Finding a new job was not as easy as you thought it would be. Mia was still apologising to, which pissed you, even more, blaming the guy even more. It took you so much of free will not punch his face when you saw him in the work the other day when you gave him your resignation letter.
You sighed and sent another CV, hoping you will get any PAID jobs. You couldn't believe how many unpaid internships there were.
"Here, baby" you looked up from the laptop screen to see a cup of coffee made by Hizashi. You smiled to him softly and moved a bit on your bed to give him some place to sit. It was Saturday and he decided to spend the weekend with you and help you with looking for a job. You weren't sure how he wanted to help you, but those random cup of coffees and teas were truly life-saving. You were lucky you had some savings and the job at the radio station. You were even able to get some editing freelance stuff so it wasn't so bad for you. However, Mia, who was always more of a free spirit, needed to come back to her parents for a while. Not like they minded. They were more than happy that their little girl came back, even if just for a bit.
"How's it going?" He asked, looking at the screen, putting his head on your shoulder. You could see how tired he was. He was doing some night patrolling the night after the radio show and didn't get much sleep, but he wanted to make sure that he will be next to you if you needed him.
"I send about million CVs I hope someone will hire me" you joked and kissed the top of his head. "Take a nap, Hizashi. You look tired." You felt him smiling and he looked up.
"Only if you will join me" you chuckled and nodded your head, knowing that if you will say no, he would not sleep. Plus it's not like you've got somewhere to go. You didn't even have much to work on for Uni, so you enjoyed your first free weekend for a while. You laid next to him and smiled when he hugged you and put his head on your chest, closing his eyes. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful. Your heart bit faster whenever you saw his warm features. You really started to fall in love with this man, and it didn't even scare you. Somehow you believed that he would never be able to hurt you or made you cry. You were happy, and it was such an amazing feeling, that you weren't sure whether you are dreaming. But if you were, you hoped down deep, that you will never wake up.
**
You woke up to an empty pillow. You got up slowly, trying to adjust to the small light that was coming from the living room. You stood at the doors and looked at the focused man. He had his glasses on and was grading some work. You smiled. You loved him in his glasses. You wondered why he never wears them in the public.
You walked closer and hugged him from the back. You noticed how he automatically took his glasses off. He turned on the chair and made you sit down on his laps.
" I hope I didn't wake you up, baby", he smiled, kissing you softly on the neck. Gosh, how you loved it. His warm breath and wet kisses, always left you wanting more. You started to think whether he did that on purpose.
"No. But I was hoping you'll get a bit more sleep, you said, leaving a quick kiss on his lips. He shook his head and looked at the stack of papers on the desk.
"Need to work on those tests...", you took one paper, and you frowned looking at the answers. You chuckled seeing a drawing, of himself with a wee note next to it: 'Please, don't fail me, Mr Yamada!'.
"Jesus he is not the brightest guy in the class, right?" He laughed out loud looking at the name on the test.
"Yeah, Kaminari is a special guy..." You laughed and took a pen lying next to the paper, and started to change the mistakes. You were always good in English and you were surprised to find, that some of the knowledge from school and from special classes with Mia's dad, paid off, and you remember quite a lot. "You don't need to help me, baby. It's your day off, enjoy it", he said, putting a hand in your thigh, squeezing it a bit, when you kept on grading, ignoring his note.
"I'm happy to help you. Plus what am I supposed to do, when you can't spend that time with me?" He smiled and raised you up in his arm and brought to the couch. He brought the papers with him as well, and with a warm smile thanked you.
**
You were cooking dinner when you heard your phone ringing. It was definitely one of your reminders. Remembering that Hizashi was there, you put the knife away and quickly run to the living room, realizing what kind of reminder that was.
You stopped in the middle of the room and looked at the man holding the phone. No ringing could only mean one thing, He turned it off. And if he did he has probably seen what it said on the screen.
"Pills?" You could feel your heart beat faster and you automatically looked away.
"Mia... She forced me to go see a doctor. She thought we were... I mean..." You hated that kind of conversation. His gaze on you made you even more nervous and intimidated. "She wanted me to be safe and we got some anticonception pills, in case we would do it..."
"It?" He raised his brow and put the phone down, taking a step closer to you.
"You... You know..." Your cheeks were burning, and you were definitely looking like a tomato, and you were still not able to look up at him.
"Baby, you gave me a blowjob and yet you are too shy to say sex?" You could hear the amusement in his voice. You loved and hated when he was like that. This huskiness in his voice was so damn sexy, but you were too inexperienced to be able to follow him on this game he loved to play with you. There was just this barrier, a wall, that you couldn't just tear it down. "Plus you didn't have to do it, we could use condoms, you know..."
"Mia told me, guys don't feel comfortable with them on, and when we finally do it, I want you to ... Em... I want you to feel good!" You screamed with your eyes shut. Jesus how embarrassing it was. You remember the morning after that night. He was walking around with this smirk on his lips and wouldn't let you forget about it. So now whenever the topic changed into sex, you just felt so intimidated. You squeaked when you felt strong arm, wrapping around you, and hugging you strongly.
"You are the cutest girl!" He giggled, kissing you on the top of your head. You felt so safe in them like you never wanted to leave. You smiled to yourself. "But you know we can forget about the pills and condoms and see where that brings us", you stepped back quickly, completely shocked at what he said. "I was just kidding baby", He laughed seeing your face, but he became serious, when you were not smiling, and your gaze fell down, onto your shoes.
"Hizashi..." You started quietly, afraid of the answer he was about to give you. "Do you... Do you want to have kids?" You bit your bottom lip and looked up when he shifted on the couch.
"Not right now. But yeah, if you ask me whether I see baby Mic's going around the house, then yes. I want kids." This was what you were so afraid to hear. You felt your heart break into a dozen small pieces. You should not have started this conversation. "You?" You didn't know whether you should lie, or tell him straight away. You knew that this decision would not change. You were sure about it since you were little, and you were certain now.
" No" This one word sounded so awful in your lips. It made him feel a weird unpleasant knot in the stomach. He could see that you were thinking about all of this. You haven't really spoken about your futures yeat. You were younger than him, but he never assumed that you would not want a family. "I... I wouldn't imagine myself to be a mother. Not after what happened in the past. I am afraid I would turn out like my mother..."
"I am sure You wouldn't", he said softly. He wanted to touch your cheek, but you stood up and he pulsed seeing tears in your eyes.
"You don't know that Hizashi... Plus I don't want to see whether it is the case or not. I don't like kids, and I don't want to have any. Are you... Are you able to live your life without having a full family?" He frowned when you sounded so serious. It wasn't a conversation he ever had with a girl before he said 'I love you'. But he knew that you were different. You looked at the world differently and you were probably already making plans, putting him in the picture.
He didn't like where it was going. Everything was going so well. He wanted to lie. To say that he can live without kids, but it wasn't true. He wanted to have a family. A wife and kids he would be able to take care of. It was something he wanted since he understood the concept of a family. He took a breath, and as much as it hurt him he answered quietly.
"No". You looked him in the eyes feeling like the tears you tried to blink away, were now uncontrollable. Your cheeks were soaking and wet. Your heart hurt, and your legs were shaking. You knew what was happening. You hated yourself for bringing this topic so quickly. But deep down you knew, that this conversation would happen, sooner or later. "Baby listen..."
"I'm sorry..." You whispered. The words that were about to leave your lips hurt you more than any wound you ever had. "We can't do this..."
"We don't have to end this, for fuck's sake!" He raised his voice, which surprised you. He got up and walked toward you. He looked at you with fear. "Baby, please... Maybe you will change your mind..."
"No, Hizashi. Same as you won't change your mind. I will not change mine." You started to feel sick. The panic attack was slowly coming and you tried so hard to keep it at ease, as long as he was here. " We..." You were sure, that if it won't be you, who would end this than he wouldn't do it. "We need to break up, Hizashi..." He widened his eyes, not believing the words. Everything was going so well, and it took a minute to fuck everything up. One stupid reminder in the phone. What if he wouldn't bring up this topic? But would that change anything? He knew it would be even worse to say goodbye after you both would say 'I love you'. You went into your room and packed his stuff into his bag and came back, put his tests in, and gave it to him. He looked at you not believe that it was happening.
"Please... Leave... Leave until I'm still holding up..." You whispered. You wanted to stop him so badly when he turned and put his hand on the handle.
"I'm sorry baby! I am so fucking sorry", and he left. You locked the doors and run into the bathroom throwing up, feeling your headache slowly attacking you.
*
He leaned on the door and heard you run away. He closed his eyes and couldn't stop the stream of the tears. He took the phone out and typed to messages, and started to walk to his friend's house.
"I needed a beer. A lot!"
" I'm sorry Mia. I fucked up... I am really sorry. "
BOOM! So Yeah I decided to destroy this great heaven those two live in. I am pretty sure, the next few chapters will be quite depressing. Can I just say thank you to LadyFran666 and XxScarletMaidenxX for their amazing stories that gave me the inspiration to write anew chapter ( cause damn I had a blank mind for a while :P )
Thanks everyone for reading and I will try my best to update as soon as possible :)