I getting my dress for the Brit Awards fitted, making me excited to walk the red carpet.
There was another reason to be excited for the awards; I was up for an award.
Best British Breakthrough Act.
However, I was getting hate for it on Twitter, since I'm not technically British. Although I am under a British label, which was the whole point.
I walked into a store that had vintage looking gowns, inspired by classic Hollywood actresses. When originally looking for a gown, I was about to give up when I found this store.
Luckily there was already an outfit planned for my performance.
As I was getting ready to try my dress on, I saw Louis and Harry standing there, getting their tuxes fitted. When I told them about this place I didn't think they'd come here for their own attire.
"Hey guys"
They smiled and immediately ran up to me, making the stylist mad.
"We heard you got nominated for a Brit!" Louis said, happily.
I nodded and Harry eyed the bag "Could it be that this is the high and mighty dress that will stun everyone?"
"Well I don't know about stun, but yeah it's my dress. Can you tell me how it looks on?"
They nodded and followed me to the dressing room.
I got into the changing booth and started changing
"I've put on some weight, so just keep that in mind" I said, nervous as the dress hugged my body.
I slipped on a pair of black heels and walked out, worried about what they'd think.
Their reactions made me nervous "What does it look bad?"
"Liam is going to be speechless" Harry said.
"It's not for Liam, it's for me"
"And you look stunning in that dress" Louis said.
I moved over to the huge mirrors, turning to my side and analyzing everything about my appearance. I sucked in my stomach, trying to feel better.
"Don't do that" Louis lectured.
"Please don't be insecure about your weight now, because like always you look beautiful" Harry said.
"Guys have you not noticed the massive weight gain?" I asked.
"What the two pounds?" Louis asked.
"More like fifteen"
"Gracie you look beautiful" Louis said.
Harry nodded.
"So I don't look a cow without the spots?" I asked.
"I should hit you on the head for that little disparaging remark" Louis said.
"Gracie?" Harry asked.
I turned to him and Louis and nodded.
"We've noticed you've been really down and we think you're depressed" Harry said, while Louis nodded, lightly.
I was worried at first that Zayn had told them, but he wouldn't break a promise.
"I'm fine" I said, smoothing out my dress.
"Gracie, don't lie to us. Are you depressed?" Louis asked.
"Even if I was I'd handle it"
"We think you should tell Liam" Harry said.
"Even if I was, which I'm not. I wouldn't tell Liam, because he won't talk to me and I'm doing what he wants, even if that means my heart gets shattered in the process"
They looked down, knowing they weren't getting anywhere.
"You're going to be amazing at the awards" Harry said.
I smiled and looked in the mirror one last time "Thanks"I said.
I went back to the changing room and they went to get out of their tuxes. I changed out of the dress, praying I wouldn't gain anymore weight before the awards. Last thing I need is my dress ripping while going through the interview process.
I put the dress back in the zip up back and walked to the front counter to pay for it.
Harry and Louis soon followed with their tuxes.
We paid for our things and left the store. We started walking to a small coffee shop when I finally asked
"Is Liam okay?" I asked.
Harry and Louis sighed.
"Honestly he's a wreck" Louis said.
"He won't admit it though since he's 'Daddy Direction' and feels the need to look after everyone but himself" Harry said.
Maybe I should talk to him. I'd be breaking the awkward silence and maybe we could even be friends again, or at least acquaintances.
---
After returning home I put my dress on my bedroom door and opened up my laptop.
I got on Twitter and saw that the fourth trending hashtag was my name. I clicked it and looked at everything people were saying.
Why couldn't all of this end?
Some people were defending me, but it was mostly hate.
'She's such a fake, a wannabee, easy to replace, pretending to be a perfect girl, has a hollow heart for breaking two sex god hearts, acting like I'm living in a make believe world that's all about me, constantly putting on a show for everyone, if I disappeared no one would miss me, and it just continued like that.
I felt my eyes water as I saw a gif that showed me shoveling burgers down my throat in some weird animation.
It showed me eating and getting bigger with the title "When is she going to worry about the calories"
I'm already insecure about the weight thing and that just made it like a million times worse.
I wasn't going to go and starve myself or anything like that, but it hurt.
I called Zayn and he answered on the first ring "Gracie?" he asked.
"Can you come over?"
"Yeah I'll be over soon"
I hung up and looked as all the rude comments were getting hundreds of favorites and retweets.
I pulled out my songbook and started writing.
Everything they say is going to be performed on live television and they'll see that I'm rising above from it. I'm not letting these people get the best of me.
They don't even know the damn story for crying out loud!
I called Darren and waited for him to answer.
"Hello?"
"Darren,. I want to change songs for the awards" I said.
"Okay which song?" he asked.
"It's a new one. It's called 'Who Am I Fooling' " I said.
"Okay we'll hear it in the studio tomorrow and work on it. You sound passionate about it" he said with a laugh.
"You have no idea"
"Is that it?"
"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow"
"Bye"
I put my phone down and looked at the Twitter screen.
There was already two hundred and thirty- two new tweets that was trending with my name. I quickly shut my laptop and pushed it aside.
The doorbell rang and I went to get it.
"Hey, is everything okay?"
"How do you ignore rude comments from people?"
"By reading the more positive ones, why?"
I handed him my song book and he sat down on the couch as he read it.
I tapped my nails on the arm of the couch, waiting for him to finish.
"Is this what people are saying about you?" he asked.
I nodded and he set the songbook down
"Who's saying it?" .
"That's not important. What do you think of the lyrics?" I asked.
"In a depressing way it's good"
"Good because I'm performing that at the awards" I said, with a smirk.
"That, that is the song you're performing?" he sighed "Gracie, how much hate are you getting?"
"I told you it doesn't matter, what does matter is that their tweets are going to good use" I said.
"So it's on Twitter?" he asked, pulling his phone out.
Dammit.
"He pulled up his Twitter app and stopped once he saw the trending topics.
"Why is your name number two on the trending list?" he asked, mad.
"Because people are just so lovely" I said, sarcastically.
He began typing on his phone and then handing me his phone once updating his Twitter.
Please quit trending horrible things about Gracie Dixon. She is one of my best mates and it hurts to see you guys saying these things..
"Please just ignore all of that. And that gif of you eating, it disgust me that a directioner would mention you in that" he said, shaking his head.
"Don't worry about it, because when I perform the new song, they're going to regret saying it since the lyrics are directly from their tweets"
"Good for you"
Zayn and I were never really that close, but now he's like my brother and I'm glad we're close, because he's amazing and he's helped me a lot since finding out about the antidepressants.
"Honestly I can't wait for the performance"
"Neither can I. Neither can" I said, sitting back against the couch.