Rain slammed onto the concrete, misting up from the ground and dampening Mai's socks. The streets were empty. Mai's shoes striking the sidewalk sounded like sledgehammers in the quiet evening haze. Water dripped from her umbrella onto the back of her calves. Despite the miserable weather, she was skipping towards her apartment with contented glee.
She got the job!
The interview had gone well, so well that she'd been offered the position on the spot. Starting next Monday, Mai would be sewing up designs for a big-name fashion industry.
She got her dream job!
Mai was on cloud-nine. She was bursting at the well-sewn seams with joy. So, when she saw the drenched scientist standing in front of the memorial, Mai figured she could go the last three blocks without an umbrella. She inched up next to him, wondering how best to strike up a conversation that would let her give him the umbrella without coming off as overbearing or nosy.
The scientist did her job for her. "It's raining hard, huh."
Yes! Perfect! What a weight off of her shoulders. Mai hated striking up conversations herself.
"Uh, yeah, you, um-do you want my umbrella?" Rough, but not a disaster. The scientist peered at her from behind his glasses. The rain began picking up, wind blowing icy droplets hard enough to make Mai almost regret offering.
God, he was dripping. Why was he just standing out here? Poor guy must be freezing his science-y balls off.
Frozen Scientist raised a polite hand, ready to decline. The first squirming tendrils of mild embarrassment were already forming, when a literal lightning strike streaked out of the clouds, arching like a burning claw and meeting the top of her metal umbrella pole.
Mai dimly registered her hand, stinging in pain from what had to be a burn, dropping the umbrella. Frozen Scientist's face, the memorial, everything faded into a searing white.
She was honest to god about to die the day she landed her dream job.
When the light faded, she was strangely exhausted, as if she'd been napping. Maybe she'd been unconscious? Was she in the hospital? No, no way. The damp, chill atmosphere was seeping away, replaced by a painful, dry heat. This wasn't a hospital. The creaking, popping noises in the background were the sounds wood made when it burned.
Oh shit.
Something was on fire.
As if a switch had been flipped, Mai realized:
1. This was not where she'd been standing a second ago,
2. Wherever she was now, it was on fire,
3. There's a man literally sleeping through a burning building, and
4. Holyshitthere'saguywithasword
"Ah-" As Mai struggled to react, the man preparing to pull an Inigo Montoya jerked back, startled by the five-foot-five, ash-brown-haired girl in pants that had teleported onto the balcony. He bolted, leaving the sleeping man alone on his flaming futon. Mai stood on the balcony for a second, gaping like a concussed fish before rushing over to Sleeping Beauty.
Mai kneeled by the man, hesitated, then slapped him in the face. "Hey! Hey! Your house is on fire!" Speaking of which, why wasn't his smoke alarm going off?
Eyelids parted to reveal dazzling carmine eyes that cycled through indignation, confusion, realization, then a brief spark of horrified fury. He bolted upwards, forcing Mai to pull back unless she wanted her nose broken.
The two managed to escape, not stopping their frantic sprint until they were a safe distance from what turned out to be a temple of some sort. Sleeping Beauty mumbled to himself, something about people trying to "do away with him."
Was this an assassination attempt?!
It was only then that Sleeping Beauty turned a critical gaze on her. "You there, woman. Let go of my hand."
Mai yanked her hand to her chest, mollified. Her palm tingled. "Sorry."
The way Sleeping Beauty stared down at her made her feel like a lowly priest looking into the eyes of a god. Mai was equal parts uncomfortable and elated. Having this man's attention felt like winning a prize.
"You saved my life. You may be some girl the monks snuck in for amusement, but I owe you my thanks."
What.
Who was this guy? Monks? Amusement?! The dull, stinging prick of offended indignation burned in Mai's chest. He was using weird euphemisms, but she was certain he just called her a prostitute.
Resisting the urge to frown, Mai took a half-step backwards. "Oh, well, you're welcome." Not knowing what else to say, she turned to leave, ready to find a significantly less flammable spot for her own seventy-eight hour nap. Too much had happened in, what, half an hour? "Bye."
Sleeping Beauty grabbed her hand, causing a fresh wave of itchy pain to shoot up her arm. "I just said I owed you my thanks."
What did he want her to do? "What do you want me to do? I said you're welcome."
He looked genuinely confused, in an irritable kind of way. "Do you not know who I am?"
"Should I?" Mai drug out the words, uncertainty coloring her tone. She just wanted to leave. If he really owed her, he should just let her leave!
Sleeping Beauty let go of her, humming to himself. A smirk crawled up his face. "Saving me without knowing who I am... you intrigue me, woman, and that's almost as praise-worthy as saving me life."
It was official. Mai didn't like him.
Oh, also, he was apparently Nobunaga Oda. As in, the historical figure who died - or was supposed to die - in the same temple they'd fled not twelve minutes before. Meaning Mai was in the past. Meaning Mai changed the past. Meaning Mai needed to sit down.
Her attempt at fleeing was halted when a posse of heavily armored men rushed up to Nobunaga. A man with lavender hair started asking if she was alright, and a brunette with a fuzzy haori was throwing suspicion at her and a man with an unnerving grin. Everyone was talking and looking her over and the temple was still on fire and god her hand hurt.
In an act of sheer stupidity, Mai turned and ran into the woods like a frightened feral child, ignoring the various shouts from behind her. She spotted pseudo-Inigo Montoya up ahead and veered left, heart thumping in her chest hard enough to hurt.
She then slammed into yet another stranger with a sword.
"Ow!" The stranger wound up under her.
"I'm so sorry!" Mai pushed herself upwards, only to be pulled back down by her shirt.
"Careful! There's a cliff right there!" Mai froze. She needed to take a second and calm down. Running around blindly wasn't helping her.
All was silent for one blessed minute. Then, "um, can you get off of me...?"
Lord, strike her down, she'd been mortified to many times today. Mai didn't even bother apologizing again as she lifted herself off of the stranger, although it made her feel guilty.
More men showed up. They really were just popping out of the woodwork at this point. Only one of those newcomers caught her attention, though. Dressed like a ninja and trailing behind some angry blonde was the scientist she'd offered her umbrella to!
The two made eye contact. Frozen Scientist (although he had probably thawed by now) made up a lovely lie and proceeded to escort her away, waiting until they were alone to explain everything.
Apparently, Frozen Scientist was named Sasuke, like Naruto's emo boyfriend. The lightning strike had warped them into an alternate version of history, and Sasuke somehow showed up four years earlier than Mai.
A man's voice cut through the forest, calling her name. Sasuke vanished like a proper ninja, reassuring her that he'd find a way to contact her again, before leaving Mai all alone to face him. Nobunaga must have sent men after her; the brunette with the fuzzy haori was there, along with a man wearing an eyepatch who grabbed her by her smoke-stained shirt and hoisting her onto his lap.
"Running from Lord Nobunaga, how rude can you be?" Fuzzy Haori said. Eyepatch Man laughed, but abruptly stopped when she made a move for the rein, grabbing her still-burning hand.
"That's a lot of blood, lass."
Wait, what?
Eyepatch Man took one hand off the reins and grabbed her right hand, flipping it to show her palm. The skin was charred, with clear pus and a worrying amount of blood leaking across blackened fingers.
Oh. Ow. That explained the buzzing feeling. This better not get infected. Medicine in the 1500s was no where near the level of modern health care -
With a start, Mai realized there were no modern drugs available. And when Mai thinks drugs, she means her goddamn epilepsy meds fuuuuuuck.
Her pills were back in her apartment. Which didn't exist yet. Oh hell, where did people stand on seizures in this time period? Did they view them as some sort of unholy sign? Would they kill her? Kick her out into the wilderness like a leper? This morning's dose will have worn off by tomorrow, what was she supposed to do?!
She needed to calm down. Stress increased her risk. It wasn't as if she was surrounded by stressful things like warmongering, sword-wielding misogynists.
Yikes.
-
The castle town was surprisingly peaceful, seeing as someone had tried to assassinate their lord. Eyepatch Man - he had introduced himself as Masamune - helped her down from the horse.
"Oi, Hideyoshi, go get Ieyasu," he said, referring to Fuzzy Haori, who did as he was told but didn't look at all sympathetic. He came back minutes later with an irritated blond.
Said blonde (the real genuine authentic Ieyasu Tokugawa?!) scoffed at her as he approached. "This is the girl? She looks like she could easily be snapped in half."
Ieyasu Tokugawa was a short, rude turd. Mai felt like telling him off, but she was exhausted. The adrenaline she didn't know she had been using was wearing off, and with each passing second it became harder and harder to ignore her hand. She could barely manage a peeved frown as he checked her hand over.
"This is a mess," he concluded.
Something bitter burned in her chest, spawned from increasing pain and decreasing energy. "Wow, amazing, I couldn't tell." The words were out of Mai's mouth before her foggy brain could register how uncalled for that was. Her cheeks heated up. Oh my god why did I say that-
Massmune snorted, Hideyoshi looked torn between shock and offense, but Ieyasu looked furious. His pale face was a spicy scarlet. "You- I-" It was as if his rage was swelling up his words, preventing them from fitting through his mouth.
Mai was already suffering from Maximum Embarrassment, but she regretted provoking him even more when he towed her all the way to his infirmary to inform her that the crisp, charred skin surrounding her burn needed to be sliced away, and that she was going to suffer through him washing out all the dirt and leaves and crap in the wound before she could just go to bed.
Tying her hand to a work table so she couldn't jerk away, Ieyasu met her eyes with the grim determination of a doctor. "Try to relax," he said, and oh boy did that sentence make her Not Do That. He pulled out a small knife and cut, mouth thinning into a displeased line when Mai instantly let out a muted shrieked. Her legs flailed, aggressively slamming themselves anywhere they could while she whined and sobbed, but after that first cut she went silent. Through the whole process she didn't make another sound. Her arm remained still as stone through every tug and slice, and her lack of reaction was unsettling to the point where Ieyasu was concerned she'd gone into shock or passed out. It was unnerving (and impressive, but mostly unnerving) how Ieyasu had delt with seasoned soldiers struggling and screaming when he treated similar wounds, but this weak girl was borderline unresponsive.
It wasn't natural.
When Ieyasu finished, smoothing a salve over the now clean, char-free burn, he wrapped a clean strip of linen over her hand. "I'm done. You can go to your room now."
Mai turned her head to him, carefully avoiding his eyes, before standing on trembling legs. "Thank you," she said, in a tight voice. Ieyasu watched her walk to the door with slow, deliberate steps.
A maid was waiting outside. "My lady," she said, body language soaked with genuine concern. "Do you need help walking? Are you in much pain?" She wrapped a calloused hand around Mai's arm. "Please, lean on me."
Mai was led to her room. As they walked she gradually returned to herself. The shaking lessened, but her eyes were blurry with tears demanding to finally be let out. When they reached their destination, Mai was coherent enough to give the maid a grateful smile. "Thank you very much for your help. I really appreciate it."
Alone at last, Mai crawled into the futon given to her and pressed her face into the pillow, sobbing. That hurt that hurt that hurt GOD that hurt so much.
Finally, she was alone. She could relax a bit. She could process this. She could sleep.
There was a knocking noise. An unspecified panel slid around. A whisper.
"Mai?"
For the love of god, why couldn't she just pass out already.
Using a monumental amount of effort, she rolled over. There was a Sasuke in her ceiling.
"Sasuke? How did you get into my ceiling?" Her voice sounded hoarse.
"I came to tell you not to worry. I've calculated the next occurrence of the wormhole. It will appear in three months." A pause. It might've been awkward, Mai was too drained to tell. "Are you alright?"
Her bandaged hand shot up from her blanket. It was already stained reddish-yellow. "Had a burn treated. It hurt. I'm okay, though."
"I can see that your tired. I can pop by later. Stay safe, alright? I'll be around." The panel shut. Mai fell asleep before she could register how funny Sasuke had looked in her ceiling.
-
When the morning came, Mai was overwhelmed with dread. She knew a seizure was inevitable, but there was no telling if it would hit in minutes or days. She knew she'd have to interact with Ieyasu if he wanted to check up on her hand (which stung like a mother and looked gross in its soiled bandage). She'd also need to talk to Nobunaga if she was staying here. Ugh.
Resigning herself to the inevitable, she dressed herself in the kimono that had been left out for her last night. The fabric was a rich indigo, with red and white peonies trailing up the sides. She pulled her hair back in a loose bun, ignoring the odd stray curl. Her old clothes were tucked away. They were essentially ruined; tattered and burned and permanently "smoky," but they were one of the few connections to the present (future?) she had.
A different maid from last night was outside her door. Mai was to be escorted to the war room. Gossip must've spread through the castle, because this new maid was also worried about her hand and general well-being.
The interior of the castle was as massive as it was impressive. Lofty, rafted ceilings stretched over polished wooden floors and screen walls. Castle staff strolled down the halls, all looking confident and deliberate. Some carried weapons, intricate katana, wakizachi, rifles, and bows. Others had wobbly piles of scrolls clutched to their chests, or baskets of food. It was as if an entire town had been neatly tucked away inside.
"In here, please." The maid opened an ornate screen door and gestured for Mai to enter.
Inside, Nobunaga and his men seemed to be having a meeting. Mai recognized Ieyasu, Hideyoshi, and Masamune, as well as the creepy guy and the one with the gentle smile. Nobunaga immediately met her eyes, flashing her a confident smile-borderline-smirk. "Ah, Mai. You kept us waiting."
Mai sat down at the end of the gathering, next to the Gentle One. Digging deep into her vague knowledge of historical manners based entirely on period dramas, she channeled her most subservient behavior. "My apologies," she said, avoiding eye contact.
"Come closer," Nobunaga beckoned. Mai reluctantly scooted towards him, mouth opening wide in silent shock when he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into his lap. With a bold, booming voice that reverberated through the meeting room, he declared, "from now on, you will be my lucky charm! You shall come with me into battle, and reside here at the castle. Spend your days on cards and clothes, I don't care."
Mai was embarrassed. Mai was so, so embarrassed.
She flailed, mortified, and all but flew from Nobunaga's arms. "I," she went to complain about Nobunaga's claiming ownership of her as if she was property, but her brain caught up with her mouth. Even if it was gross, she was being given free housing, food, drink, and clothing in exchange for showing up. In the Sengoku period, this was the height of luxury. She only needed to stay here for three months, anyway, and doing so safely tucked away in a castle was better than roughing it out in the wilderness. Taking a deep breath, Mai collected herself. "I appreciate your generosity, but I can't stand around doing nothing. Please put me to work."
There. Now she didn't feel like a freeloader.
"You get appointed princess and the first thing you do is ask for work?" Masamune couldn't wrap his head around it. Mai looked at him and shrugged.
The gentle one spoke up. "I think that's wonderful of you, Lady Mai." His voice was just as calming as his smile. Mai's heart fluttered.
"If Mitsunari approves of it, I know it's a bad idea," Ieyasu grumbled.
Mitsunari, huh? So that was his name. Now if only she could find out the Creepy One's name...
"You're a bold one, speaking to me like that. No matter. I'll see to it you're assigned work." Nobunaga took control of the room again. "Hideyoshi, what is there for her to do?"
"She could always work with me," said the Creepy One.
Hideyoshi scoffed. He didn't seem to like the Creepy One. "Don't be ridiculous, Mitsuhide." Turning to Nobunaga, his attitude pulled a 180 from dismissal to reverence. "She could be put in the kitchens, the stables, sew clothes, clean the floors - wait, actually I have the perfect job for her. Mitsunari needs someone to make sure he doesn't kill himself."
"That sounds-"
"You want me to babysit?!" Mai outright interrupted Nobunaga, earning herself an irritated glare from Hideyoshi. "I-I'm sorry." She was not making a great impression on him.
Nobunaga's eyebrow rose. Was he irritated or impressed? Either way, his eyebrows were gorgeous. Nature had once again blessed an ungrateful man with perfect arches. "Very well, Hideyoshi. Mai, you'll make sure Mitsunari eats and sleeps. If you feel this is too little work, you may ask for more at the appropriate time." Appropriate time being Not Now.
Muddled relief flooded Mai's veins. Nobunaga wasn't angry. In the back of her mind, she knew she was toeing a dangerous line between being unique and getting herself executed, but it wasn't really her fault. If these warlords wanted respect, they should treat her like a person, not property.
Wait, fuck, she was a woman in the 1500s, she was property.
Mai wished she still had her punching bag. Some therapeutic boxing sounded nice. At least she had her best brass knuckles in her purse.
Whatever. Time to show some period-appropriate reverence. "Thank you very much, Lord Nobunaga." Mai bowed low, forehead pressed against the cool, smooth floor.
Just three months. She only needed to get through three months.