-Dean POV-
The infirmary is a small room on the younger patient floor above my floor. The layout looks practically the same, except where Meg's room would be is where the infirmary is at.
A nurse with green eyes came in to check out my wounds, Cas stays with me but Hannah and Ketch go back down to the other floor.
The examination was more awkward than the elevator ride up here, after the lady examined by arm she stepped over to the other side of the room to get a sterilized needle and thread to give me stitches.
"Okay, you need 9 stitches, three for each gash. You'll have to come back up here to get them removed in a little while. I'm assuming you know how to take care of then considering you already have stitches," she says, it doesn't sound sarcastic but my brain makes me believe it is.
"Alright.." I mutter, anxious for the needle,
"I'm gonna go grab the numbing serum from the inventory room and numb you up," she starts, setting the needle down onto a tray next to the paper covered bed. "Be right back."
When she steps out of the room Cas turns to me. "I'm sorry, Dean."
"It's fine," I reply, looking down.
"No, I shouldn't... Be angry I should have known... I should have stayed with you, I have no right to be angry-"
"Yes, you do, I'm your patient," I pause to let myself breathe, "You're allowed to be... angry..."
"Can I hug you?" He asks quietly after a few moments if silence.
I turn towards him and furrow my eyebrows, looking around his face, "Uh.. sure?"
Instead of responding he steps forward between my legs and wraps his arms around my shoulders, "I don't want you to hurt yourself." He says lightly in my ear.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay... I understand..." Cas says, pulling back to smile sadly at me. "I just want you to get better,"
That sentence makes me wanna roll my eyes but I smile sadly back and pull my arms away from around his body as the nurse walks in,
Holding a GIANT needle.
"What is that?" I ask, blushing as soon as the question leaves my mouth.
"It's just a light anesthetic agent," she says, setting the needle down.
"Can I do it without?" I ask, my voice shaking. I don't bother looking at Cas', I can tell There's confusion written all over his strikingly handsome face.
"You could but because it's a fresh open wound it'll be rather painful.."
I consider this for a second, regardless of getting numbed there will still be a needle to sew it up..
"Okay... Just.. hurry." I say, tilting my head up at the ceiling.
I faintly feel Cas grab onto my other hand while the nurse pushes the needle lightly into a section of uninjured skin next to one of the cuts.
"Two more to go," she says after pulling out the needle, not commenting on Cas' hand on top of mine.
I'm unable to hold back a groan of annoyance at her words, like two was a small amount.
She giggles at me and pushs the needle into the skin next to a different cut. "After this next one all we gotta do is wait 5 minutes for the numbing to kick in and we can get the stitching started."
I nod and suck in a shakey breath, waiting out the last two shots.
"Alright," she says after doing the last one. "I'll give you a little bit of time to numb and I'll be right back again." She says again before heading back out into the hallway to dispose of the used needle
"Good job, Dean." Cas says softly making me blush.
"It was nothing.."
"You are obviously afraid of needles, it wasn't nothing." I shake my head at his words and shrug.
I left my eyes drift to his hand, it's drawing circles on the base of my thumb, it's so odd to be touched by someone. To be honest, I've been touch starved most of my life, people avoided touching my fat, ugly body but Cas.. doesn't seem to mind? Probably just because he wants to calm me down but... a part of me doesn't think that's the case.
There's no way he could just be touching me because he wants to... Right?
Right?
"Sorry," he says, pulling his hand away.
"No!" I reply abruptly, grabbing his wrist and letting our eyes meet, "Please..." I ask, feeling anxiety in my chest. I hate asking for what I want..
"Okay," he gently puts his hand on top of mine and starts moving his thumb.
I let out a sigh of relief and let my eyes trace his thumb.
I think I might have a crush on Cas.
Fuck.
-
After getting stitches we went back to Cas' office to discuss what happened..
"We have to put you on suicide watch starting tomorrow, you should have already been on it when you got here, I apologize we didn't arrange for the guard to come in." Cas starts after a second of silence. "A security guard will stay in your room with you 24/7 during the night. This is... Rather uncomfortable, I must admit, but it is required." He pauses, letting me take in this utterly awful news. "If it's alright with you..." He starts back up, looking into my eyes uncertainty, "I would like to... Stay with you until you fall asleep tonight..."
I let my eyebrows furrow in confuse and my mouth opens to reply when he interrupt, "Only for tonight... The guard will be here tomorrow but... I don't want you to have to stay in seclusion today... And don't think I'm saying that to scare you into letting me stay with you, seclusion truly isn't that bad... It's up to you." Cas smiles sadly and watches me carefully.
"Okay," I say quickly, feeling a blush start on my cheeks. "Sounds good."
"Alright.." He replies, his grin widening slightly. "I'll only stay until you fall asleep and the nurses will still check on you every hour... " I nod and look down, Immediately starting to worry about Cas hearing me snore or something. "It's only for tonight, and if you feel uncomfortable at anytime I can leave and get the seclusion room set up. Alright?" He says as softly as possible causing me to nod. I wouldn't be exactly uncomfortable, it's just.. so many things could go wrong,
"Alright," he smiles again, "You can go to lunch, it should be almost over but I'm sure you will still have time to eat. We missed group activity but that's okay... There's always tomorrow."
I feel fat when Cas mentions me eating, I'm such a fucking weirdo. Everyone eats, why is it embarrassing?
Cas stands and grabs his key, heading to the door and opening it for me like the gentleman he is.
Whoever gets to marry this man is so lucky.
Jesus Christ. I need to stop.
"Thanks," I mutter as Cas let's the door behind himself.
-
The rest of the day dragged on, I was both, dreading and excited for tonight. Nobody said anything about what happened and I was eternally grateful.
It was just after dinner time now. Which means time for group therapy.
Fun.
We were all sitting down together while Cas explained what we were doing,
"Today, we're just going to do a simple activity. We're gonna go around and say a fun fact about ourselves..."
Nobody says anything as Cas smiles, it's a bit more awkward in here than usual. "okay, I'll start," Hannah pipes up, Cas smiling at her gratefully. "I have 3 brothers and a sister." Cas nods and starts his fact,
"I have a cat named Peter." Cas says causing me to furrow my eyebrows.
"I never knew my father," Jo says causing the awkwardness in the room to return. I've noticed she likes making people uncomfortable.
"Not... Exactly what I met by 'fun fact-" Cas stutters out before deciding to let it go and gesture for Kevin to go.
"I did extremely well in school before.." He replies, Cas nods and doesn't push,
"I used to larp and go to conventions." Charlie says, smiling.
It's exactly what I figured she would do. I've always wanted to cosplay and go to conventions but I knew dad would spew hateful words at me because of it so I avoided asking.
I kind of envy her for being so open, I'd be embarrassed to admit something like that...
"Dean?" Cas says, pulling me from my thoughts.
"Yes?" I ask, feeling my anxiety start. "Oh, right.." I think quickly, "I... Have a little brother named Sam."
Cas smiles at me and now again, letting his gaze linger before moving onto Benny who's sitting next to me.
"I.. uh," he says quietly, "I have a dog."
"Oh!" hael starts loudly, once he finishes "My favorite animal is dog." She says, smiling proudly.
Cas nods and doesn't say anything while waiting for Gilda to go next,
"I like art." She says simply, looking almost as bored as Jo.
"I'm Satan." Lucifer says, throwing a challenging smirk at Cas. Alfie looks worriedly at lucifer and scoots his chair away and closer to Hannah.
"Lucifer. That's not appropriate." Cas says, looking at Alfie. Lucifer shrugs, his smirk still in place.
"Go ahead, Alfie." Hannah pipes up, ignoring the rebellious teen.
"I- ah..." He starts, looking around at all of us suspiciously. "They'll know to much. I can't. They'll know." His paranoia is obvious, so obvious it seems to speak for him, "They can't know anything,"
"Okay, Alfie, you don't have to tell us." Cas says softly which Alfie nods to and looks around a bit ashamed.
"Sorry," he mutters which Cas smiles lightly and says it's okay.
"Alright, thank you all for participating, you can watch TV until bed now." Hannah says, smiling at everyone.
I didn't particularly want to watch tv but it's either that or go sit in my quiet room with Cas.
Which doesn't seem bad... The idea of showering pops up, maybe he'd come in there with me..
Hmm, Cas showering... What a sight it would be..
"Dean!" Jo says, breaking me from my thoughts and making me jump.
"Jesus!" I say, gripping my chest. "What?"
"Come play poker with us!"
Apparently I hadn't realized Kevin, charlie, Gilda, Jo, and Benny had already gone to an empty table to start a game.
"There's already too many people, ill be fine here, alone..." I reply, not wanting to intrude.
"Pfftttt, no! Come on!" She says, stepping away from the couch I'm sitting at and heading over to the table.
Hopefully I can get out of playing just one game.
-
4 and a half games later it was bed time. Cas had stayed in the rec room to monitor everyone with Hannah before heading to my room with me.
It gave me anxiety, thinking about what people might think...
Currently I'm sitting on my bed in the insanely quiet room and Cas is going to grab extra blankets. when he had realized how cold it was in here he insisted going to get at least 2 more blankets for me.
I slip my shoes off and set them my the end if my bed, I'm slightly claustrophobic so wearing a sweatshirt to bed isn't the best idea but... I don't want Cas to see my scars again.
"Alright," Cas says, carrying a couple folded blankets in his arms. "I'll just sit on this spare bed," he starts, setting the blankets down next to me. "And you can just... Sleep, I guess." He laughs nervously and picks up one of the blankets,
"We're not gonna... Talk? Or anything?" I ask, it's a stupid question, of course, why the fuck would Cas wanna talk to me?
"We can if you want... What would you like to talk about?"
"I- I dunno... This is just awkward," I reply, looking around the semi-dark room. Cas smiles and tilts his head at me.
"It's not that bad... What if we... Play a game or something?" He says as he sits down on the bed across from me, a small smile on his face. "We don't have to, I just want you to be comfortable."
He's so nice, it makes me wanna cry. I don't deserve nice smiles and soft voices. I'm keeping him from going home... He's probably going to be mad about it tomorrow, maybe even ignore me out of anger. I feel really bad about it, if someone made me stay the night with an ugly fat kid in a mental hospital I'd be angry too-
Cas sits down next to me on my bed, his face is scrunched with concern. "Are you alright, swe- Dean?"
I nod but don't otherwise respond, I wanna tell him he can call me sweetheart and I wanna lean over and kiss him on his plump lips but he'd probably push me away and call me a fag-
"Dean..." He says softly again, putting his hand on my shoulder. "What's going through your mind?"
"Nothing," I shrug and avoid Cas' eye.
After a few more quiet moments I feel Cas' arm slide around my waist and his head rest of my shoulder in place of his hand.
I look over at the fluffy black pile of hair now sitting on my shoulder in shock. I'm disgusting why would Cas wanna touch me? he must just feel bad...
The touch-starved part if me is thriving... But the anxious part is screaming I'm doing something wrong.
Cas presses his hand against my fat hip and starts tracing the curve with his thumb.
"Cas.." I whisper, not wanting Cas to feel the ugly fat there. "I'm gross, you don't have t-"
"You're not gross." He replies, sitting up to make eye contact but kept his arm around my waist. "I apologize if I'm being to forward," Cas pauses, "but... You're beautiful, Dean."
I let my lips part slightly, trying to force my anxiety to maintain eye contact with him. "I don't know about that..."
"It's true." He says, letting his head fall back on my shoulder. He snuggles a little closer and continues caressing my ugly hips. "Touch me?" Cas asks quietly, making my cock jump.
Did he mean-?
"What?" I ask, my breath short slightly. Stupid fucking teenage hormones.
"Put your arm around me."
"R-right.."
I let my arm lift and wrap around Cas' shoulders, which causes him to snuggle even deeper, if that's even possible. Having someone this close is odd... But surprisingly it doesn't upset me.
"I don't want you to hurt yourself..." Cas says, his voice slightly muffled from my sweatshirt.
"I..." I start, feeling ashamed, "I don't know if I could function without it, Cas... Its the only thing that makes me feel better,"
Cas nods against me in understanding, his thumb continues drawing shapes along my hip.
"I know it's hard... but you're strong, I can help you get clean from self harm if you are determined."
The only noise in the room is our soft breathing as I consider this. Self harm isn't a good thing at all... But it's the only thing that makes me feel better when that awful empty feeling sets in. I use it as a punishment and a coping mechanism... and I'm afraid without it... i wouldn't be able to function.
...but I can't spend my whole life cutting myself... If I'm forced to stay alive... I have to work on it.
"I'll think about it." Cas nods and sits up slightly.
"You should try to sleep," he says, smiling at me sadly. "I'll be right over here-"
"Can you lay with me?" As soon as the words leave my mouth I regret them, I'm fucking fat and the bed is a single.
And... Y'know Cas is my therapist and all...
He opens his to reply and I cut him off... Again, "Sorry! You don't have to..." I cringe at my words again and lean back and way from Cas.
"I..." He starts, his eyebrows furrowed, "Do you want me to?"
When our eyes meet I nod, unsure of his reaction.
"...Alright." he replies. His face has an odd look on it... A combination of confusion and awe... Maybe? "The beds a bit small but I'm sure we can manage."
I nod in shock and lay back, not really knowing what to do or say.
"Little spoon or big spoon?" Cas asks grabbing a the two new blankets and covering me up, an amused tone hidden under the words.
"Uh... I dunno," Cas shrugs at his before walking over to the door and turning the light off.
He comes back and pulls the covers up, before laying on the sliver of bed infront of me and covering himself with the blanket, pressing his back into my chest.
The light from the bar covered window is still bright enough to light up the room enough to see what we're doing.
I scoot my fat ass to the edge of the other side of the bed to try and make room for him, there isn't much but it's not entirely uncomfortable.
I hesitantly put one of my hand on his waist.
"Can you lay your arm across the pillow?" He asks quietly, I throw a quick "Yes," out and put the arm not on his waist on the pillow as he lifts his head up.
After a few seconds of him squirming around to get comfortable, Cas lays his head on my arm and nuzzles.
He brings his left hand up and intertwines our fingers. The softness of it all makes my heart want to explode.
His butt is deliciously close to my dick but I ignore it, knowing my teenage brain will make me pop a boner if I'm not careful with my train of thought.
I let my head rest in the crook of his neck. It's so nice... And scarily domestic.
"Goodnight, sweetheart." He says sounding tired.
"Goodnight, Cas." I mumble back, letting my eyes slip shut and sleep take me.
-
A/n: AHHH OH MY GODD
IM SORRY FOR THE WAIT, IVE BEEN SO BUSY :(( ILL TRY TO UPDATE QUICKER
I hope you enjoyed it was a ROLLER COASTER
I'll see you next time uwu
Adios