Sneaking out of Henry's house was almost impossible. He hadn't specifically told me that I had to sneak out, but telling me to go out a window in the spare room and climb down the latticework on the side of his house kind of gave me the hint.
I was about halfway when my mind decided 'hey Bella, lets look down at the ground below us' and I immediately started to freak out.
"Why is it so damn far?" I say to myself, feel my grip become week on the framework. As my lattice what close to a ladder and generally easy to climb, this seemed so hard and I don't know if it was my panic that made me think that or that face that it was genuinely hard.
"Bella, you doing okay?" I heard a voice say from below. I look down again and see Henry standing there.
"Uh, y-yeah. I'm perfectly f-fine." I stutter, worried that my hands will lose grip or my feet would slip.
I think Henry could sense my panic. "It's okay, one step at a time. You're doing great." His voice was quiet and cautious as to not bother his mother who was still inside and clearly didn't like visitors in her house.
"I promise you're almost there. If you take another 5 steps, you can free fall into my arms. I promise I'll catch you."
"Are you joking!?" I say as if the kid was crazy. Did he want me to die? Was that the mysterious kids plan the whole time? After everything I had been through I honestly wouldn't be that surprised if that was my next trouble
"Just trust me." Henry's voice was stern and serious again as I continued to slowly climb down those 5 steps.
"If you drop me I swear-"
"Bella, I won't. It just saves the the extra climbing that you already seem to be struggling with." He assures me.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "Here goes nothing" I mumble to myself. I slowly let go of the lattice and feel myself fall for at least 5 seconds before I (thankfully) land into Henry's arms.
"See, it was all about trust." He says, placing me on the ground, "I wouldn't have dropped you."
"Something tells me I'm not the first person you've had to sneak out the window before." I suggest, straightening out my clothes.
"Nope. And you're not the first girl either. You all get to a certain point and the struggle bugs me so I came up with the free fall method so you could all get to the bottom quicker. We don't have time to waste here." He shrugs, his iconic smirk planted on his face.
"Has anyone ever told you you're an asshole?" I question, placing my hands on my hips.
"Only you on a daily basis." Henry grins, ruffling my hair.
I fix my hair, "Hmm. funny that."
He lets out a laugh and leads me down the path to the side gate where he opens it up and lets me through before him. We walk to his car where he finally doesn't seem as cautious anymore.
"She's in the basement now." Henry says as he opens my door. It was as if he could read my mind.
"How do you know?"
"Well, that's where our alcohol stash is. As I'm sure you probably heard whilst trying to get out the window, we had another blow out and that happens everytime I want to leave the house after a certain time and I know after that she goes down to the basement and drinks, regretting a lot. It's a cycle."
Henry speaks as if it's no big deal that his mother treats him like this. I open my mouth to speak, more so to say some words of support but he cuts me off.
"I really don't want to speak about how messed up my mum is or the situation of our relationship. Let's just drop it and move on." He closes my door and walks around to the drivers side. "Oh, and please don't go talking about this to Jayden. He has his own stuff to deal with."
I gesture a zipper movement along my lips to signify I wouldn't say a word to anyone, despite the fact that I probably would.
Henry laughs at my gesture and shakes his head, putting his car into reverse and backing out of the driveway, starting the journey to Jayden.
Throughout the drive, my head was working a million miles per hour. So much had happened in one afternoon, non of which I really wanted to talk about to anyone except my brothers.
I rest my head upon the window and tried to forget everything I had seen and heard whilst at Henry's house.
* * *
At the library, I didn't focus on anything that I should have been focusing on. I spent majority of my time researching my lost relationship.
"B, you really need to do some work" Jayden points out, peaking over my shoulder at my laptop.
"I have done some, I just- I need to know about him." I defend.
Jayden opens his mouth to speak again, but is cut off by Henry. "Guys, do you mind if we head off now? I've had enough."
Henry had been pretty silent the whole night, not really helping with chem when I'd ask questions, and mainly just writing some essay. I knew something else was obviously ticking in his mind.
Jayden looks at me and then back to Henry, "Uh, sure. You right man?"
Henry nods, packing up his books and laptop. Jayden and I follow his lead and do the same, cautiously following him out of the library.
I could feel he wanted to blow up.
As we approached Henry's car, I felt my phone vibrate in my hand.
Luke: 'Are you coming home tonight?'
I sigh and reply back with a no.
"Right, so I'll drop Jayden and then Bella" Henry says as he switches on the ignition.
"Actually, drop me first. I'm going to stay at Josh's tonight." I inform him, knowing that Josh's apartment was closer to the library than Jayden's house was.
Without a question Henry nods his head and backs out of the parking spot, allowing the car ride to once again be completely silent.
Outside the complex I say a quick goodbye to Jayden and Henry, "Take care boys. I'll see you Monday."
"You too." Henry offers me a weak smile.
"Laters B." Jayden beams, completely unaware with both situations that had unfolded this afternoon.
I wave them off before heading to Josh's apartment on the third floor. I knock three times and await the opening of the door.
I absolutely had not told him I was coming over.
However, the look on Josh's face didn't replicate the one I had imagined in my mind.
"You don't look very surprised to see me.." I state.
"Luke called me." he said, opening the door wider for me to enter. I sighed as I did so, walking straight to Josh's room and collapsing onto his bed.
Josh crawled onto the bed beside me, allowing me to cuddle up to him. "Wanna tell me what happened?"
"Oh, Luke didn't tell you that?" I huff.
"B, don't get snappy." Josh calms me, combing his fingers through my hair.
"Josh, you don't get it. They took it too far." I roll over and prop myself up onto my elbows so I can look at him properly.
"Well, run me through what happened."
Before starting to speak, I thought about the situation. The blade and the hiding it in my jeans pocket, I realised I had to tell that to Josh before I could get to the real problem. Oh god.
"Promise me first that you won't get mad with what I say." I hesitate. I could already feel my heart beating and fear running through my veins just thinking about how he may react.
"I swear I will not overreact if that's what you are worried about." He holds out his pinky, waiting for me to interlock mine and form a lovely pinky promise.
A pinky promise that would probably mean nothing in about 5 minutes.
"A few days ago when I was going to the library with Henry, I went to grab a sweater out of my cupboard. The sweater being up high meant I had to stand right up against the cupboard and when I did so, I felt something sharp sitting under my foot. I obviously jumped back in pain and that's when I found a blade."
I watched the colour practically drain from Josh's face. That in itself made my heart completely sink.
I continued, "As I picked it up, I realised what it was and realised it must have been left there from a...previous time. Anyway, I didn't really know what I was going to do with it and when I heard someone come into my room, I freaked and just slid it into the pocket of my jeans."
The silence was piercing. I didn't realise how much this would suck to talk about.
However, Josh broke the silence. "Before you continue, just tell me this isn't going to end in a terrible way."
I shake my head, "It doesn't end how you probably are thinking. I promise."
Josh nods for me to continue.
"So I came home this afternoon and Beau informed me he had washed my jeans and found the blade. Thus began the interrogation of why it was there etc etc.. And I found that reasonable. I was able to explain it and assure them all it was a misunderstanding."
"So, what happened?" Josh asks, confused.
I sighed, "They asked to see my arms."
"And how did you react to that?"
I stare at Josh, "Um, how do you think I reacted? If I had acted well, I don't think I would be here right now."
"Bella." His voice is so stern that it forces me to think about it.
"You have something else to say here so what is it?" I huff, sitting up and crossing my legs. Josh sits up as well.
"B, you gotta see it from the perspective of your brothers. I think they know that they've fucked up in the past. They know that they probably weren't the best at being there for you and being around to help you control this. They don't want you to fall bad. I do believe that they went about it the wrong way, but I guess they just want to see that you're okay. They want to know that you're doing fine and not falling backwards."
"The way they went about it was just so..."
"Just so what?" Josh questions when I trail off.
"Confronting?"
Josh places his hand on my knee and that's when I begin to cry. He leans forward and wraps his arms around me, kissing the top of my head.
"I-I know that self harm is a big part of my past a-and that they don't like that I did it, but just asking me so straight out like that i-it really hit a spot that I hadn't thought that hard about in a long time. And a-apart of me wishes they had asked me that when self harm was a constant thing, not when I've just spent half of my year in hospital for it." I speak through sobs.
Josh wipes the tears from under my eyes, catching each one that rolls down my cheek.
"Bells, you know this is what you need to be telling them right?"
I sigh, "I know."
"Did you want me to come with you to talk to them?" he asks, holding on tightly to my hand.
I nod slowly.
"Tonight?"
I shake my head, "Please not tonight. I just want to be here with you."
Josh offers me a weak smile and pulls me towards him, bringing us to a tight embrace and allowing us to fall back into our original position; me safe in his arms.
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Well well well, ya girl is back (again).
Honestly, I was so excited to write this chapter and then next thing you know it's kinda just chillin here with no purpose.
The ending is pretty all over the place, but that okay - isn't that what all my books are?
Hope y'all have a fab day/night!
~ Sarah xx