"I see my path, but I don't know where it leads. Not knowing where I'm going is what inspires me to travel it." – Rosalia de Castro
•••
Having to let go of our cabin in the mountains felt like saying goodbye to the life I never knew I wanted. Packing up our bags and tossing them into that insanely disordered trunk once more made me think about how different things were from the moment Della and I started traveling together. The first time I'd thrown my bag into the trunk of her car, I was disgusted by the mess, but when I looked inside this time, I felt a small smile well up inside of me.
Della's messiness was somehow endearing now. Just like so many other things about her that I'd hated before; her chipper attitude, her bubbly laugh, her affinity for clashing colors and ukulele music, her ability to make me think about things from a fresh perspective, her terrifying way of making me care...
"You ready?" I asked, closing the back of the Beetle.
Della stood at the foot of the steps to the front porch, staring longingly up at the cabin. It seemed lonely and lifeless now that we weren't living in it.
"Yeah..." she sighed, wrapping her arms around herself. "Let's go."
As she walked by me, she handed me the keys, and I didn't complain.
The drive down the side of the mountain was somber, to say the least. Della just curled up in the passenger seat, wrapped in my hoodie, and stared out at the side mirror to watch the view of our cabin slip away.
When the silence was too much for me to handle, I turned on the radio. This simple act seemed to snap Della out of it and she spun back around at me.
"The copilot gets to pick the music, Lovett."
I snorted. "Where was that rule back when I had to suffer through your weird K-pop music?"
"My car, my rules!" She grabbed her phone and began scrolling through her massive library of music.
"Whatever," I smiled. As long as she was happier and had a bit of that sparkle in her eyes again, that was fine by me.
•••
By Della's direction, we went through New Mexico and Arizona next, stopping only for bathroom and snack breaks. I found this odd because I would've assumed Della would have insisted on stopping to see the Grand Canyon and everything else there was to see in Arizona.
"Is it really a road trip across America if you don't stop at the Grand Canyon?" I asked, stopping at a red light.
"A road trip is whatever you make it, Jason." She slid her sunglasses down from her forehead to her nose. "Just like everything else in life."
"So you don't want to see the Grand Canyon?" I frowned suspiciously at her.
"I didn't say that," she smiled a little, stretching in the seat beside me. "But we actually do probably need to get to Cali before your big debut. How long have we been on the road anyway?"
I thought about it for a moment. So much had happened in the span of a few days, it felt like we had been traveling together for years on a trip that had no real beginning and no end in sight. All of my days had melted together and I couldn't count them up.
"I can't remember," I admitted. "It's been a few days though."
Della threw her bare feet up on the dashboard, leaned her seat back, and closed her eyes as though she was settling in for a nap. "Then we should probably zip. We can always come back later, right? We need to get you to LA. Take this next exit up here."
Any other time I would've agreed with her. Any other time I would've taken the exit. Any other time I would've just done what I wanted to do. But as she curled up to doze off, there was something in my gut that held me back.
I could tell Della still wanted to go. Yet she was going to sacrifice something she wanted to do just so I could be there on time. She was going through so much already, all because of me. It would be my fault if she missed one of the greatest sights to ever be seen, and I didn't want that on my conscious. We could still make it.
I missed the exit.
•••
"Della..." I whispered, lightly shaking her shoulder.
"Huuhhh..." she croaked.
I could barely hold back the grin of delight that plastered my face. "Wake up, sleepyhead."
She squinted at me through her groggy eyelids. "What?"
"I have a surprise for you, but you gotta wake up."
She rubbed her eyes sleepily. "What is it?"
"Just wake up and see," I chuckled giddily. I couldn't wait for her eyes to adjust to the golden light of the setting sun and see the sight that I saw before us.
When she had finally woken up a little more, she stared out the window blankly for a few moments before the realization hit her. "J-Jason?"
My smile almost split my face. "Welcome to the Grand Canyon," I said.
Della sat there in awe, alternating staring out the window and then back at me. It was like watching a kid get the gift they never knew they wanted at Christmas; it was magical.
"Jason..." Della croaked, trying to not get teary-eyed. "I thought I said to take the next exit to Nevada."
"Yeah, well, you and I both know I'm terrible at following rules," I grinned. "Don't worry about it. We'll make it on time. But there's no way we could miss this."
Della's eyes shone brightly with unshed tears and she smiled at me. "Thank you, Jason."
"For what?" I rolled my eyes. "I've never seen this place before anyway. Might as well!"
We clambered out of the car to soak up the last few minutes of daylight in the presence of the Grand Canyon. It just never ended—the valleys, the hills, the cliffs, the colors... It was all gold and yellow and orange and red. I wasn't exactly the type of person to think in abstract, but the canyon literally looked as though someone had dragged a giant paintbrush full of color through the valley and left it to glitter and dry in the baking sun.
Della was still wrapped in my hoodie, even though it was very warm in Arizona. Her eyes were full of wonder and beaming smiles. If I could just keep that look on her face, I thought, then I would be the happiest guy in the world.
As we stood near the edge of the cliff, staring into the sweet abyss, a thought tickled at the back of my brain. My palms started sweating instantly, but I took a shaky breath to calm myself down.
Just breathe, Jason. Just breathe...
"It's so... breathtaking," Della said in a hushed voice, as if she was afraid that speaking too loudly would make everything disintegrate. "It's too beautiful to be real."
Without hesitation, I slid my hand into hers.
Della didn't say anything, she just continued to stare at the sight before us with that wistful smile on her face.
"Della..." I choked. My throat was scratchy and my voice came out way deeper than normal, which was kind of embarrassing, but I pushed through it anyway.
To my surprise, Della finally did turn to face me, still letting me hold her hand. I felt a warm shiver run up my spine and I knew that it was now or never. Maybe it would make things awkward for the rest of the drive, but maybe... Maybe it wouldn't.
I inched closer, looking deeply into Della's eyes, feeling like I was falling into a canyon of my own—one I would never have any hope of climbing out of for the rest of my life.
As I leaned in, I could feel Della's breath catch. But to her credit, she didn't push me away, she didn't say anything, and she didn't drop her gaze again.
Just when the moment felt right, I went in for the kiss I had been waiting for...
CLICK!
A light flashed in my eyes and I was temporarily blinded before jumping back and nearly toppling over the safety railings that were supposed to keep people from falling off into the canyon.
"DELLA!" I shrieked, trying to catch myself.
All I could hear was Della's silvery laughter as the spots of light continued to dot my vision. I could feel her grabbing my arm and pulling me up off the ground and tugging me towards the car.
"JASON, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE!" she squealed gleefully.
It was official. I definitely hated Della Rae more than anything I had ever hated in the entire world.
"Shut up," I snapped, pulling away. My vision was finally coming back and I could see our car parked behind her. I stumbled that way, unsure if my eyes were stinging because of the flash from her camera or some other reason...
"Jasonnn..." she whined, tugging at my sleeve. "Come on, don't be mad. You always take these things too seriously."
I didn't answer, ripping the car door open and clambering inside. Heat rushed into my cheeks and the knowledge that I couldn't even hide it made it so much worse. I wanted to punch something, but I knew I couldn't do that. Della was watching me closely from outside the window.
After her giggles had quieted, she rounded the car to the passenger side. As she grabbed at the door handle, I promptly locked the car and folded my arms in defiance when she protested.
"Come on, Lovett!" she called, knocking on the glass. "Knock it off. I was just messing with you."
I didn't even look at her—I couldn't. I was too mortified to do anything but sit there and stew over what had just happened. However she twisted it, Della Rae had just turned down my kiss. Plain and simple. How I even cared enough to try in the first place was a mystery to me. But getting the courage to try something that crazy and then being shot down like that completely crushed me. There was no way I'd be able to face Della again.
I eventually realized that Della had finally gone silent. When I glanced over to the passenger's side of the car, she was looking down at a Polaroid in her hands. I couldn't see the photo, but the wistful look on her face tugged at my heart. She was smiling to herself as if she was the only one around and it was just her and the picture. She held it like it was a precious gem, needing to be handled with care.
I watched her looking at it like that and some of my anger went away, along with some of my embarrassment. It wasn't all gone, but at least I didn't want to punch something anymore.
Della finally tore herself away from the photo and looked back over at me. She didn't speak, didn't laugh, and didn't try to open the door; she just stood there looking at me, as if she was trying to reconcile my image with the photo she held cradled in her hands.
After staring her down for a good minute, I reached over and unlocked the door. Della slid into her seat beside me and leaned to over the console and wrapped me in a tight hug. At first, I didn't respond to it. I was still allowing myself to be butthurt over what had just happened. But after a moment, I could smell the vanilla and lavender in her hair and my shoulders relaxed. I finally hugged her back.
"Let's get out of here," she whispered into my shoulder.
"Okay," I nodded and cranked up the car.
••••••••••••
Hope you guys enjoyed this (nearly final) chapter of Polaroids and Postcards! The finale is going to be THIS WEEKEND, so be sure you are commenting, voting, and sharing the mess out of this. Also, be sure you have your notifications turned on so you don't miss the next few updates.
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