A few things became routine for me, which was nice, considering I hadn't had one for the longest. Helping Mr. Paul had become one. Yes, I knew I agreed to one Sunday, but that Sunday turned into a Monday morning, and a Tuesday. Before I knew it, I just made sure to stop by and help with boxes before I left for the coffee shop. Mr. Paul would remind me each time that a twenty, thirty, or forty was knocked off my rent. But after a few days, I hadn't thought of it as a way to help with rent. It was just a good thing to do.
As Brian said, I'm a good person.
And Brian... he became another routine. The walks home, well, that became a nightly thing. And after a few nights, I was used to it. I purposely waited at the door at the end of our shift, watching him sort through the cash and prepare the deposits to be taken in the morning. Once he was good and ready, he locked up the shop and walked me home.
After two months, it was nothing like the first walk. I wasn't nervous or fumbling, and I wasn't pink for no reason. Well, I mean, there were reasons, but you know.
Eventually, our walks became more fluid, and natural, as best friends would do. We also took our time, walked down different streets to add another minute or two to the walk. At first, I thought it was just me, but when he'd mentioned there was a pleasant park just two streets down I should see at night, I knew he purposely did it, too.
It was nice, and I admit, too nice. This was my boss. Yet, was I wrong not to care? The nights home were just walking, nothing else.
Right?
When we reached the park, I leaned against the cool, dark fence that separated the fence from the play yard. I watched the swings move on their own in the wind, and the small wheel by the slide spin slowly.
For a second, I wondered why I needed to see the park at night because it didn't seem special. It wasn't until the clouds finally parted and allowed the moon to shine its lights down on the park and its entirety. The metal that built the play yard seemed to glow, almost a bright blue. The trees themselves were shrouded in their own mesmerizing light. I almost expected fairies to come out from hiding.
Instead, a small paper waved in my face. Brian wiggled it when I didn't grab it. "This is yours. Thought I'd give it to you now before I forget."
It was a paper check, written in Rianne's handwriting, nice and neat—my pay for the week prior. To think, since I caught up on most of my bills and rent, I'd almost forgotten about it. Almost.
That's what happens when my bank account has an actual balance in it again, huh?
"Oh." I took it in my hands and folded it once. "Thank you."
"Welcome," he said, and leaned against the fence along with me. "Isn't this nice?"
"Yeah," I smiled, "how did you know to come out here at night?"
For a second, he smiled, paused, and looked away from me. I watched his eyes look around the trees and swings, then up at the moon. He seemed lost in his own world at that moment. I wondered how my simple question could send him so far away.
With my elbow, I bumped his arm gently. "Brian? Earth to Brian?"
"Hm?" He finally looked at me, the light gone from his eyes. I wanted to frown, but he smiled and said, "Remember when you asked me what I do for fun? I honestly like walking at night, just strolling through parks. When it's hot out, I walk along the beach for a while before heading home."
He sounded like the perfect bio written on dating websites: I like to walk through parks and take long strolls on the beach. Usually, those bios were paired with photos that were ten years old and when you'd meet the guy he'd put on twenty-three pounds—these were facts I knew from experience.
But, Brian... Brian would have been exactly like his photo, just as dreamy as the words beneath it.
Inside, I swooned and leaned my chin into the palm of my hand. "That sounds nice," I said.
"It is." H looked up at the moon again. "You should try it. It's calming."
"Walk on the beach at night?" I looked at him curiously.
He nodded. "Mhm."
His response left it open for a joke, and good o' Kay took the opening. I nudged him playfully and turned my back to the park, so my arms relaxed beside me. "I think I'll pass. I mean, you said it yourself, I can't walk alone at night. Pretty dangerous—" I leaned in close to him and whispered. "—all the spooky city monsters."
I didn't expect him to lean in, too, with his nose close to mine and his eyes half-lidded, suddenly bright in the moonlight. For a second, I forgot how to breathe. "I'll walk with you," he whispered back. "The spooky city monster can't get you."
Something inside me crashed and rolled, falling into my legs. They'd turned into boulders, heavy, and weighed me down harder than I ever thought possible. Pressing my arms hard into the fence, I fought to stand upright. "I-I mean, I was k-kidding, y-you don't have to walk with me on the beach."
"It's no problem." His breath was on my lips. "I want to."
Inside, I screamed. Oh God, what's happening? Is this happening? Is what I think is happening... happening? Think, think, think, Kay. Say something!
"Just let me know when you want to," Brian spoke before I could even muster the courage to mutter a single word. And with a push, he was off and away from the fence. Just too cool to stay all red and bothered like I was. I watched him adjust his jacket and motion back towards the street with that smile on his face.
His eyes said let's go.
But my legs said, oh God.
"It's too cool tonight, though. So, when it warms up, say the word, 'kay," he added.
The 'Kay,' had a double meaning—my name plus 'okay' rolled into one—and though it was cheesy, I couldn't help but think it was cute. Still, my legs wouldn't move towards Mr. Dreamy without some real effort. I had to hold my breath to walk.
When I reached him and followed him back towards our normal route, I said, "Sounds like a plan."
|||
The following Saturday afternoon sun shone brightly through Mr. Paul's shop window. With my elbow pressed against the glass counter, I stared at the cars zooming by outside. I counted them, too. A pink one, a blue one, and even a yellow one with birds on the window. It was easy to lose my head on a day like this—so bright, so beautiful.
But when Mr. Paul came through the door, sweat dripping down his face, he pointed at the clock on the wall with an apologetic look on his face. "Sorry I took so long, Kay," he said, hurrying over the counter with a box in his hands. He placed it down in front of me before sliding a handkerchief over his forehead. "I know you start work soon and—"
"Don't worry, Mr. Paul." Pulling the box he'd placed on the counter in my direction, I smiled at him. "I don't mind helping. It's not like I do anything else in the mornings. This has become my new—"
"New routine, yes yes." Mr. Paul laughed, shaking his head as he eyed the clock overhead. When he looked back at me, there was a shimmer in his dark eyes. "I truly appreciate everything you do, really, Kay."
Smiling, I leaned my chin down against the box as I relaxed. "Just go change or whatever it is you need to do," I said with a laugh. "I can wait the few extra minutes until you come back down."
"Right, right." Mr. Paul placed his handkerchief in his pocket as he made his way around the counter to walk through the backdoor. He stopped a second to look at me.
I thought he was going to ask the obvious, so I said, "I know, I know, it's the first." I waved my hand near my face. "I've already placed my smiley face envelope under your door."
Mr. Paul's mouth opened, then shut, but he laughed right after. "Oh, I know you've paid, Kay. But I meant about the box."
"Oh?" I leaned back, looking down at the cardboard box in my hands. "What is it?"
"It's nothing," Mr. Paul said as he disappeared into the backroom. I could still hear him, muffled, as he said, "But he should be here any second. Just be sure he grabs it, okay?"
Okay? I wasn't sure who he was, but I was also sure there weren't many men who came into the shop looking for boxes. And if he didn't make it as quickly as Mr. Paul said, then Mr. Paul would just be the one to give it to him. Because I looked at the time, too, and shit.
I'm late.
The second hand on the clock moved slowly. Slow-ly. I swore the cars outside moved faster than the time. My dad was always someone to complain about hours wasted, and time moving like turtles. Jun would argue back that life was, well, life and sometimes long days were something we'd have to deal with.
I need to text Jun later and complain about today. I pressed my hand against the side of my jeans, feeling for my phone. He'll probably think it's funny.
"All right, Kay, I'm sorry." Mr. Paul hurried out of the back, buttoning a different shirt together over his chest. For a second, I blinked, because I thought he'd at least go to his apartment to get a shirt. I wasn't one to go in the backroom much, but I had no idea he just had clothes there. Curiosity told me to try to look.
But Mr. Paul frantically pointing at the clock reminded me I didn't have the time.
"Right." Reaching for my purse, I hurried out from around the counter to leave. I looked back at Mr. Paul. "I'll come back tomorrow morning," I said to him as I walked back towards the door, smiling. "So, if you need help with anything else, leave some of them for me, okay?"
"Of course, Kay." Mr. Paul grabbed the box he'd placed down. "Now hurry on."
"Okay, okay." I lifted my hands, turned around, ready to rush out of the door and hurry down the street towards the coffee shop. I didn't expect to bump into a person who walked into the shop right when I tried to leave. My face pressed into the firm chest of a man who smelled like old spice. When I stumbled back and looked up, I couldn't even see his eyes. He wore sunglasses.
The older man glanced at me, eyebrows raised over the rim of his dark glasses, before looking over at Mr. Paul. "Sorry I'm late, Paul. Had a rough morning... meetings with degenerates. Are the documents in order?" he asked without acknowledging me or apologizing.
I mean, I could've been in the wrong, but still... rude.
"All here." Mr. Paul gave the box a small smack as I moved out of the way for the man to approach the counter. "Had them scanned and faxed over, too. Everything should be in order."
"Good." The man moved his glasses up on top of his head before glancing at me. Even with the bright sunlight, his eyes were dark as night. "Sorry to have bumped into you," he said to me.
Nodding, I gulped and pressed myself against the door. At least he apologized. "No worries," I said to him, then glanced at Mr. Paul, "See you tomorrow!" I said with a wave.
When he waved back, I hurried out of the shop and rushed down the sidewalk. Fast steps. Slow run. I tried to focus on my destination and not the time. But my phone buzzed in my pocket, over and over and over. And I just knew it was Brian. I was late. I should've clocked in by now.
Without thinking, as I crossed the street, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and quickly answered the incoming call. "Brian, I swear I'm almost there, I—"
"Brian?" It wasn't Brian's voice on the other line. And I stopped in the middle of the street. "Who's Brian? I finally get you on the phone and you think I'm another guy? The fuck, Kay?"
One glance at my phone only confirmed the call wasn't my boss, but my ex. I thought I could die as I stood there, frozen, silent because I was on a good streak of ignoring his every attempt at conversation. Yet, as a car honked at me, telling me to move, I knew that streak was over.
"What do you want, Mario?" I asked him as I hurried across the street. I was just a block away from work and I knew if I got there fast enough, I could easily hang up on him. If I could do it to my mom, I knew doing it to him wouldn't be a problem.
"Well, to talk to you." Mario's laugh was forced. I could hear the irritation in the tone of it. "I mean, how many times do I have to tell you I miss you?"
"None, actually." I reached the bookshop. Freedom was etched into its window in the form of the sun's rays and Jade's eager, bright smile. I glanced at the window before letting my hand settle on the door. The bookstore is my safe place. Books are my happy place. "I'd prefer if you didn't call me at all."
Mario snorted on the other end of the phone as I stepped inside. Jade came in my direction but stopped when she saw me on the phone. She raised her hands apologetically, but I shook my head. I sort of gave her a silent please save me.
She didn't go back to her desk.
"How many times have you broken up with me before, hm? You run back each time. Think leaving town can keep me from you? I mean, come on, Kay."
I counted each second, anger building up inside me.
"You know you miss me," Mario added. "Just tell me where you are so I can come say hi, hm?"
Red flashed across my eyes. The color was my emotions, anger, betrayal. I was just seeing red at the sound of his voice. I ground my teeth, clenched my jaw, and counted those last few seconds until Jade slowly approached me and placed her hands on my shoulders. "Are you okay?" she whispered.
"So, you're not going to say anything, Kay? Come on. I know you're cute when you're silent, but jeez."
Looking into Jade's eyes, I felt a sense of peace.
"Kay?" Mario tried to grab my attention.
I took in a deep breath. "Gotta go, Mario. Bye."
|||
I didn't give him the chance to say anything else. Once I hung up the phone, I practically dropped it, a small part of me wanting to scream. But Jade saw it; saw it all. Her thumbs rubbed small circles into my shoulders. "Woah, woah, breathe, okay?" she said.
I chuckled under my breath. I was trembling; I knew it. "I'm breathing."
Jade continued to rub my shoulders as she laughed. There was something about the sound of it, the kindness, that made me smile. And that made her laugh even more. "Was that your boyfriend?"
"Boyfriend?" My head shot up. "Oh, God, no, no. It was..." Can I tell her? "It was... my ex. Not a boyfriend."
"Oh..." Jade nodded slowly before letting me go. "Well, that's ugh. That's better than my original thought."
"Thought?" I followed Jade to her desk as she tapped ignore on the call that'd started on the shop's phone. "What was your original thought?"
"Well..." Jade sat on the edge of her desk and crossed her arms. Despite the frustrating call I'd just had, the smirk she gave me seemed to push that all away. Though, I wasn't prepared when she said, "I see you walking with your boyfriend every night now and I thought—"
"Boyfriend?" Quickly, I shook my head.
"I mean..." Jade shrugged. "I see you now and you're brighter, happier, glowing! Well, not right now." She cringed. "Or when I first saw you. No offense."
"I... I...." She said I was walking with a boyfriend. The only person I'd been walking with was...
Oh, snap.
"Wait, wait." I shook my head again as I laughed. "You mean..." Brian? "He isn't my boyfriend."
Jade leaned in close, then dropped her voice to a whisper. "That cute guy I see you walking with isn't your boyfriend?"
My mouth opened, then shut.
"Okay." Jade stood directly in front of me. "Who is the really cute guy you've been walking with? At night? So close?"
I think nervousness made me laugh because no part of me found it funny. "How did you—"
"I close sometimes, remember?" She wiggled her brows. "I think I've seen you guys, I don't know, a few Fridays now—not that I'm stalking or anything. But, I close up shop and catch you guys looking inside, then walk away from each other all giggly and laughing. Poo, it's so cute."
My shoulders went up to my ears as my hands forced themselves into the back pocket of my jeans. I should've asked, 'Why are you watching me?' yet, all of my anger and frustrations went out the window. I felt like a schoolgirl. "Are we cute?"
"Oh, super cute!" Jade dipped her head back as she laughed. "When did this start? It's so honeymoon, I love it."
Honeymoon? I shook my head fast and laughed. "No, no, no. It can't be a honeymoon phase. We're not dating."
Oh, if Jade's jaw could hit the floor. It tried, believe me. "What?" Her arms slumped down onto her legs. "You're not even dating?"
"No, he's just a friend," I said.
"Just a friend?" Jade's hands went up above her head.
I laughed. "Well, really, he's my boss."
Like that, her head shot up fast enough to break her neck. Like when I first came into the shop to escape my phone call, Jade's hands returned to my shoulders. Only this time, it wasn't calming or soothing. She shook me. "Noooooo—" She drew out that 'o' for as long as her breath would let her. "—bosses are dangerous territory."
I lifted my brows. "How so?"
"Uh, bosses—" She pretended to write on invisible paper. "—you know, the ones who sign your checks."
Actually, Rianne signed the checks.
"We're friends," I insisted.
Jade folded her arms across her chest and began to pace. Left, right, left right—she rubbed her chin slowly with just two fingers. Occasionally, she'd look at me with a side glance, and I found myself looking at the clock above her wall.
I'm really late.... Crap.
"Okay, well—" Jade threw her arms up in the air. "—dangerous or not, it is making you happy, I won't lie. I don't even know you and I can see that. And after that call you just had, sounds like you need it."
"Friends," I insisted on the word again.
"Right, friends, shmends. Here." Jade grabbed my hand and with the pen in her bun, she wrote out what looked like her phone number. "Text me, call me, so I can help. Or, if you get a call from Mr. Ex-boyfriend and need to vent, I got you. Or, if you don't want help or need to vent, we can gossip. I like gossip. I'm lying..." Awkwardly, she laughed. "We'll just chat. Late-night texting's cool, it's just me and my cat."
She spoke so fast I couldn't even respond, and when she closed my hand and placed her pen back in its placeholder, I couldn't move.
"So, what do you say?" she asked, blinking at me.
Opening my palm, I read her number three times in my head before lifting just my eyes. "How about... I text you at ten?"
"Awesome!" Jade dropped in her chair beside her desk and rolled towards a box that sat a few feet away from us. She lifted two books in her hand before smiling back at me. "We're friends, then. Just send a smiley with your text, so I know it's you. Tell your boss I said hi."
"I... will?" I inched back towards the door.
She waved one book at me, laughing a little louder than before. "I. Am. Joking. Have a good day, Kay."
I pulled open the shop's front door. "Thanks!" Because I need it. "You, too, Jade!" And I don't think I've ever run fast enough.