It's peaceful when I wake up the next morning. Luca isn't lying beside me as he would normally be. The bed is made at his side, mobile phone and watch missing from the bedside table where I've come to learn are always on standby in case he needs either of them at any time of the day. There's no sound of Louisa running down the stairs singing a random song that always has me waking up with a smile.
Simply put, it's a calm household . . . even if it is for the time being.
I don't rush to get ready for work because I'm not as eager to get there like I would if I was back in London. I can't stand the thought of sitting in a room with Nadia again and having to listen to her plan a party for Louisa she thinks is going to happen.
She'll go on and on about every aspect of the party like she knows Louisa – even though she doesn't. She'll suggest yet another crazy theme that she thinks Louisa will like but I've come to know that she doesn't. She'll then go on about having a four-tier birthday cake for only a grand total of three people to eat because she only wants herself, Finn and Louisa at the party. She'll talk openly about Louisa like she's always been in her life and that will be the moment that I'll snap.
That will be the moment I will have to explain to my boss why I can't be a part of any of this event. I will have to tell Jackie the whole truth about Nadia and Luca. I'll have to tell her that Nadia is only using her company because it's a way to get at Luca by using me to drive a wedge between us so she can get Louisa back. Everything will be torn to shreds and it'll all be my fault for not speaking up sooner.
My boss will most likely end up losing one of the biggest contracts she's ever gotten. As soon as we return to London, I'll be hauled into her office and she'll go off on one at me for not telling her sooner about Nadia and how I know her. I won't get a word in because Jackie will be too angry to hear me out it will leave her with no other choice but to . . .
I don't let my train of thought get to the end of that sentence because it's not good. It's never good when you have this amount of time to think things over. It always ends with good thoughts turning bad and bad turning to your worst nightmare.
Suddenly, my right hand moves to my white blouse and I pinch the front of it and try to fan myself to cool down. I feel like I'm burning up and my breathing quickens. I have a tingling sensation in my fingers and I frantically look around the bedroom for some way to help relieve myself of this sudden feeling.
"Lu . . . Lu . . . Luca . . ." I gasp, moving to sit on the end of the bed. "L-"
"Kaylee?" Louisa's soft voice questions.
I look over to the opened bedroom door where Louisa is standing. I gasp frantically for air and signal for her to get someone.
She turns on the spot and screams at the top of her lungs, "Daddy! Daddy, it's Kaylee!" She runs to my side and jumps onto the bed, a hand falling onto my back. "It'll be alright, Kaylee. My daddy is coming."
"Louisa," Luca's voice calls out, followed by the sound of footsteps rushing up the stairs. "Louisa, what's happening? Kaylee."
"Luca, what is it?" Nick's voice follows.
"I don't know."
A hand slams onto the bedroom door, pushing it further open, and Luca rushes into the room with a panicked look on his face that's contorted with concern. He falls to his knees in front of me, hands falling onto the sides of my thighs.
"Kaylee, look at me." Luca instructs.
I look at him.
"Breathe."
I try.
"Breathe with me."
I try my hardest.
"Luca, what-" Nick tries to ask again, stepping into the bedroom.
"She's having a panic attack," Luca tells him.
"I'll get your mother."
"Is Kaylee going to be alright, daddy?" Louisa asks.
"I hope so, sweetheart. Why don't you go to your playroom and grandpa will be there soon to keep you company."
"But-" Louisa tries to protest.
"Louisa, please."
"No."
"Now!" Luca roars.
Louisa doesn't protest again, choosing to do what she's told and leave the room the same time Nick returns with Jane. Jane walks in like she's in work mode and shoos Luca away. She sits next to me and takes my free hand in hers.
"Kaylee, listen to me." She begins. I look at her. "You're having a panic attack and I need you to take deep breaths. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in and a slow breath out."
I do as she says without hesitation.
"Think of a happy place. Imagine you're there and focus on your breathing at the same time."
I think of being back home away from everything that's turning into a complete disaster here. I think of happy times with Allison who I have yet to have a proper talk with in regards to my engagement. I think of my family and all the laughs we've had. Then I think back to the day Luca came back into my life and all the good things that have happened to me since he became a part of my life again.
All the things he's planned for us that I wouldn't be able to do if it weren't for him. All the things he's shown and given me that I wouldn't have afforded to have or to do. All of the happiness he's brought back into my life and that's what sticks in my mind. People may cringe at hearing us say that we bring out the best in each other but we do. We always did and we always will. We've gone through so much and it's only made us stronger.
What is going on with Nadia will make us stronger. Nothing will be the same but I know everyone will come out the end of this fight stronger than what we were when went into it.
I'm certain of it.
I just don't know why I've let it get to me all of a sudden. I've never had a panic attack before so this is new for me. I've never let someone get so into my head that it's had me questioning everything and everyone around me. I've always been strong and it's not because I've had to be, but because I am. I've always been the one who worked hard for what I wanted and appreciated what I had when I got it.
It's just Nadia.
Everyone told me to not her get to me but I've failed. I've let her get to me so she's won. She's won and hardly did anything to do so. She was only starting with me and she's won. I let her win when I shouldn't have. I've been too focused on helping Luca keep his head straight that I didn't think of my own. I brought all of this on myself but if it were that easy, it would have happened the first day I met her.
"Kaylee," Luca's voice says softly.
I open my eyes and stare at Luca who cups the side of my face and smiles. A smile that tells me everything I need to know despite no words being said – Nadia hasn't won . . . yet.
Her ultimate prize may be Louisa but her definitive goal is Luca. She wants him but I won't let that happen. She can think everything and anything she wants but I'm not going to let her get the one thing I've gotten back in my life after wishing so hard to get back.
She's not getting the benefit of knowing that she's getting to me and she sure as hell isn't getting my fiancé.
"You're okay," Luca whispers. His thumb brushes over my cheek. "I'm here."
I take a few more deep breathes and remove my hand from my blouse to grasp Luca's hand that's still on my thigh. "Thank you."
He flashes me a tight smile.
"Kaylee, I have to ask," Jane starts, "but has that ever happened to you before?"
I shake my head.
"Not even once before now?"
"No. Never."
"Alright." She gets to her feet and runs her hands down the front of her black pencil dress and pulls at the sides of her red blazer. "If you don't mind, Kaylee, I'd like to schedule you in for a session with myself to talk a few things over."
"Mother, I don't think that is necessary." Luca responds, looking up at her.
"Considering what we're all facing, I think it is. It will help to talk about what's going to happen and how-"
"Which Kaylee can do with me."
"With all due respect, Luca, but you are not qualified to handle a situation as delicate as this one."
Luca gets to his feet and stares at his mum. "I am her fiancé."
"And I am the trained psychologist who has years of experience in this matter." Her hands go to her hips. "Plus, I want to help my future daughter-in-law through this mess that has been created which involves every member of this family."
"That may be so but she is still my fiancé and even though I am grateful for your offer, Kaylee and I will talk to each other and no one else."
"Luca, you-"
"And if the time comes that we need your professional expertise," Luca shouts over her with a single hand raised to silence her, "we will ask for it."
Jane draws her lips in and presses down on them firmly. "Fine." She looks past Luca and down to me. "My office door is open to you at any time if you need to talk." She looks back at Luca. "Both of you."
Luca nods. Jane mirrors his simple action before walking out the bedroom, closing the door over slightly.
"Luca, I'm-" I start but Luca cuts me off.
"You're not going to work today," he tells me while walking off to the dressing room.
"Luca, I have to." I respond weakly. "It's my job."
He returns moments later, slipping his charcoal suit jacket on over his white shirt. "I don't care."
"Luca," I say more firmly, getting up off the bed.
"You had a panic attack, Kaylee."
"Which I'm over now."
"That was caused by Nadia getting in your head." His hands move to fix the collar of his shirt as he stands in front of the mirror. "Who says you won't have another one when you get to work and she starts spurting out a load of nonsense that you can't handle?" He turns and looks at me. "No one will be there to help you get through that like there was just now."
"Jackie is a first aider," I mutter as a joke but it doesn't go down too well as a joke.
"This isn't funny, Kaylee."
"I know it's not but what else am I supposed to do?" I finally snap.
I've had enough of being treated like I'm weak after having a panic attack. I need to get through to Luca and if that means getting into an argument right now, so be it.
"Today is the first day of a long road for us and if I can't laugh I'll cry." I admit freely. "None of this is how I wanted to spend the first few weeks of my engagement. None of this is how I wanted to spend any of my time and yet, here we are going head-to-head with your bitch of an ex who is hell-bent on getting revenge for something that happened years ago. So, Luca, I am sorry if I want to joke about something right now but it's going to be the only thing that will get me through this whole thing in a somewhat decent state of mind."
Luca doesn't respond. I can see his jaw set but he makes no attempt to respond to my sudden outburst. I know he doesn't have a comeback to my words and I don't blame him. I don't think I would have a response to my words if I were in his shoes.
"I don't have time for this," he finally says. He turns and makes a move to leave the bedroom. "I'll be back around six. There's an outfit the dressing room for you to wear tonight."
"Really? That's the end of this conversation? You're not even going to retaliate? You're just going to walk away like it never happened?" I question.
I fold my arms over my chest and shake my head.
Luca stops walking and rolls his shoulders back. "I'm not going to retaliate because then I would be running even later to an important meeting with my lawyers to deal with the mess I have brought upon my family." He looks over his shoulder at me. "I'll see you tonight."
"Maybe," I say, letting it be known how pissed off at him I am.
"Fine." He turns away from me and shakes his head. "Just know that I love you nonetheless."
I groan in frustration after Luca disappears from sight and continue trying to get ready for work without overthinking what may happen today.
Spending my entire working day scouring New York looking for party venues with Oscar was better than I imagined it could be. I didn't even need to enter the Bailey Tech offices or go anywhere near the building when I got the phone call saying I'd be out looking at venues. I could have jumped and screamed for joy when I heard those words from Oscar.
It was just the excuse we both needed to skive and spend the day doing almost nothing. It was also exactly what I needed to take my mind off of the tense morning I had with Luca and the panic attack I had.
Now it's just gone six o'clock at night and I'm standing in the living room wearing the outfit Luca left for me to wear. I debated for a long time over whether or not I was going to go out with Luca tonight or not, considering how we left things earlier but I went with it. I wasn't going to sit around this house and sulk when I can be with Luca and we can talk about what happened.
We need to have a major discussion about where we go from here. We both need to know where we stand with each other because if we're not thinking along the same lines, I don't think I'll be able to stay here in New York a moment longer.
I can't keep putting on a poker face when it comes to things with Nadia. It's not right. Neither of us should have to hide how we're truly feeling when it comes to what's happening. It's not good for either of us or for anyone that comes into contact with us.
"You're looking beautiful tonight, Kaylee." Nick compliments as he steps into the house. He keeps the front door open and gestures for me to leave. "Luca is waiting outside in his car."
"No Carlo or Jones tonight to escort us about?" I query.
I slip my jacket on and walk to Nick.
"Luca has given them the night off," he smiles.
Of course, he would.
"Go easy on him, Kaylee." Nick advises. He glances outside then sighs. "Things are getting tenser and all of us turning on each other is the last thing we need."
I glance out to the parked up Audi Q8 that Luca is standing next to while looking down at his phone. He's dressed in a black three-piece suit, the top two buttons of his white shirt undone. He's standing like he isn't sure if I'll come out to meet him but I will. I'm just going to take my time in walking to him and let him sweat a little into thinking I'm not coming.
"We need to talk things through." I step outside and Luca looks up at me. "Talk a lot of things through."
"But overall, enjoy your night." Nick finishes and closes the front door.
I walk down the steps to Luca, holding the bottom of my dress up so I don't trip and fall. Luca locks his phone and slides it into his inside jacket pocket. He turns and opens the passenger door for me, and I get into the car with a small smile on my face that has Luca smiling too.
Luca moves quick, getting into the driver's seat and driving off at speed like he's done this plenty of times. I settle into the leather seat and watch the world go by like a blur as Luca manoeuvres through the traffic like he's in a rush.
Music is playing quietly in the background as we journey further and further out of the city with each turn we take. The traffic becomes less of a worry for Luca to get around, showcasing what his flashy car was built for when we reach the motorway. The first song I hear playing is George Maple's Kryptonite before I zone out and focus more on the work emails I haven't checked or responded to since coming to New York.
A little over what I think is almost two hours later, Luca's driving slows down completely and we're turning off a quiet road to sit in front of an electronic wooden gate that is sliding open for the car to enter. When the gate has opened enough for Luca to drive through, he does so slowly until the lightly graved road has faded to a light grey paved driveway. Lights come on one by one along the driveway as the car draws closer to our final destination, finely cut trees line either side of the driveway before they spread out and a large home comes into view.
My eyes widen and my mouth falls open as I stare at the house that Luca comes to a stop in front of. I don't hear the engine being turned off or Luca getting out of the car. I only feel the car door at my right side open and Luca's hand reaching in to take mine.
"Kaylee," Luca says, tugging on my hand to get out the car.
I take my seatbelt off, discard my phone and clutch bag to the floor, and get out the car. I don't really care about my belongings right now. I can't stop looking at the white three-story building in front of me that is now lit up.
I stumble close to Luca as he closes the car door and locks it, my eyes finally peeling away from the home to look at Luca. He flashes me a small smile and we walk to stand in front of the car.
"I know we haven't had any time to celebrate our engagement like normal people do." Luca starts explaining, looking down at my left hand and running a finger over my engagement ring. "So . . . I thought I'd take you somewhere that only a few people know about. Somewhere we can spend time together without the worries of the outside world getting to us."
I narrow my eyes at him. "You're not kidnapping me, are you? I mean, this is a bit too extravagant to keep me hauled up in for a kidnapping."
He shakes his head and scoffs. "There's no way I'd get away with that. Even if I tried."
I roll my eyes.
"We are in the Hamptons. Southampton to be more precise." He looks up at the home and squeezes my hand before looking back at me. "And this home . . . I own it."
My head falls to the side. "And you kept this a secret why?"
He leans back against the bonnet of the car, drawing me in close.
"When I started making millions on my property renovations alone, I sat down one day with my accountant and realtor to discuss the prospect of buying a property to flip but that I would keep as a getaway home when things got too much in the city. Some of my friends from university kept saying that they went to the Hamptons for the summer when they were younger and stayed there until it was time to start back to school. This place wasn't even on my radar until they spoke about it.
"So, on one of my very few days off, I took a drive out here and saw the possibility that maybe this is where I could have a getaway home. A place I could use as an escape when everything in my life became too much. A place I could go to to think things through without anyone knowing where I was to disturb me. A place that would take people over two hours to get to even if the knew where I was."
He looks at the house in front of us and sighs heavily.
"I wish this place was ready for me when Nadia told me she was pregnant then when she left. I needed somewhere to go on both of those occasions so badly. I needed to get away from the mounting pressure on me to do the right thing but I couldn't escape. I couldn't go anywhere without someone coming and trying to talk to me.
"At my work office, people found me too easily and interrupted me without telling me they were coming or announcing themselves before entering the room. At home, they kept hounding me regardless of the time of day. When I went abroad for business, they still found me and tried talking to me even when I told them I was focusing on work. I even tried driving somewhere but because my cars have trackers in them, they found me waytoo easily. It didn't matter where I went because someone always found me.
"In the end, I asked Fredrick to buy me a car but to not have it modified like the others I own so no one could track me. Being the good friend he is, he didn't ask me why I wanted him to buy me a car and bought one for me which I gave him the money for. I knew no one would question the money transfer to Fredrick because he is my business partner which made it seem too easy. I often wonder why I didn't think about doing that in the first place.
"Anyway, when I got the car I drove and drove until I found myself pulling up in front of here where I simply walked the perimeter and let my thoughts run away with themselves. I thought about the life I could have if I had gotten back together with Nadia. I thought about the life I could have if I told Nadia to abort the pregnancy. I thought about the life I might have had if I I told her to have the baby but that I didn't want to be a part of its life, and that one raised more issues than anything else."
He stops speaking momentarily and looks down at the ground. His shoulders rise and fall before he looks at me.
"Then I thought about the life I could have had if I still had you. I thought about what you would think of me if you knew about me going to become a father for the first time. I thought about how angry and upset you would have been at me because you knew I wasn't that type of person to do any of the things I was thinking of doing. I could see the look on your face as I poured my heart out to you with my problems. I could see the tears form in your eyes as I spoke each and every word about how much I messed everything up.
"I spoke so freely to you, imagining that you were right there in front of me even though I knew you weren't. It was one of the many times I knew that you were the one I needed in my life to get me through the bad times and to be with me during the good times. Of all the good times in my life, there was only one person I wished so badly to be by my side and that was you."
I break eye contact with him, choosing to look down at my feet while debating what to say next.
It's not the first time that Luca has told me that I've not been far from his thoughts. In all honesty, he wasn't far from mine at times. However, as time went on, I learned to tune all thoughts of him out and focus on what I had to do. But to know his mind suddenly went to me when he found out that he was going to be a dad . . . I don't know how to respond to that.
Yes, I may have been angry and upset at him for being so forgetful to use protection when he slept with Nadia that led to his daughter being conceived. Yes, I may have cried as he told me how messed up he made things with his ex. I may have even slapped him a few times for his confession because I knew he wasn't that type of person. He still isn't that kind of person; I know that for sure.
But all of that falls into the categories of 'What if' and 'Should have been'. It's all past tense of speaking and we can't rewrite the past. All of those things have happened for a reason and without them, we wouldn't be where we are today. We both know that but it doesn't stop either of us from thinking about what we would have had if we had stayed together all this time.
"Luca," I start, my voice soft and my gaze moving back up to look at him, "we can say to each other time and time again that we wished to still be together all this time. But we both know that we wouldn't be where we are in our lives without that time apart."
"I know but I had to tell you that because it's vital to this moment." He pulls on my hands and we walk towards the front door. "The whole point in me saying what I did was for you to know that no one in my life other than my parents, Louisa, lawyers, accountant and realtor know about this place. My parents have never been here even though there are two guest houses built on the grounds. They only know that this is a place for me to retreat to when I have to think things over and they don't dare come to disturb me."
"And Louisa?" I query.
"She's been here a couple of times but that's only when things are getting too much in the city for her and I need to take her away from the attention. I don't want her to be the centre of attention because she gets scared when cameras are shoved in her face and all she can see is flashing white lights going off everywhere."
"It must be scary for someone at her age to deal with."
"It is and that's why I bring her here. She's safe here where we're surrounded by the best security system money can buy. We can go to the beach and no one bothers us. She can play in the garden and be like a normal child." He looks at the perfectly manicured garden that's lit up and smiles brightly. "It's a different world for all of us here. It's a world where I'm not known as Luca Madden the billionaire businessman. Here, I'm simply known as Luca Madden who is a father and most recently the fiancé of Kaylee Fletcher, his high school sweetheart and first love."
I can't help but grin at the last part.
"It's where you can come and just be you." He adds. "A place you can use to think things through if everything my life brings with it becomes too much for you to handle. A place where after what happened today will be a small comfort for you to be at."
"I'll keep that in mind," I smile. I place a small kiss on his cheek and he smiles. "Thank you."
He lets go of my hand and unlocks the front door. We step into the house, Luca dealing with the security system and the lights while I look around the entrance hall.
Everything is open planned with dark wooden floors run throughout. Straight in front of us is the living room with large floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the back garden that is lit up like the front garden is. A large dining room sits off to the left, all set up to seat fourteen. The staircase is positioned off to the right near an opening with sliding double doors to a room that seems to be Luca's office judging by the furniture layout.
All the walls are painted a nice beige colour that works well with the white trims and colourful artwork that's placed perfectly throughout.
"How long did it take for you have this place configured to what you wanted?" I probe, looking up at the modern geometric designed chandelier cascading down from the ceiling two floors up.
"In total, three years."
"Three years?" I repeat, gawking as I look back at him.
"Yes," he confirms with a tight nod. "There were originally three separate homes here and I bought all three. Plans were submitted for one big house along with two guest houses to be built with a lot of space for Louisa and any other kids I might have in the future to run about in. I wanted it to feel like home and for me to not have to worry about anything or have my privacy invaded. Hence, the high brick wall surrounding the whole property that's hidden behind greenery and in front of neatly trimmed hedges and trees."
"I get that. I do." I walk to the staircase and sit on the nearest step. "But how many bedrooms are in this place if-"
"Eight."
If I was in the middle of drinking something, I no doubt have spit it out over the floor and down my dress. My mouth falls open and my hands grip the end of the step I'm sitting on. I stare at Luca with wide eyes. "Eight?"
"In the main house," he verifies. "There are three bedrooms in each guest house."
"So that makes it fourteen? But there's only you and Louisa staying here at times."
"I thought of the future and planned for it," he confesses with a shrug.
"And you seriously think you're going to have another six kids to fill the remaining bedrooms in this house?"
I laugh and shake my head.
"Of course not," he brushes off. His hands slip into his trouser pockets. "At least another three or four and the other two bedrooms can do for whatever deems necessary."
I can feel my heart rate begin to pick up and I get to my feet instantly. I grip onto the banister for support and focus on my breathing as a way to calm my heart rate down. "At least another three or four kids?"
"If we're able to, yes."
"Don't I get a say in this?"
"You do," he nods.
"And what if I only want one child? Or two? Or none?"
He shakes his head and moves until he's standing in front of me. "I know you want kids one day."
"Yes, one day." I half shout. "Not right now. With everything that's going on right now, we wouldn't have the time to deal with a baby. It wouldn't be right."
"I'm not saying we have to have a baby right now," he defends. His hands fall onto my shoulders and I drop my arms to my sides. "I was only saying that I thought ahead to the future. That's all."
I relax a little under his hold.
"Plus, I can still remember the conversation we had in your grandparents back garden during their anniversary party. It was the same night we spoke about marriage and where it would be we'd get married and where we'd stay."
"Married with only close friends and family around. A lovely home somewhere quiet with enough garden space for our four or five kids to run around in," I whisper before laughing. "God, we really didn't think that part through back then."
"No, but we can have that dream one day." His hands move to cup my face. "We can have the wedding we dreamed of as soon as this whole drama with Nadia blows over and it will blow over." He kisses me softly. "I promise."
I press my lips together and smile. "It better or we'll never end up married."
"And that is something that simply won't suffice." He pulls back and walks around me to start walking up the stairs. "Follow me."
"Time to show off more of your flashy toys?" I joke, turning and following him up the stairs while holding the bottom of my dress up. "You're just trying to impress me some more."
"Oh, baby, I don't need to impress you." He replies over his shoulder. "You were already impressed the moment you laid eyes on me when we met again."
"More like the first time I ever saw you," I correct.
We reach the first floor and I let go of the bottom of my dress. Luca walks ahead to the left then comes to a stop outside a set of white double doors. He smiles brightly.
"So I get all dolled up in a nice dress for you to give me a tour?"
He shakes his head.
"For you to lock me away?"
He rolls his eyes.
"To have your naughty way with me?" My mouth falls open and I grin. "Tut tut tut, Mr. Madden. The least you could have done was buy me dinner first."
"I'm working up to that, don't you worry." Luca opens both doors and waves a hand for me to enter the room first. "And it's nice to see you've gotten your comical side back."
I wink at him then walk into the room. As soon as my eyes see the scene in front of me, I gasp.
Pale pink and white rose petals line the floor in a pathway that leads to the floor-to-ceiling windows and French doors. An array of candles light up the entire room, strategically placed where they won't cause harm or set anything on fire, each in their own clear glass holder. Just beyond the windows and doors, the balcony is lit with string fairy lights and more candles in glass hurricanes with a table set up for two.
The doors are open and Luca guides me across the bedroom floor, and out onto the balcony with a hand at the base of my back.
"So this explains the dress code," I grin.
I turn on the spot and look at Luca. He smiles with content like this is the first time in what seems like a long time that he's been truly happy. It seems like this is the first proper time in a long time that we've both been truly happy other than the day we got engaged that seemed like a lifetime ago.
"I wanted us to have some time alone to celebrate our engagement." He takes both my hands in his. "And if that means sharing a piece of me that hardly anyone knows about that will soon be yours-"
"As well as dressing up in fancy clothes," I add.
"Yes," he agrees, "that, too."
I laugh.
"Then I will happily take a step away from all the craziness if it means we can be together and shut the world out for a few hours." He finishes.
I let go of his hands and close the gap between us, pressing my body to his and wrapping my arms around his waist. "You really are a changed man, Luca Madden."
"I'm your man, Kaylee Fletcher. Always have been. Always will be."
He leans down and kisses me softly and for as long as the kiss lasts, it's just the two of us.
No one else.
Just us.