How did I get here?

Chapter 55

It's been a few weeks since I talked to Lucy, and Aspen seemed ready to propose.
"Are you going to do it soon?" I ask Aspen as we walked down the hall.
"Tomorrow night," he responds simply.
"Wait that soon, why didn't you tell me?" I ask.
"Because you probably would have told Lucy if I mentioned it to you any sooner."
"I would not have," I protest.
Aspen gave me a look that basically said, you and I both know you would have.
"Fine, well my lips are sealed for the next twenty four hours."
"Good, will you help me set up tomorrow?" He asks.
I have a bounce in my step as I respond, "Of course."
"I'll let you know more tomorrow," he says.
"Good, I want to help in anyway I can."
"I'm glad we ended up like this," Aspen says.
"Like what?" I ask.
"Just friends, after we broke up. It is so rare that that ever happens I'm glad it happened to us." Aspen says.
"Me too," I say with a smile.
"Well here we are," he says as we get to the dinning room. I'm meeting Maxon for dinner.
"Thanks for the escort, I'm excited for tomorrow." I say.
"You may be more excited to me," he teased.
"Not likely," I say and smile and so does he.
"Ehh your probably right," he says. "I've got to go, but I'll talk to you later about the plan." He says.
"See you then," I say as I turn to open the door.
I open the door and Maxon is sitting down and looking over some paper work.
"Looks like you are having fun," I tease as I walk over to the table. 
"Oh loads of fun," he says stacking the papers and pushing them to the sides.
"How was your day," I ask as I sit down at the table.
"Busy," He says.
"Anything new on the castes that I don't know about," I ask.
"We will talk about it tomorrow in the meetings," he says.
"So you did talk about it without me," I accuse.
"Briefly in a hallway with an advisor, nothing serious."
"Well what did you talk about?" I ask.
"America can we please talk about it tomorrow at the meeting, I really want to spend time with you."
"We are spending time together," I counter.
"Yes, but I want to talk to you about literally anything other than work." He says.
"I get that, but what about just a ten second explanation?" I ask.
"Fine, it's just about announcing it to the public, now can we stop talking about work?"
"Yes, Thank you that is all I wanted to know," I say. When in reality, I had about a dozen questions swarming through my head, but I didn't what to bother him. A few cooks brought in our dinner and we thanked them.
"Did you at least have a good day at work," I ask.
"Yeah, I would have liked to see if you were in any of the meetings today."
"It's not like I skipped them, I wasn't supposed to be there."
"I know, but you make it a little more enjoyable." He says and smiles at me.
I blush and look down at my meal.
"Well I'll be there tomorrow," I say.
"Good," He says. "Listen I think we need to talk about the future."
"What about it," I say, suddenly feeling anxious.
"Is there any chance?" He asks.
"For what?" I ask, even though I was pretty sure I knew what he was talking about.
"Look I plan to propose to you in a little less than three months and I want to know if I even have a chance." I say a pleading look in his eyes as he said this.
"I want to say yes, but I don't know. I know you make me happy, but the idea of marriage terrifies me."
"I hate Tyler for doing this," Maxon mutters under his breath.
"So do I, but I want to give this a try." I say, trying to make him smile.
He silently nodded his head and I could tell he was trying to keep his anger inside.
"Maxon," I start.
"I'm sorry, I'm just mad at myself for not marrying you in the first place." He says.
"Well we can't change that now," I say.
"But I could have then," he says. "I feel like I may as well have abused you myself."
"Don't say that," I say. "Look back in the selection when your Father beat you after my mistake, I felt like I had beat you myself. It took me years to realize what your Father did wasn't my choice and you need to realize that same thing with Tyler. When you sent me home, you had no idea that this would happen don't blame yourself."
"Thank you," He says.
"I mean it," I say.
"I know you do," he says.
After we finish our dinner, Maxon and I go back to my room.
We sit on my bed, and I gently run my fingers through his hair.
"Are you still blaming yourself?" I ask.
"I'm trying not to," he says.
"Please don't," I say.
"I'll work on it," he says.
We sat their quietly for a moment and I continued to run my fingers through his hair.
"I really want you to not blame yourself."
"Okay," He says.
He pulls my lips to his and we stay like that for several sweet moments.