Simon and Cleo
Well, the first question, I guess, is "How did you two meet?"
C: I work as a pool-guard. Simon almost drowned. The idiot.
S: Hey! Don't be mean. I could have died!
C: You're a terrible swimmer. You should have known better than to go into the deep end!
S: Blame bad signage.
C: I will not! I'll blame you!
So, Cleo, you saved his life?
C: Nope. The other pool-guard did.
S: Sadly, the dude-guard was the one who gave me the kiss of life.
C: Yup. And then Simon here spent the next hour complaining and trying to convince me he wasn't gay.
S: Nuh-uh. I was trying to ask you out.
C: To convince me you weren't gay.
S: Psh. No. What, you actually bought that? Damn, I'm good.
S: Ow, ow, ow, owowowowowowowow. Stop! No! Please!
Please refrain from hitting the other interviewees.
C: Never.
S: Oh, no. I didn't want you to stop hitting me! That was kind of hot.
C: Then what did you want me to stop doing?
S: Being angry at me... I don't like it when you're angry at me.
S: You won't have sex with me when you're angry.
Okay! Next question. Do you love each other? And why do you feel you do, or don't?
S: Firstly: That's two questions. Secondly: I love her lots and lots! And she loves me too! Because I am amazing.
S: Obviously.
C: Suuure you are, hunny.
S: You love me really.
C: Yeah, I do.
C: Unfortunately.
S: Why are you always so abusive? I am astounded by your rash behaviour!
C: ...
C: You have no idea what rash behaviour means, do you?
S: Sure I do! A rash is an... itchy-thingumy?
C: Anyway. Yes, I love him. No, I have no idea why.
We're running low on time here. Should we just skip to the ahead to the end?
C: Feel free. I'm sure Simon has nothing important to say.
S: Never do. I just like to ramble.
Alrighty then. Could you both finish the sentence: "Love is..."
C: Love is... transcendant.
S: Just had to use a big word, didn't you? Making me look stupid...
C: Oh, you don't need me to make you look stupid.
S: It's a sign of affection! I hope.
S: Well, I think love is waking up to the sound of you yelling at me.
C: Why?
S: Nobody else would bother. And I wouldn't want them to.
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Wendy and Trixie
First question! How did you two meet?
W: Trixie's my little sister's best friend.
Is there an age-gap?
T: Oh, yeah. Around three years.
And has that been difficult for the both of you?
T: Only a little bit for me. Wendy gets the rough end of the stick.
W: Not that there is a stick in our relationship, us being lesbians and all...
T: Potty mouth.
W: I am your elder. It's allowed.
T: Nyanananana.
W: Try not to act your age.
Why is it more difficult for you Wendy?
W: Well, people call me lots of names, like womaniser, cradle-snatcher, cougar, pedo...
T: And they think she had some sort of "influence" on me. Which is bull. I asked her out, not the other way around.
Why so much stigma for such a small age difference?
T: Because people are stupid?
W: It was because we started going out in our teens. I was nineteen and she was only sixteen. It's fine now, but when you're that age, that gap seems huge.
Does your sister approve?
W: Who, mine?
W: Yeah, she does. She was always trying to set us up when we were younger, because she knew about both of our sexualities.
T: You got to love Gabby.
W: Mmm. But now she keeps saying I should be thanking her. She uses it against me.
T: Meh. Knowing her, she'd find a way to do that anyways.
Next two questions: Do you love each other? And why do you feel you do, or don't?
W: Of course I do. After all the crap we went through... I would've been bonkers to put up with all of it, if I didn't love her.
T: Because she's the strongest, best person I know. She holds my hand through whatever hurts and she's my perfect puzzle piece. The other half I never knew was missing.
And last off: Could you both finish the sentence: "Love is..."
W: Caring about the other person's feelings more than your own.
T: And wanting to do whatever it takes to make them happy. Because then you'll be happy too.
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Eoin and Nathan
Shall we start off with the story of how you two met?
E: Bookshop.
N: We were both looking for the same book, but I got it first. This grump complained. Loudly. So, I offered to let him read it after me. When he came around to my house to collect it, I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee.
Do your parents know about your relationship?
E: Nope.
N: Mine do. They don't mind that I'm bi.
E: But I'm gay. My parents might accept bi, but they'd never be okay with gay.
N: Less chance of grandchildren.
E: Whatever. I hate kids.
N: I know... But I think they're cute. Don't you even have a tiny soft-spot for kindergartners, with their little lunchboxes and their gap-teeth and-
E: No. I hate kids.
N: Oh.
...Do you love each other? And why do you feel you do, or don't?
N: We haven't discussed that yet... We've only been going out a few weeks.
Eoin? What about you?
E: What he said.
Next one is: What's your favourite thing about the one other?
N: His hair. It's always so fluffy! He looks like he's in shock. And sort of reminds me of a chicken.
E: Gee, thanks.
N: What? I think chickens are adorable!
E: I don't.
N: Okay...
Eoin-
E: What?! Why do you keep singling me out?!
N: Whoa, calm down.
Nothing. Never mind. Um. Least favourite?
N: Hmm. I don't know. I like almost everything about him. Mood swings, maybe? He's not usually this angry, though...
E: The fact that he's bisexual.
N: What? Why?
E: It's bad enough when you stare at other guys. The fact that you check out girls too is really annoying.
N: But I'd never- How could you think- I don't-
E: Everyone knows that bisexuals are sluts, Nathan.
N: How can you say that to m-me? I don't screw around! That's just a stereotype!
E: Whatever. I think it's true.
N: B-but- I-why would you-No, I-
N: You're such an asshole!
...Aren't you going to go after him or something? He seemed pretty close to crying.
E: He's just emotional.
You don't think you've offended him?
E: He'll get over it.
But-
E: I'll find him when the interview's over.
There's only one question left...
E: Fine. Ask away.
Finish the sentence "Love is..."
E: Love is a pain in the ass.
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Silvi and Andreas
Onto the first question. How did you two meet?
S: On a plane.
A: Yeah, I was coming home to America. Silvi was flying here to get an operation.
S: I'm transgender.
Wow. You're relationship must be tough. You used to be a man?
S: It's not that bad. Andreas has always been very understanding and open-minded. And no, I was always a woman. It just wasn't as obvious.
A: I love her. Nothing else matters.
Is it tough to be in a long-distance relationship?
A: Yeah. That part's hard-
S: My part's hard.
A: You don't have a part anymore.
S: ...
S: You wish I did.
You can't tell at all. I f you hadn't told me, I never would've suspected. You're beautiful.
S: Thank you. It's kind of you to say that.
A: Hey, hey. Hands off my woman.
Oh, don't worry. I don't swing that way.
A: That's what they all say.
Yes, well, anyway. Do you love each other? And why do you feel you do, or don't?
A: I do. She's not afraid to be who she wants to be. She's an honest, sincere person. I love her for that.
S: And that right there, is why I love him.
What's your favourite thing about the one other?
S: His protectiveness of me.
A: Her nose.
S: Really?
A: Yup.
S: Care to elaborate?
A: Nope.
And your least favourite thing? (You don't have to answer this one...)
S: He always steals my food. Such a hogger.
A: I'm a man! We need our grub.
S: I used to be a man too! Okay, well, not really... but even if I was, I wouldn't eat half as much as you do!
A: Well, I don't like that she never puts enough on her plate.
S: Just because it means there's less for you to take.
A: Exactly. Is this almost at the end? I have a flight to catch, sorry.
One more thing and then we're done, promise. Could you both finish the sentence: "Love is..."
S: It's accepting another person for who they are.
A: Completely and utterly.
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