I never thought I would be one of those people who talked and obsessed over guys , especially in a journal , but here we are. Me and my journal. And no, I cant talk about these things with anyone, they'd make fun of me. Mainly because I never really talk about guys, ever. But this guy is different. Roger is different.
We have been friends forever. Well, since high school anyway, but now I think I love him. Which is super terrifying. I've never had the best record when it comes to guys. They've always used me, made me fall for them, then broke my heart. I don't want to get a broken heart again.
But Roger was there for me throughout it all and we seemed to grow even closer because of it. I never knew that I was falling for him, I just realized when we were sitting together talking about nothing and everything like we usually do; I'm definitely in love with Roger...
"Hey, Y/N. What are you writing?" Roger snatches my journal from my hands and my heart leaps to my throat.
"Roger, can I have that back?" I ask, trying to be calm. If I let on how worried I am, he will for sure read it.
"Why? Is it your deepest, darkest secrets?" He laughs, trying to tease me, yet being completely unaware just how right he is.
"No, it's just a stupid task I have to complete for work and I need to have it back so I can write something down before I forget." I quickly try and snatch it off from him, but he keeps it out of my reach.
"No, I doubt that this is for work. What is it really?"
"Nothing!" I say, but it's too late. He starts reading. I knew keeping a journal was not a good thing. Especially now that Roger's smile is disappearing from his face and his eyebrows scrunch.
"Y/N, is this true?" Roger asks, looking up in confusion which makes me stutter for a response. So, I did the only logical thing I could think of, which is the thing I'm really good at and ran away from my problems . Although, now I'm literally running away, full sprint out of the house and away from Roger.
Holy shit, he just read my journal, I think as I run down the streets. I'm running so fast I almost feel like I'm flying, my feet barely feel like they're touching the ground. Things are going to change now. For better, for worse, I don't really know, and that's what really terrifies me.
I finally reach the destination I was subconsciously going to, the park, and I climb onto my usual seat in the gazebo, trying to catch my breath.
Well, Roger is probably off to tell his band mates at university what he just read, probably even laughing about it with them. What am I even thinking about? Of course he wouldn't do that to me, he's still my best friend. I hope. But I just can't get the look of his face from when I left the house out of my head. He was so confused, yes, but there was something else there. Maybe hope? Or maybe it's just my own hope reflecting in my imagination.
"Y/N." I hear from behind me, making me jump in my seat. I turn around to see Roger making his way up the steps to sit directly beside me.
"How did you know I was here?" I ask in a small voice.
"Because, you are my best friend. You come here whenever you need time to think or want to be alone."
"Okay, then, why are you here" I refuse to look at him, instead looking at my hands on my lap.
"Because I could tell by the way you ran out of the house that you did mean what you wrote and I couldn't catch up with you because you ran too bloody fast. And before you ask, I wanted to catch up with you so I could do this." He lifts my head up with his fingers, making me look him in the eyes before he kisses me fiercely.
It takes me a while to kiss him back due to shock of this actually happening, but when I do, I match his ferocity. I wind my hands through his hair as he grabs hold of my waist, lifting me up to put me on his lap and sneaking his fingers under my shirt.
"Excuse me?" Roger and I quickly break apart and I look at the lady standing near us with her kid in shock. "Can you guys please do that somewhere else? There are kids around here and they shouldn't be subject to seeing you two have sex in a gazebo."
I gape at her while Roger laughs. "We're not having sex." Is all I manage to say and she and her kid walk away.
"Just so you know," Roger begins, dragging my attention back to him; "I would never hurt you like those guys did." He places a kiss on my shoulder, still looking up at me with sincerity. What a weird place to kiss, but hey, I still liked it. It's affectionate.
"You better not." I smile at him.
"Are you ready to get out of here and carry on what we were doing, but at your place?"
"Definitely." This is definitely going into my journal.