I wake up in the morning with my head pounding as I lay in a bed that definitely wasn't mine by the feel and the size. I stretch out underneath a heavy blanket that was now all too familiar to me. My mind assaults me of flashbacks of the previous night and I groan loudly at how stupid I get whenever I drink. Not only did I show up at Julian's house when I was still angry at him, but I told him about my father, which I really wish I hadn't. I roll out of the bed, trying to hurry to pull my clothes on because I didn't want to be here that much longer.
I slip my jeans on from the night before and button my shirt up all the way since he never actually took it off of me because my mouth kept moving to talk about my dad. I slip my shoes on before grabbing my bag and making my way downstairs. I walk into the kitchen to see Jonah cooking at the stove while Julian sits at the counter with his laptop in front of him. When he hears my footsteps, he looks up at me before giving me a confused expression when he sees that I'm dressed already.
"Are you leaving?" He asks as Jonah glances back at us.
"Yeah, I'm ordering an Uber now," I whisper to him as I stand next to the counter, not wanting to sit next to him. He stands up to come over to me, but I take a step back when he gets too close and he freezes, going back over to sit down.
"Well, don't do that. I got my car back from the shop and I was going to let you use it so you didn't have to keep taking Ubers everywhere, so you can take it now," he tells me and I immediately shake my head, not wanting to take anything from him.
"I'm not taking your car," I snap at him.
"I want you to. I don't want you to keep having to pay every time that you want to go somewhere. It'll save you money, Miles, please, just take it," he tells me with a pleading tone, not even affected by my own harsh tone.
"No, I'm not taking it," I snap again, staring at him with a glare.
"Okay, that's fine, then let Jonah drive you home today, please," he begs me and I look over at his worried face with a sigh, knowing that I'll give in if he keeps begging me like that. I glance at Jonah, realizing that he was nodding his head to tell me that it was okay.
"Fine," I give in.
"Can we talk first?" He asks me and I immediately shake my head as the memories come back from everything we already talked about last night. I look over at Jonah as he sets a travel mug of coffee with the sugar and creamer that I like in it in front of me. I smile softly at him before clearing my throat and looking back up at Julian.
"We talked enough last night," I tell him before taking a sip of the hot coffee.
"Are we ever going to talk then?" He begs me, practically kneeling in front of me to ask for forgiveness.
I feel the urge to cry again, but I hold the tears back because I didn't want to look weaker than I already did right now. I really wish I was strong enough to sit and talk with him, but right now, I would definitely forgive him and I didn't want to deal with that today because we would have to go over everything. I would have to probe into what had actually happened and I just wanted to go to my mom's house and hang out with her and Ivy for the day. "We will, I just can't today, Julian. Please, try to understand where I'm coming from. I had a hard day yesterday and I just want to go home."
"I understand," he whispers sadly.
I squeeze my eyes shut, swallowing the lump in my throat before going over and sitting on the stool that was next to him. I knew it's super pathetic to go back on my word just because he was sad, but I still cared for Julian and I still want him to be happy. He looks up at me, hiding his surprise since I literally just told him that we weren't going to talk about anything today. "Why'd you do it?"
He sighs as he shuts his laptop before looking over at Jonah. "Can you give us a few minutes?"
"Yeah, just let me know when you're ready to leave," he says to me as he pats my shoulder before leaving the kitchen. I take another sip of my coffee as Julian tries to think of what to say. I start to regret my question as I look at his pain-filled face as he thinks about that night that had caused me so much pain.
"I was frustrated and I needed to feel something. I really liked you and I couldn't tell if you liked me back and-" He tells me and I hold my hand out to stop him from talking because he was already infuriating me because he was either super oblivious or he was just an idiot.
"Literally hours before you fucked him, I literally told you how I felt, Julian! I told you I was willing to try this thing! Did that mean nothing? Did you just happen to forget that part? Did it just not matter to you?" I ask him, raising my voice.
"Of course it mattered, Miles! I told you that I fucked up multiple times and I stand by that. I was an absolute idiot who didn't see you when you were right there, okay? I didn't see you and I wish I did because we wouldn't be in this whole mess. I see my mistakes and I see where I fucked up, I see it. You have to understand that I didn't know what you were feeling," he tells me and I stand up, throwing my hands up as I let out a loud groan, walking away from him.
"You knew exactly how I was fucking feeling! I showed you exactly how I was feeling before you left. You left and I thought you understood what I wanted to happen between us," I tell him, angry tears starting to stream down my face as his eyes soften. I take a shaky breath before lowering my voice. "I came out to my family for you, I changed my life for you, and this is what I get in return? You fucked up and you understand that, yeah, I get it, but just saying it doesn't make up for what you did."
"Miles, please, let me explain," he asks, standing up to come in front of me.
"Explain to me why you never mentioned it. Explain to me why you thought you had to hide it. If you had just told me after you did it, then we would be okay right now," I say in a seriously calm voice, which scares Julian because he's never seen me this angry before.
"I feel like if I had told you after I did it, we wouldn't be here. You would've been done with me before we even started and that's not what I wanted," he explains, sounding so worried and upset that it made my heart ache.
"And now look where we are! We might be over now, Julian! Do you not see that?"
When I say that, he takes a step back as tears start to well up in his eyes. He turns away from me and I can feel my heart slowly breaking when I see him sad and hurt at what I just said to him, but it was true. I didn't know what was going to happen in the coming few days or weeks, I had no idea. I didn't know what I wanted or anything and I really needed to talk to my mom and sister about this first. I lift my head when he turns around and walks over to me, holding my shoulders tightly as I let him because I was done fighting him.
"I love you, Miles. I love you so damn much and I know that that's wrong of me to say right now, but I need you to know that. I fucked up and I fucked you over, I know that and I'm willing to do anything you want for me to forgive you. I just need you to know that before you make a decision; I love you, okay?" He tells me, his grip tightening on my shoulders as he keeps talking. I'm suddenly filled with so much anger that I see red in my vision. I violently shake my body away from him to show him that he shouldn't be touching me. I take a step back, my head starting to pound even more from my headache as my body tenses in anger. I can't remember the last time that I was this angry, but I couldn't focus on that now.
"You don't get to do that," I whisper, trying to keep my cool as I point an angry finger at him.
"Do what?" He asks, putting his hands up in surrender as he was surprised at my reaction.
"You do not get to guilt me by telling me you love me to try and persuade me to stay with you. That's not fucking fair, Julian, and you know that," I snap as I take a step towards him, holding myself back to not get in his face and just scream at him.
"Miles, I didn't mean for it to seem like that. I just thought that you should know and-"
"Fuck you," I snap at him, pointing in his face again before turning around and going out the door, making sure to slam it as more angry tears start to run down my face. For some reason, I feel taken advantage of about what just happened. He guilted me, even if he didn't realize that that was what he was doing.
I slump down on the porch steps as my tears turn to sobs and my anger turns to sadness. It takes a few minutes for Jonah to come out to take me home and when he does, he doesn't say anything but motions for me to get in the car with him. He opens the passenger side door, which was weird because I usually sat in the back with Julian while he drove.
I set my bag on the floor as I sit in the seat, waiting for him to start the car and pull out of the driveway. He drives to my house in tense silence and I can tell he was trying to figure out what to say by the way he kept looking over at me, but I just keep my eyes focused on the trees that were whizzing by. When we pull into my driveway, I go to grab the door handle to get out, but I'm stopped by Jonah.
"Wait," he says and I look over at him to see him biting on his lip like he was trying not to say something. "Julian told me what happened when he did it and I want you to know that he was so upset that he did it as soon as Brendan left. He made a huge, terrible mistake, but he was so disappointed in himself from the moment it ended."
"You knew?" I whisper, running my hands together as my body starts to sweat from all my emotions.
"I did, I'm so sorry. I wish I could've told you, but it's my job, Miles. If I started telling his personal business, then he might as well fire me because he tells me things with confidence and I can't just start sharing them," he tells me, guilt clear in his voice.
I nod my head. "I understand. But what do you think I should do?"
He lets out a sigh as he sits back in his seat to cross his arms. "Julian's a good guy, but you already know that. He made two mistakes, one was having sex with Brendan, which was already a mistake in itself because that guy's a complete dick," he says and I laugh, nodding my head because he was completely right. "and he also made a mistake by not telling you and to be honest with you, he was absolutely terrified. Not that that's an excuse, but I've been working for him for almost a year and I've never seen him so scared, not even when he lost a multi-million dollar deal for his company. This is the one thing that genuinely terrified him."
"So you think I should work it out with him?" I ask.
"I 100% think you should work it out with him. You both are happy together and that doesn't have to change. You just have to work on some things together, but that's what a relationship is. It's compromise and it's trust and it's loyalty and work and so many more things, so you just have to work together to find out what's good with you both," he tells me in a sincere voice.
I give him a soft smile. "You're too wise for only 18."
He nods his head with a chuckle before I put a hand on his shoulder to say goodbye. I grab my bag and get out of the car, waving before going up to the front door. Once I walk in after using my key, Bailey rushes towards me with a loud bark before jumping up on my legs with excitement. I smile, totally missing my baby boy since it's been a while since I've seen him.
"Hi, buddy, I missed you too. Yeah, I missed you too," I tell him in my baby voice before closing the door behind me. I pet him a few times as he continues to slobber all over my leg from excitement. I set my bag down before walking down the hallway to go to the living room where I could hear the TV going. When I walk in, my mom and Ivy look up in surprise since I didn't tell them that I was coming over.
"What're you doing here?" Mom asks as she gets up to give me a tight hug.
"Mom," I whisper to her, my emotions starting to crash again. She pulls back to look at my sad face. Ivy immediately stands up to come over to me when she sees that something was going on.
"Miles, what is it? What's wrong?" My sister asks, reaching out to grab my arm. I motion for all of us to sit on the couch as I explain everything that had happened from the event where Brendan told me to me getting drunk and showing up at Julian's house to what happened this morning to what Jonah said to me in the car. I told them all of it, minus all the stuff I said about dad since Ivy still didn't know that he cheated on Mom. I just needed my family's opinions. I needed the opinions of the two most important people in my life because I didn't know what I was going to do.
When I was done, I looked at both of their faces. My mom looked deep in thought as she rested her head in her hand that was being held up by her elbow. Ivy looked sad while she set her head on my shoulder, also deep in thought. I cleared my throat, looking down at my feet. "I don't know what to do."
Mom sits up, turning in her spot to face me while she sets her hand on my thigh. "He wronged you, my beautiful boy, but people make mistakes, right? I've made mistakes, as has Ivy, and as have you and what did we do with all of them? We forgave each other because that's what you do when you have a close relationship with somebody. You have been so happy and so energetic ever since you got with Julian and that's what makes me believe that you two will work this out. Jonah was right with what he said, a relationship is work, so you have to put in the time and the dedication, which is what he wants to do. If you are willing to keep moving with Julian, then do it."
I turn to Ivy to get her opinion and when she sees me looking, she sits up. "I agree with Mom, Mila. You have been so happy these past few weeks and I can tell he is too. He made a terrible, terrible mistake and he's paying the price, so give him hell for it, but don't give yourself some either. He won't do this again and if he does, you're done. Let him know that and then the rest isn't in your hands. It's his, so let him regain your trust, but don't give up. We don't give up."
I nod my head, giving them a small smile. "You're right, you both are always right. But, I'm not doing it today, I'm hungover and tired and just want to spend the day with you two."
I wrap my arms around their shoulders, pulling them closer to me as they giggle. I kiss each of their heads before Mom grabs the remote to press play on the show that they were watching when I came in. Bailey runs over to us, jumping up on my sister's lap before trying to lick all three of our faces as we laugh, pushing him off as he calms down and lays down on top of me. What a weird fucking week.