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I awake to an empty bed, the sound of light humming, and the smell of freshly cooked bacon. When my eyes open to the world I feel a hung-over sensation, though I've not had any alcohol in about a week's time. The light from the outside world shines brightly through sheer grey curtains hung on the rod above the large window. I rub my squinting eyes as I sit, a slight wince is released, the activities from the night before causing me to be sore.
Images of his body hovering over mine flash before my memory, drawing a smile onto my lips in the process. I want to giggle to myself, celebrate the advance we made in our relationship last night, but I keep my emotions inward. Thinking back to last night is almost too much for my delicate mind, the mere thought of his hands over my body, lips marking my skin, and our bodies intertwined creating a subtle dampness below.
The sheets are clutched to my chest and I debate whether I want to get up or if I want to stay in this bed all day. The time on the clock already reads eleven am, meaning I only have thirty-three hours left with him. I decide to get up, inwardly groaning at the feeling between my legs as I stand at full height. My eyes widen at the small, yet noticeable, red dots decorating the otherwise grey sheets.
Fuck.
Pulling on yesterday's knickers and an oversized tee of Harry's I saunter over to the bathroom. I stop in front of the mirror on the way to the toilet, admiring the woman I see staring back at me. She looks more lively than I remembered her to be. Her eyes shine bright and she appears to be glowing. Her hair, which doesn't belong to her, sits ruffled atop her head, but otherwise intact. She looks happy.
"Good morning." Is the first thing I hear when I exit the bathroom. My eyes take in the shirtless man standing on his side of the bed. The sheets are no longer on his bed, the bare mattress facing the world as a tray of steaming food sits comfortably atop the surface. Harry smiles widely at me, his eyes raking my body, hidden beneath his shirt. "I like your shirt."
"Thank you." I act coy, glancing to the shirt before sitting down on the mattress. "I borrowed it from my boyfriend." I joke, but my mind is elsewhere. An embarrassed rouge lights up my features as I think back to the soiled sheets that were once here and how he must have seen them, thus the reason for them missing. "I'm sorry about -"
"Don't." He interupts, quickly sitting down across from me, his hand connecting with my chin to bring my face up so that I can fully look at him. "I hated those sheets anyways." I roll my eyes at him and sigh heavily.
"You threw them out?" He simply shrugs, before instructing me to lean back against his headboard. I do as he says and as soon as I'm comfortable the tray of food is placed on my lap.
"I'm kind of lazy when it comes to doing the washing." He jokes, making me smile reluctantly.
"Yet not lazy enough to cook me breakfast in bed." There's a slight blush that comes across his cheeks and it just makes me like him that much more. "Thank you, Harry."
"Don't mention it, lovely." He leans over, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth, and oh how I wish it lingered longer.
We sit together, devouring the delicious breakfast he made for us. There was a stack of pancakes, five high, with confectioners' sugar and syrup coating the layers with their sweet goodness. He even took the liberty of cutting up fresh fruit, from strawberries to kiwis and everything in between. The bacon sat lonely at the side, only I partaking because he's kind of a vegetarian, but he made it because he remembered my love for the crispy strips.
"What do you have planned for the day?" The food tray has been sitting on the floor, bare, for the last twenty minutes whilst we take the time to have a cheeky snuggle. His arm is wrapped tightly around me, holding my body to his, as my head rests on his shoulder, eyes falling closed.
"I was hoping you'd join me in the loo, in ten minutes time?" It's more of a question, to which I answer with a subtle nod of my head. Somehow I'm still worn out from our activities the night before. I honestly could sleep for the next few days. "Stay here." With a kiss to the top of my head, Harry climbs out of bed leaving me to get comfortable without him. "Don't fall asleep on me." He warns, my eyes remaining closed as I lay in the middle of his mattress.
"No promises. Your bed is so comfy." I hear him laugh before his footsteps carry him out of his bedroom and into the loo. A large sigh leaves my lips as I'm finally alone, my eyes opening so that I can stare up at the blank ceiling.
I should be extraordinarily happy right now, but I just can't find it in me to be fully happy. The underlying guilt slowing eating me away, piece by piece. Whilst I shouldn't, I start to regret what occurred last night. I shouldn't have slept with him, knowing that I've been lying to him this entire time. He gave his all to me last night and here I am withholding information from him, lying to his precious face.
Why am I such an awful person?
I want to leave, but I know I can't and I don't think I could if I really tried. Harry's too good for me, I know that now. He deserves better than a girl who lies and sneaks off. He deserves someone who can be 100% honest with him and won't disappear in the middle of the night. He deserves so much better than me.
By now the tears are fully falling, my body curled into a ball in the centre of his bed. I try my best to muffle my cries with his duvet, even with my hand pressed to my mouth. Guilt is a painful thing. It tears you apart from the inside out. I can go hours without feeling the guilt, but when I'm left alone the feeling creeps back in full-force.
I make a split-second decision to get out of Harry's bed, grabbing my phone on the bedside table and taking it out into his living room. As I fall onto my bum on the couch, I bring the device up to my ear, hearing the dial tone as I wait for my sister to pick up.
"Why on Earth are you calling me?" Is the first thing Gwen says to me. Clearly she didn't think she'd hear from me until Sunday night before we return to the palace. I open my mouth to answer her, but a soft, choked sob echoes out instead of words. "Uh oh."
"I can't do this anymore." I hiss out, my head turning towards the closed door of Harry's bedroom. "I can't lie to him anymore. It's killing me, Gwen. The guilt is eating me alive." For a while Gwen doesn't answer, she simply lets me carry on with my rant whilst she remains silent.
"Listen to me, Mabel." She practically orders once I've said all I've wanted to say. "I know this is hard and painful for you, but you gotta pull yourself together. This probably won't help, but you did this. You choose to lie to him in the first place, and I know that wasn't an easy decision to make but you have to follow through with it until the time is right. Do you think today is the right time to tell him?"
"No." I blubber out. "We had sex last night, for the first time. I don't' want him to think I used him for the sex and then once I got what I wanted I -"
"Hey, baby, who are you talking to?" My head snaps in the direction of Harry's bedroom. The door that was once closed is now open and Harry is standing a metre or two behind me. I sniffle to myself, turning my head quickly to hide the fact that I've been crying. Let's face it, he already saw the tears and he probably heard the strain in my voice. He already knows.
"I have to go, Talia. Love you." I hang up on Gwen, setting my phone down in my lap. I don't dare look back at Harry, afraid he heard the entire conversation or even bits and pieces of it that points me to being a horrible person.
"Mary, are you alright?" Suddenly, his hand is on my shoulder and he's kneeling beside me. I hate the look of concern he gives me, it just makes me feel worse than I already do. He shouldn't be concerned about me. He should want nothing to do with me.
"Yeah, I'm great." I suck in a breath, wiping the tears away with the back of my head. Harry looks unconvinced, but as I pick up his hand and press a soft kiss to the back of it, he drops the topic of my tears. "Now, what's awaiting us in your loo?" Harry says nothing, his arms snaking underneath me to lift me off the couch. He carries me bridal style into his bedroom and into the loo. A small smile comes to my lips when I see what's waiting for us both.
The lights have been flicked off and the scene before me is as romantic as it gets. The large claw-foot tub is filled with steaming water, candles surrounding the porcelain, all lit up. The aroma of the vanilla candles filter through the air and into my nostrils, calming my nerves ever so slightly.
"I was hoping you'd be up for the idea of us taking a bath together." Harry utters, setting me down on my own two feet.
"You're too romantic." His hands trail down my body, stopping when they reach the hem of his shirt which ends right at my bum. He doesn't ask permission before he slowly lifts the shirt from my body and throws it over my head, leaving me bare from the waist up. Immediately I'm cold, even with the steam of the bath filling the dark room. "Let me tie my hair up." I whisper, grabbing a hair tie that was carelessly thrown onto the counter from who knows when. Perhaps he left it there for me to take.
Once my hair is piled into a bun on the top of my head, I turn to look at Harry, my heart pounding ridiculously hard in my chest when I see the state he's in. His bottoms are long gone, leaving him completely naked in all of his glory.
"You don't waste any time, do you?" He says nothing in return, approaching me with long strides until he's standing pressed against me. Harry ducks his head down, connecting our lips together. We standing kissing in the dark for what seems like a lifetime before his hands blindly drop the last piece of fabric covering my body.
"Beautiful." I find myself laughing quietly at his comment, my eyes rolling instinctively.
"It's dark."
"Doesn't mean you're not beautiful."
He connects my hand in his, pulling towards the steaming water. I step into the water, a loud sigh leaving my lips at the temperature of the water. My body immediately relaxes as I lower myself down into the centre of the bath. Harry climbs in after me, leaning his back against the wall of the tub, his hands pulling me towards him. My back rests against his chest as his legs reside on either sides of mine, our arms tangling together in front of me as if he's holding onto me for dear life.
"Do you want to tell me why you were crying earlier?" Harry asks after we've been sitting in silence for a while.
My eyes drift down to our intertwined hands just beneath the water's surface, sadness returning to my body. I simply shake my head, not wanting to make up another lie. I just want to enjoy what we have while it lasts, for tomorrow or next week or the following month this could all be gone.
Slowly I spin around in the water, trying my best not to splash water all over the place as I move. My arms encircle around Harry's neck as I sit down on his lap, legs now on either sides of his own. My upper body is chilled with the air nipping at my bare skin, but I ignore the chill and try my best to focus on the heat below.
"I'd much rather do this." And with that I close the proximity of our lips, kissing him passionately until once again we've gone from two to one.
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