Graduating from high school can be a roller coaster of emotions. You'll feel so many emotions before, during, and after, you graduate. Fear, excitement, sadness, happy, boredom, relief, and grateful. There's no helping in feeling all of this when you're going to enter another chapter in your life that has uncertain possibilities. It's right in front of you and yet, you don't know what you're exactly looking at.
Today was the day that everyone had anticipated; graduation day. It was graduation morning and Nayeon groggily opened her eyes to something. She saw her bedroom ceiling for the first time. Not really the first time but she had forgotten what color they were. She could care less about the blinding light that shone through the cracks of the blinds in her window. She was too busy taking in everything.
Although it's been a while since she last saw her room, Nayeon thought that nothing was out of place. Even after all these years, everything was in its original spot. She peeled over her bed to see Kookeu still fast asleep.
Nayeon cooed silently over how much he's grown. She was slightly getting emotional. It came to her that now wasn't the time to waste tears. She needed them for later. She had already done enough crying with Jeongyeon a few months ago.
Taking her eyes away from her little man sleeping in the corner, Nayeon scanned over all the items that laid around her room. They were kept untouched. The beanbag sat all alone next to her closet collecting dust mites. The scooter that she tossed away without a second thought was slightly peeking from its hiding spot. There was even a pair of brand new sneakers that her mother bought but completely forgot to wear since Kookeu never got that for her.
Nonetheless, Nayeon was content with this, where she was right now. She didn't mind the clutter in her room. She even liked the way it was. When Nayeon took a deep breath, the alluring smell of freshly cooked breakfast. Somehow, being able to see increased Nayeon's enjoyment of the smell. She removed the covers, putting on her slippers, and was about to pick up Kookeu into her arms, feeling rather ecstatic at this time. But she stopped and thought to not disturb him and he would wake and walk down at his own time.
Nayeon exited her room, turned to her left and was met with her dearest enemy for the first time. She could clearly see the stares and the more she looked down at it with a hard glare, the stairs seemed to extend longer. To Nayeon, it looked like it was going to take months for her to get to the kitchen.
She was shaken up trying to push her first foot forward. And then another. And then another. Before she even knew it, she had walked down the stairs all by herself with no assistance at all. And she felt proud of herself for doing so.
Her mother was merrily humming to herself in the kitchen, apron wrapped around her while her father was sitting on the armchair with his IPad again. Ryler and Yamaha were noisily going at each other's throats again. They weren't trying to killing each other but having small arguments on who got the last piece of toast.
Immediately, the two youngsters ceased their petty fighting once Nayeon reached the kitchen. They gawked at their big sister, wondering how she appeared to be simmering with sunshine. Then, it came to them of what their mother had said. They rushed to Nayeon and hugged her tightly, tears streaming down their eyes.
"Bugs, your eyes...they look so pretty." Ryler was in complete awe at this.
Yamaha, on the other hand, was clinging on tightly to Nayeon's skirt, crying stronger than her brother was.
"I can't believe you can see again, Nayeon-unnie. I'm so happy. Very happy."
Joining their hands together, locking themselves in a tight embrace around Nayeon, they created a noisy melody with their sobs. Watching with lovesome eyes, both of their parents smiled at the siblings.
Finally, Nayeon was able to make a run for the counter, snatching a seat. Perplexed for a second, the two shrugged it off and ran after Nayeon, seating themselves back. Eating and being able to see what she ate really hit home for Nayeon. She was amazed by literally anything that she saw or did. Even the boiled egg in her ramen looked spectacularly golden.
"Nabugs," you need to hurry up your eating or else you're gonna miss your graduation, love."
As soon as her mother reminded her of it, Nayeon's eyes widened, like actually grew to the same size as Ryler's cheerios. She had almost forgotten why she had wakened up so early in the first place. Distracted by seeing everything in clear daylight, she nearly forgot that she was graduating today.
Nayeon, along with Jeongyeon, Dahyun, Momo, Jihyo, Sana, and Tzuyu, and many other people her grade that she didn't bother to remember the names of were graduating. This was the last day of their high school lives and no one knew what to make of it. To sum it all up, this day was expected and very much anticipated. They couldn't wait to get out of there for good.
On the way to the ceremony, Nayeon's stomach began to anchor. She could already feel the full spectrum of emotion. Being thrown together with some of the most important people in your life, a couple of songs about moving on and a handful of cute first day of school pics from kindy can make you go from laughing with your mates to bawling in seconds. If she was to be honest, she wasn't ready to see the rest of her friends in their cap and gown.
There's no avoiding the fact that on graduation day tears will be shed. There's an inevitable feeling of finality that comes with graduating high school. In between taking final photos with your favorite teachers and trying to hand your mum tissues, Nayeon realized that this is the end of a major part of her life, and it can be heartbreaking.
Despite the stressful thoughts she was having, it was coming to an end and so was the car ride. Nayeon could breathe again, bringing her hand to her chest. She was nervous to step out of the car.
Her make up was done by herself without the help of her mom this time. Nayeon had looked at the results and were quite satisfied when she left the house. But now she was starting to rethink her decision. Snapping to get her phone, she flipped to the front camera, checking herself and making final touch-ups before her mom had to egg her to get out of the car since she was the last one.
Getting out of the car, her heels touched the hard concrete ground. She took a deep breath and walked with her family towards the auditorium. Soft instrumental music was playing when the walked in. The coldness from the air conditioning hit them quickly. Nayeon was stunned for a bit but kept walking to the back of the stage. Her parents and siblings went to find some seats.
At the point, the place was crowded. More people started showing up and it only got noisier than the volume of the music.
The rest of the graduates were backstage and in a line by alphabetical order. Nayeon was close to the starting point. She entered and searched for her friends. Momo saw her easily and waved her over. Jeongyeon's back was facing Nayeon but as soon as she saw Momo waving enthusiastically, Jeongyeon turned to see who the person was.
Their eyes locked for a brief moment and then Nayeon dashed over to Jeongyeon and collapsed in her arms. The couple shared a sprightly kiss. Nayeon's hands pressed Jeongyeon's cheeks together. On the side with her girlfriend, Momo rolled her eyes, playfully smirking at the two. Dahyun cheekily smiled at them.
"Get a fucking room, love birds," Momo gelled with her hands cupped together, a small echo resonated around them. It wasn't loud enough for the people in the front to hear them.
The two finally broke away from their embrace and laughed at each other and then at Momo. Jeongyeon placed her hand on Nayeon's side, hugging her. Nayeon was starting to be more affectionate towards Jeongyeon a week after the surgery. They even went out more often and tried new things that Nayeon secretly wanted to do but knew she couldn't when she was blind.
"Alright, places people, places. I need everyone to be in a straight line. Okay? Last names. Alphabetical order. From Abraham to Yamasaki."
Teens started making sure that they were in the right spot, checking if the person in front and back of them should be there.
In the midst of switching around, Nayeon was randomly looking at other people, their eye contact not lasting for long. All of a sudden, her eyes locked with Tzuyu's. The blood from Nayeon's face felt like it was drained. They stood at a safe distance, shooting each other dagger-like stares in a fiery showdown. Nayeon tried to act tough but internally, she was pretty shaken up. Tzuyu had lost interest in their silent staring contest and rolled her eyes, turning away in the other direction. Nayeon sighed, feeling like the knife had been pulled out of her stomach. She felt like Tzuyu could just reach out and gouge both her eyes out.
Once they stopped wiggling around like a pack of chickens, the ceremony-coordinator nodded at her work and then headed gave the thumbs up to the principal.
"Ladies and gents, I welcome you the class of 2019!"
One by one, teenagers trotted out from behind the stage. They all wore an emerald green cap and gown, golden tassel to the right side. They turned the tassel to the left when graduates receive their diplomas.
Some men wore dark trousers and dress shirts and ties under their graduation gowns.
Some of the girls had on lightweight dresses or blouses and skirts that didn't hang below their graduation gowns. Some even wore a detachable white collar that added a more finished, decorative touch. Flowers and jewelry usually weren't on the academic gown but the girls wanted to look more stylish. There were kids who had specific regalia like stoles and honor cords in keeping with the traditions of the school.
The audience that sat behind the rows of empty chairs and clapped loudly whilst they took their seats in the same arrangement.
Sadly, because they were arranged by last name, Nayeon and Jeongyeon were seated quite far. However, Momo was always before Nayeon in roll call so evidently, Momo was next to Nayeon. The pair of best friends made small talk while the principal did the opening remarks.
"How are you feeling, Nabongs?" Momo started.
Nayeon shifted her head to the right, glancing at Momo to her left. "Hmm..Really excited to get the hell out of here already. I'm tired just by doing my make up this morning."
Momo chuckled at this. Then, she turned to check Nayeon's face, examining the work she did. Impressed, she pulled a face and nodded.
"And how are things between you and Jeong? It's been three months." Momo had her full attention on Nayeon who tuned out the rest of the beginning of the ceremony.
"Honestly, everything is just SO GOOD. She treats me well, which isn't surprising. She comes over when she isn't busy. We also go out whenever we get the chance. I also visit her at work and we have lunch together." While Nayeon was rambling, her face naturally curved into an intense smile.
Momo grinned with her, nudging Nayeon in the arm as she laughed.
"Well, if she ever breaks your heart, I'll break her face."
Momo softly hit her open palm with her closed fist, mimicking the most serious face she could pull at that moment. It made Nayeon chuckle a bit, shooing away some of her boredom. The coldness of the auditorium made her a bit lethargic.
"It is said that the quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to his or her commitment to excellence regardless of the chosen field of endeavor. Ladies and gentlemen, let us recognize those students' ordinary things extraordinary well. And we shall begin with Grace Abraham..."
The first girl that sat in the upper right corner of the crowd of chairs got up and walked right up to get her diploma. After each name was called, thunderous heaps of applause came. There were a few kids before Nayeon and Momo. Momo was already getting bored, yawning as she kicked her feet up and lightly placed it on the back of someone's chair. The person didn't mind.
"Can you believe that the principal still hasn't found out that it was me who pulled the prank at the swimming pool?" Momo decided to bring up a random conversation to waste some time.
Nayeon tried to rack her memory for that one incident and when she remembered, she burst into a quiet laugh.
"Oh my gosh, that was a year ago. You're lucky no property was broken and they called a cleaning crew instead of the police." Nayeon snickered, shaking her head.
"Momoring, stop talking so loudly and pay attention. You might miss your name."
Dahyun had turned to her left, irritated with how loud Momo was chatting away with Nayeon. Dahyun only sat at the edge of the row from Momo. She gave her girlfriend an obviously annoyed glare.
Momo looked up at Dahyun and apologetically smiled at her. She chuckled and rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment.
"Pfft," Momo scoffed in a lighter tone, hoping Dahyun couldn't hear her, flicking her hand in the air. "Lucky schmucky. I could get away with murder and that ol woman wouldn't even kn-"
"Momo Hirai."
"And I—Oop"
Momo's name had been called to receive her diploma. She pushed herself off her seat and walked up to the aisle. Before pushing Dahyun, she turned to her frowning girlfriend and gave her a quick smooch. The color of the pale pastel haired girl's face was the same as her hair, bright pink.
The second that Momo sat down, Nayeon got up to get her own, hearing her name being read aloud. Jeongyeon and Nayeon's family clapped extra hard for her. She walked across the stage, reached for her high school diploma with her left hand and shook a school board member's with her right. With a little smile on her face, she lifted her tassel to the left.
"Woo that's my baby!" Jeongyeon screeched from her seat, clapping until her hands turned red. Momo, Dahyun, and a couple of her other friends laughed.
Nayeon giggled, shaking her head, and proceeded to walk down the stairs and back to her chair.
"To express the sentiment of batch 2019, may I call on the academic excellence awardee, the Class Valedictorian herself, Miss Jordan Genovese."
Nayeon was now a high school graduate—and weirdly enough, nothing about thinking about that sentence felt strange. In fact, she didn't see a single tear on anyone of her now former classmates' faces, which was unexpected, given the ways they had anticipated feeling.
As freshmen and sophomores, they couldn't even comprehend what graduation would be like, and we thought of it as a far-off ideal that we only thought about when prompted. As juniors, they watched their older friends get their diplomas and get out of dodge, they mourned them, wondering how they could be so cavalier about the whole experience. As seniors, they moaned and wished to just be finished and at the same time dreaded leaving.
But this time, no one was upset. Everyone had accepted it. The truth is, no matter what their high school experience may be, the endgame is that you're gonna feel a ton of emotions during graduation. Whether you had a blast and are sad to leave, are thrilled to finally walk out those doors for the last time, or, like Nayeon, could have made it better but could have had to deal with a lot worse, you will walk across that stage when your name is (hopefully not) mispronounced with a smile on your face.
As Nayeon fidgeted in her seat, patiently waiting, tassel flipped to the left side of her cap, she took a mental inventory of herself. Although she had a good image of what the first few years of her new life, Nayeon was nervous, maybe the failure of failing was always at the back of her mind. She took a mental step back and had remembered that Jeongyeon would be by her side through those hardships. That gave her a sense of relief, leaning back into her chair.
This is the time that they throw their caps into the air. Everyone stood up, some dusting their laps off as if there was imaginary dust. They all placed their hands on their caps, adrenaline running through them.
"On three." They shouted. "One...two...there."
Caps flew into the air and they prayed to whatever deity they prayed to that they didn't grab one that was too sweaty. Some of them thought of how relieved and glad they were that they didn't trip onstage.
The music switched from something classical to an upbeat jam and everyone broke out dancing and in cheers. Through the sea of people, Nayeon tried to find Jeongyeon. She fought through some people. When their eyes met, Jeongyeon was pretty much smitten over Nayeon like it was love at first sight. Like earlier, Nayeon ran to Jeongyeon and leaked into her arms.
Laughing and catching Nayeon exuberantly, Jeongyeon lifted her up and twirled her in the air. Nayeon burst into a giggled fit. Slowly being put down, she locked eyes with Jeongyeon, grabbing her face and stroking it lovingly. They stood there, Nayeon had her head on Jeongyeon's chest, a smile on her face.
"We did it, baby," Jeongyeon whispered in her ear. Regardless of the loud music and cheering, Nayeon could hear her clearly. Nayeon internally agreed with her.
We really did it. We're done with all the stress.
Their moonstruck moment was ruined by an excited Momo pulling Dahyun by her side. She was hollering and raising her other hand like a maniac.
"Hell yeah. We're free from this hellhole. Finally, no more thirty-minute lectures from Mr. Abdul. Fuck this place!" Momo let go of Dahyun's hand and threw up a rock-n-roll sign, throwing her tongue out for dramatic effect.
The three of them laughed at her, even Dahyun did, already done with her girlfriend's silly behavior.
There was one thing that Nayeon and her friends realized and that was they didn't change even now that they've graduated. They don't feel any different, and that is because they've already changed dramatically.
Nayeon pondered about it while having small talks with a bunch of classmates she didn't usually interact with. High school itself was a process of change. There's no chrysalis moment when she suddenly bloomed into adulthood the second that fancy-looking piece of paper was placed in her hands; to her, graduation was just the formalization of everything that she already secretly knew but didn't have the confidence to admit to herself: she was ready to face the world. The diploma was only a validation of that.
That is why, when all the seniors leave, they weren't upset or worried: they know for sure that they will be okay because they now know that they've grown up.
And you know what? That was exactly the way Nayeon felt when she got her paper and took pictures with her family and Jeongyeon's in from it the school's statue.