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Aaina.
My mind fuzzy, my eyes closed, my mind trying to catch the remaining bits of the dream that I will never get back. It was a nice dream though.
I was happy, genuinely happy. There was a lot of food, alot of people, laughter, happiness, Zaydaan was smiling down at me and I was smiling back at him. We seemed like a perfect couple, but we were not.
I sighed, opening one eye as I heard a knock on the door. A ray of sunlight reached close to me, peeking from the blinded curtains as I woke up from the bed.
I wanted to sleep more but my mind was already awake, already worrying about all that was wrong with my life.
Another knock on the door made me reach the light and I switched the yellow one on.
I opened the door in my sleepy condition but seeing Ahad, all dressed up and standing at the door, it snapped something inside of me.
I looked at him with a small frown.
"Good Morning, you okay?"
I greeted, he didn't greet me back but instead walked inside the room, closing the bedroom door and sitting on the very same bed that I had just got out of.
"I need to talk to you." He stated, standing up from his sitting position.
Okay. What the hell?
"Alright, what's up?" I asked softly, I didn't know how to calm his sudden demeanour so I decided to get to know the problem first.
"Is bhai home?" He enquired instead.
Zaydaan hadn't even come home last night, he had stayed at the office, like always.
Maybe it was a good thing since he told me that I was nothing.
It seemed that everytime my husband was near to me, he just managed to hurt me.
"No." I replied.
Ahad paced around the room, mumbling in his mouth.
"Good, that's good." He mumbled, still pacing around the room.
I sat, watching him.
Finally, after around ten to twenty paces, he looked at me, gesturing with his hands.
"Okay, so I can't keep it inside so I'm just going to tell you."
I gulped inwardly.
"Right," I muttered, almost scared that he had murdered someone and I was going to be the person he wanted to confide in.
"And you tell that to mama and baba who are being crazy with me right now." He continued.
My eyes widened.
"Ahad, speak up."
"Right, so there's a girl." I relaxed.
A girl. Ahad had a girl in his life? Wow, how new. And here I was, stressing that something really bad had happened.
"There's always a girl." I replied.
He rolled his eyes at me.
"And I love her." I raised my eyes and a smile crept up on my face. Did he truly love a girl?
Atleast some girl was getting loved.
"Love love or?" I wanted to know if this was his playboy love or the real thing..
Knowing that Ahad loved someone, it was quite amusing. His face turned straight but his eyes were still shining.
"Marriage love." He answered.
For a second there, I gasped.
"Oh wow, okay,"
Was he thinking of settling down?
"And she loves me too. There's just one problem." He continued.
I nodded. If he needed my help, I would gladly give him that. Ahad was my friend, he had always been a major help, had always supported me, consoled me. I needed to do the same for him.
"And that is?"
He closed his eyes, not speaking for a moment, as if he was pondering whether he should tell me or not.
Finally, he let out a deep sigh before looking at me.
"She's the daughter of Chaudhry family." He stated, eyes staring at me for a reaction.
I shrugged.
"So?" I was as clueless as ever. Why did it matter? Who was her fam- Holy shit.
Ahad. What the fuck?
"Wait, wait, as in opposition?"
The chaudhrys were the party in opposition, they hated Zaydaan, they hated the party, they constantly campaigned against the current and the ex Prime Minister. They were the second largest party in Pakistan.
"Mhmm yes." He admitted.
I truly wanted to yell what the fuck at him but at the same time, it was love. He loved someone, it didn't matter how or who. Loving someone was important and unconditional, uncontrollable.
I didn't want to love Zaydaan, he had told me specifically that he couldn't love on the first night of our marriage but I had still fallen in love with him.
How could I judge Ahad for that?
"Ahad." He sat down yet again by my side.
"Yesterday, mama and baba called me. They said that I'll always have people taking shit about me if I don't get married. Now, I want to marry her but I can't tell that to them. And God forbid if bhai gets to know, he's gonna kill me." He spoke in a low tone.
I put a hand on his shoulder for comfort.
"How did it start?" I asked.
"We met during the election days and just hit it off. I thought it would be nice to flirt and all but I don't even know how it turned so serious."
You don't expect to love someone. You just do. You don't expect that one day, you'll get so attached, that you heart beat only for them, that all you would want to do is spend your whole life by their side, that their actions, their words, their desires impact your life more than anyone else.
Love is strange and scary but it happens and when you get to know it, it's already too late.
"Does she want to marry you?" I questioned next.
He nodded without any hesitation.
"More than anything." He replied in a heart beat.
"Can I meet her first?" I truly wanted to see if she was actually in love with Ahad or trapping him because of who he was.
"Why?" He frowned. I clicked my tongue.
"Because I want to see if she's good enough for you or not. You deserve the very best." He let out a huge smile.
"Yes, you can. So tonight at dinner?"
I was open to anything. It wasn't like Zaydaan would eat dinner at home with me anyway, atleast I would have some company.
"Sure," I agreed.
He checked his phone once again and stood up.
"Thanks, Aaina. Don't tell bhai about any of this abhi, okay?" I rolled my eyes playfully.
"As if your bhai talks to me." He chuckled dryly at my confession.
"I'll see you tonight."
With another murmur of thanks and goodbye, he left the room.
--
While there were certain other things on my mind, Ahad, Zaydaan, Minal, her parents, Saira, where they were, what was happening, the only thing that I had to focus on right now, was the piece of paper in her hand.
Before the independence, Quaid e Azam was a divorced man, but his sister, Fatima Jinnah, she was by his side in everything. From that day onwards, the concept of first lady got cherished in the country.
It stopped in the next years though, women of influential people hardly showed up to any event with media coverage, there were only the wives gathering around and gossiping, or shopping sprees. But nothing of this sort.
But my mother in law, in the past five years had made the concept of a first lady extremely relevant. It was something that had shone in the Ziagil family's politics. All women loved a strong female and the Ziagil family had cracked that very early on.
Idrees Ziagil might have treated his wife like an unequal good for nothing female, but for the world, he treated her like a Queen. First lady of a country represents how the females of a country should be seen. If you show yourself enough, they'll see your women as strong and independent. If you don't show yourself, your women will be invisible too.
My mother in law had once said these exact words to me. I didn't believe in them but she had said them nonetheless.
And Zaydaan, who was he, if not the splitting image of his father? Except he was much more cold and intense.
I had to go to the very first Panahgah shelter home in Islamabad for women, I was going to inaurgarte it, make a small address and meet a few women who wanted to make heavy donations.
"You ready?" Raima, my assistant and newly found friend questioned her as I adjusted my dupatta.
Thankfully, I only needed to get dressed by a stylist when I had to make a public appearance with the Prime Minister.
I was putting the finishing touches on my lipstick when I turned around to see Raima.
"You know what is really crazy? I just don't understand why they would want me to do this."
It was such a huge honour. And I didn't think I deserved it.
I would have liked for my mother in law to do it, but mama had already declined the offer.
Raima sighed, standing in the doorway.
"You're a first lady. Are you not? That makes you the most important woman in the country." I frowned.
Most important? That was such a lie. What about all the ministers? All these judges? All the hard working women fighting for equality and justice?
"Because I'm married to the Prime Minister? It makes no sense." I continued.
"I just think there are far more important women in the country, who do so much more."
"Like?" Raima asked. I pondered for a minute.
"Like Muniba Mazari."
Raima didn't deny the fact that other women deserved more but at the same time, she looked at me like she appreciated me.
"That's true. But you have got attention, it's on you that you use it in the best way possible." She said instead.
I looked at myself in the mirror, glancing to see if there was anything that felt unfinished.
"Okay," I sighed, taking a deep breath.
"Now come on, Sami is waiting."
---
With Zaydaan, came love and hurt. With Zaydaan, came peace and heartbreak. With Zaydaan, came satisfaction and sadness.
I had my life with Zaydaan and yet, it felt like I was a no one for him. All those cruel things he had said to me, they never left my mind, they were always there, always.
But the good things, the kind words, the gestures, they were all there too.
I could never understand him, and talking to him was always so messy. How could I talk to him when he always ended up hurting me?
I shook off my thoughts as I tied my hair in a pony tail this time. The inaurgaration had gone better than I had expected.
There were so many women around me, women who talked to me with respect and adniration, there were little girls who told me that I looked beautiful.
They were so kind, so nice to me that it made it all very easy. It was easy to talk to them because they made me feel at ease, at comfort.
Addressing them all and smiling at them, it wasn't hard. I sprayed some cologne around myself as Raima entered the room with a knock.
"Now what are you getting ready for?" She questioned, putting a notebook on the table.
"No more work for today, right? I did the speech, I met up with the NGO lady and I also called up the first lady of Turkey."
I questioned her, she shook her head smiling as she sent a text on her phone and looked at me.
"Yes, no more work." She assured, eyes still questioning me about my whereabouts.
"Okay, I'm going for dinner with Ahad somewhere." I informed her, wearing my heels. She frowned.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"
Ofcourse, she would ask me that. After the horse riding incident, they were all quite careful.
"Don't worry, he said that it's going to be really private."
Since I was going to meet daughter of the Chaudhry's, the same ones whose chairman brother had once stolen Ahad's girlfriend and in return Ahad had now stolen his sister, the same ones who were now in the opposition. I was practically meeting with the enemy's daughter, or sister, whatever it was.
"Alright, can I take a leave then?" Raima snapped me out of my thoughts.
I chuckled. I didn't think she was bound to take a leave from me, it was the total opposite.
"Can I take a leave?" I shot back. She smiled, picking up her notebook, bidding me goodbye.
"Good night, Aaina."
"You too, Raima."
As she left the room, my phone vibrated and I quickly picked up the call.
"Hello?" I greeted Ahad.
"Hey, I guided Sami where he has to take you, are you ready to leave?" He enquired.
"Yes, just going down." I closed the door to my bedroom, walking towards the stairs.
"Alright, I'll see you then." He mumbled as I walked down.
"See you."
I murmured, exiting the house.
--
Sami bhai stood with the same soft yet stoic expression on his face.
"Salam alaikum." I greeted, he greeted me back with a small smile.
"Ready to leave, ma'am?" I nodded, as I sat in the car and he sat shotgun with the driver.
"Yes, your wife is ready to leave as well. I'm sorry that you can't go home with her." I replied to him, referring to Raima leaving early.
Even though they lived in the sand vicinity, right beside the Prime Minister's secretariat, I always felt bad that both of them hardly got time for one another.
Atleast they loved each other. That mattered the most.
"It's my job, ma'am." He excused as the driver took a turn. I realised that this was the route to the farmhouse.
"Are we going to his farm?" I questioned softly.
"Yes."
As the car drove and I looked outside the car, I realised that my life had came down to an extremely weird state.
I had a husband but he didn't love me. I had parents but they didn't meet me. I had a sister but I hadn't talked to her in days. I had people but I wasn't sure if they truly were my people.
With Zaydaan, everything was confusing. Was he manipulative, cold and a really good liar or was he just like this in reality? A cold hearted person who didn't care about me.
He didn't have many friends, just colleagues or people he talked more kindly with. I hadn't seen him being too open or too friendly, he was nice to Sami, he trusted him but I didn't think I could consider them friends.
"Don't you miss working with Zaydaan?" I interrogated from him.
"I'm doing what he thinks is best." He answered.
"Do you think he's a good person?" I questioned next.
There was a moment of silence before he started to speak again.
"He's an incredible Prime Minister." He stated, continuing. "And an amazing person. You're a lucky woman."
Am I though? Am I lucky that he's my husband? I loved him but I wouldn't consider myself lucky.
There were so many things I wanted to ask him, so many things that I couldn't say on his face because he scared me, intimidated me, made me feel too much.
I wanted to know why he had changed so much with me? I wanted to know why he had "pretended to care" I would have done anything without him pretending to be nice, without him defending me, without him insulting the woman he claimed to love, without him doing anything for me. Then why?
And if he had pretended, why couldn't he do it now? So what had truly happened?
Why was I nothing? Why did he say that?
I gulped, pulling out my phone. He wouldn't attend my calls but he could read my texts.
Zaydaan, okay, I can't say this to you on your face because you scare me. You hurt me. And maybe it makes you feel good that you scare me, but I don't like the feeling. I love you. I hope you're having a good day because my days are spent being hurt and thinking about how I didn't deserve anything.
I didn't deserve being forced to get married, to give up my semester in Barcelona, to get hurt by my own father. I didn't.
But it happened and I was okay because of you. You made me feel good. You say that you were pretending and I'm nothing, then why would you treat me like that?
Why would you take me to your farm? Why would you insult the woman you claim to have loved for me? Why would you kiss me like you truly cared? Why would you say all that? Why would you tell me that I'm innocent and pure?
Nothing makes sense, Zaydaan. Nothing makes sense anymore. I love you and you don't love me. What scares me is that one day you'll have no use for me and you'll just leave, I feel like one day I'm going to not be the pawn in your life anymore and I'll be broken.
I can't say all this to your face but I can write it. Minal is okay, she's good even, but you once told me that she's nothing. And then you told me that I'm nothing. So what really is the truth? Am I truly nothing to you?
I know you don't express anything, that expressing hate and coldness for you is easy but I feel suffocated.
You said that one day the whole country will cherish me, and I said that I only want to be cherished by you. That is still true.
I'm not asking you to love me. I'm asking you to be the same Zaydaan who took me to that farm, who would come home every night and smile at me. I'm not asking you to care for me, I know you do, even when you say hurtful things I know you care for me.
I just, I don't know why I'm writing all this but I just wanted to say this to you without any fear or without the fear of being hurt by your words. Words are just words. You told me once.
But words cut like knives, and yours, they pierce at my heart.
Okay, I guess that's it. I hope you had a good day Mr Prime Minister. And I hope you come home tonight.
--
Ending the text, I touched the send button. Sami bhai cleared his throat and I paid my attention back to him.
"Ma'am, did you tell Zaydaan Sir about your plans?"
I shook my head.
"I didn't." I replied.
"Alright."
I frowned, seeing as he shot a text from his phone. I knew it was Zaydaan. Was that really necessary? Wasn't a Prime Minister busy in doing other things?
I had sent him a heart felt message and this was going to just piss him off.
"Are you telling him?" I still asked Sami who nodded through the mirror, not even denying.
"It's my job."
"Your job is to protect me." I whispered but it was audible enough.
"For him." He completed.
Ofcourse.
He was my husband's most trusted man. He wasn't just here for my security but also to inform him of my whereabouts.
Before I could give him any sort of response, Sami bhai suddenly turned around, jumping in the back seat and pulling on my head with an adrupt force.
I winced and then heard a loud bang.
"Get down!"
Was the last thing I heard before everything went black.
------
Finally.
Alright, I hope you guys vote and comment. Sorry that I hadn't updated sooner.. I love you guys. I'll make it up to you by updating like twice okay.
Tell me what you thought of this Zaydaan less yet Zaydaan filled chapter lol.