Reposted: July 5, 2021
Revised: October 17, 2021 (just the first few paragraphs)
Something I've started doing is naming my chapters -mostly for fun but also a good way to remember which chapter is which. If you have any suggestions for later chapters, let me know. Some examples I've used include: "There's a Snake in the Chamber!", "The Lion, The Witch, The Audacity of This Bitch," and "Part 61".
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Summary: Zoo snakes are entertaining; Harry's letter finally arrives
If there was one day Harry couldn't care less about, it was the twenty-third of June, Dudley's birthday. Now Harry was no expert on birthdays — he couldn't remember ever receiving a present from his aunt or uncle — but he had a feeling twenty was pushing it unless you've made friends with the whole school.
"Thirty-six," Dudley said from where he was counting his presents. "That's two less than last year."
"Darling, you haven't counted Auntie Marge's present, see, it's here under this big one from Mummy and Daddy."
"All right, thirty-seven then," Dudley said, in no way appeased. Harry slid his chair back ever so slightly just in case he went on one of his tantrums.
Luckily, Aunt Petunia sensed it, too. "And we'll buy you another two presents while we're out today. How's that, popkin. Two more presents? Is that all right?"
"So I'll have thirty... thirty..."
"Thirty-nine," Harry piped up brightly. "One more than last year."
"Shut up, Harry," Dudley snapped. He turned to his father, his voice taking on a whiny edge. "Does he have to come with us?"
Uncle Vernon gave Harry a pleading look.
"Course I don't have to," said Harry. He paused, watching Uncle Vernon's face brighten hopefully. "But I am."
Uncle Vernon's expression dropped again. "He's coming," he muttered.
Every year, Dudley and his friend, Piers, were taken out for the day, leaving Harry with Arabella Figg, an old lady who lived two streets away. This year, his relatives were taking them to the zoo along with Harry, as per his request. Harry inwardly smiled; this was going to be great. He gave Dudley a sidelong glance. Well, maybe.
It started out okay, though Dudley's tantrum in the restaurant irritated Harry to no ends. Their next stop was the reptile house. Dudley found the largest snake and pressed his nose against the glass. "Make it move," he whined.
Harry rolled his eyes as Uncle Vernon tapped on the glass. As if that would make it move!
Dudley quickly gave up and moved away. Harry stayed where he was, still looking at the snake. 'Humans,' he hissed softly. 'We're a pretty idiotic species, aren't we?'
The snake opened its eyes, looking amused. 'For the most part. You seem pretty intelligent.'
'I suppose so. Where do you come from, anyway?'
The snake jabbed its tail at a sign.
Boa Constrictor, Brazil.
'I see. It's too bad you've never been,' Harry said, reading on.
"DUDLEY! MR. DURSLEY!" Piers suddenly shouted. "COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IT'S DOING!"
Dudley came running back over and punched Harry in the ribs. "Out of the way, you."
Harry hit the ground, anger thrumming through him. That was the first time Dudley had hit him in a long time. What happened next made his anger evaporate. The glass suddenly vanished, and the boa constrictor uncoiled itself and slithered out onto the floor. 'Brazil, here I come... Thanks, amigo.'
It snapped at Piers' and Dudley's heels playfully and slid away. The boys, of course, greatly exaggerated this by proclaiming it nearly killed them. Piers managed to calm down enough to speak more normally. "Harry was speaking to it, weren't you, Harry?"
Once he had gone home, Uncle Vernon turned on him.
"I didn't do it on purpose," Harry said before he could speak. "The glass just disappeared. Like magic." He said the last word tauntingly, and Uncle Vernon sent him to his room, repulsed by the word.
His Hogwarts letter finally came.
Mr. H. Potter
The Smallest Bedroom
4 Privet Drive
Little Whinging
Surrey
Inside, it read that Harry had been accepted and gave a list of supplies. 'I've finally got it,' he told Azure.
'Perfect,' she hissed. 'You should send a reply.'
Harry did and watched the owl take off. 'Now I need to get my supplies.'
'No worries. Just have your uncle drop you off.'
'Okay.'
He waited until Azure was settled in his pocket before approaching Uncle Vernon. He agreed to take him, if only to get Harry away from his house.
'Where to first?' Harry asked once he was dropped off.
'To the bank. They'll give you your money.'
'Got it.'
Now Harry approached the counter to where a goblin was seated. "Greetings," he said. "I am Harry Potter. I was told that I have money here for my education."
"Do you have your key?"
Harry frowned. "I'm afraid not. Is there any way I can prove it's me?"
The goblin nodded and beckoned him. "You should speak with your account manager."
Harry followed the goblin into a private room. A moment later, another goblin entered. "Greetings, Mr. Potter. I am Griphook. I have been told you were not give your vault key?"
"No, sir," Harry said.
Griphook frowned. "That is strange. Your magical guardian was expected to deliver it to you."
"Magical guardian?" Harry echoed.
Griphook looked even more displeased. "Yes. Your magical guardian is Albus Dumbledore."
"The Headmaster?" Azure had told him about this man, and she hadn't sounded very enthusiastic about him, either.
"He is the guardian for those raised in the Muggle world," Griphook informed him.
"Then why hasn't he made sure I was okay?" Harry asked angrily.
"Pardon?"
"A guardian is supposed to take care of their charge," Harry said. "But I wasn't exactly treated well."
"You weren't? Mr. Dumbledore had implied that you were spoiled."
Harry couldn't help it. He let out a bitter laugh. "He must have been referring to my cousin," he said. "Dudley is the one who gets everything handed to him on a silver platter." He shook his head. "Sorry, Griphook. Can I get a new key or...?"
Griphook pulled out a piece of parchment and a dagger. "We will make you a new one. But for now, just prick your finger and let two drops of blood fall."
Harry did as he was told, and words appeared on the previously blank parchment.
The first few lines showed the basics like his and his parents' names and his current dwelling. After that came a list of vaults and properties- Harry's eyes widened at the sheer number of each- as well as several compulsions. Every single one was set by Albus Dumbledore.
"Compulsions?" Harry murmured questioningly.
Griphook looked at the parchment and muttered something under his breath. "We need a healer." He called out in Gobbledegook and in came another goblin. They conversed briefly, then turned to Harry. "Mr. Potter, I believe it would be best if we remove these compulsions before we move forward."
"That sounds ideal," Harry said, a bit mystified.
He was led to another room, where Azure was instructed to come off so she wouldn't get hurt. The dark snake had grown since Harry had first met her, and now she was roughly three feet long.
"This is going to hurt," the goblin healer warned him.
Harry nodded and braced himself. After several seconds of low chanting, he felt pain explode in his body, and it took all his strength not to cry out. But it was worse, much worse than his beatings and soon he let out a scream. Perhaps mercifully, he blacked out a moment later.
Writing out the full letter would be pretty tedious since it's the same as in canon, so I didn't bother