✧
𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚐𝚎.
Bee
Let's do something
different next week.
Benny
Hmm.
Benny
I thought you were
busy next week?
Bee
Nah, I can always
make time for you.
Benny
Flattered.
Bee
I'm serious, goldilocks.
Benny
Benny
What do you have in
mind for our next date?
Bee
Who told you last
night was a date?
Benny
Uh, me?
Bee
Aw, you expect too much.
Benny
At least, show some
pity for this guy 😒
Bee
That's not the way
I live my life, man.
Benny
Unbelievable.
Bee
Bee
How about dinner in
my place with your
friends and Nessa?
Benny
By friends you mean. . .
Bee
Rami, Joe, Lucy, Allen
and Gwil? Do they ring
a bell to you?
Bee
Don't tell me you've
forgotten them.
Benny
Chill, woman.
Benny
My brain is not that bad.
Ofc, I remember them.
Bee
Good.
Bee
Because I don't need a man
who forgets that he needs
to support his woman for
the rest of his life.
Benny
WHOA WHOA WHOA
Benny
Since when have you thought
about the future of us? 😏
Bee
I'm a visionary, bitch.
Benny
So, am I supposed to
feel lucky or. . . ?
Bee
Geez, you killed the mood
by questioning me, just say
okay, and we're done.
Benny
Lmao okay!
Bee
Eh, wait.
Bee
I actually wanted to
tell you something.
Benny
About what?
Bee
Let's just say about someone
who lied to you because she
was afraid she would damage
your friendship.
Benny
Hmm. I'm intrigued.
Bee
See you next week!
Benny
AW WHY
Benny
Just tell me now.
Bee
No, no.
Bee
She must be with us
when I talk about it.
Benny
✧
𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎.
SHANESSA QUESTIONED HERSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR SHE DID NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING. It was no secret anymore if at first she felt afflicted to see Ben and Bethany together, but as time went on, being supportive was a sufficient step for the girl to move on. However, what they actually did was a huge question mark.
If they really intend to bring their relationship to the next level, why did Shanessa feel that either one of them wanted to involve her in some kind of way? Ben had taken Bethany on dates about three times a week, that was also because Bethany was taking a leave for a few days, and before he did all that he constantly knocking on Shanessa's door two hours early on the grounds of needing support.
Make no mistake Shanessa was happy because of that reason she got a stolen opportunity to scrutinize his face and immerse herself in his emerald eyes for a few moments, or talking about everything she deemed interesting. But, it was just weird, it was like Ben did not entirely enjoy his time with Bethany.
Or maybe Shanessa only assumed things because a very little part of her still wished to be on Bethany's shoes.
And tonight was another night they acted beyond her expectations. A hectic schedule made sleeping somewhat scarce for Shanessa, it always been that way since she got a new role in a movie with Sebastian and Tom, even though it would be finished soon, the habit of staying awake all night which was still settled in her made it impossible for Shanessa to dismiss Bethany, Ben and the others' arrival at her apartment.
She also had run out of excuses to steer clear of meeting them, especially Ben.
That might be an erroneous move from Shanessa to nearly ignore Ben again because it did not rule out the possibility that it would blatantly show how their relationship affected her, and he would jump into a conclusion that she was hiding something from him. Again. The last thing Shanessa wanted was for Ben to find out about her feelings for him.
The amount of awkwardness and the possibility of a broken friendship that Shanessa needed to face if Ben discovered her secret had made her quiver foremost because it was far worse than seeing him with Bethany. Initially, her heart did ache at the sight of them, it was eventually bearable, sooner than she expected. Guess it's just a simple crush.
"What are you doing?"
A voice floated into Shanessa's ears, one that sounded confused, dejected, unpleasant, resentful, the list went on. When Bethany asked if she and Ben could have dinner together at Shanessa's place, she had no idea that Bethany would invite Joe, Lucy, Rami, his girlfriend Imelda, Gwilym and Allen too. Speaking of beyond expectations.
"I'm sipping my tea," Shanessa answered, diverting her gaze anywhere but him.
Joe groaned in frustration, his forefinger pointed toward Ben and Bethany who was cuddling on the couch. "What are you doing?"
"I found his online friend."
"Oh, really? Because last time I checked that online friend you're talking about is the woman in front of me," Joe retorted, his arms crossing over his chest. "Why are you doing this to yourself? Doesn't it hurt you to see someone else taking your place?"
Shanessa and Ben's relationship had always been erratic — sometimes they were okay, sometimes they weren't. On certain days they would texting and calling each other nonstop, the next day they could be no more than strangers who haven't exchanged phone numbers. A visit every morning was a must for Ben, unfortunately, in the evening, a strand of his platinum hair did not even bother to come into sight. They might even bump with each other on the street without saying hello, yet the next minute they pretended as if that never happened and talked casually. And that could happen without any specific cause, at any time.
It was immensely confusing, hence Shanessa refused to tell Ben the truth about her feelings. If this whole thing had been knotty in the first place, giving a go for their relationship to exist was nothing but a waste of time. It might also prove that friendship was the only correlation they could get. And judging how Shanessa was getting used to the scenery of Ben and Bethany, it was enough to aver that the girl didn't wholeheartedly visualize Ben as her soulmate.
"It is never my place since the beginning."
The atmosphere dropped into a cruddy serenity for a mere moment, occasionally laughter from the living room or a guff from Gwilym and Allen who was currently playing video games was heard. It was a good thing Ben and Bethany did not create a fuss with their newly-built romance for Shanessa knew it would only make her retch everything she had consumed today.
Noticing how uncomfortable she was with the situation, Joe's gaze softened. "Nessa—"
"Look, Joe, I'm pretty sure Tom has told you about me trying to move on," Shanessa interrupted, standing up so quickly she almost knocked down the chair she seated. "So, can we just stop talking about my love life?"
"I thought you like him?"
"Like, yeah." Shanessa deadpanned, her voice raising slightly. "I'm not in love. I've been in love, and it's not like this."
With that Shanessa swiftly grabbed her coat and stormed out of her apartment, not caring the fact that she had made a scene and forced everyone in the living room to stop doing their activities. Yes, Shanessa was upset, but the reason behind that was not entirely Ben and Bethany. Jealousy might also not be the right word to depict her feelings, sure her heart did ache a little to see Ben finally find someone who wasn't herself, but they were not the cause of it. There was something holding her back, and it made her vastly doubtful about her own feelings for Ben.
Ignoring the cold sensation of the night, Shanessa tried to suppress the thoughts that confounded her emotions as she walked down the almost deserted street of New York. There was nothing in her mind where she had to go, but she kept walking for her needed space from those who seemed to expect her to end up with Ben. Shanessa had a lot to think about, the last thing she had to care about was a relationship or romance in general, but she lied if she said she didn't miss those feelings at all. Hell, Shanessa longed for one up to this moment.
To be loved or to be in love.
"Shanessa!"
Turning around, the sight of the person suddenly made tears flood Shanessa's eyes. This man really was unpredictable, when she was off-the-shelf to move on, he stood behind ready to run after her. Shanessa had loved and unloved him more times than she could remember, and she only wanted to fracture the cycle now.
"Leave me alone, Ben," Shanessa stated dryly before turning away from him again.
Noticing the tears in her eyes, Ben reflexively snatched her wrist, causing her to face him and this time, he placed both of his hands on her shoulders to prevent her from running away. "You're crying. What happened? Did Joe hurt you?"
This was what made Shanessa fed-up. A caring attitude that was either sincere or fake, whatever it was seemed to elevate her hopes to the point she found it hard to discriminate between a friendly gesture or pure affection. But, again, who was she kidding? That concerned gaze was only given to Shanessa because she was his best friend, nothing was meant to be something more between them.
In the end, Shanessa was incredibly done with this whole crush thing. It wasn't when her voice rose first before Ben started to worry, it was when she had nothing more to say. And if she wasn't the reason behind his smile, she was better off stepping back and letting him love someone else. It was extremely selfish, but Shanessa deserved to be chosen undoubtedly over and over again, not merely considered.
"Not him," Shanessa blurted out and detached his hands away from her shoulders, her lips tugged upward in an attempt of a weak smile. "You."
That response instantly stunned the boy, and Shanessa saw it as her chance to leave. For good. There was no turning back, the answer would definitely drive Ben to think and it would eventually bring him back to the times when she attempted to stop him from kissing her that Christmas night, how she had no idea to deal with him afterward that ignoring him was the best option, and all their indirect conversations when she was still disguised as Bumblebee.
There were no footsteps that echoed behind her, which meant Ben didn't follow her, another sign for Shanessa to completely let go of him. It was a relief yet painful at the same time, knowing their friendship would not be the same. But, again, it was not Ben's fault, it was hers.
And Shanessa made it up by leaving him alone.
"Nessa?"
The girl stopped in her tracks immediately, heartbeat pounded erratically as her breath hitched in her throat. Shanessa couldn't believe what she heard, but it was too real to be just a dream. It wasn't Ben that called her name, hence she halted so quickly she almost tripped on her shoes. This voice didn't belong to the blonde guy she left behind, this was someone else, someone she knew very well.
Shanessa gulped, while she realized Ben must be staring at her back with a questioning and peckish look for an explanation, she turned around slowly toward the source of the voice. Once her eyes rested on the person, a soft gasp oozed out of her lips as a swoosh of wind swept her hair all over direction, it was nearly the same as a cliché scene in a romance movie.
The tall guy with his familiar handsome face that seemed as if God sculptured it by Himself stood before her. His charcoal long hair was a little messy for the wind reacting a bit too much when he got out of the car, his captivating rectangular grin brought heaps of memories that she nearly buried it all because she wasn't sure if she could see him again or not, but she never forgot everything about him, about them.
Shanessa stayed still on her ground, still trying to process whether her eyesight actually sees the specific person or was it a mere delusion. The guy was still looking at her with a soft smile and before she could even utter a single word, he walked toward her and pulled her into a tight embrace, confirming that he was real.
"Eugene," Shanessa breathed out after a few minutes of silence, her voice muffled against his broad shoulder. Shanessa was convinced that tears had slipped out of her eyes for the second time today. But this, this wasn't tears of pain or heartbreak, this was tears of longing amalgamated with happiness, all at once a plethora of euphoric feelings filled her as her hands automatically wrapped around his body. "How—when—you're. . ."
"Well," Eugene responded softly as he rested his chin on top of her head, his voice and touch calming her entire soul. "I couldn't just give up on someone because the situation was not ideal."
Him, Shanessa thought and that was when it hit her.
This man was the reason — her first love was the something that holding her back from confessing to Ben about her own feelings. The substantively reason that made Shanessa's feelings toward Ben remain just a simple crush, instead of real love.
What a plot twist you were.
✧
AUTHOR'S NOTE.
Oh wow this book only
has seven chapters left,
I'm so looking forward
to finish this before I
lose all my motivation
to continue lol.
Also, vote + comment
your feedback means
a lot to me.
And introducing:
Park Bogum 𝙀𝙪𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙚 𝙇𝙚𝙚