“Transfers, we’re going to be doing something different today,” Amar announced in a clear voice. All conversation in the lunchroom ceased, and we all turned to watch him. “Get up, and follow me.”
I stood and walked behind Amar as he led us out of the dining hall and along the paths that surrounded The Pit. Dan was still munching on the remains of the muffin he’d stuffed in his face, and I could hear Grace walking along behind me.
We climbed up the stairs, past various stores, and then even higher than we’d ever gone before. Luckily, I’d never been scared of heights, and so I followed without any hesitation. Grace, however, didn’t seem to have the same sentiment; her face seemed drained of blood as we continued to climb, and on more than one occasion I heard her suck in a sharp breath.
She must’ve almost lost her balance at one point, because the next thing I knew, I felt her hands fly out and bump into my back. I winced, my skin tender from the tattoo I’d just finished getting that morning, but didn’t say anything. Other than Dan and Tori, the artist I’d met during my first days in dauntless, no one else knew about my tattoo.
After I’d arrived at the tattoo shop, I’d asked Tori for a piece of paper and a pencil, and then described to Dan just what it was that I wanted. He’d agreed immediately, and happily set to work. Once he was done, I’d handed the sheet of paper to Tori and asked her to replicate it onto my skin. It had been a long and uncomfortable process, but in the end it had certainly been worth it.
The large back-piece was a true work of art. I’d described what I wanted in simple terms, but with Dan’s incredibly gifted hand, he’d transformed the idea and brought it to life. Ultimately, my tattoo had been inspired by my father’s philosophies, which in turn were exactly the same as my own. I believed in what he’d thought; that none of us should have to be limited to one faction alone. It was already wired into me to be honest, brave, and selfless, but did that necessarily mean I couldn’t also be smart and kind?
On my back, there was now a more ink-to-skin ratio. To anyone, it would seem that my tattoo was no more than a piece of abstract art, while in reality there was a secret hidden behind its intricate lines and shadows. I figured getting the emblems of each faction tattooed on my skin would be too obvious; so I’d decided to combine them into a single subject, where they could still be represented without putting my life directly at risk.
To symbolize amity, I’d gone with a large old oak that was centered at my spine. Tori had shaded it perfectly, catching the fine details and curling peels on the tree’s bark. I wanted to be kind and serene, even if it wasn’t something I was normally inclined to do. I also liked the idea that with the tree, I was sort of paying an homage to my mother’s old faction.
Near the top, the tree forked into two opposing sections; a sign that hinted to the candor scales. The branches rose on either side of me, curling up like fingers around the tops of my shoulders and around my biceps. If you looked closely you could just make out that the tips of the branches transformed so that they were actually a slender lick of flames; a nod towards the dauntless side of me. Deceptively hidden amongst the whirling lines of the tree’s bark, was the erudite eye, and as the base of the tree flared out into a mass of roots, the texture changed so it resembled that of the abnegation stones.
All in all, it was exquisitely drawn and a real masterpiece, but that wasn’t the only reason I loved it. My tree, it was a sign of life, growing from what seemed like impossible circumstances; it was symbolism at its best. I wanted to be just that; not only a survivor, but someone who could flourish even in the harshest of environments.
As we continued to get closer and closer to the glass ceiling, I could just make out the first of the sun’s rays peeking through the darkness. I heard a skittering of rocks behind me, followed by another gasp, and I turned and instinctively reached out to hold onto Grace’s hand. She was as pale as a sheet, and in obvious need of moral support.
“Hey, it’s okay, just don’t look down,” I said.
“Thanks,” she responded gratefully, squeezing my hand back with an iron-like grip.
We climbed up another flight of metal stairs that led up through a hole in the ceiling, and as I peeked down, I saw that the Pit and the chasm were just below us. Once we were on the glass, which was now floor rather than ceiling, I figured Grace would be fine. When she didn’t release my hand, however, I couldn’t find it in me to pull away.
We walked through a cylindrical room with more glass walls, and then past a final door. Beyond it the space was enormous, dark, and had a slightly musty smell to it. I could see that the dauntless born were already waiting. Some were milling around the room, others were clustered together talking, and the rest were seated on some of the surrounding benches. Amar walked over to Red, and they began to speak amongst themselves.
“Sage,” I heard Randi call out.
I turned and spotted her and Ava walking in our direction. I smiled, and was about to say something when I noticed Randi’s eyes flicker down to my hand; the hand that Grace was still holding. She raised a brow. Without thinking twice, I pulled my hand away and then jogged over to her. She didn’t say anything, but I could see her eyes were curious.
“She’s afraid of heights,” I explained quickly. “The stairs and the glass floor were freaking her out.”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain anything to me,” Randi said with a lighthearted laugh. “I trust you.”
I couldn’t help but give a relieved sigh; her honesty was very much apparent.
“That’s good, I just wanted to tell you because –well– I honestly never know just how the female psyche works. You’re reactions don’t always make sense to me,” I admitted. “I didn’t want there to be any sort of miscommunication.”
Randi chuckled again, hooking her arm through mine as she pulled me further into the room, which was covered with graffiti and exposed pipes. The only light source was what came from the old-fashioned fluorescent bulbs that hung on the ceiling.
“Just out of curiosity, has that ever happened to you before?” Randi said as she pulled me down onto the seat next to her. “Have you ever had girl-problems because of a miscommunication?” She asked, quoting her fingers around the last word.
I considered her words for a second, and then gave her a wry smile. “Umm, sort of,” I admitted.
“Elaborate,” she said; rolling her eyes a little as she hid a smile.
“Well, yes and no. When I was in my old faction, I never had any problems with other candor girls. Honesty made everything incredibly easy. If you liked someone, you walked up to them and said so, and if you didn’t think things would work, you’d just tell them and then go your own separate ways. No one got hurt, and for the most part you always remained friends.”
“Uh-huh,” Randi nodded, her lips twitching with repressed humor. “And what about with non-candor girls?”
“That was a whole different story,” I sighed. “Girls in general are confusing. I have a theory that your brains are much more advanced than ours, and that’s why it’s so hard for us to understand what you do and why you do it.”
“I’d have to agree,” Randi snickered. “But go on, tell me exactly what made it so confusing.”
“I don’t even know where to start. The flirting would have to be one; it was harder to figure out whether it’s serious or just for fun. And I especially hated getting asked those open-ended questions that never had a right answer,” I frowned. “Like one time, this girl asked me if I thought her friend was pretty.”
“What did you say?”
“I said yes, because it was the truth, but even as I said the words I knew I was going to be in trouble,” I explained. “If I said no, well that would’ve been a lie, and it would’ve also made me seem like a jerk. I was honest, and so she accused me of ogling her friend and then slapped the bejesus out of me.”
Randi was really laughing now; her face was pink and she was shaking her head. I didn’t find it that humorous.
“It’s not funny,” I protested, crossing my arms across my chest.
“Oh god, yes it is,” she said through a fresh fit of giggles. “Why did she slap you anyway? That seems sort of like an over-reaction.”
I didn’t answer; instead pointing my eyes at the floor and running a hand through my hair.
“What did you say to her?” Randi insisted.
“Something along the lines of; if you didn’t want to hear the truth, then you shouldn’t have asked me…” I muttered.
Randi was doubled over now, holding her side as she continued to laugh. Dan popped up then, and when he finally managed to decipher what we’d been talking about, he snickered too.
“Hah! If you think that’s funny, you should hear about the time some chick asked him what he thought about her new haircut,” Dan added.
“That was an unfair question,” I complained. “The wording is what threw me off.”
“Jesus Sage, what exactly came out of your mouth?” Ava asked; she and Grace had joined our little group, and now they were also grinning as they heard the story.
“Nothing bad,” I insisted. “I just said that I thought her old hairstyle had been fine.”
“You’re such an ass,” Ava smirked. “Didn’t you see how that would make it sound like her new haircut sucked?”
“No, not at the moment I said it anyway.”
Our group was still chattering and laughing at my expense, when Amar and Red finally walked up to the front of the room. Amar cleared his throat and we all settled down. When it was quiet, he continued.
“Today, you’re all going to be going through a different kind of simulation known as a fear landscape. Right now it’s disabled, but once we start it’ll look different,” he said as he nodded his head in Red’s direction.
“Through the simulations you’ve already gone through, we stored data about your worst fears and kept it on file. The fear landscape will evaluate the information and then present you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some will be fears that you’ve already faced, and some might be new. The difference between the simulations you’ve already gone through and this one will be the fact that you’ll be aware,” Red explained.
We were all quiet as we took the information in, and Amar seemed to sense our confusion because he coughed a little and then added to what Red had said.
“Basically, in these simulations you’ll have all your wits about you as you go through it. You’ll know that it’s not real the entire time.”
I let the information sink in slowly; feeling myself grow lighter and lighter as I realized what this meant. In these new simulations, it would be as if everyone were divergent. I wouldn’t be detected, because we’d all be on equal terms. If I played things right, I’d pass initiation without suspicions and I would be safe.
“The number of fears you end up having in your landscape will vary according to how many you actually have,” Amar continued. “Like I said before, the third stage of initiation is based on mental preparation, and that’s because it require you to control both your emotions and your body. You’re all going to have to combine the physical abilities you learned from stage one, along with the mental things you learned in stage two.”
Red nodded, and then folded his hands behind his back; all business-like. “Next week, you’ll all go through your fear landscape as fast as you can in front of a panel of our dauntless leaders. That’ll be your final test, and it’ll determine your rankings for stage three. Which, just like stage two, will be weighted more heavily than stage one, meaning it’s the most important of all. From there, the top ten will be found and made into official members of dauntless. Understand?”
We all nodded; not a single sound escaping our lips.
“Now, you can get past each obstacle in one of two ways; one, you can find a way to calm down enough so that your heartbeat returns to its normal pace, or two, you can find a way to face your fear and make the simulation move on,” Amar said after a beat. “For example, if you’re afraid of heights, you could face that fear by climbing higher.”
“Are we all going to go through our own fear landscapes today?” I heard Billy ask from somewhere in the back of the crowd.
“Did it look like we were done talking?” Red snapped; clearly irritated with the interruption. Billy quickly shook his head, and Red rolled his eyes before he spoke again. “No, you’ll all be going through my landscape today. Four years ago, I was afraid of drowning, being struck by lightning, asphyxiating, not making it into dauntless, falling off of the chasm, being attacked by a pack of rabid wolves, getting shot by my own family, getting humiliated in front of my friends, being blind, and getting pinned between two boulders.”
No one said anything as we took in what he’d just said; ten, Red had ten fears.
“Most of you can have anywhere from ten to fifteen fears in your simulations, that’s the average number,” Red continued. “You won’t find out your number today, since the simulation is set to my own landscape program.”
“Also, because today is really just to get a sense of how the simulation works, you’ll only be facing one of his fears,” Amar added as he motioned for us to stand and line up in an orderly fashion; numbering us off, with each number signifying which fear we’d have to experience.
I was towards the middle, and so I was assigned to be attacked by the rabid wolves. I was only slightly relieved; at least this fear didn’t really match any of my own. Because only one person could go in at a time, we all had to sit and wait patiently on the benches. It was impossible to watch the actual simulation; all we were able to see was the person’s reaction to it.
Finn went first; kicking his feet and arms as he tried to swim his way out invisible currents of water. Then Billy; who ran around like a maniac as he tried to avoid getting hit by lightning. Grace was third, and it was impossibly hard to watch as she grasped at her neck; attempting to breath.
It was horrific to watch them suffer while I sat by idly, but I knew there was nothing I could do, and so I resigned myself to glaring down at my feet. After two more people finished their simulations, it was my turn. I wasn’t too worried; because I figured that with the advantage I had of being divergent, I’d be able to play it off fairly well without having to sustain much damage to my inner consciousness.
I stood still while Red inserted the needle into my neck, but as I was heading into the fear landscape room, I couldn’t help but notice the look Amar shot at me. It spoke volumes; it said be careful, it said you’re still not completely safe, it said… watch what you’re doing, because we’ll all be watching you.
The door clicked shut behind me, taking the light with it, and then the simulation came to life.