White light.
Piercing. Bright. Harsh.
The exact opposite of what Remus needed. Remus wanted soft browns and dark greens; something nurturing and soothing. Something the hospital wing couldn't always provide.
Unfortunately, Remus found himself there often; stuck in a lumpy bed with a scratchy comforter and surrounded by noises that didn't feel quite right. It was nothing like his bed where he felt safe and loved. The bed in the hospital wing made him feel ashamed.
Remus took a moment to take note of his surroundings; there were three other students whom Madam Pomfrey was tending to. Remus also noticed that he was not covered head to toe in disgusting bandages or lacerations. Remus smiled. He had absolutely no idea what happened last night, but it wasn't terrible, so Remus smiled.
He rolled to his side to pick up his watch and winced a little, apparently he had bruised some ribs; not entirely shocking. His watch (which was always so kindly delivered to him by Peter) read 4:47, which meant that he'd slept through an entire day of classes.
"Remus, dear," the healer said, rushing to his bedside, "oh, I am so glad you're finally awake. I and your friends have been incredibly worried."
Remus looked at his watch again as if he'd read it incorrectly the first time, it now read 4:48. "I'm sorry, I don't exactly follow, it's only been a handful of hours since my transformation."
"Oh dear," Madam Pomfrey cooed as she ran her hand along Remus' face, "your transformation was two days ago, it is currently Friday, October 17th."
Remus felt nothing. He'd just missed an entire day of life (nearly two), and more importantly an entire day he could have spent with Sirius without worrying about the symptoms of his desire for companionship.
"Do you have any idea what happened?" she asked him.
Remus shook his head.
"Well, I found you at the foot of the stairs with a small cut on the back of your head; I'd reckon you fell down them. And, eh, you'd freed yourself by breaking your appendages I imagine."
"Okay." Remus replied, entirely unimpressed, the damage he inflicted on himself no longer surprised him. "Can you send for my friends?"
The healer hesitated, "is your head feeling alright?"
"Yes," Remus said as patiently as he could; he desperately needed to see them, "please send for them."
Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips and nodded before summoning an aide to fetch the four Gryffindors.
***
Not long after, Lily, Peter, James, and Sirius came bustling into the hospital wing.
"Remus!" Lily exclaimed, nearly bounding into Remus' bed, "Merlin, I was so worried. We were so worried."
"I'm fine," he reassured her, squeezing her hand. Remus surveyed his friends; they all looked as though they hadn't slept last night. Remus would eventually come to know that Sirius spent all of yesterday pacing outside the hospital wing and James and Peter stayed up all night playing Gobstones because they couldn't sleep. "I'm alright," Remus stressed while he maintained eye contact with Sirius. Remus knew that Sirius worried about him nearly as much as Remus did Sirius, and that having nothing to do help yesterday probably destroyed Sirius.
"I'd have to kill you if you weren't." Sirius teased as he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. Of course he was happy, but he was also extremely overwhelmed. He barely knew what to do with his feelings on a normal day, much less on a day when the person he has the most intense feelings he's ever experienced, became lucid for the first time in over 24 hours. "You can't do that Remus, you can't do that to me."
"I'm sorry," Remus whispered across the group of friends and directly to Sirius. The moment was far too intimate to share with a group, but Remus needed to let Sirius know that he understood Sirius. Remus knew that Sirius harbored insecurities about being unwanted and left behind. Remus would never let him feel like that again.
"So, what did happen then?" James asked the question that was on everyone's mind.
"Fell down some stairs and hit my head I suppose." Remus shrugged his shoulders roughly and immediately regretted it.
"Take it easy Rem," Sirius said, immediately stepping forward when Remus winced.
"Just a little tender is all," Remus explained as he gingerly felt his ribs again, the stairs apparently inflicted more damage than just a head injury. "How did it go for you guys, um, last night?" Remus asked after lowering his voice.
"Well, it was two nights ago, Moony," James reminded him kindly.
"Shoot, sorry." Remus was still getting used to the idea of sleeping through an entire day.
"No matter mate," Peter said as he sat down on the foot of Remus' bed, "James and Sirius did everything perfectly as far as I could tell. Now they just have to finish collecting the remaining supplies-"
"-and recite that bloody incantation at every sunrise and sunset," Sirius interjected.
Remus' eyes lit up, "that means you'll be waking up on time and you can't get detentions, or you'll miss them."
Sirius and James groaned dramatically.
"So, um," Sirius cleared his throat before continuing, "when are you going to be allowed out?"
"Why? Have you got plans?" Once again, it seemed like Peter, Lily, and James simply melted away; they weren't even in the background.
"Will it be before tonight?" Sirius pressed in a tone that was beginning to scare Remus a bit.
Remus opened his mouth to speak, but Lily did before he got the chance, "Peter, James; I've just realized that I left some of my books in the library, would you please come with me to get them?"
"I don't want to sound rude, Lil, but why do you need an escort?" James asked, he knew Lily could handle herself, it was actually one of the things he found most endearing about her.
"Yes, well, I thought you'd might like to join me, but I supposed I can go it alone." Lily scrunched up her nose to make a show of her disappointment.
"Wait, Lil, I didn't mean that." James hustled off after her.
"Well," Peter began, shifting his weight between his feet after standing, "I know Lily only left to give you two some privacy, so I'll be going. It's great to see that you're doing better." Peter turned on his heel to leave.
"Thank you," Remus called again, "for delivering my watch, and keeping an eye on James and Sirius."
Peter spun around and nodded before exiting the hospital wing. Now the only students that remained were Remus and Sirius, the three students from before had been sent on their way to class.
"I'm okay Sirius," Remus said again while extending a hand to the boy standing in front of him, "I'm not going anywhere."
Sirius moved towards Remus and sat down where Peter had. "I know. I just- I can't-"
There was a long pause before finally Remus saved him the trouble of vocalizing his complicated emotions, "I know," Remus reassured Sirius. After another pause, Remus decided to change the subject, "did you tell James or Peter about our, erm, situation."
Sirius snorted, "situation?"
"Well what else should we call it?"
"Well, someday you can call me your boyfriend, but you've got to give me the chance to take you on a proper date first."
Remus blushed a hot red, "sure, between me wanting to rip your head off and turning into an abominable monster, I'm sure we'll find time for a date," he skirted around his embarrassment with unnecessary sarcasm.
"Hey don't do that," Sirius spoke kindly, "you matter, we matter, so we'll find time. I'll make sure of it."
"You matter too, Sirius," Remus reminded him, and Sirius realized that he loved the way Remus spoke; the way his lips parted and reconnected. If Sirius didn't have a mandrake leaf charmed in place under his tongue, he'd also try loving the way Remus' lips felt against his own. "And Lily might have a bit of an idea about this situation," Remus labeled it again because quite frankly there wasn't a better word for it; unless he'd be expected to say 'best friend turned lover (which Remus knew they weren't yet) by some magical condition related to his time spent as a werewolf. Quite frankly, Remus thought that would be a bit of a mouthful.
"Well, we can tell James and Peter when we have something to tell them. I suppose they wouldn't appreciate walking in on us snogging or something."
"Well then we have at least a month because I am not doing anything with you when you taste like plant."
"Bold of you to assume I so rapidly kiss people I've only started seeing," Sirius teased.
Remus bit back a comment about Sirius being able to move rather quickly when a broom closet was involved. "Bold of you to assume I was talking about kissing." A very long pause ensued where Sirius was blushing so hard, he couldn't even look at Remus, "I suppose mouths are useful for more than kissing," Remus continued airily, he enjoyed how Sirius' face lit up like a ripe tomato, "but if you'd prefer to move slow.."
Sirius was taken aback but the confidence Remus possessed in that moment, "I've never wanted a full moon to arrive so quickly in my life."
"Well I suppose that makes two of us," Remus replied with a cocky grin plastered on his face. He too was a bit surprised of what he just implied to Sirius, but at this point, his feelings were known, and he already felt so comfortable with Sirius that he didn't see any point in holding back.
Remus slid to the side of the bed as if to invite Sirius to join him, which Sirius gladly did.
"So can you please tell me now why it is so important for me to be discharged by the end of the day?" Remus asked as he slid his thumb back and forth over Sirius' knuckles.
"Dunno," Sirius replied sleepily, "I'd just like to sleep properly, and that's a bit hard to do without having you a bed or two away."
"Oh," Remus hummed, he tried to shift himself to face Sirius, but as soon as he rolled to his side, he determined that placing his weight on his ribs was not a pleasant experience, so he flopped back to his back and released a huff of air. "Well you can sleep now, I mean, I'd like to too."
Sirius rolled onto his side and gently placed his hand that was previously occupied by Remus' over Remus' torso where he gently pulled himself closer to Remus. Sirius slid his own leg between both of Remus', and when he finally felt content with their proximity to one another, dozed off to sleep. Remus did the same shortly after, and that's how Madam Pomfrey found them when she returned to send Remus off to dinner.
***
By the time Sirius and Remus woke up properly and made it to the Great Hall, Lily, Peter, James and the rest of their friends were already seated at the the table. Sirius was only slightly disappointed to see that the seats they saved them were across from each other, but he was thankful nonetheless that all of his friends were sitting together and eating dinner. Sirius realized that maybe he and Remus being together was supposed to be part of the new normal that he wanted so badly when the year began. Sirius realized that he was wrong to push him away in the first place, Sirius finally realized that he deserved to have what he wanted. "Thank you," he murmured across the table to Remus. He was safe here at Hogwarts; the abuse from his parents didn't lurk around each corner. Sirius began to think that maybe he'd never go back to Grimmauld Place. There wasn't much keeping him there anyways. Unlike his family, he didn't place the value of material things above what truly mattered; the people sitting around him, and the Potters, and Regulus. Who, come to think of it was marching towards the Gryffindor table- not a very settling sight in Sirius' mind.
"Reg, what's going-"
"Where the hell have you been Sirius?" Regulus hissed, "I've spent the better part of today trying to find you."
"I was- busy," Sirius replied shooting a guilty look towards Remus, "what's the matter?"
"Can we talk somewhere a bit more privately?" Regulus responded, nervously tugging at his robes. "It's mom and dad," he said more quietly.
"S-sure," Sirius replied, already standing. He knew that whatever Regulus was going to tell him was not going to be good.
"I'm coming too," James, who was also already standing.
Regulus paused, "no, this- this is strictly a family thing."
"Then I am sure as hell coming," James insisted, "Sirius is as much my brother as you are his."
Regulus felt the slightest twinge of jealousy before he become overcome with gratitude for James- the boy who was able to be there for Sirius when Regulus couldn't be there himself, "okay then," Regulus asserted before he turned on his heel and marched off before waiting for Sirius and James to follow.
"What's going on Reg?" Sirius asked when he caught up to his little brother.
Regulus' hand trembled as he lifted it to his mouth, "they're going to kill me," he whimpered.
"What are you talking about, Walburga and Orion love you," Sirius said before he even realized that it wasn't exactly what he meant to say.
"Bella wrote them, and told them I made the house team," Regulus explained, "and they're coming tomorrow and they're probably going to kill me."
"No they won't, Reg," Sirius assured him.
"They think it's just a waste of time, 'something your delinquent brother would do' is what they told me in the letter they sent. And-and I can't quit because Slytherin already played a match, so I think they're just going to kill me." Regulus rambled.
Sirius looked at James for confirmation, James nodded, it was true that Regulus couldn't quit now or Slytherin would lose any points they gained in the match.
Sirius' mind was reeling, he wouldn't let Orion or Walburga lay a finger on Regulus. "I did it," he muttered softly, "just tell them I made you try out or something. They already think it's something I would do, and Merlin knows they won't pass up a single chance to make me the bad guy; to-to give them a reason to.."
"Sirius-" James and Regulus said simultaneously.
Regulus then continued, "you can't take that on for me. I don't need you to fight my battles."
"No, Regulus," Sirius began more confidently, "you're going to do what I tell you now. Because once it starts, the abuse, it's never going to stop. So I am going to come with you tomorrow, and you are going to tell them how I made you try out for the team, and how you can't back out now. And whatever happens after that is not your fault and it's not my fault; it's theirs." A long pause filled in around the three boys. "And Reg," Sirius softly placed his hand on Regulus' chest, "afterwards, people are going to watch us," tears pooled softly both of the brother's eyes, "so afterwards, just stay safe, okay? Yeah, um, don't fall into the wrong crowd, and just- just stay safe."
"Are you telling me what I think you are?" Regulus asked weakly, was his best friend for over eleven years sending him away?
Sirius nodded, "I love you, Regulus," Sirius pulled his brother into a tight hug, "I'm sorry I couldn't do better," he whispered into his brother's hair.
"Aren't you coming home for breaks?" Regulus asked after they released each other.
"I don't think I should."
"I love you too," Regulus responded genuinely, "and I'm sorry for anything that happens tomorrow."
"Me too," Sirius said softly, "goodbye Regulus," Sirius shook Regulus' shoulders once, briskly.
"Goodbye, brother," Regulus smiled sadly at his brother, Sirius removed his hands, "and thank you."
Sirius nodded curtly and turned away before Reg could see his tears spill down his cheeks.
James and Regulus shared a quick word before James followed Sirius back to the Great Hall and Regulus retreated back to his own dormitory to mentally prepare himself for tomorrow.
***
"What happened Sirius?" Remus asked when Sirius took his place across from him.
Sirius just shook his head and stared as his half eaten plate for the rest of dinner.
After dinner, James and Sirius said their incantations while Remus showered, then so did Peter and eventually James followed by Sirius who took the longest by far.
Remus was tucked into bed and quietly reading a book when Sirius emerged wearing baggy sweatpants, that Remus vaguely recognized from his own trunk, and James' Quidditch jersey.
"Scootch," Sirius instructed while he approached Remus' bed.
Remus complied and Sirius made quick work of practically molding himself to Remus, "can you tell me what happened?" Remus asked as he marked his page and set his book down.
Sirius sighed, and the hot air tickled Remus' neck, "Reg is playing on Slytherin's house team and Orion and Walburga are incredibly upset with him. And they're coming here tomorrow, no doubt to punish Reg," Remus nodded, "so I'm going to tell them that I made him try out for the team. Then who knows what's going to happen.."
Remus nodded again, "I hate that you have to go through that."
"It's not your fault. It's what I want to do for Reg."
"Okay."
They laid there comfortably for a long while until James and Peter returned from the common room.
"You alright Sirius?" James asked.
"Fine," Sirius grunted without lifting his head from Remus' shoulder.
"I'm fine too," Remus teased, "just can't feel my hand."
"Sod off," Sirius joked.
"If that's what you'd like," Remus began pulling himself out from under Sirius.
"No, no," Sirius whined. Remus paused in the middle of sitting up, "but close the curtains while you're up. It's time for bed."
"Well fine, nice talking to you too," James huffed as Remus drew the curtains.
"Sorry, mate," Remus said as he drew the final one.
James nodded, he understood that Remus meant something different to Sirius than James ever would, and he was okay with that.
Thanks for being patient, I know this update took ages.