him, with his hand wrapping on the other girl's waist and he is smiling so widely. The smile that i never saw before. He keep on whispering something to the girl's ear when she is just giggling and her hand rest on his chest. I didn't plan to talk with him but i really can't just leave after what i saw.
'Hey,' I said and stand infront of them.
Brave Xia brave. You are not weak.
'Hey Xia,' Jaeyoung said. Unexpectedly he looks very calm and cheerful. What i saw on him and what he did to me, it's like never happen.
'Anything you want to say to me? Care to explain?' I ask him directly, and trying not to look at the girl who is now holding his hand.
'This is Chae Won, my girlfriend,'
Uh oh.... and i?
'And Chae, this is my friend, one of my close friend Xia. She always with me when you are not around,'
Close friend? He kissed me so many times and i am his close friend? We went out everynight together and i am his close friend?
That word hit me so hard in my chest. It hurts.
'Oh really? Hi Xia, i hope we can be friend too,' that Chae Won girl, in a very sweet way talk me. Sorry i'm not in the mood of making new friend sis. Right on time suddenly another girl approach her and they go inside the club together after Jaeyoung let her.
Now just two of us.....
'Friend? You kiss me, and you never act like i am just your friend?' I need an explanation, this is already way too much for me.
'Xia please. I never say i want you to be my girlfriend. And you see my friends bring different girls everyday and they kiss every girl as well. The difference is i bring only you,'
wow.
'Who is she? Why is she suddenly here?'
'She is my girlfriend since high school. No one can replace her Xia, no one. I like her i love her and now she is back i don't want anyone else. I only need her,'
I stay quite. For a second i am just blank. This is really happening. I am not even a rebound i am just a toy for him? Just an accessories for him to bring along when he wants to have fun.
'Xia..' he takes one step closer.
'Don't come closer don't say anything. Fuck you Jaeyoung. I hope she breaks your heart like you did to mine,'
'What did you just say? Is it necessary for you to say that? You know how much i love her,' he grabs my wrist that i think i can get bruises because of that.
This guy gotta be kidding me. Well i am not that nice to wish for him to live happily ever after what what he did to me.I stare back at him, not trying to let go and just handle the pain. I am not going to let him see that i am weak.
'Let her go before i call the police,'
I turn around and see Ximen. Why is this guy everywhere lately? Is he stalking me or it is coincident or is he my secret angel or Lei is actually acting like he doesn't know anything and make Ximen take care of me?
'Are you with him? So you get protection from the whole F4 squad now?' Jaeyoung said, still holding my wrist so tightly.
'None of your business if i am with him or not,' I said.
He chuckles. 'You want to blame me when you are actually a slut as well,'
That's when Ximen make the move and push him so hard that his head hit the floor.
'Stay away from her, if you want to stay alive,' He said before pulling my hand to follow him.
He walks so fast, that i can barely breath. My head hurts more and i starting to feel so dizzy. I'm going to be sick or probably faint.
'Ximen.....'
'Just walk before i turn around and punch his face,' he said without trying to slow down and still pulling me but i can't cope anymore and try to let my hand go. He turns around to see me at last, when my nose starts bleeding and the last thing i remember is Ximen catch me before i fall down.
*************
NOTE:
Tough chapter! Fuhh finally i make it. I am so sorry this one took so long to update. I hope you guys still love it. If you love please vote and dont forget to leave a comment too! ^^
!!! ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE, I AM SO SORRY FOR ANY BAD SENTENCE AND GRAMMATICAL ERROR.