"You know, when you mentioned a nice crisp walk now that the snows nearly gone, I had in mind a stroll, Hughes. Not a marathon."
Aidan, looking fresh-faced and in his prime element, turns, hands gripping the straps of the pack on his back. He laughs at my moaning, hardly out of breath. It's early morning. The sun is seeping through the thick green tree tops, speckling light amongst the remains of snow and grass.
"We've barely walked a mile."
"I walk sidewalks. Paved sidewalks. Not..." I step over a boulder, "mountains."
He waits for me to catch up, regarding me with amusement. If there wasn't a clear admiration visible, I'd be able to get mad. He extends his hand and I walk into him, glancing up at his face, which could challenge the finest marble statue work, honestly.
"Do you want to head back, seriously?" he asks with a small smile. "No judgments."
"You're saying no judgments, which mean there are definitely judgments...because you're saying it."
"No," he laughs, shaking his head at my stubbornness.
"I'm not a quitter."
"I am well aware."
"How long do you usually walk?"
"To the end."
"How far is that?"
"Four miles. Four-here and back."
My mouth drops, momentarily struck speechless. Oh, this won't do.
"I'll give you one more," I state, mouth twitching to deny defeat. He bites his bottom lip, eyes sweeping over my face joyously and in that moment, I'm sure I'll walk until my legs give out.
"We really don't have to."
I adjust the gray beanie on his head, ensuring that it's secure. He's energizing to the touch, buzzing in our solitude, and the continued upward climb to this relationship we've worked for.
Three weeks have passed since the party, the party where he was truly introduced to my world. Since then, we've escaped to his as much as possible, both of us finding it much less confining than the busy city life. Victoria's even said hello when passing by me in the manor. She doesn't blink in confusion when she sees me there now.
I'm becoming a permanent part of their life.
My explosive story faded in a brutal way like most stories do when nothing happens, but it's kept my name in the mix, giving me the push back into the race after the Hughes debacle with Matthew. I'm back on top at The Chronicle, with no decline in sight.
Life is damn good.
I nick my head in the direction of the path, pursing my lips. "How can I resist, when you so clearly love it?"
We begin down the path together, and I lean into him to take the weight off of my poor, frozen feet.
"I feel good out here."
"You look refreshed."
"Well, that's you. I give no credit to nature for that."
My fingers toy with the necklace he gave me the night of my birthday, which I clasped around my neck and haven't removed since. A delicate silver chain, and two round ovals, one crossed into the other. Stumbling on his words, I heard infinite and never alone before I kissed him, and spared him from his anxiety.
"We're having dinner with your mother tomorrow, right?" he asks when I've lost myself in my pleasant memories long enough for him to move onto another subject.
"Yeah, she's so excited."
He smirks. My mother adores him. "And Samantha?"
"She'll be there too. She's bringing the whole family, so don't worry. She'll be on her best behavior."
He laughs. "I find her quite funny, actually...Bradley won't be in attendance, right?"
"No, no. He's still livid about me turning down the Texas interview, among other things."
"Yes, among other things," he repeats, cryptically and under his breath to himself, but I hear it. I haven't admitted that I heard their heated conversation at the party, and he hasn't divulged it, so I'm leaving that one untouched, because to bring it up would damper our style-which is escapism in it's truest form.
He and I need no one but each other. Maybe it's unhealthy. Maybe people would frown upon it, but it's an immediate bond, an immediate connection that goes deeper than when you're surrounded by distractions and influences.
Aidan is Aidan. And I am me. We're in a constant honeymoon phase, without any of the titles to match it.
"I want to ask you something," I say, smiling cheekily, "but I don't want you to freak out or-or assume anything when I do."
His legs slow to a stop, which means mine do too.
"Ask what?"
He's suspicious. He's suspicious and I'm thinking I should just start walking, just leav-
"Are you looking to ever get married again?"
His eyes widen like damn saucers, his features smoothing with shock. He gapes, struggling to find words. "Are...are you suggesting something?"
"No. No, I'm not. I told you how I feel about marriage. I mean, I have been engaged before and you see how that worked out-" Shut up, Jo. I try to limit the rambling. "I'm just asking. I wouldn't suspect that you would, after everything...everything that's happened."
"It is difficult to think about, honestly."
I nod, chewing on my lip, wanting this all out in the open. Some finite truths. "And kids?"
"That's...even harder."
I nod, absorbing that, absorbing the cautious way he's taking in my own reactions and shrug nonchalantly. "Good. Good, I'm glad we got that out there. No problems then."
Why in the hell do I feel so shitty?
I can't stand kids. I loathe marriage. I don't want a damn ring.
I twist in my boots and continue a few steps, hearing him following me.
"Jo."
"What?"
"Jo."
I somehow form a smile, and lift my chin over my shoulder to peek back at him. "What?"
"I...I've thought about it though...with you."
I nearly trip on the leather combat boots I'm trudging in. He's stopped, now out of breath, having blurted out something that maybe should have remained hidden for a few more months, maybe even years. That's not us. This entire infatuation has been head-fast from the start, and it's not slowing now.
"Y-You have?"
"Have you?" he asks, swallowing with relief when I finally give him an uncertain nod. He takes a few clumsy steps toward me.
"I'm mixed up about it. Lily...Lily is my daughter. She still is real and present to me. So is Nora. I-I promised myself after they died that I was done. I've never thought about marriage or children again because I knew I wouldn't have it. I hardly wanted to be alive, let alone searching for someone." He scoffs, chuckling uncomfortably as he grabs my hand. "And then I saw you at that damn diner."
"And I couldn't take my eyes off of you." He caresses my face with cold fingers. "Still can't."
My fingertips against his waist pulse by the force of my beating chest.
"I can see it so clearly. Our life. I tried hard to deny it. I resisted what came so naturally between us. But deep down, I'm sure of you. I'm sure of us."
I press a hand to his heart and he pulls me closer. "I'm sure of us too."
"I know you don't want ordinary, and I promise I'll never make you move to some suburb or limit your career in any way. We aren't meant for normalcy, and I like that."
I smile, greatly affected by how quickly we've forgotten where we are and succumbed to the depth of our complicated relationship. "I'll hold you to that promise."
His eyes bore into my own, full of life and understanding.
"Jo, I'd marry you anyplace, anytime. You'd just have to say the word, and I'm there."
I kiss him, lifting onto the tips of my toes to do it. A natural reaction, my arms cage around his shoulders as I press myself to him, overcome by an ocean of emotions that he's surfaced. We shuffle on the uneven dirt path, wrapped around each other while the birds wake with glorious song.
***
Buzzing from an eventful walk, completely oblivious now to my aching, swollen toes, I try to read a page from the newspaper, finding it damn hard to concentrate. Aidan is far more calm, possibly because Victoria is cleaning a few feet away, clearing the dishes from the table.
"I can help you with that," I say, standing to my feet in a rush. Aidan looks up from his paper, watching me curiously as I carry out a stack behind her on the way to the kitchen, knowing I never go near Victoria if I don't have to.
I'm not sure what Aidan and I said exactly on our walk, what it all means...but it was important, and substantial. And a clear step toward a future with him...a future that a couple months ago I would have repelled intensely.
"Aidan mentioned the walk was very nice today."
"Yes, it was," I reply vaguely to her, placing the dishes in the sink.
"Was...was it a proposal?"
"I'm...not really sure." I turn to her, bubbling with excitement. "But marriage did come up."
"Wow."
"You think it's soon..."
"No, it's not that."
She sets down the dirty dishes, leaning into the counter. Her silver hair flows down over her chest like a cascading waterfall.
"Then what?"
I'm not sure I want to know.
She looks at me squarely. "You have singlehandedly demolished every expectation I had of you when you arrived here, and since you started to show interest in Aidan."
I cross my arms, figuring it's about time we stop beating around the bush. "I know what it must have looked like, Victoria. I do. A journalist coming in here, demanding a story from a man who doesn't want to give it. An affair starts almost immediately. I don't hold it against you that you haven't been able to trust me yet..."
"You saved my husband's life a few weeks ago, Josephine. You have transformed Aidan." She shakes her head, awed. "You have my complete trust, and-and honestly, I've been trying to figure out a way to apologize to you since that night."
"You don't need to-"
"Yes, I do," she insists. "I already did to Aidan, but yours is more important. I judged you the second you walked in here. I judged the situation as a hopeless one, and I underestimated Aidan's...and your strength. A few months ago, he was at the end. I-I hadn't seen him smile in...I don't even know how long. When you came in here and declared you saw hope in him, and your determination to fix him, I honestly thought you must be crazy...crazy or crazy determined. It made believing that you wanted something from him much easier to handle."
She chuckles softly to herself. "Nora was a daughter to me. I saw her grow up...and those years I saw her reaching her own end...will haunt me to the rest of my days. I loved her a-and I don't know what was in her mind that day, I don't understand it but seeing Aidan, being there as he tried to bring his little girl back," she wipes under her nose which is running, although there are no tears, "back to life, I couldn't imagine he'd come back from that. I didn't think there was a force, a miracle large enough to do that."
She walks up to me and squeezes my hand. "But here you are...a guardian angel to him. I-I wish I could erase what I've said to you, what I've done, because I'm so happy he has you."
An overwhelming twist in expectations, Victoria has not only given her blessing, but has called me a miracle. I'm still floating on that confusion when I enter the parlor and take a seat. Aidan's eyes are slimmed with knowledge, the edges of his mouth curved.
"Good talk?"
"You could have warned me," I whisper, pressing my hands to my flushed cheeks. I lean toward him. "She called me a miracle."
I can't believe it. He laughs at my stupor, reaching across the potted flowers on the table top to grab my hand and kiss it. "It took her long enough to see it."
"I'm going to get spoiled, you know."
"Spoiled?"
"Yes, you keep saying and doing all these sweet things."
He smiles, his eyes descending to my phone that vibrates on the table, a picture of Samantha taking up the entire screen. "I wonder what she wants now. She's only called fifty times this morning alone."
"You've stolen me away to rural country, Hughes. She's adjusting," I joke, standing up to take it. "Hi Sam."
"Are you sitting down?"
"No. I'm standing. Why? Where the hell are you?"
I lean into the window, hearing her out of breath, the city loud from the other end.
"I'm running to the office."
"Why? It's Saturday."
"Because you are going to need me there."
I shift my weight off my hip, tensing with realization. "What do you know?"
"Matthew will be calling you in a few minutes. He needs you in Virginia and he told me to get into work."
"Virginia? What? Now?"
"Yes!"
A repetitive alarm rings over her exclamation and I realize I have a call waiting. With a glance, I find it's Matthew.
"Matthew's on the other line."
"Get it!"
I quickly hang up on her and answer his call, glancing back at Aidan who is holding the paper, but his eyes are on me intently. I avert mine back to the window.
"Matthew, Samantha just called."
"Good, I need you on a plane to Virginia like five minutes ago. Samantha will have your ticket at Pangborn Memorial airport."
"What's going on?"
"I'm at a damn baby shower and got the call from a close friend of mine, a Lieutenant working inside The Pentagon, that they linked the letters to a mobile home in Iowa. They raided the house and found a fucking smorgasbord of blueprints, maps of The Pentagon. Plans, Josephine. They're currently on lockdown. No one in or out other than high-ranked staff."
"Holy shit." My heart is pumping at twice the normal speed, my adrenaline surging with anticipation and excitement.
"I need you there."
"Hell yes, I'll go. Is there any way I can get inside? Could your connection get me in?"
"No, no, Josephine. I want you to keep a safe distance. This is dangerous."
"I'm not going to get anything from the outside, Matthew. You'll be sending me there to stand outside with the reporters and take photos of a damn building. Get me inside and I'll find something!"
I hear Aidan's chair abruptly screech back. "Josephine, what's going on?"
"Whether it's a hoax or not, Josephine, you'd be risking your life. It's not worth it," Matthew argues.
"You didn't hire me to stand on the side lines, Matthew!" I laugh, frustrated. "Get me inside. If the guy you know is a Lieutenant, he's high ranked. They're going to want someone to record this."
"I'll see what I can do, Jo...if you are sure."
"Of course I'm sure."
"I'll be in touch. Keep your phone on you, and get moving. Whether or not I get you the clearance, I want you there."
I hang up, immediately grinning. I set my phone down on the window-sill, so I can drag my hands through my hair and think clearly. Aidan notices my glee, and leans into the wall beside me.
"What's going on?"
"Aidan, it's insane. It's completely insane." God, I shouldn't be as excited for this as I am. "The threats, the piece I wrote about, it's true. They aren't just letters. They traced the letters to a place in Iowa and found plans, tons of plans, The Pentagon the main focus."
"Holy shit."
"Yeah, I'm so sorry, but I have to go." I clasp his neck and kiss him, faster than I'd like to, but there's no time. "I shouldn't be gone for more than a few days."
"To Virginia?" I slow, already by the door as he follows me. "Wait, Jo."
"What?"
"You said you wanted him to get you inside. Inside where?"
"The Pentagon. I mean, there's not much I can do from the outside, is there?" I chuckle, walking for his bedroom, where my bag is. The clothes in it are going to have to do. I'm dropping my toiletries into the bag when I notice Aidan under the doorframe of the bedroom, leaned into the wood.
"You cannot go into the Pentagon, Josephine," he suddenly says, and I freeze by the bed, brain and movements coming to a full halt. "To go and report this miles away from the threat is one thing. To insert yourself into the drama is something else entirely. Josephine, there's a fucking psycho planning to hurt people there. Are you telling me you mean to willingly put yourself in that situation, knowing the dangers?"
"That is my job, Aidan. That's what I do. That's what a good journalist does."
"No, no. That is above and beyond, Josephine. It's reckless and it's literally scaring the shit out of me, so-" He walks further into the room, rubbing his face. "I mean, have you ever done anything like this before?"
"I told you about the White House befor-"
"That wasn't on lockdown. It wasn't a physical threat."
"I've been to foreign countries on my own, literal regimes, Aidan. This is nothing, and nothing's going to happen. Not in the Pentagon. They won't let it get that far."
"Josephine."
"Aidan, this is what I do! Not five hours ago, you told me you knew what that entailed! You told me you could handle and let me do what I do, knowing it's not ordinary!"
"Five hours ago, you weren't about to chase a fucking terrorist!" he shouts back to me, eyes wide with concern. I slam my mouth closed, staring at him in shock. He's unraveling, jumping to scenarios and I can tell he's only a few words away from forbidding that I go. And that curls my blood in the worst way.
I've only known rushed flights and immersive stories. I've only known this kind of adrenaline, the search for the gold standard of stories, and this is it. In this job, there is no contemplating. There is no second-guessing the dangers.
You have to be willing to put your life on the line.
And I've never felt fear about that. I came to those realizations early on in my career, which made me thrive on that kind of danger rather than fear it.
Aidan doesn't see my way of things.
"Do you see how calm I am?" I ask him, smiling softly to placate him, aware I should have been out the door minutes ago. "Aidan, I'm prepared for this. I run on this type of chaos. And most likely, nothing's going to happen."
"What if it does?"
"It probably won't-"
"But what if it does?!" he repeats, angrily. He holds his forehead between his hands, growling in frustration. "God damn it, Josephine. I'm just supposed to let you go? Say goodbye and sit here, hoping that those plans aren't in place? That they don't slip through the cracks?"
I stare at him, heart sinking. My adrenaline takes a beating, coming down from my high as my overactive brain clears enough to let his desperate words sink in.
"Aidan..."
"I can handle a lot, Josephine. You going up against the government, that was something. This is a death wish."
"You see it that way, but it really isn't," I plead, walking up to him, imploringly. "I'm sorry. I-I got excited. I made a big deal out of this, but honestly, it's probably going to end up to nothing-"
"Don't lie to me, Josephine." He moves from my grasp. "You are brilliant. I know it, your boss knows it too. It's why he was arguing with you on the phone. Even he thinks you are insane for considering this! And he's a fucking dick to oblige you in it! You're used to getting what you want and I'll be damned if I let you walk out that door without making you realize what you're risking!"
"I don't know how else to tell you, Aidan," I utter through my teeth, his words sparking flames of rage. "This is my goddamn profession, and it's what, until I met you, I cared about more than anything in this damn world. You knew who I was when you met me. You knew how much I love my job. I understand your fear, and sympathize but if you try to stop me from jumping into danger, than you'll be telling me to give up what I do."
He shakes his head, his eyes soaring up to the ceiling.
"Before you settled down, Aidan, you told me you went out on your own, did what you wanted, despite the dangers. Nora and Lily made that impossible and I understand that-"
"You couldn't possibly," he mutters, under his breath in a growl.
"All right, then I can't possibly. But, you get my damn point."
"Yes, I get your damn point. You're only thinking about yourself and no one else! God forbid I come up in this scenario! Imagine," he holds up his hands, "imagine, something goes wrong. You're hurt. You're dead. And I'm here, watching it all go down on television. The one person that's given me any reason to want to wake up in the damn morning is dead and I'm left here, with that fucking guilt!" he bellows, lost in the fury. "Don't you think I've gone through enough?!"
I look down, consumed with shame, and defiance. My face is scalding hot, my hands gripping my bag. My phone begins to vibrate again, an unwelcome presence between us. I stare at it, conflicted.
I understand why he's scared, why he's begging me to stay.
I understand why he has every right to be afraid right now.
I am not a monster. I am not trying to hurt him. I'm not trying to take this to heart.
I'm just trying to do what I love to do. And the fact that he doesn't want to handle that, curdles my blood, and shrinks my heart in pain and confusion.
The buzzing begins again. Aidan is turned to the wardrobe, stiff as a board.
I feel a tear slide down my cheek, hot and thick. It falls from my chin onto my hands.
"Just answer it," he says, finally and starts for the door. "Go then."
"Aidan, please."
He turns to me, holding up his hand when I move toward him. "I'll be damned if I make you hate me for stopping you."
I stare at him imploringly. He's inserted the risks into my brain, which have done the impossible.
They've scared the shit out of me.
He could be right. Shit, he could be right, but I'd never forgive myself if I let this go.
He searches my sudden fear, and exhales, frowning. I watch him physically calm himself, and force back any residual anger he may have as he approaches me, taking my face between both his hands roughly.
"You be fucking careful," he whispers, thickly. The corners of his eyes tremble as he kisses me, slamming his mouth over mine with a grunt. I grab onto him just as hard, threading my fingers through his thick waves of hair. He pulls back, now breathing heavy. "Go."
***
The airport is empty, and small.
Small enough that you walk straight onto the tarmac to board.
I'm charging the electronics, tucked in a corner, searching the internet to research Lieutenant Martinez, find out more about the man I'm going to meet in Virginia, just a river away from Washington D.C. He's a Lieutenant General. Twenty-six years of service. Why he's offering inside information to the owner of The Chronicle is beyond me, and I don't really care enough to ask. There are larger things at stake.
I haven't shaken off Aidan's words, or the look on his face as he let me leave.
I felt so guilty I could have been sick.
It was a wake-up call, a reminder of how different our worlds can be. At one point in our lives, his profession wasn't so different from my own. He's gone to third-world countries, to countries effected by the worst mother nature has to offer.
Circumstances have changed that, and I don't blame them. But I can't erase the helplessness that's taken hold of my body sitting here.
Aidan was right. This is a risk, a risk that looking through his eyes, is something devastatingly dangerous. He didn't have to tell me that if something were to happen, he would be destroyed.
I know it. And that's hard to move forward with, really fucking hard.
They announce the flight boarding, which prompts me to begin packing up my things. I wipe my cheeks, feeling wetness over my numbed skin, and I heave myself out of my nook. I feel underprepared, but this wouldn't be the first time I winged a story.
I grab my bag and throw it over my shoulder, reluctantly. I can't help looking back toward the entrance, toward the doors that could bring me back to Leavenworth in under an hour.
My eyes land upon stormy, expressive ones...just a few feet away from me.
I look at Aidan in disbelief, stunned speechless as he begins to walk again.
I notice the bag on his shoulder.
I notice the thick clothes he's wearing-his coat, gloves, a hat-prepared for snow.
I notice the camera strap dangling around his throat, the device bobbing against his torso as he walks. The camera stumps me, and I gaze at him, having to look up as he stops in front of me, expressionless.
"I'm going with you."
"What?"
"Matthew got the clearance...He's included me in that clearance."
It's almost laughable how the thought of someone else entering the situation I'm so gladly running to frightens me beyond words. I press my hands to his chest, shaking my head frantically. "N-No-"
He grasps my face, looking down at me.
"I love you, Josephine," he says, firmly and my eyes instantly well up with tears. I'm speechless, and horrified, and amazed. His eyes bore deeply into my own as he repeats the words again, for the first time. "I love you."
I begin to smile, and it makes the tears fall fast.
"Do I need to say more than that?"
I shake my head, grabbing onto him, sucking in breath.
"No, no. I love you too. I love you so much. I-I can't let you..."
His gaze finds the passengers headed toward the open door which will lead to the tarmac. "Josephine, I majored in Political Science. My father was a senator. Nora's father is a governor. You're safer with me than anyone else."
The thought hadn't even crossed my mind until now. He's right.
He shakes me gently, forcing me to focus on him.
"I love who you are. And I don't want to change you, or hinder you in anyway. But, I also won't let you risk everything alone...we risk it together."
"Final boarding!"
We both look toward the place the woman's voice originated from, and then back to each other.
Seconds pass, both of us in collective silence-and then he makes the decision for me.
He grabs my hand, and motions to the woman shutting the doors.
"We're coming."