"You seem tired, professor," I grinned, earning a ghost of a smirk from Severus as he leaned against the counter behind him. We were now in his home, on Spinners End, spending our last few precious moments alone together. For today we returned to Hogwarts. Severus had intended on leaving out a week early, but I had convinced him to simply spend his days there and return home at night in time for dinner. I felt a bit guilty for that, because he was busy after all, but he seemed quite content with my methods of making it up to him each night.
I also suspected he thought I would starve in his absence, as he was the certainly the cook in the relationship. It was no secret that I was a less than proficient in the kitchen. My several disastrous attempts to make dinner myself had more than proven that fact, so Severus usually made it a point to do it instead. I had once tried to argue the fact that I had survived on my own for months before, but his only reply to that statement had been, "I hardly call that surviving."
"Well, I did stay rather busy last night... and the night before that."
"Are you starting to have trouble keeping up?" I teased.
"Not at all," he replied, pulling me into his arms for a brief kiss.
"Today's the day," I said reluctantly.
"It is indeed. You shouldn't worry. Everything will be fine."
"Says the person in the room who doesn't spontaneously combust into a murderous rage when agitated," I sighed.
"You're doing great.. It's been nearly a week since your last assignment, and you seem well. Two month ago, you'd be falling apart from going so long without using your powers. You're getting better, my love," he assured me. I gave him a small smile before resting my head against his chest and wrapping my arms tightly around him.
"I'm going to miss this... just being with you. Must we go back?"
"I'm afraid so. I doubt the absence of the school's new headmaster will go unnoticed," Severus replied grimly. I knew he was less than thrilled with his new position. He didn't mention Dumbledore often, but I knew he was still carrying weight of the older wizard's death quite heavily on his shoulders. He had barely tolerated being the professor of one class for all those years, and now he was being forced to not only deal with all the students of Hogwarts, but his coworkers now as well.
I wished it could stay like that, just him and I. I wished we could run away from the shit storm coming our way, but I knew Severus was far too honorable to do such a thing.
"We could always just leave," I said suddenly. It couldn't hurt to try, could it?. Severus' expression grew somber as he pulled away from my embrace.
"We cannot run from this, love."
"And why not exactly? You have given more than enough to those people. You have spent the better part of your life sacrificing... aren't you tired of it? When is it going to be enough? Why are you so determined to die for these people?" I asked, my voice rising an octave higher. "We can go anywhere. Some island in the middle of nowhere.. We can go and just be happy together. No more Voldemort, no battles.. Just us."
"I didn't take you for a coward, Kathryn," Severus bit out.
"Not wanting to lose you hardly makes me a coward."
"We are in this fight as much as the rest of them whether you like it or not. I cannot walk away from this. Even if I wanted to, I cannot."
Even if I wanted to. His words seemed to bounce around in my head, fueling my quickly growing frustration. "Why are you so fucking determined to do this?" I exclaimed. "Wait, don't even answer that question. I already know," I scoffed, thinking of Lily Potter as I ran a hand over my face.
I knew she was dead and that it wasn't fair for me to be frustrated with him for loving someone from his past, but I couldn't help but feel that if it was Lily asking him to leave with her his answer would have been different. Severus released a frustrated huff of breath, the bridge of his nose squeezed between his fingers and eyes shut tightly.
"Kathryn, this has nothing to do with-," he began.
"You're right. It doesn't. This is about you and your unfaltering determination to risk your damn life for people who don't give a shit about you."
"Running away from this is not going to improve either of our odds. It doesn't matter where we go, because he will find us. Do you really think he's going to let his prized Shade just walk away? You're smarter than that."
"I'm not afraid of him."
"Then maybe you aren't as smart as I thought. You may have the capability to become more powerful than he is, but he will always have an army behind him. Not even you can take them all on. We have to stay, and we have to do anything in our power to make sure Potter fulfills the prophecy.. No matter what the cost."
"I'm not satisfied with the thought of spending the rest of my life just running with you," he continued. "A future where you and I have an opportunity to start an actual life together is worth any sacrifice required from me."
I blinked at him, chewing on my lip as he gently cupped my face with one hand as his other snaked around my waist. "You want to start an actual life with me?" I asked meekly, feeling like an asshole for giving him such a hard time.
"Yes, you stubborn, crazy woman. I do. I want everything with you," he answered softly.
"Well, I suppose when you put it like that..," I trailed off, abandoning my attempt to convince him to run away with me. He chuckled lightly and kissed me, embracing me in a hug and resting his chin on top of my head.
"Crazy, huh?" I asked, grinning as I listened to the steady beat of his heart.
"Absolutely mad," he confirmed, placing a kiss onto the top of my head. I continued smiling to myself as we stood there like that, thinking of what he had said. And for the first time, I allowed myself to picture what an actual future ahead of us could look like, a little cottage next to a lake and little raven haired children who were not cursed with powers like mine. Albeit, that was probably more of a fantasy than a possible reality, but it was a nice picture all the same.
I hummed contentedly, slowly running my fingertips along the length of his arm. "Headmaster... it does has quite a nice ring to it. I do have a weakness for a man in charge, after all," I said suggestively, earning a chuckle from him.
"You really are an insatiable little minx," he laughed, running his hands along the backside of my body. "But we must get going. I already sent our luggage to the gates, and I have a lot to do before the feast."
"Right then. Let's do this." On top of the anxiety I felt about controlling myself, there was one thing in particular that made me most nervous of all. Poppy Pomfrey. The woman who had mothered me since the death of my parents.
I hadn't spoken to her in person since the night Dumbledore took me away from Hogwarts, and that had been nearly a year ago. There had been a few owls sent during our separation, but as far as Voldemort was concerned, I had forsaken my life before I pledged myself to him. There truly was no safe way for me to communicate with her without putting her in danger, but it didn't stop me from feeling guilty about it.
"This will be the first time I've seen Poppy in ages... she must loathe me by now," I said worriedly, glancing down at the Dark Mark on my forearm.
"Nonsense. She understands the situation, and besides she has bugged me nonstop about your well being every time I've returned to the school. She most certainly does not loathe you though I cannot say the same about me," Severus replied with a grimace that brought an amused smile to my face. It was easy to forget sometimes how unsociable he could be with others. I had grown so used to our usual banter and affection that it seemed strange that in a few short moments, he would be back to his usual self once we were around others.
"Ready?" Severus asked, pulling his wand from his cloak pocket. I responded with a brisk nod and stepped away from him, grabbing his hand instead as the familiar crack of apparition filled my ears and Severus' kitchen disappeared from sight. When I opened my eyes, we were standing on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. I could see the front gates of the school from where we stood, and my stomach gave a nervous lurch.
"I didn't think I would ever see the inside of that place again," I told Severus, chewing on my lip and my eyes locked on the gates ahead of us. He simply gave my hand a squeeze and lead me toward the place I had called home for so long.
Despite the years I had spent there, both as a student and an adult, the grounds of Hogwarts never ceased to leave me speechless. A longing that I hadn't been aware of until that moment ached painfully in my chest as I took in the sights before me. This place would always be home to me, no matter how insane my life had became. My fondest memories took place on the very grounds we walked on. Nearly every good, bad, and ugly secret I had was hidden within the walls of the grand castle that we were now approaching.
"Are you alright?" Severus asked from beside me, his voice slightly etched in concern.
"Yes, actually, I am," I answered with a genuine smile.
The moment we reached the steps of the castle, Severus' hand left mine. And though it was slightly disappointing to know that our random displays of affection would now be reserved during our private hours, I could hardly think about that as I walked past him with one destination in particular in mind.
I had made that particular walk so many times that I could have done it blind folded, but I couldn't remember being so excited doing so. It seemed as if Poppy was right where I left her. Rummaging through the cabinet of healing potions I had always been required to keep as she softly hummed to herself. I froze in the doorway, unsure of how to announce my presence. I even nearly turned and retreated, but she turned to face me, releasing a startled gasp and closed the distance between us, pulling me into a suffocating hug.
"I am so glad you're home," she told me, her voice shaking as if she was as close to crying as I felt. I opened my mouth to speak, but words couldn't convey how I felt in that moment. Instead I squeezed her tighter for a moment before finally finding the ability to speak.
"I'm sorry I wasn't able to write more often."
"Don't you worry about that, dear. You're back now and that's all that matters. Though I fear things will be far different now that Dumbledore is gone. Severus Snape deserves nothing less than to rot in Askaban for what he has done, but I suppose he is untouchable now that He Who Must Not be Named has taken control of the Ministry."
It was easy to forget that everyone didn't know that Severus had simply been following Dumbledore's orders that night. I quickly decided that telling her of our relationship would not be wise. Instead I asked, "Why did you stay Poppy? It is far too dangerous now, you should have left."
"And leave the children here to fend for themselves? I think not. Besides, I had hoped you would return, and my wish was granted. There's no place I would rather be," she answered as she stepped back and checked my appearance.
"You look lovely. I'm glad to see you have taken care of yourself," she said, seeming to regain her composure. I wanted to tell her I had been quite awful at taking care of myself, that my now healthy appearance was mostly due to Severus. Instead, I simply smiled and thanked her, and allowed her to drag me to a nearby set of chairs where we spent the remainder of the morning catching up until we were forced to part ways in order to prepare for the feast.