"It was a mistake."
Well I wasn't expecting that.
I took a sip of tea as I watched Paul through wary eyes, I had taken my hand out of Harry's coat now that I felt more confident in telling Paul what we were going to talk about.
"It sounds harsh but really it was. I love Liv with my whole heart, as much as I love you. But it was a mistake, and I wouldn't change her for the world but it wasn't planned but I couldn't be an absent Father."
I bit my tongue to stop the bitter laugh and cold words from leaving my mouth as I shook my head in disbelief of what I was hearing.
"It was a drunken mistake, I met Lisa in a pub, the Diamond Snakes were celebrating and she was a friend of a friend who'd been invited and I was stupid and drunk- on power and alcohol and one thing led to another."
"I told Janice about it immediately, it hurt her obviously but she said we could work through it. She was actually very understanding, she always has been your Mother. That's one of things I loved about her."
"Mum knows about Olivia?" I couldn't help myself. My mind was absolutely boggling trying to justify how and why Mum knew and never told me about having a sister.
"The bare minimum, yes."
I jumped slightly as the waitress reappeared with our food and I smiled politely as she placed my salad down and Paul's pie and I didn't miss the frown on his face as he looked over my lunch.
"Didn't you want anything else? You could have added chicken or something to it?" He asked and I shook my head. "Oh god, are you a vegetarian? I didn't even think to ask I'm sorry May."
"No I'm not, it's okay really." I tried to reassure him the best I could as I watched Paul's face betray his doubt. It really was okay, at least this way the lettuce was easier to work off later.
"I didn't realise Lisa was going to keep it until we bumped into each other a few weeks later, I'd practically forgotten about it you know? I'd told your Mother and that was that; we were going to move past it but then she'd decided to file for divorce and I'd signed the papers."
As Paul paused I felt my phone vibrate against my leg and my heart skipped a beat at the thought it was Harry finally answering me, only to have it sink when I realised he was probably mad, that would be why he'd taken so long to reply.
"Lisa told you it was yours?" I asked to clarify, I wanted to finish this topic before I looked at my phone.
"Kind of. It clicked when I saw her again and she told me yeah. So we had a couple of drinks and I realised she was a really wonderful person and I suppose I saw a bit of Janice in her too. One thing led to another and I asked her out on a date and yeah."
I let the new information marinate in my head as I took several forkfuls of my salad, the silence covering us was no longer awkward and I had to admit I felt a lot better about the whole situation now. Although it did bring up new problems with Mum.
"You're happy?" I broke the silence five minutes later, my eyes trained on Paul's form as he nodded with a grin. "I really like Lisa."
"You do?"
"Yeah, she's really lovely. And Olivia, she's sweet." I shrugged as I finished my salad.
"That's great May! Lisa loves you too, she's been very understanding ever since I met her you know? The whole Olivia May thing was her idea actually and it made me cry when she suggested it."
I snorted at his statement and shook my head in amusement, that sounded like Paul actually, he was a bit of soft touch back when he was my Dad too.
"Olivia adores you too you know? Would not stop talking about you after you two left and Sunday actually. Harry needs to worry about his role as best friend." Paul laughed and I hummed, ignoring the ache in my heart.
"Oh you know what! You should come over on Sunday for a roast, we do it as a family meal every Sunday." Paul suggested and I paled.
"I don't think thats a good idea."
"Why not?" Paul frowned, "Lisa would love that and of course so would I and god Olivia would be over the moon."
"I'll think about it." I offered as I decided I was finally brave enough to risk getting my phone out of my coat.
"That's a nice coat." Paul commented before I'd even unlocked my phone but my heart quickened as I saw Harry's name on screen.
"Thank you, it's, uh, not mine." I admitted sheepishly, catching his eyebrow raise. "Harry's."
"Ah yes, Harry."
Harry 1:38pm: Nothing to apologise for my Sunshine, I've told you that before. Although I am sorry too, your bitterness is justified and it will never make you ugly. You'll never be ugly. x
Harry 1:39pm: Ps was going to get you flowers but don't wanna be a dickhead so guess you'll just have to put up with my company instead. x
I bit my lip as I read both messages with my fingers poised to reply only to have my attention taken from my phone by a cough from Paul and I looked at him sheepishly realising he might have spoken.
"Sorry?" I bit my lip.
"Is that Harry too?" Paul asked nodding towards my phone and I silently nodded back. "All I said was do I need to be concerned?"
"Concerned?" I frowned, "About what? Harry?"
"Well he is dating my daughter isn't he? Even if you didn't have a terrible ex, its my duty to be wary of your boyfriend."
"He's not my boyfriend." I admitted once I'd quickly tapped out a 'tonight?' to Harry and pocketed my phone again.
"That's not what he's been telling everyone."
I opened my mouth to reply only to but cut off by a ringtone that certainly wasn't mine and Paul grunted in frustration and he hooked his phone out of his jeans pocket and barked out a greeting and I took the momentary distraction to look at Harry's reply.
Harry 1:48pm: Tonight? Can't I come over now? x
Aren't you supposed to be at work? X
Harry 1:49pm: Why are you so responsible? Works fucking shit compared to you and besides I could be giving you your 4th orgasm right now....
Stop it.
Harry 1:50pm: Not what you're usually saying baby girl
I quickly glanced at Paul only to catch his eye and I felt the heat on my face intensify as he mouthed an apology to me and I shrugged.
You're a nightmare sometimes.
"I'm sorry May I have to go."
Paul's voice made me jump and I looked up at him and I realised he'd finished on the phone and I gave him an easy smile just as my phone buzzed again and I had a feeling that I knew what Harry was going to say.
Harry 1:53pm: Are you a witch? Because I now have work to do.
I snorted as I pocketed my phone once I'd denied any use of magic and pulled out my bank card from my coat pocket only to have my hand grabbed and I flinched.
"Don't be silly."
Paul smiled gently at me and I swallowed before nodding slowly. I busied myself by slipping on my coat as I waited whilst Paul paid and chatted with one of the waitresses. I was somewhat thankful that he did chat actually considering it gave me a chance to think things over.
Was I as angry anymore?
Definitely not, in fact was I even angry at all anymore?
Maybe, maybe not.
I still had some hurt lingering and I knew that it probably wasn't going to go away anytime soon but today and even Saturday had answered a lot, if not all, my questions and I guess I understood.
If I'd found out all this a few years ago I most definitely wouldn't have understood but time and age is a wonderful tool.
"Thank you." I spoke quietly as we crossed the road back towards Paul's car and I saw him glance at me and raise an eyebrow as we both got in.
"For telling me the truth. And for not acting like it never happened, it's been really nice seeing you again." I explained making Paul smile.
"I've missed you so much you have no idea." Paul squeezed my hand before he pulled away from the curb.
I smiled to myself as I watched London through the passenger window and lent my head against the head rest, everything was okay with Harry, I had my Dad back and I had dealt with the shop graffiti.
Everything was good and I felt like I could solve anything. And it was a fucking good feeling.