Onika bit her lip as she stood next to Candi at her locker. Candi was telling her a story about something she had done the night before but Onika wasn't listening. She couldn't. Beyonce was standing down the hall at her own locker alone with a deep frown on her face. Onika hadn't talked to her all weekend or all morning though they had a few classes together already.
Onika couldn't help but to notice that Shawn and Beyonce had been apart all day. He never stopped at her locker with her and he never walked her to class. They didn't even walk into the building together like they usually did. Onika didn't want to jump to any conclusions but she was almost positive they had broken up. But maybe they were just fighting. She knew she shouldn't care but she had the real urge to find out and she wouldn't be able to focus on anything else until she did.
"Candi." She cut Candi off abruptly while keeping her eyes on Beyonce. Candi stopped talking and looked at Onika before she followed her eyes on Beyonce and immediately frowned. "Shawn and Beyonce hadn't been together all morning. Do you think they broke up?" she asked as she began to bit her nail nervously. Candi sighed as she looked back at Onika with a look of disappointment.
"I know C but... can you please find out?" She asked as she shifted on her feet slightly. She put on the pout and Candi sighed as her shoulders slumped, moments away from giving in before Aubrey bounced up to stand next to Onika. He wrapped his arm around her waist and placed a kiss on her cheek.
"I missed you all weekend." He said with a cheeky smile on his face. Onika smiled up at him as Candi looked over the two of them.
"I missed you too." She forced out a small giggle as she rested her head on his shoulder. She did miss him but she missed Beyonce more. She wasn't sure if she'd ever get over the older girl. It was just too hard. She was too deep in. She allowed her eyes to travel back down the other end of the hall only to watch Beyoncé's blonde hair sway behind her as she made her way down the hall and through the growing crowd of kids. Onika bit her lip as she turned her attention back to Aubrey.
The rest of the day continued on with Aubrey walking her to her classes and sharing kisses with her in the halls. She tried to allow herself to enjoy it but it was hard. Beyonce was taking over her mind and thoughts.
It wasn't long before lunch rolled around. Onika like usual was one of the first on the table. She sat and began to eat her tuna sandwich.
"Hey." She looked up quickly, her body tensing at the sound of Shawn's voice. He sat down across from her, his brown eyes on the sandwich she was eating. "Did you check the expiration date on that before opening it Onika?" He asked as he looked to the food on his own tray. She quickly nodded her head when he glanced up at her. He nodded his head before tearing the plastic off his silverware. Onika could only stare at him because it had been a long time since Shawn had talked to her and she wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not. "What?" He asked after a couple of minutes of staring in silence.
"Did you break up with Beyonce?" She whispered. He paused for a beat before looking up at her. His lips pressed together and she could see the pain reflecting in his eyes. She wondered if hers looked the same. He gave a short nod of his head before looking away from her once more. "Why?"
"You know why Onika." He sighed as he looked back up at her with a pointed look. She bit her lip as she felt the tears burn in her eyes. This was all her fault. "Beyonce has a lot of thinking to do." He shrugged his shoulders as he began to eat his mac and cheese. She tried to stop herself from sniffling.
"I'm sorry." She whimpered and he shook his head before looking up at her.
Shawn was such a good guy. He was always so understanding and in Onika's eyes he deserved the world. He said it wasn't her fault but she couldn't help but to feel like it was. If she weren't around then Beyonce and Shawn would be happy together right now. She didn't like the fact that she was ruining someone's happiness. Shawn's happiness.
She didn't have much time to think it over before Aubrey was sitting down next to her. She tried to perk up as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side. He kissed her cheek like he always did before smiling to Shawn. Shawn half returned it before turning his attention back to his food.
Aubrey turned to Onika and began to rant on about his morning but Onika kept her eyes on Shawn. She felt sick now. She felt like a bad person because of her feelings for Beyonce.
Thembi and Candi soon joined the table and the two were able to get Shawn to join in on their conversation. Onika tried to keep up with the four of them but she was really on high alert for when Beyonce joined their table but it never happened. They were half way through lunch before Thembi finally said something about it.
"Where's Bey?" She asked with a puzzled expression on her face as she looked at Shawn who simply shrugged his shoulders.
"Wouldn't know." He said with a small sigh.
"I think I seen her heading towards the school theater before lunch." Aubrey said with a nod of his head, pointing the direction with a finger, before they all looked back at Shawn.
"Did you guys break up again?" Candi asked, her expression sympathetic.
"Yeah." He mumbled, his eyes landing on Onika briefly before looking back at Candi who had placed her hand on his shoulder to show her support.
"Aw man. Don't worry buddy." Aubrey said with a nod of his head before he smiled. "I'm sure you two will work it out soon and get back together." He said as his hold around Onika tightened slightly as if he expected her to agree with him but she remained silent as she kept her eyes on Shawn. He looked back at her before shaking his head.
"I don't think so. Not this time." He disagreed though he kept his eyes on Onika as well while he answered. She swallowed the lump in her throat because she felt real sick again. She looked away from Shawn and to her empty tray. She felt like she was about to throw it all back up. She didn't like it when she got bad butterflies in her stomach and when Shawn looked at her like that they often showed up. She looked at the clock on the wall, they had little over ten minutes before lunch would be over.
She rose with her tray and they all looked to her. "I think I need to use the restroom before my next class." She said after clearing her throat. Aubrey and Thembi nodded their heads not thinking nothing of it but Candi watched her with a look of suspicion and a hint of confusion while Shawn gave her that all knowing look. They both knew where she was going. "I'll see you guys later." She moved to leave quickly but Aubrey quickly caught her arm.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" He asked with that goofy yet cocky grin on his face. She looked down at him confused. "Give papa some sugar!" His grin grew if possible and she made a small 'oh' sound before she quickly pecked him on the lips. He let her go and watched as she rushed across the open area with her bag hanging off her arms and tray in hand. He frowned slightly. His eyebrows pulling together. "She's been acting strange lately."
"What's strange for Onika ?" Thembi asked with a light chuckle expecting the rest of the table to join her but they all appeared to be to lost in their own thoughts to laugh. She looked around at them slightly confused before shrugging her shoulders and turning her full attention onto her food only to look back up when Shawn suddenly shot from his seat and without a word followed after Onika. The remaining three watched him go as well. "Man, what's going on with everyone lately?" She asked with a shake of her head.
"Onika wait up!" Shawn caught up with Onika in the hall and she spun back around to face him. "Listen I know this probably isn't my place but I think if you really care for Aubrey then you should tell him about Beyonce ." He said and her eyes widened in shock. "Be honest with him and let him know what's going on between you two. Don't let him find out like how I did. It might be too painful for him to take. At least this way he'll be able to decide if he wants to still try and be with you."
"But I do like him." She whispered.
"And I don't doubt that." Shawn shook his head quickly as he stepped closer to her. "But if you had to chose between him and her you'd chose her without batting an eyelash. That's just the way it is so I think that you should at least give him that before he realizes that he's madly in love with you but he'll never have your heart because Beyonce has it. That'd ruin him and it's only fair you're honest with him." He said with a nod of his head and she returned it while biting her lip.
"Okay. I'll talk to him."
"Okay. Good." He nodded once more before staring at her. "Alright. I'll talk to you later then." He said before turning his back to her and walking off. She sighed as she watched him go before she turned and continued on her way to the opposite side of the building.
She paused once she was outside of the theater doors. She took a deep breath and tried to shake the nerves from her hands before stepping inside. She stopped once more at seeing Beyonce sitting on the stage, one leg tucked under her and the other dangling off the edge. She had ear buds put in her ears and her notebook on her lap as she wrote. Her face concentrated on her work. Onika took a moment to just watch her before slowly making her way down the aisle to stand in front of her and wait to be noticed.
It didn't take long before Beyonce caught her from her peripheral and looked up. They locked eyes and stared at each other for a long moment before Beyonce removed one of her ear buds. She pulled her eyes away from Onika and back down to her notebook. She began to write again as if Onika weren't even standing there.
Onika frowned and fiddled with her fingers at the reaction. "What can I do for you, Onika?" she asked with a small sigh. Onika bit her lip as she bounced on her toes a bit. She opened her mouth to speak but Beyonce quickly beat her to it. "It's strange seeing you here. I thought for sure you were looking for some kind of space from me seeing how you never answered any of my calls or texts this weekend."
Onika's eyes narrowed slightly as she suddenly felt anger. Beyonce always thought she was so entitled. "You kicked me out of your house." She spat and Beyoncé's eyes snapped up to her quickly at her tone.
"I said I was sorry. What else do you want from me?" She asked.
"For you to actually mean it, Bey!" She snapped and she didn't know where this was coming from but she was tired of Beyonce acting like she didn't care. She was tired of Beyonce pretending like what they had didn't mean anything to her when she knew that it did.
"I want you to stop pretending and actually mean things that you say to me!" She watched as Beyonce leaned back from her as if her words actually hurt her, her hazel eyes narrowing with her building anger.
"Onika, when have I ever said anything to you that I didn't mean!?" Beyonce yelled back as she slammed her notebook shut and tossed her pen aside. "I've never lied to you! I've always" Beyonce cut herself off and Onika watched as she took in a deep breath. "You know what? I'm not going to fight with you. I'm really not in the mood so why are you here?" She asked with a small tilt of her head. Onika felt her shoulders relax. She hadn't noticed how tense she had become, or was she like that the entire day? She took in a calming breath as well as she tried to remember why she had been seeking Beyonce out in the first place.
"I heard you broke up with Shawn." Her voice had lowered to a small whisper and she watched the pain flicker across Beyoncé's face before she was looking away from her. "I just wanted to come and make sure you were okay." She shrugged her shoulders as Beyonce picked back up her pen and opened her notebook.
"I'm fine." She mumbled.
"I'm sorry." Onika whispered with a small shake of her head. "It's my fault isn't it?"
"No, Onika, it's my own fault." Beyonce shook her own head as she looked up at Onika. She relaxed a bit more and her face softened at the hurt expression on Onika's face. She could tell the other girl actually thought that it was her fault. She patted the spot next to her and watched as Onika slowly moved to sit down next to her. "I was being selfish and greedy... I was fucking my best friend." She shook her head at herself.
"Was?" Onika caught on to the past tense and Beyonce looked at her with a nod of her head.
"I'm hurting you both, Onika." She whispered before she shook her head. "I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've decided that both you and Shawn deserve somebody better than me. You especially. You've always deserved better and I've always treated you like shit. You were supposed to be my best friend and I treated you like shit. I can't believe you stuck around for as long as you did"
Onika felt her heart drop at Beyoncé's words because what was she saying? She understood Beyonce didn't want to sleep with her anymore but was she also saying she didn't want to be her friend anymore?
"What are you saying?" she whispered softly and watched as Beyonce shook her head.
"Just that I think Aubrey is better for you. He's actually a really good kid even though he's a boring dumb-ass." She shrugged her shoulders as she looked back at her notebook. "and I hate him but he's better than me when it comes to treating you right."
"But I don't want what's better for me Bey. I want you." Onika gripped the edge of the stage tightly as she spoke, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. Beyoncé's mouth fell open slightly as she stared at Onika with a slightly raised eyebrow. "I'll always want you, crave you no matter who I'm with. I like Aubrey, I really do but he'll never be able to replace you."
"Onika." Beyonce released her name in a shaky breath and looked away from her running her fingers through her hair. Onika bit her lip not liking Beyoncé's silence. "I can't... I can't feel towards you how you feel for me. I can't."
"You're lying." Onika nodded her head, agreeing with herself and Beyonce looked back at her with a bit lip. "I know you are because you may not say it but its in the way you look at me, the way you touch me, the way you kiss me. I've seen it, Bey, so please don't deny it." She felt the tears burn in her eyes as Beyonce slowly shook her head, nervously twisting the pen in her hand.
"I'll break you. Hurt you like I did with Shawn."
"I can take care of myself."
"Not with me. I'd destroy you Onika and the worst part is that you'd let me." Beyonce shook her head with a cold chuckle. "Besides... I'm not in love with you." Beyonce whispered and Onika swallowed the knot forming in her throat because she knew that Beyonce didn't mean it. She couldn't possibly have meant it but it still hurt and it cut deep, really deep. The air between them was thick and heavy with silence. She shook her head as she felt a single tear roll down her cheek.
"You don't mean that." She whispered, her voice cracking. Beyonce kept her eyes forward as if she couldn't bear to even look at Onika. "Bey please. Please look at me and try saying that again." She pleaded and watched Beyonce swallow hard before hazel eyes shifted to look at her. She watched the pain flicker through them before Beyonce was taking a deep breath.
"I'm not in love with you."
They stared at each other for a few long moments and Onika watched as Beyoncé's eyes welled up with tears. She was sure it was because Beyonce could probably see her heart breaking into a thousand pieces right now. "Okay." She whispered defeated before she jumped down from the stage and on shaky legs slowly made her way towards the doors. She bit her lip to hold in the sob that wanted to make it's way up her throat and wiped her cheeks but the tears kept coming.
She walked a bit faster because she wanted to be as far away from Beyonce as possible when she finally broke down. She pushed the doors open and almost ran right into Candi who was coming in. "Nika."
"I'm sorry Candi!" She cut her off before quickly rushing down the hall. She didn't want to have another melt down in front of her either.
"Onika!" Candi yelled after her but the other girl was already half way down the hall. She sighed with a deep frown before she felt her anger build knowing only one person could make Onika cry like that. Beyonce. She turned quickly towards the school theater and swung the door open, ready to finally give Beyonce a piece of her mind but what she saw caused her to stop in her tracks and the anger to disappear completely.
Beyonce sat in the same spot with her hands over her mouth and nose as if she was trying to stop herself from making any sound as silent tears ran down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook slightly as she kept her eyes on the door. It was like Candi wasn't even standing there and all she could see was Onika walking away from her. Candi sighed as her shoulders slumped. Onika apparently wasn't the only one hurting, so was Beyonce.
"Bey." She sighed as she slowly made her way over to her. She'd deal with Beyonce now and then find Onika later.
"I'm letting her go" Beyonce outburst made her jump and she glanced towards the door were Beyonce was pointing before looking back tlat the other girl and continuing her walk towards her. "Because that's the right thing to do, right?" she asked and finally looked at Candi . "That's the right thing, isn't it?" She asked again, her voice going up a pitch and Candi quickly nodded her head as she sat down next to her were Onika once sat.
"Right." She nodded.
"Then why do I still feel like shit" Beyonce voice cracked as she wiped her tears away angrily. "I think I've made her cry a million times before but I think this time is the worst. She looked like I just took her heart out and beat it with a baseball bat." She shook her head at herself. "But I know it'll be the last time. I won't let her cry because of me again."
"What did you say to her?" Candi asked as she reached over to rub Beyoncé's back but a watery glare was sent her way the moment her hand made contact so she quickly pulled it back into her own lap.
"I basically told her we couldn't be friends anymore." She whispered as she quickly wiped away a fresh wave of tears. She buried her face into her hands as she rested her elbows on her lap. "God damn it I feel like I can't even breathe."
"Well why did you tell her that?"
"Because, Candi , I can't go back to just being her friend after all of this. It would never work. My feelings for her are too I just can't be friends with her right now, alright? I'd probably kill Aubrey if I had to see him be all over her. I can't deal with it and it's probably for the best if we aren't friends right now." Beyonce tried to explain.
Candi frowned as she took Beyonce in once more. She had never seen the other girl like this before. She was in tears, shoulders shaking with red eyes and a quivering voice. She didn't even know that Beyonce could shed tears. She was surprised that Beyonce was even allowing her to see her like this. It wasn't even this bad when she had broken up with Shawn and had asked Candi for help.
She really was in love with Onika.
She reached up and placed her hand on Beyoncé's shoulder and Beyonce didn't even bother to glare at her like last time. "You really do love her, don't you?" She whispered. She watched as Beyonce set her jaw and she blinked rapidly but didn't bother to answer the question. She kept her eyes forward, eyes on the door ahead of them before she released a heavy sigh.
"I just don't want to be the cause of her pain anymore." She mumbled with a shake of her head as she lowered it.