~ The truth is, you learn something about yourself everytime someone close says a goodbye~
" Nandini! I don't know you how to make you understand this. I won't find anyone else, for me it's either you or nobody. I can't bare myself to anyone else, ever. Nobody is going to pamper me, love me, handle me the way you do. And me closing up on you? I promise I will share everything with you, no matter I am happy or sad. No matter I am laughing or crying. You are my only go to person Nandini. Do you even understand that? The day I stop sharing with you, the day I step away from you, will be the last day of me. It will mean me losing myself completely. And you-", the sudden beating of the window pane against the window, broke Nandini's trance as she jumped on her spot due to the sudden noise. She hadn't even realized how much time had gone by, with her standing near her window, oblivious of the time, her surrounding and the rising storm outside. She was so lost with what happened earlier today, that she could not help but recall her last conversation with Manik, before she left for Manhattan.
If I get on my knees, and I pleaded with you,
Not to go, but to stay in my arms!
Manik! The name that used to bring glow to her face, the name she practically lived for, the name that was the centre of her entire existence.
And why not? That guy had once showed her stars in broad daylight with his love. He didn't only say it, he actually loved her like crazy. She actually was his breaths, his peace, his soul- anything and everything somebody required to live. She was shining star, the absence of which pushed him into a dungeon, full of darkness, and it had scared and scarred him for life.
Would you walk out the door,
Like you did, once before!
A bitter chuckle escaped her dry lips, as she again recalled that conversation. It had sounded so damn romantic to her that day, it was today she was realizing that like always, he had meant each word of that monologue. The quality of his that she loved the most, of being honest and uncomplicated with his feelings, she had looked past that particular trait only that day, because while she thought he was being cheesy, he was actually baring his soul to her.
Only her.
Because as he had said, the day he stopped sharing with her, the day he stepped away from her, actually became the last day of her Manik, since this Manik, she didn't know who he was, not anymore.
This time, be different!
Please, stay!
Don't go!
With the thought, came two realization bells. First, that he had let her go under rain, something he loved the most then, something he was sacred of now. Was it because of her that he lost his fascination with her? She could not help but cry out at that. Intentionally or unintentionally, she did rob him of everything that she was complaining of now.
And secondly, it was raining cats and dogs outside, and his window pane must be open too. The thought made her sprint to his room, almost tumbling twice on the way, and when she reached, panting, she found him standing at the window, watching the storm.
If I call out your name, like a prayer,
Would you leave me, alone, with my tears?
He was so still, so frozen, with his eyes fixed outside, and his hands gripping the railings of the window so tight, it scared her. It seemed like he wasn't even in this world, like he had gone far away from her, somewhere from where he just couldn't revert back. Taking small, shivering steps, Nandini dragged herself to him, and softly called his name, not wanting him to jump at her sight.
He didn't respond.
She called him again, her own heart beats audible loudly in her ears, against which she had to strain her voice. He didn't respond still. Trembling, she kept her hand on his shoulder.
He blinked.
Blinked, before turning to her. His eyes, a shade lighter than what she used to think, stared at her, but she knew, he wasn't yet looking at her. It took him a good few minutes, before he actually realized it was Nandini, and in the next millisecond he had hugged her, so tight that it hurt her physically, making her gasp for air.
"Nandini...rain...lost...no!", He was mumbling like a mad man, while she struggled to get out of his hold.
Knowing I needed you so,
Would you still turn and go?
" Noooo!", He literally shouted at her, not wanting to loosen her hold, " see, its raining".
Nandini somehow pushed him away, but held his hands tightly in hers, gauging by his reaction that he wanted to be assured that she was still there.
" Go hide! It's raining!", He whispered to her, afraid somebody might listen, and gave her a knowing look, like this was supposed to explain her everything.
" Why should I hide Manik?", Nandini questioned and Manik vigorously shook his head, not even paying attention to the stream of tears running down her eyes.
" It's raining Nandu, It will take you away from me again!", He shivered as he spoke, and Nandini wanted to die in that very moment, failing to endure anything more.
This time, be different!
Please stay, don't go!
Don't go!
But some situations in life, test us. Not for us, but for people we love. And Nandini knew, this was her test, for him, for someone she loved beyond the limit of earth and sky. She held her wrist, and walked out of the house, not leaving his hand despite his protests, and stopped only when they both stood under the open sky, drenched in the heavy rain.
Looked like, even God was shedding tears for them, that night.
I loved you before I even knew your name,
And i wanted to give you my heart.
Manik was shocked with what just happened, it was almost eight years after which he was facing his once favorite, heavy rains. He stood still, letting the drops beat him blue and black, letting it sink in.
And Nandini stood exactly in front of him, letting the rain wash it all away. All his fear, all his hurt, all their pain.
After a few minutes, she walked closer to him, and kept her close hands on his mane.
" Look its raining. And I am still here, with you", she ran her fingers over his nape, her thumbs caressing his cheek bones.
" You are?"
" I am. I always will", and with that sentence, she kissed him, pouring out all her love for him, sucking away all his pain, all his heartache, drenching him with all the good, drinking away all the bad.
But then, you came back, after leaving me one time,
I knew, that the heartache would start!
It took him only a few seconds to respond, he kissed her with everything he had. Love, hate, anger, sadness, everything. He had missed her for eight long years, and now that she was here, he wanted to devour every bit of her. It was all he wanted to live, to love, to stay maybe.
Manik Malhotra's world was only this petite naive girl, and he could rip himself apart for her. Only her.
They broke the kiss when they felt short of oxygen, and rested their foreheads on each other, panting. The rain was increasing in intensity, but it didn't scare them anymore.
They had their own, new memories to love the rain now.
That night, when sleep finally embraced them in its lap, for the first time in eight years, Manik was at somewhat peace. Nandini had returned him his rain today, and it had calmed him down in more than one way. Nandini, on the other hand, could not sleep, she had just few days before Manik would leave, and she still had a few things more to return him.
If i called out your name, like a song!
That was written for you, you alone!
The next morning was unusually quite, because by the time Nandini woke up, groggy due to her disturbrd sleep, she came out to find Manik still asleep. She stood near his bed, adoring him, as he slept. Not able to control, she leaned and kissed his forehead, smiling.
" You might be lost without me Manik, but you will never be lost with me. And no matter how far or close you stay from me, I will never let anything happen to you, ever again!", She promised to him, and herself, as she finally moved to freshen up and also finish up some of her pending work.
Three hours later, Manik was sitting in the drawing room, when the door bell rang. He opened the gate, to welcome a cute ten-eleven year old girl.
" Nandini Didi?", She asked, her big doe eyes shining, bringing a reflex smile on his lips.
He ushered her in, and called for Nandini, who came out with three different pens in her hand, and a file, but scooted down smiling once she spotted her.
" Mili? Hey, what's up?", She cooed, and Mili went running into her arms, giggling as Nandini tickled her.
" School project, again?", Nandini tapped her chin, and Mili nodded sheepishly.
" But I am really busy today", Nandini frowned looking at the file, while Mili pouted.
" But it's due tomorrow", Mili stomped her foot, almost on the verge of crying.
" I am free, can I help?", Manik's voice made Mili turn, who first looked at Nandini, and when she nodded, she ran to Manik. Nandini hid her known cunning smile, and went inside the kitchen, baking the promised cupcakes for Mili.
" What do we have to do?", Manik asked as they both settled on the couch.
" Write a story!", Mili shrugged, trying not to overact or Nandini Didi would deprive her of those delicious delicacies.
" Story?", Manik wasn't sure if this was a good idea anymore, but the child's happy eyes didn't let him deny per se.
" Yes, and the topic is self love. And mam said, write in first person. Will you write it for me, please?", Mili smiled her best, and Manik had to smile back. She happily jumped, giving him the copy and pen, and told her he had only the day, because she had to submit tomorrow, before running straight out of the door.
Would you still, hurt my pride?
Ohh hey how i cry!
Now, it was close to nine years that Manik had actually written something, forget a story. He was so passionate about writing earlier, he used to script his own plays and then enact it. He had an eye for detail, and he used to love how Nandini used to fangirl about his characters.
His hand was shivering as he tried holding the pen steady. But the flashes kept coming, every now and then, his mother, sorry step mother and her taunts, his father's sullen face that day when he had called him, the rejected proposals from those institutes. He was begining to tremble, his eyes blinking rapidly to keep the mist away, when he heard Nandini's voice. Seemed like she was talking on the phone.
" Common yaar Navya, that's not possible. We can never forget things that you are passionate about. You can never be bad at that, if you have excelled once. Yes, the sharpness might fade, but who cares? There is a lot of time to practice. It's where your heart lies, and you should listen to your heart. I know you will do good, you are made for it", she was speaking loud enough for him to hear, and somehow that was exactly what he needed to hear.
Manik searched his ear phones, and then searched that one drunk song that Nandini had sang in her baby voice on their first night out and he had secretly recorded it. Playing it on loop, help him zone out of the world, and with the world, those flashes also. All he could focus on was Nandini, her baby voice, his mind playing her smile, his heart remembering the melody of her laughter as the song continued, and after a long wait of nine years, Manik started to write the story in a notepad that was magically kept within his reach in the drawing room. Her voice continued to fight all the battles for him.
Mai jaan ye vaar du,
Har jeet bhi haar du!
Keemat ho koi tujhe,
Beintehaan payaar du!
Sari hade meri, ab maine tod di,
Dekar mujhe pata, awargi ban gye.
Han hasi ban gye, haan nami ban gye,
Tum mere aasman, meri zameen ban gye!!
Kya khoob Rab ne Kiya,
Bin maange itna diya,
Warna hai milta kaha,
Hum kafiro ko khuda!
Hasratein ab Meri, tumse hai ja mili,
Tum dua ab meri, aakhri ban gye.
Haan hasi ban gye, haan nami ban gye,
Tum mere aasman meri zameen ban gye!
Nandini stood quietly at the farthest end of the room, hidden from his vision, watching him with teary eyes. She saw him writing pages after pages, then tearing them from the notebook, crushing and throwing them. He looked like the old Manik in that moment, the one who was not satisfied with a single draft ever. It continued for hours at stretch, until he was finally satisfied, which she knew with that one typical smile of his, and it was then that he raised his eyes to find her- his first reader, his first critic always.
Nandini quickly hid herself, and then acted like she was coming out of her bedroom, faking surprise at the avalanche of papers in her drawing room. She saw him getting up to reach her with that notepad, and without saying anything, forwarding it to her.
His handwriting had matured, and become more cursive, she noticed as she ran her eyes over the draft. With an excited smile, she sat down to read, and though it was a simple story, written with the mindset that it was a small girl's project work, it was special to her, in so many ways, and so to him.
This time, be different!
Please stay, don't go!
Hence, she didn't even say a word of compliment, and Manik didn't need any from her. He simply went to her, and leaned, making it easy for her to drop her petals on his forehead. It was one of their things, she always kissed him whenever he made her read any of his write-up.
Their moment was broken by Mili who barged inside jumping, and Nandini smiled, before handing her a big box full of cupcakes, while Manik received another peck from Mili too, for finishing off her work.
For the next one week, Mili came everyday, with her homeworks, and Nandini was busy everytime. Only if Manik would have noticed, he would have seen that Nandini baked every day of that week, and that Mili had gained weight in one week, or that the topics she asked him to write on, were barely a ten year old to think upon.
He didn't realize though, and it only made Nandini's work super easy. He had started to grow comfortable with writing again, and he didn't even need his phone and her song on loop, eventually.
But, life can't be only good. So he also got an acceptance letter from a small corporate firm in Shimla, that asked him to join within a week. When Nandini saw the letter she didn't say anything, just smiled at him, stating she would oversee all the preparations. She made sure someone from the gang called him everyday for the past week, so that he could open upto them as well. He didn't really, but it was a Better equation that before.
Single handedly, she managed Everything, her work from home, his health, food, his stay at Shimla, making sure his flat there is furnished, the requirements, the major part of his packing, all these while working like a robot, keeping a big stone on her own heart.
Don't go! Please stay!
The night before the day he was supposed to leave, he was packing the left over. He didn't know if what he was doing was right anymore. He didn't know if he really wanted to go. He was busy contemplating when Nandini entered, with a gift in her tiny hands. He looked up at her, and noticed the dark bags under her eyes. She looked like a whithered version of her former self.
A smile stayed on her face, when she handed him the gift, and waited for him to open it. Inside it was a diary, the front cover of which had 'Manik' written in radium.
" I won't force you to join theatre again Manik, not even as a writer. But all I would say is at least write a diary entry every day if you don't want to make it professional. It's your peace Manik, let it stay with you this time", she spoke softly, and Manik nodded, keeping the diary safely inside. When he looked up again, she was gone.
If I get on my knees, and pleaded with you,
Not to go but stay in my arms?
He spent the night thinking, and she spent the night crying. Both wlebomed the morning with swollen red eyes. Mahir had decided to drive him to Shimla, and he was waiting outside when Manik came out with his luggage, his eyes searching Nandini, but found a pair of tiny eyes staring at him.
"Mili?", He called her, and she ran to him.
" You are going away?", She asked, sadly. Manik didn't know what to say.
" Stay na, Didi will continue to make me cookies and cupcakes for those fake homeworks", Mili pleaded, unwary of what she spoke, but Manik had goosebumps at her words.
At the same time, Nandini came out, and Mili ran away, not wanting to be scold for leaking out the secret.
Would you walk out the door,
Like you did once before?
" So, this is good bye then?", Nandini sighed, handing him a big box of her special cookies, his ID cards, his flat keys, a phone book with all the important numbers, and a big smile.
Manik stared at her lean figure, she looked like she had lost everything. Her eyes were red, he could tell she had cried. Her nose was pink and her hair unkempt. On the contrary, his Health had improved, the colour to his cheeks had returned. His clothes were pressed, his hair made.
" Are we really this toxic to each other?", He asked, his eyes starting to get misty.
" No. We are not toxic ,we just love each other with every single fibre of our beings, and too much of anything is not good", Nandini exhaled, and closed her eyes before opening them again.
This time be different,
Please stay, don't go!
" Can I hold you, one last time?", She nearly begged.
" You never have to ask!", He cried out, before hugging her tight and close.
She rubbed her cheek on his shirt snuggling, he kissed the top of her head. She wiped her eyes trying to hide it from him, he did the same.
" Go! Stay safe, and most importantly, stay happy!", She broke the hug at Mahir's honk. She didn't had it in her to bid him a final bye by accompanying him till outside. Manik understood, and nodded, asking her to do the same, and walked out.
Once she heard the SUV drive away, she fell down on her knees, tired and lost.
" I wish you stayed", she mumbled before unconsciousness took over her exhausted figure.
Don't go! Please stay!
Don't go!
P.s: there is one more to come. Stay tuned!