My dad had left for the airport over an hour ago, which made home feel alone again.
As I got dressed for the day, I could see that I had gained some weight. This was annoying, since I couldn't fit into my favorite pair of jeans anymore.
Great another side effect from the antidepressants.
If this continued to be a problem I'm sure the tabloids would say that I was having Shay's love child. The thought made me want to gag.
I threw on an oversized button up and some jeans that did fit, hoping that it would conceal the weight gain.
My jeans definitely outlined my curves more, but I wasn't sure it was in a good way.
I looked at myself in the mirror, knowing that the magazines would eat me alive if this medicine kept messing with me.
At least Shay wasn't in the car that was coming to get me, so at least I'd get to sit there in silence.
After arriving at the studio I went straight to my studio, ignoring the fact that next door was the one and only One Direction.
Darren looked at me, rushing in through the door and eyed me suspiciously.
"Relax, Darren. I'm just ignoring the group next door" I said, setting my backpack down next to him.
"Anymore thoughts on the song choice for the awards?" he asked, changing the subject, which I greatly appreciated.
"Honestly, I have no idea, because I don't want to just sing a ballad" I said.
He nodded "Yeah, you'd definitely want to perform something fast"
"Maybe I should write something for it"
I wanted something new and none of my new songs just had what I was wanting to put out there.
"So are we still recording 'Where Do You Go'?" he asked. I nodded
"As far as I know" I said.
I recorded the acoustics for it yesterday, which took some time, but the instrumental sounds good.
I took my denim jacket off and tossed it on the chair next to Darren.
"Whenever you're ready" he said. I nodded and went to the recording booth.
This song really meant a lot and according to Darren it was perfect with the sound I was going for on this album.
I placed the headphones on my head and took a deep breath, waiting for the music to fill my ears.
(Play Video)
I'm as blue as blue can be
I'm surprised you even recognize me
When you're gone for seven weeks
Not surprised if you're done with me
You think I'm fine
You've been so blind, lagging behind
This facade is tough to keep
I'll be there when I can bear
Don't wait up for me
No, I haven't had much sleep
I've been counting all the moons on the balcony
You think it's a lie
I'm telling you why
I'm lagging behind
I'm losing my mind
But you've been so blind, lagging behind
Where do you go when you feel no good
Where do you go when you know you should
What do you say when you feel that way
Where do you go (where do you go)
Where do you go away
Now I've lost all sense of time
I'm surprised, there's a sunrise
I've been on this yellow road
Will it take me to the witch of the city of gold
Will it shine, friend of mine
Lagging behind, oh yeah
And you think I'm fine
But you've been so blind but lagging behind
Where do you go when you feel no good
Where do you go when you know you should
What do you say when you feel that way
Where do you go
(Where do you go)
Ooh, when you're running out of shame
(Where do you go)
When you're running out of highway
(Where do you go)
Ooh, when you need someone to love
But there isn't anybody
(Where do you go)
Where do you go when you feel no pain
Where do you go when you know you should
What do you say when you feel that way
Where do you go
(Where do you go)
Where do you go away
I'm as blue as blue can be
I'm surprised you even recognize me
Darren laughed over the microphone "You are definitely focused today! I don't know about you, but I think you should consider this for the performance"
"I don't know what it is, I just feel good today" I said, taking the headphones off.
As I walked out of the booth, I saw Shay standing at the door, on his phone.
Clearly I spoke too soon.
"There were a few notes you could've hit better" he commented.
I rolled my eyes at him. I was seriously not in the mood for him right now.
"Can I have a word with her?" Shay asked.
Darren nodded and shot me a concerned look, but I put on another fake smile.
Shay and I walked out to the hallway, right outside the studio next to the one I was in.
"I'm actually in a good mood today, so what the hell do you want?"
He chuckled "Well aren't you just fun in the morning" he said.
I shook my head.
"Okay the thing is you need to start acting more affectionate to me, instead of looking so miserable" he said, holding up a picture of me looking like I was so bored to be around him.
"Well maybe if I wasn't having to date you I wouldn't have to worry about being miserable" I said, obviously not in the mood.
"You need to quit acting and actually enjoy this" he said.
"First of all, the whole point is to put on an act; and how am I supposed to enjoy this? You must be delusion, if you think I can. I do not want to date you in the first place, so why should I pretend to enjoy it now?"
"What are you saying?"
I sighed "I'm saying I don't want to do this anymore"
"Are you mad? Sales are increasing for both of us, and you want to ruin it by breaking it off?" he tightened his fist, mad.
"I don't know like you as a person and you bring out the worst in me. Agreeing to this was the worst decision I've made!"
"Quit making things so damn hard. Just date me and make management happy" he took a step closer to me "Just be the good little pop star that they want you to be"
I pushed him away from me and his eyes widened.
"Are you insane?" he asked walking up to me again "I'm be very tolerant, Gracie. Don't push it" he started walking away from me "Also, try hitting the gym. I don't want to be seen out in public with a fat girlfriend"
What the hell is even going on anymore? I can't do this. I want out of this deal and to try and be happy.
I sunk to the floor in front of their studio and let a few tears fall. I understand that the stupid song from the concert started a whole downfall of things and everything is just bad, but I can't stand being this unhappy because of one person.
I wiped my eyes and looked up, seeing Zayn standing there, looking very confused.
He went to speak to me, but I quickly stood and went back into the studio.
I can't let anyone else find out about this; the last thing I want is making management mad. Lately whenever I speak to one of them they always found something wrong about me. If I see them looking like this, they'll point out everything wrong, which I can't emotionally handle right now.
I went back into the studio and sat on the couch.
Darren was on the phone, so he probably didn't hear what happened in the hallway.
Why can't something right go on?
Why can't Liam take Shay's place?
Yeah I just asked that.
I felt my eyes water. There really is no going around it.
I miss Liam and the one who is in his place is making me unhappy, and making me miss Liam more.
I miss Liam.