CHAPTER FIFTY THREE- Petty little crushes.
Louis Tomlinson:
“Well that was…Eventful.”
Harry stammered as he shoved his hands into his pockets and began chewing furiously on his lower lip – you could tell he was mad – he was always mad when a girl turned him down, after all, he’s Harry Styles. You could also see the clear blush on his cheeks, in Harry’s world, he doesn’t get turned down. Which is why right now he’s having a damn hard time believing he just had. I, found this all pretty amusing, he was raving about banging her again – I had to admit she was hot – he already had his whole speech planed. “I’ll treat her to coffee or whatever Lou, and then I’ll just talk to her for a few hours and then bam, see you tomorrow morning, I aint coming home tonight.”I chuckled to myself as I recalled him saying this to me mere hours ago and now what were we doing? Walking back home after he got a harsh battering.
Apparently for Tiffany, the bang and run and come back three months later for another round of fun, wasn’t her cup of tea. But it was Harry’s cup of tea; or at least it was when he was on another break from Faye. But this wasn’t just a break; she had finally called it quits and gave him quite the earful about it. So as he always was, he was keen to get back at her. “If I bang that bird I did on our last break she’ll be fuming, and if I get in the tabloids, even fucking better.” He had chuckled evilly. I was expecting him to, he’s Harry, he always gets his way. Even though he was my best friend and I was supposed to be there for him, I got more humour than affectionate support out of this.
“What? What are you laughing at? That wasn’t funny you know Lou…She doesn’t know what she’s missing, she couldn’t handle all this.” He scowled popping his collar and then gesturing to his body. I just watched him and raised my eye-brows.
There’s nothing better than seeing a boy who thinks he’s every girl’s dream get rejected. And by a hot girl too. He was Harry’s standard though, I didn’t exactly blame him, he’s young, why not have a bit of fun if he’s not ready to settle down yet? I just found this situation highly amusing. The part where she chucked her coffee onto his lap was the best. “My balls Lou, my balls!” It was quite the quality entertainment.
“I just find it funny that you were blabbing about how you weren’t gonna be home tonight and here we are, coincidentally walking home. You have to admit though mate, the coffee thing was pretty damn good. I so should have videoed it, I would have become a YouTube legend with that quality entertainment. Good job Hazza, good job my son.” I chuckled clapping my hand onto his shoulder a few times. He violently pushed me off and sent me a death glare as he flicked his curls from his eyes. I smirked, winding him up was something I could do all day, and the day after, and the day after, his reactions were just priceless; and the more you did it, the better they got.
I chuckled to myself again as the coffee incident kept on replaying itself through my mind “Lou get me a fucking napkin.” Gold.
“Shut up. I never saw or heard of that brunette you shagged at the club that night again, lost her did you Lou?”
He smirked narrowing his eyes at me. I grimaced as I remembered that night. I didn’t even like her, it was just to get my mind off of…Her. I winced as the girl I was supposed to be forgetting about came back into my thoughts; I need to stop this, I have to stop this. Harry was looking pretty smug as my amused and teasing demeanour fell completely slack into my mode of wistfulness.
“Th-That was different. I didn’t even like her, I was out of my head Haz; I do stupid things when I’m drunk.”
I stammered feeling my heart beat up as he continued to eye me suspiciously. Everyone keeps doing that lately, I think they’re catching on. I sure hope they don’t, ever. And I sure hope she doesn’t catch on, ever, cus I bloody well know I don’t have a chance in hell with this girl, she’s everything.
“Ah don’t we all my fair Lou. But you, you just obviously weren’t good enough for her; she never called you, did she?”
“No, but you see the thing is, I didn’t want her to call me. Haz you’re hardly one to talk about not being good enough. At least I didn’t get steaming coffee poured of me and get called every name under the sun, not to mention, the signature arm slap she finished it off with.”
I chuckled redeeming myself now. But she was still occupying my thoughts, I just did well to conceal at times; not the brunette from a few months ago, but the girl who’s practically stolen my heart and doesn’t even know. I pushed her away to the back of my mind and tried to concentrate on the sound of my footsteps against the smooth concrete pavement they were slapping against kicking up clouds of misty dust, but nothing was working. She was here now, and she wouldn’t go away.
“You’re not gonna let this go are you?”
He frowned and I laughed throwing an arm around my best friend, I’ll never tire of teasing him. And this? Well it’s just teasing gold.
“Nope, no I am not.”
“You’ll see,” He mumbled. “I’m gonna find the hottest girl you’ve ever laid your blue ocean like eyes on, and she’s gonna fall totally in love with me. I’ll sweep her off her feet, trust me Lou, I will.”
I laughed properly at this; he seemed so serious about it all I found it absolutely hilarious. But not even Harry’s pitiful pleas to revenge on Faye (who frankly couldn’t give a toss about Harry anymore) could completely distract me from my thoughts on her.
“Awh you think my eyes are ocean like? Love you Haz. I think yours are like the brightest green grass I’ve ever seen, in a lush green pasture on the height of a summer’s day.”
I chuckled throwing my arm dramatically, he rolled his eyes but smirked anyway as he jokingly batted his eye-lashes at me a few times.
“Awh Lou you charmer. Love you too Boo.”
He beamed; I just smiled as we continued on our way down the lanes back to the house. It was silent for a few seconds but it wasn’t awkward, it never was. But then he spoke again and this time the conversation wasn’t one I was as keen to endure in. I would much rather just continue to tease about the Tiffany incident. But no, he did seem pretty determined.
“You never did me what you and Ashley talked about that night at New Year. I swear you guys were talking for like half an hour…I heard Niall and Ash talking afterwards and Ash was pretty pissed off that Nialler walked in and interrupted.”
He remarked smirking at me expectantly. I sighed running a hand through my hair. Harry hadn’t stopped bugging me about this since that night in the kitchen, why did nobody understand it was innocent? Or maybe it wasn’t on my behalf, in a way I’m thanking my lucky stars that Niall walked in and interrupted cutting me off from spilling my guts out to Ashley. That had been way too close and I don’t know what the hell I was thinking telling her. What good was that going to do? Nothing. It was going to do absolutely no good at all. Everyone would probably end up hating me, Ashley would be scared to talk to me and would probably ignore me forever. Nobody could know what I had been holding in for so long now. It was wrong of me, completely wrong of me, and I still can’t get over the ridiculous scenario now.
Who would have thought me hey? Falling for the wrong girl yet again. I was supposed to be the funny, innocent one who made people’s lives better; not fucked them up even more. And yet that was what I was doing – at first it was easy to deny it to myself – but now, I can’t stop thinking about her. I know it’s wrong, it’s so freaking wrong but I can’t stop myself.
“Nothing, it was nothing important we were just talking. Why is it such a crime to talk to Ash? We used to talk all the time and you didn’t have a problem then, we used to be close, so why can’t we be now?”
I knew the answer to that myself; but there was no way I was going to reveal if I could help it. I vowed to never get drunk with Ashley as long as I possessed of this deep, dark and dirty secret. There was no way in hell I could risk spilling it to her. I’d never live it down, never, ever, live it down. I already knew it was going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Why is something so morally wrong feeling so right inside of my messed up brain? There was no way I could risk spilling it to anyone, but Ashley especially. I’m pretty sure it would scar her as much as it has me. No, I’ll just continue to make my life a misery so nobody else’s has to be. It’s the least I could do for the sin I’m committing.
“Lou,” He said giving me a tired look. I grimaced; I knew that was the serious look. The look that screamed me right in the fact to evacuate this conversation right now before he twists, squeezes and yanks the truth out of me, there was no way in hell I could let that happen. “You and I both know that there was nothing innocent about that conversation. It was half an hour Lou, and it was four in the morning in the bloody kitchen after the best New Year’s eve party ever, even conversations with goldfish don’t last as long as that and they’re highly entertaining.”
I quirked an eye-brow at this strange remark but brushed it off, I suppose I’ve heard weirder.
“No, I know what we talked about. You don’t, because you weren’t there. You were passed out on the sofa dribbling your mouth off.”
I scoffed and he bit his lip, I could tell he was mentally denying this, but he knew it was true.
“Fine,” He snapped squaring his shoulders and holding his head that little bit higher. “I’ll just ask Nialler.”
I slid my gaze to him narrowing my eyes, what is his obsession with that conversation? It wasn’t like Ashley and I haven’t spoken before. We used to be extremely close when her and Niall first started dating that summer. We still could be now, but we couldn’t, we weren’t because of how off I’ve been these past six months or so. I can’t help it. Nobody knows what’s been eating away inside of me for so long, and nobody ever will, if all goes to plan.
“Why would you ask Niall? It wasn’t involving him.”
He gave me another tired look as if I had just asked the dumbest question in the world.
“Yes but Ashley would have told him and he’ll tell me. He’s like the most honest leprechaun I’ve ever met, he’ll tell me.”
“You don’t know that Ashley told him.”
I muttered but I wasn’t even completely convinced myself. I bit my lip furiously, so hard I was probably going to draw blood – but all the bleeding in the world wouldn’t fix this mess I’ve made that nobody even knows about.
“Please,” He scoffed. “They tell each other everything.”
I looked away as he said this; could I get humour out of any of these remarks? I wasn’t feeling humorous today, or I wasn’t now, I was all for it after the Tiffany incident but now he’s talking about this again and he doesn’t even realise what a touchy subject it is. This is too risky for me; I cannot risk spilling on any circumstances whatsoever.
“How would you know? What do you do, just sit there and watch and analyse them all day?”
He raised his eye-brows.
“Where have you been the past three months? They haven’t even spoken in months, let alone seen each other in person. But yes, totally, I totally stalk them because I’m secretly a hard-core Nashley shipper, happy now?”
He joked smugly, I rolled my eyes. Normally I would be all for a bit of ‘shipper’ mocking but not right now, not with her on my thoughts for about the billionth time since this I woke up this morning.
“I’m glad you’ve finally admitted it Haz, I’m proud, I really am.”
I teased, and the conversation was finally aborted as we started up the driveway to the house. He wouldn’t force me about it front of the other lads; or at least I hoped he wouldn’t. Then, it’d be way too obvious I was hiding something, and hiding something big.
I chucked my keys watching them leave my hand and glide through the radius from the front door to instant contact with the oak coffee table by the stairs; they landed with a clang the sound echoing as they drummed against the sleek mahogany wood. I fist pumped and thrusted as they yet again - hit bang on target – not too far from the edge but not too close to Liam’s precious clock that was forever present on that coffee table that nobody even looked at.
“We have the theory! We have the theory man!”
Zayn hollered as soon as Harry and I sauntered into the living room. Zayn was sat on the first sofa his feet on the coffee table and a laptop on his lap and Liam was scrolling through something on his phone on the second sofa which he slid back into his pocket as we entered and rolled his eyes at Zayn’s excitement.
“The theory of what?”
Harry inquired planting himself on the single armchair. He was probably just keen to have a conversation sparked up that was not revolving around Tiffany. He knew I was all ready to blow the whole story to Zayn and Liam, and he was just as keen to stop it front happening. You could already tell he was running things through his brain to carry this topic on so it wouldn’t move on to the questioning of why he wasn’t with Tiffany since he was raving earlier about having some fun tonight. I sent him a knowing smirk as I sat down next to Liam – I figured it was the safer option – so I wouldn’t be so seriously questioned on why I was not acting myself again. He either didn’t see my smug look or chose not to ignore it, playing it safe Hazza, I’ll still have my humour by the end of the day.
“Nialler and Ash obviously.”
Zayn scoffed rolling his eyes as if Harry was ridiculously stupid for not getting this in the first place.
“Which is?”
Harry raised his eye-brows and I could tell he was purposely ignoring the smug looks I was sending him and wiggling my eye-brows at him telling him I knew what game he was playing and that I could play it better. And I wasn’t afraid to break rules.
Liam looked up now giving both Harry and Zayn a tired look like he was looking down on the most immature twelve year old perverted joke, maybe he was, in fact, he probably was.
“It’s just the usual immature stuff, it’s hardly fascinating.”
Zayn narrowed his eyes and creased his brow into a death stare and turned in his seat to face Liam square who amiably raised an eye-brow waiting to see how he was going to react this.
“Sex is always fascinating, Mr Sensible-Mature face.” Zayn enlightened Liam sternly. “So anyway, Hazza, this is the theory: They either banged last night and that’s why Niall hasn’t been answering any of our calls or texts. Or, they’re still doing it now which is also why he hasn’t answered any of our texts or calls or told us how it went like we asked him to. Which is why we can only assume that they’re okay now. I mean, everyone knew they would be, everyone knows Ash couldn’t hold a grudge against Niall if she tried.”
Zayn smirked as if he had just fed the most intellectual piece of information known to man as he squared his shoulders and sunk back into his seat proud with himself.
“Charming.”
Harry chuckled and then took out his phone still ignoring my smug looks – so I gave up now – besides it was taking too much effort anyway.
“Oh hell yeah. They are definitely okay…And they were being stalked by someone… hey ho now we can see what our Nialler’s getting up to over there with that hot girlfriend of his.”
Zayn announced smirking even more now as he leant forward closer to his laptop screen. We all just looked at him waiting for him to expand on this. He looked up making a face at our hard stares and then cleared his throat.
“What?”
“Care to explain further?”
Harry pushed and Zayn rolled his eyes.
“God you guys need everything written in baby language. There’s a freaking video of them walking down some street at night and let’s just say, they’re turning up the heat a bit…”
He explained as if this was the most exciting thing to do, we all raised our eye-brows and then gathered around the back of the sofa as Zayn brought the video up. It was obviously taken on a mobile phone so the quality wasn’t very good, even more so because it was pitch black but you could tell it was them. They were so oblivious to it as well. Ashley was sat on a wall with her arms around Niall’s neck and he was stood in the space in between her legs with his hands resting around her waist. They appeared to be talking – and looking at each other rather affectionately – but you could just see it coming. Ashley nodded presumably in response something Niall had said and then it appeared to be Niall who leaned in first and then they were doing their usual make out session, her legs wrapped around his waist blah blah blah and it all ended up as sex by the end of the night; I didn’t need to see anymore.
They all gave me a confused look as I rolled my eyes and sat back down on the sofa and crossed my arms over my chest. They all continued to watch it smirking as they did so and licking their lips at some point – I swear those two are so freaking…PDA open they might as well just not even try to tone it down anymore and just do it in front of everyone. Maybe that was harsh, but I wasn’t in a very good mood. If Niall and Ashley were back on obviously very good terms now that meant that Ashley would be a lot around lot more, how the hell was I going to pull this off? I sighed to myself as I closed my eyes trying not to let myself slip into this again, but it was already happening, it was already taking me over.
“Is it just me…Or does Ashley look…Different?”
Liam cut in and they all narrowed their eyes peering in closer to the screen and nodding slowly.
“Yeah,” Zayn agreed. “She looks…Even hotter than before. And that’s saying something.”
“It’s those legs…” Harry whispered breathlessly. I rolled my eyes at them all gawking over Ashley; I bet Niall would be happy if he was here right now. “Damn those legs. I swear she’s like put on weight…Good weight though. Damn Nialler’s a lucky fella.”
“I so should have put on a blonde wig and an Irish accent and pretended to be Niall. Bloody hell she looks good. She…Kind of looks like how she did when we first met her, you remember her in that bikini that day? Damn were we introduced in a lucky light.”
“Dirty bastards.”
I scolded and they slid their gazes to me smirking but Harry’s eyes were glued to the screen and I wondered what the hell they could possibly be doing now.
“I’m surprised you’re not looking Louis, she’s wearing shorts, short shorts.”
Zayn chuckled licking his lips as him and Harry leaned in closer, Liam made a face and then retreated to the kitchen and I heard the kettle begin to boil. I hope he’s making tea, it would really calm this nauseous feeling I’ve got thinking about her and the situation right now.
“Maybe because I have more respect than to perv on Niall’s girlfriend?”
I shot back but I don’t think they even heard me as Harry nudged Zayn and said “Play it again. But this time to skip to halfway, you can see her better then.” I rolled my eyes sinking further into my seat.
“Bloody hell this is like the day we met her all over again.”
Zayn breathed. I couldn’t believe this; I thought he was supposed to have a girlfriend. Even if he is a teenage boy, but still, a little bit of loyalty might be nice.
“Apart from she’s fully clothed this time.”
Harry frowned and then Zayn smirked.
“Yeah well I think Nialler’s working on that.”
“You people disgust me.”
Liam snorted as he came back in. And to my delightfulness – he was carrying two mugs of tea – I forced a warm smile at him as he passed me one. I slid my fingers around the ceramic mug as the heat seeped through the scalding china and onto my skin. So much so that I almost had to let go of it but the feeling of warmth was so good against my skin, especially since I was feeling so cold and hollow inside now.
“Oh my god, what the hell it says not available anymore?!” Zayn exclaimed and Harry’s eyes went a little bit wider. “Oh wait it’s okay, it’s back now.”
He grinned and so did Harry as the muffled sound of the audio began and then whoever was filming it began to whisper into the speaker what the video was currently displaying. It sounded like a girl, she mentioned that she couldn’t hear what they were saying – well I’m not really surprised if you’re about twenty metres down the road and hid behind a wall – some people are just strange. I mean, they were obviously happy to have some alone time since that doesn’t happen a lot for them and then they get videoed and it starts circulating the internet? There never is any privacy anymore.
But I couldn’t even concentrate on that anymore as she re-entered my mind again. I kept on absentmindedly sipping my tea even though it was burning my tongue and the steam was still rising off of it. I couldn’t even feel it as my brain completely flooded with words, images, memories of this girl that’s had me acting off for months now. I couldn’t even resist it anymore and I had already tuned out everything that was going on around me – the confused stares from Liam, the ‘play it again’ from Harry and their gawking over Ashley – I couldn’t even concentrate anymore as she reposed in my mind.
But it wasn’t just her and her appearance; even though that was a major factor when it shouldn’t be, I knew this was wrong from the moment I made that fateful drunken mistake but yet I let myself fall this far. Let myself mould my every breath, every action, and every word around her. Every time someone mentions that I should get or at least look for a girlfriend her name is almost tumbling off my tongue in sweet and sour poison, but then I have to snap myself to a stop – I can’t have her, it’s wrong. But there’s something about things being wrong; that make them feel so right. So intriguing, it makes you want them even more than you would if it was right and acceptable. But it’s not, this is utterly wrong and there is no way I should be feeling this but I am; she has me going crazy. But I can’t help it, any mention of her name, even a similar string of similar syllables it makes my head snap up and a cheeky grin spread across my lips. My heart starts beating at an unworldly rate and my palms break out into a self-conscious sweat. What about her? What’s happened? It’s like I’m living to know anything and everything about her. To be jealous, to look after her, to care for her but most of all, under any circumstances – to not let my true feelings for her slip. Not only would I be media slammed, but also socially slammed too. I doubt anyone would want to even know me anymore, it’s wrong. I’ve told myself this so many times, but yet every second that slips by with her in my thoughts it seemed so right.
It’s not just her and her shockingly good looks – it’s everything about her. The playful and cheeky smiles that brighten up your day like a snap of someone’s fingers. The way her hips sway so gracefully but at the same time so sexily as she walks. The way that whatever and whenever the situation is – she always just takes your breath away with one look. She’s that type of girl that you’d die for her to just smile at you and you wouldn’t stop thinking of that knee weakening smile for a week, or maybe even the rest of your life. And I’m supposed to pretend that I don’t have pretty much the strongest feelings for her when she’s around so often? I have no idea how it got like this. We used to be friends, good friends, and now I can’t even bare to look her in the eye because of how I feel about her. And her laugh, damn her laugh. It’s so sweet and it lingers in the air instantly sweeping you off your feet with that one fateful little giggle; it will be the death of me. She will be the death of me. I need to get over her, I need to distract myself, find someone else, but I can’t. I just can’t. It’s so easy to go out to a club and find an innocent girl who’s just as willing as you are to have some fun and then forget it the next day; it’s supposed to be distracting. It’s supposed to make me forget about her for even one night but no, she’s on my mind even more then. How much I would crave it to be her instead. But it can’t be. It’s wrong. I’ve always been so careful about whom I fall for and I never fall fast, but now, I’ve fallen without even realising it. I don’t even remember when I first started thinking about her like this – but it was a long time ago. I assured myself it was just a petty crush that I would be over within a few weeks but no – it’s been months and she’s got me going crazier by the second. But you know what the real infuriating thing is:
I can’t have her.
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A/N.
wooo Louis' POV, although not everything is revealed, I think it's pretty clear, at least I hope it is.
Eurgh I know this is short but I just couldn't think for this chapter.
I really hate the new meebo bar
omg right last night I woke up at like three in the morning and there was this massive bang downstairs, and I was really scared so I got up and got my hockey stick and went downstairs all ready to beat a criminal to death and it was just something falling down from th mantel piece oh
and I saw an ed sheeran look a like in JJB sports this morning. And omfg if you live in Brtain: MIRANDA WAS BACK ON LAST NIGHT. like this is amazing I love this show and Waterloo road is back on now too:O if you don't live in brtain just dw man it's a brit thing;)
ok see you later babyaaa
-Emily.