We were all lazily throwing out words while we wait for the grand guest to arrive when Calum blurted out something inappropriate that almost made me cough the cola I'm just drinking.
"I never would've imagined putting dick as lyrics. We're not mumble rappers with gold chains and colorful streaks on the hair, Cal." He laughs as if what he just said was peak comedy. "Do you want me to get you a dick tattoo right by your cheek now?" I grinned evilly and he jumped to the couch, wrestling on me once again as I try not to drop my cola.
"You're not gonna do that!" He quips playfully and I shoved his face away, earning few laughter from the rest of the boys. "You love me too much."
"That's why I'm gonna do it more." I tapped his cheeks and he ignored me, setting himself snuggly to my lap as he closes his eyes, evident large bags on his eyes while he tries finishing one song he said he would do the honors of singing. "Did you get sleep last night?" I mumbled and he shook his head. "Don't work yourself up."
"I just can't wait to get done with the album, you know?" He sighs, his eyes still closed. "We'll gather around once again to do the tour, we get to drink more cocktails at Japan, and possibly buy more toys for Duke." I laugh, briefly remembering Oliver's offer from a while ago and getting a slight pinch on my chest. I knew once the album get released and I called the producer, he'll discuss the matters with me and take me straight to LA without having the chance to go to the tour with the boys.
But some things just had to end, and one of those is this journey. My journey with them. "I'm pretty excited about the gifts we get! I mean, those cute little keychains of us. Aren't they adorable?" Ashton says while he lies down on the floor, as if daydreaming while he beams a smile.
"I'd get to take Crystal to different places, that's what I'm excited about." Mikey spoke as if he's in deep thought of where he's going to take Crystal, it made me smile that the boys I knew from way, way back were still the same boys that I see now. Daydreaming with eyes open, looking forward to something blissful in the future.
It kinda made me sad and happy all at the same time. That I won't be there to see the rest of it anymore. "Keep dreaming boys." I laid the cola down to the side table and opened my phone, seeing as we're taking a break from too much work. I let Calum sleep on my lap while I scan my social media and saw a particular photo of one of their fan pages.
The two pictures were a stolen one of the boys back in Australia when they were still starting out. Calum hasn't been hit by puberty truck, Ashton still sports a JB bangs, Mikey still had a full grown fringe, and Luke... well, he's that awkward boy who's too shy to take pictures with every girl she meets. And I stood there at the background, looking lovingly at them while I became one of their fan girls at the moment.
The two pictures that followed were with me and the boys, captioned as:
Let's take time to appreciate the fifth-half of 5SOS! Lacey Davis!
It's a photo of me, sprawled on the boys lap back in 2015. And one where Luke took a selfie with me while sleeping, wearing their merch from head to toe and possibly passed out drunk that they get to draw a large dick over my forehead with a permanent marker. It actually took me hours before I completely got it off and my forehead stung the whole day. But Luke took the opportunity to have me hangout back home all day without ever leaving the couch for a fear that the dick on my forehead might still be visible.
Those were the old times... I wanted to get back to it but also wanted to forget all about it.
I heard a clicking sound and saw Ashton on his phone, pointed directly while Calum sleeps peacefully on my lap. I could only mumble a low curse to not wake up the Scottish and possibly piss him off. He laughs and I got notified right after the they posted something (turning the notification on was done by none other than Ashton, of course.), and there right at his social media was a photo of only me as I stare at Calum's adorable sleeping face.
I refreshed the app and saw that it got poured by a thousand of likes in just a moment, and one of those were... Luke. I could only wonder where he was because I saw him a while ago, but he didn't follow me back to the studio where the boys are. "The Calcey ship is sailing!" Mikey whispered excitedly and I could only roll my eyes.
"How many times have I got to tell you that ship would never even leave the dock." The thing about their fans are that they're too dedicated in creating love teams. They could ship the boys to one another, they could ship me with anyone else in the band, but the one that stands out the most was from Calum and I. I didn't know how and why—but I'm pretty sure back then they consider Luke and I as secret twins for being both blondes, and for bonding so much it didn't seem romance-y to them anymore.
Or maybe they want the vocalist shipped to Ashton. I don't know and I have no plans of knowing anymore.
After a long hour of zero progress since the boys weren't entirely getting inspired in this four walled room, they continued to bug me off seeing as I was the only one remaining calm on the couch and that these children needed something to do before they all cause chaos. "Man, I've been trying to get Luke for an hour now. Do you think they're okay?" Ashton the ever so drama queen wailed as he had his phone right by his ear and has been calling the man in question for several times as it always went on voicemail.
"I'm sure they're fine." I breathed out, my ears exhausted from Calum's non stop banging on the drums. Him and Mikey were messing around and I admit it's not always fun when they've been at it for three hours.
"Can you lower it down, asshats?!" Ash blurted out as the two jammed on a song by Pierce the Veil. Mikey only laughs as he documents the whole thing on his social media. "God, sometimes I wonder why I stayed."
"Amen to that, brother." I raised my hands and closed my eyes on the couch in an attempt to tune everything out when Mikey started playing out a song very familiar to me. The one the four wrote three years ago when I was too sick to even function-and started singing it as Calum went on to the beat of the song. Ashton got tired of trying to call Luke and grabbed Cal's guitar, and there in front of me, the sight of boys as if we're back to that era. To bandana Ashton, to Mikey's red fringe, Calum's day where he never wore anything but a singlet, and... one missing boy that had a black piercing right by his lower lip.
"I don't wanna say goodbye to another night. And watch you walk away..."
This completes and breaks me at the same time. Is that even possible?
"I don't wanna waste it, don't wanna waste it. I don't wanna waste it. Don't wanna waste the night"
They only finished the chorus before stopping altogether and feeling the same thing I did. Something that doesn't feel complete. Something missing in the puzzle piece. "I still have a gym session, guys. I-I think I gotta go." Ashton laid the guitar back to its place and gave me a kiss on the forehead as he waves to the rest of the boys. The two started clearing out with a much gloomy place before going over to where I was.
"I think I'll be heading to Crys, wanna catch a ride, Lace?" Mikey asks with voice lower than I expected. It wasn't as cheerful as it is just a while ago and it made me sad.
"I'll head home. Catch some needed sleep." Calum says as he laid down his head on my shoulders. I breathed out a sigh and tapped the two boys' shoulder.
"You go ahead. I'll have some things to do." The two didn't seem to convinced but I gave them a tight smile. "I'll text you guys when I get home." The two stood up, giving me a group hug before they went to their own ways. Leaving me in the same place we used to fill with laughter over plenty boxes of pizza, jokes that would make me snort out the water or cough up from it, and the place we filled with something good. Something memorable that we hold on to.
But now, things seemed to have gone awry. The one place where we could be bond together as a band, with no one else but ourselves and music? It looked like it had gone away with the wind.
The door burst open and the view of Luke with the same clothes I've seen him this morning came in, a worried look on his face as he scans the studio and sees me, the only person strumming mindlessly on the guitar while I try to remember the good days. "Lace, I'm—"
"I never thought I'd see the day where I'm too tired of hearing you apologize." I say without warranting him another look. He closes the door behind him and sat at the other end of the couch, hearing him catch his breath as he might have run towards here. "So, where's damsel in distress?" I asked, sarcasm lacing on my voice.
"Sydney."
"Thought she'd be back?"
"She would've." He mumbled.
"You two had a fight? And you forget your responsibilities every time you do?" I stood up, ready to leave this place before it turns into a black hole. Something sucking you back into a bad and dark place that you'll never have the chance to escape anymore. Luke is another black hole. The one I voluntarily fell to, not knowing the horrors that hid beyond the vast ocean of his blue eyes and angelic voice. "Luke, it's not me you should be worried about letting down. It's Ashton, Mikey, and Calum. They've been calling you. Trying to give you unlimited chances. And you... you're wasting all of it." I turned and raised my hand in a pointing gesture only to stop when I saw him, his hands covering his already red face... and tears. "Luke..."
"I know I fucked up." It felt like a stump on my chest. The way his voice cracked while tears pour down on his cheeks. I have only seen him cry when he's too overwhelmed with happiness, and had seen it only briefly when he's too angry—but not this certain type of cry. The one where he's falling apart. Being torn into pieces. "The only reason why I wanted her to go here was to break up with her."
I slowly took a seat right back at the other end and frowned, "Why?"
He wipes his tears at the back of his hand and bit his lip to calm himself. "I... I thought I'd be happy with her. You know that? The one we always tell each other about back then? If we found the one for us, it'll give us love that flutters in our stomach—"
"—a love that makes our heart sing, and our eyes see rainbows and sunshine." I snorted. "The sad reality is, it's not always rainbow's and butterflies, Lucas. There will be storm, there will be times where you wanted to pull your hair out of your head and leave you a distinct bald spot." He chuckled, only for a bit before it went back to his weary face. "Love will make you go a tad bit crazy, make you cry your heart out or pains you to wake up in the morning. Love will pull you towards oblivion and make you wish you didn't try—but... it'll all be worth it for the right person. And the right person won't stroll in front of you casually like a walk in the park. You get to choose who the right one is—the right one that'll make everything worth up to the very brim." I brushed my hair out of my face and stopped myself on looking at him. The one who I chose before. The one that gave me all those feelings and made me wanna say he's gonna be worth all the wait, the pain, the casual glances or the electricity on every fiber of my body. But... no.
"And I can't see that in her." He breathed out.
"Well, then I'm sure you'll move past that. You're Luke Hemmings. You're beyond every woman's dream. You just gotta pick the right one out of the bunch." I hoist myself up and deciding to go home and sleep it all away.
"It's you, you know..." I stopped, my feet frozen on the pavement as soon as he muttered those words. "The first time I saw you that day at Year 8, I knew I just gotta have the balls to ask you out. Told myself to earn it, to try hard and get you to give me a chance. But you were so close with Calum. Every time he calls you, you'll be there. Every time he needs you, it won't take an hour before you appear at his doorstep. I—I got jealous. Thought you like him and saw me as a brother. It's stupid." My hands curled and I could almost feel my nails digging into my palms from too much... anger. "I... didn't know, Lacey."
This time, I held no horses back. "I fucking loved you! I poured all myself to you. Appeared at your doorstep twice as fast when you needed me, answers your drunk calls at two in the morning, and... and you thought all these time, I like Calum?! Even Calum fucking knows how I'm head over heels for you. The whole fucking band knows it! You are so oblivious, Lucas. I—I can't."
I can't do this anymore.