Prologue
If you could make one wish as you stare into the night full of stars and constellations, what would your wish be?
Would you wish to be famous? Or have a million dollars left in your account?
Now a new car won't be such a bad idea, would it? Or maybe the newest chanel bag?
But those things were far from my mind as I continued to stare into space, my tiny and almost unnoticeable eyelashes flutter at the winds surrounding me I inhale taking nature all in with me.
"I don't wanna be alone anymore"
And that was the last thought that crossed my mind before I closed my eyes.
Chapter 1
That girl whose life is a routine
You know that incessant sound your demonic alarm rings out reminding you that you have a life you aren't very excited to begin? Yeah, unlike you I have a living, breathing alarm clock that makes it unbearable for me to remain in bed once it's past seven.
"MACKENZIE ANNELISE LAURENT! ! I hope God you are not still asleep."
Yup, some people have different names for such a person. But being the person that I am, I would never call her a raging, psycho, who would have been a bullhorn in her other life. Atleast not out loud.
" Don't worry mom, I'm up, I'll be down in a sec"
I reply pulling out my earphones from my ears. I had fallen asleep with them on which had become a normal routine for me these days.
Haha, what am I saying. Everyday of my life is a normal routine. I wake up to either my mother's nagging or my parents bickering, both which are extremely unpleasant, trust me. Sometimes, it gets better. My disgusting younger brother, Taylor barges into my room ( or sneaks in, depending on his mood) and scares me up by either giving me a wet wily or farting in my face (he revolts you too, I know, I have to live with it).
Then we have or morning prayers because my family is very religious, and I'm ok with that. Just so you know we are not that sanctimonious family that preaches and rants about how we are holier-than-thou, and dress up like nuns and reverends, and refer to one another as "brother and sister" naming ourselves Obed or Zeddiciah or do we only play Christian music and are not allowed to date till we are 30, and believe redemption is for us alone.
Whooh, just wanted to clear that up for you. People normally have the wrong idea about us. We keep our fanaticism to a minimum, it's all about moderation people.
Anyway, back to my boring life. I gradually get out of bed, carefully avoiding my vanity mirror as I made my way to the bathroom. I do not need to be reminded that I look like a gorgon in the mornings... Okay, you got me, I look like that everyday, it's just more obvious when I wake up. My hair is a frenzy and eyebags form on my already large eyes. I shiver at the sight of myself even though I'm taking a hot bathe.
After my not-so-reliving shower, I return to my room, gaining a little confidence to look at myself. I don't exactly look horrible. The bathe did well to eliminate those unflattering, post-nocturnal features that were present some minutes ago. There were no zits today, thank God. I couldn't start my senior year with those annoying bumps that find the least welcoming place on my face to camp on. Not that anyone would notice. Besides, I don't have them often, only when I engage in my childhood obsession of licking peanut butter. My dad is African American while my mom is Hispanic, so you'll think that I have flawless gorgeous skin. Wrong!
My skin is a dry and a little bit burnt caramel colour, and I'm probably the only mixed race without long full hair, courtesy of gramma and her wonderful genes. My hair was shoulder length and kinky, let's not forget my receding hair line which my family never seem to get enough of. The person that thought of hair extensions is a true hero. As I continued to assess my physique, my idiot brother barged in startling me. I know I should be used to it, but that doesn't mean I have slow human reflexes.
" No one taught you how to knock creep, I could have been naked!" l said my eyes never leaving the mirror.
"Oh please, like that would make a difference, not like you've got anything that I haven't?"
he asked with a smirk.
Here we go again with my brother thinking I'm a man. There is absolutely no reason for him to think that. I mean I have decent sized boobs, and my hips weren't bad at all. Ignoring his stupid comment, I decided to go straight to the point and ask what he wanted.
" Mom needs you in the kitchen" he said. I watched as he approached my mirror.
No, no, not this again. Okay because I'm older than him with just a year and he's way taller than me, he continues to oppress me with his stupid height. It has become tradition for us to fight our way to the mirrors in this house. On my hand, I do not consider it a fight since he wins all the time, thinking of different creative ways of getting rid of me. I have now opted to using my own mirror, in my room but that doesnt stop him from bullying me, it only gives me a headstart. We struggle in front of the mirror for a good 5 mins, before I finally give up and get my clothes from my wardrobe, leaving him to do his victory dance in front of me.
" I hate you," I muttered in disgust
" Aww come on dear sister, don't be a sour loser, better luck next time"
Rolling my eyes, I proceeded to get dressed in my bathroom not minding his last comment something about saving me the trouble of suicidal thoughts when I look in the mirror. He was right though. I was thinking of killing someone, but it certainly wasn't me...
I got dressed into my green plaid shirt and washed jeans pants. When I got out, he was gone, thankfully.I made my way to the kitchen, where breakfast was served by my mom who never stopped yelling about how tardy I am and how she needed help with breakfast but her own daughter was in her room wiling away her time. My dad on the other hand, was sipping his coffee slowly as he read the newspaper in front of him completely ignoring my mom, and fortunately for my brother he ditched me, and my mom and hitched a ride to school with his bestfriend and our neighbor, Lucas, who was equally as annoying. Leaving me alone to deal with our mother's tantrums.
This was definitely a normalday for me. The same ol', same old stuff I go through everyday.
****
Dear Mom,
It's been 2 years now since you left us. We just finished burning candles for you.I'm sure you saw us from up there so there's really no need telling you.
Anyway, so much has happened through out these past years and none of which you would be proud of. I'm sorry if I've disappointed you in some ways, and I promise to be better this year. It's the start of senior year and I want it to be special for your sake.
I mentioned earlier that I might have done some bad stuff which I can't bring myself to write even here. But I'm making sure I'll deal with it. I've been angry lately, questioning all that we believe considering what has happened. Aunt Caitlyn suggested I write a journal about it.
Ofcourse you know initially I'd object to such a silly idea, insisting that I'm fine. But obviously I'm not, and I miss you alot, and nothing I can ever do can bring you back. So here I am writing... not a journal though, but letters because somehow they make me feel closer to you.
I guess Aunt Caitlyn was right after all. I'm saying this like she's not right all the time.I can't really tell her that now, you of all people should know how your sister is. I've been such a headache for her and I'm surprised why she hasn't given up on me already. She's been really strong for my sake, you would be proud.I know she's going through a lot too, and I promise to be better to her and help her out.
Uhmm, Cat has this guy from work she's been crushing on. I know she won't bring herself to tell you but I really think she's into him. Trust me, I'm a guy, I read all the signs. Darn, I'll love to stay and continue embarrassing your kid sister but I gotta go now if I want to make it in time for school today. It's my senior year now, and I think I need a change...
Love you mom.
Chapter 2
That girl who is invisible
Walking to school had now become a habit. Not that I minded, I could actually use the exercise. Staying in my room all summer, I might have gained some extra pounds which I'm more than determined to lose. The only disadvantage was the panting afterwards and the aching feeling in my core. I must have looked like a thirsty dog as I stepped into the hallways rushing towards the fountain to hydrate myself once more. One would assume I ran a marathon as I gulped down the soothing liquid.
" Easy there Tim the tank, leave some for the rest of us" A familiar voice said
I raised my head and was greeted with a set of warm eyes a cheeky smile.
" What Sammy? I needed it" I responded after I had drank to my satisfaction
" You know I could just pick you up if you asked" She said with a look of concern
"It's fine Sam, I needed the walk anyway, these extra layers of fat won't lose themselves" I joke, however meaning it. I am never gonna go back to being "fatty Marcy". Marcy wasn't even my name, but being the influential bully Adam was back in elementary school, it seemed to have stuck then and gone viral.
"Yeah, like that's just "fat" " Sammy said making air bunnies(that's what she called invisible quotes)
I rolled my eyes, Samantha had this thing against me covering my feminine curves from the rest of the world. I was no Kim Kardashian, forgive my friend, but I was so close.
"If I had a body like that...." she had started and I managed to cut her off,
"You'd feature in a lil Wayne video and become famous." I've heard this a million times from her. Thankfully, she and the rest of my family were the only ones who knew about my "God's given gift" to men, courtesy of my mom. And since I wear bulky clothes most of the time, mean skitches (skinny bitches) just assume I'm fat and boys blame it on my religion. Not like I cared.
"So, what'd you do all summer" She asked with a sly smile dancing on her lips and her eyebrows up. I knew that look. It was her way of talking about herself after she had gotten the pleasantries out of the way. Ofcourse already knowing that I really didn't have a story to tell so I'll be obliged to ask her about hers.
I decided to pretend I didn't know what she was doing and started talking
"Well, you know the usual Sam. We went to visit mom's family in New Mexico for awhile. Nana Isabelle could actually recognize me this time, she kept rubbing my cheeks and even called me "mi querida", and can you believe that idiot Rico is taller than me?"
I smiled slightly when I noticed how impatient she had gotten as I continued
"Oh and when we got back I finally finished that How I met your mother series you recommended, it was epic,
I'm telling you, it even brought monsieur twiddletoes and Dr Seuss to tears, they were laughing their asses off."
In case your wondering who monsieur twiddletoes and Dr Seuss are , well, monsieur twiddletoes is my stuffed giraffe that wears a fancy black French hat and has this adorable moustache, and I'm sure anyone that had a proper childhood would know Dr Seuss. They have been my company at night since age 3 and I had never given them up even when my idiot 6 year old cousin had butchered them in the course of finding out what made my precious monsieur twiddletoes say "oui, oui, oui." I really didn't know what his problem was with Dr Seuss. But I wasn't allowed to touch that little devil because he was just a kid. Not a very bright one though, leaving poor monsieur twiddletoes with one eye hanging off unnaturally, a one sided moustache and patched up limbs and Dr Seuss was now more like patient Seuss. That brat would be hearing from my lawyer the minute he's legal.
" Kenny!" Sammy's shrill voice brought me back from my train of thoughts.
"What, I owe it to monsieur twiddletoes" I said absent-mindedly
" You do know that you just said your stuffed giraffe's name out in public" She said looking around us.
" Pft... please relax Sam, it's not like they notice us or anything," I say, observing the people around us, all formed in their various cliques engrossed in their own conversations and acting too cool to care about my darling monsieur twiddletoes.
"Besides, they'll only know it's a stuffed giraffe because you said it out loud" I pointed out
"Gee, Oh sure "Mr twiddletoes" is such a brain teaser now"
"Hey. it's monsieur" I said frowning at her gross disrespect for my stuffed animal.
" they would never have guessed it's a giraffe"
" You know whatever McKenzie, I didn't come back for senior year so that we could argue about stuffed animals"
"They aren't just stuffed animals" I said wide eyed at her statement. I continued to make a strong argument that correctly distinguished my teddy bears identities. Sam, finally having enough of my pointless chatter, clamped her palm against my mouth to stop me from speaking further...
Wrong move Sam... hmmmn... tastes like strawberries..
"Do you wanna know how my summer went or do I have to duct tape you and tell you anyway? "
After making a series of muffled protests, I finally gave in with a shrug to which she uplifted the curse on my speech, by removing her scented hand from my mouth.
"Eww.. Kenny, what the hell.. you licked me you dog" She shrieked
I smirked to myself as she started scanning her Michael cors bag for a sanitizer. It was in small purse, inside her emergency make up kit, inside the side compartment of the left half of her bag. I know right, pretty precise, but aside from being a slight germaphobe she also suffered OCD which made her a neat freak and extremely annoying to me, cause let's face it, I'm no where near being neat... I'm a tad disorganised... Ok, a lot, but that's not the point.
"woof woof..." I barked enthusiastically and giggled a bit " I can't believe you didn't notice before now "
She gave me a death glare and wiped her salinitizer hands on me... hehe, see what I did there, I shipped saliva and sanitizer... salinitizer, get it... alright, so moving on..
"Hey," I mock cried. Now it was her turn to smirk.
"Oh please, don't be a drama queen, it's your saliva"
"Yeah, but this is my favourite shirt you ass wipe" I whined childishly
" You have like five of those shirts at home and besides the sanitizer will make you smell better, like flowers and chocolate "
"This was my favourite of the five and I don't want to smell like flowers and chocolate " I growled
"Well, it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't licked me" She retorted
"Oh, if your hands weren't busy molesting my poor mouth, you probably wouldn't have my DNA on you"
"Ugh, maybe it's cos I was so excited to tell my bestfriend about my summer but it seems like you care more about your toys than your bff for like ever"
Oh crap! The BFF guilt card. She had pulled it and was executing it real well with her sad, lost puppy dog eyes and adorable pout that put me in a hard place. But I'll never let her know my beauties were more important to me than she was. She's probably the only person that tolerates me. Not to mention it would ruin like 9 years of friendship.
Sighing after an internal debate on whether or not to correct Sam's stupid mistake of calling Dr Seuss and Monsieur twiddletoes "toys". I mean the nerve of the girl. I decided to do the mature thing.
"Okay, fine, I'm sorry" I said and cleared my throat.
" I would love to hear all about your magical summer with fairies and dancing unicorns and shit"
Ignoring my well meant sarcasm, her eyes beamed and I was scared it was gonna pop out of her sockets anytime.
"Finally" She said, her grin reaching the very roots of her cherry blonde hair.
"Well you know Chad Ackerman right? Oh yeah, of course you do... Anyway, you know how he's been asking me out.... So during my visit to...."
Yep, you guessed it. I tuned out. It's taken years of practice to finally master the art of tuning out. I thank my mother for that. If it weren't for her constant naglectures..( hehe, nagging and lectures.. I'm on fire today) I would have been listening to Sam's demented relationship with Chad. If I had a penny for the number of times Sam told me about how she just despises him and how she wishes he just left her alone, Bill Gates and I would be having tea right about now, in my private jet and he'll be begging me to spare his company. Needless to say, she talks about Chad a lot.
So, I've created a special response mechanism for cases such as these. I just furrow my brows, nod seriously, put in an interval of gasps and shocked "no's" and scoff loudly when it's seems to end and then start the process all over again, because, let's face it, Samantha's Chad stories never end. I was in between scoffs and nods when she finally said something gasp worthy.
"So Chad's my boyfriend now and I want you to be nice to him" She squealed like a little girl getting a doll house from Santa.
" Uhm, what?! Come again? " I ask dumbly
"Well, I said he's my boyfriend now and I want -"
" No, I heard that part... I mean, how did this happen, you practical hated the guy how he's your boyfriend?"
"McKenzie Annalise Laurent, have you not been listening to me at all?!" She growled looking like Simba when he finally stood up to his Uncle Scar.
Oops! Way to go Kenzie, sell yourself out when you could just as easily have gotten away with this. This was one of the fugitive escaping from jail moments where he finally reaches the end, then yells "I'm free" at the top of his lungs only to find chopper search light just over head him.
Gulp.
"You tuned me out didn't you? " She sneered folding her arms across her chest like she was actually waiting for me to answer, daring me to defend my action .
I gulped, readying myself for the plethora of profanities that would come out as Sam opened her mouth to speak, but alas, I was saved by the bell as it dissolved the first wave of profanities before they reached my ears in its metallic bliss.
Never in my life have I been happier to hear that shrill metallic sound signalling another day of mental torture. Sam just glared at me with her fiery chocolate brown eyes saying something about dealing with me later before marching away to her home room. Good thing we weren't having the same classes today, else my toes would never be the same after her Gucci boots were done with them.
The bell rang a second time warning the students still wandering around to get to their classes. It finally registered that if I didn't get to class in the next five minutes, I'd get detention. Well not like I had anything better to do after school, but I'd rather not spend it with a bunch of delinquents. I spun around hardly noticing the person behind me until my face collided with his chest and my book sprawled on the floor.
"Oh my gosh, what the hell?!" I said holding my throbbing nose and bending to gather my belongings. Hands helped me gather some of my books and I thanked God it wasn't my time of the month when I carried an extra pair of tampons. That would have been thoroughly embarrassing. Normally, I passed through the school halls like a ghost, not seeing others and others not seeing me. Even if someone did bump into me, they didn't care enough to stop and help me with my stuff, and I was fine with that. No need for small talk and pleasantries, I would still be in my own world, invisible to the rest of the world.
"Here," the person said softly handing me my books.
Riled up that he didn't just say sorry and leave, I began to face him as I say
" I mean who the heck just stands behind someone so..."
I freeze when I see the apologetic look on the face of the person handing me my books. Not that it was the look that froze me -180 degrees in place.
" I'm terribly sorry about that, I wasn't looking. Are you okay?" came a soft, British baritone that began to thaw my frozen bones.
"I.. I..ahem " I begin to say, clearing my throat, trying to gain back my sense of speech before I looked like a complete imbecile in front of the boy of my dreams... Scratch that, the boy of any teenage girl who doesn't have a frozen uncut diamond heart in place of flesh dreams. And although I'd like to think I'm one of such girls, I couldn't possibly deny the beauty of Edward Harris. I mean aside being 6'3 and popular, he had the most enchanting stormy blue eyes I had ever seen that made Ian Somerhandler's look mundane( Sorry Damon, I still love you). Those eyes were surrounded by long dark lashes that as I girl I should really be jealous of. Russet brown hair peaking out of his gray beanie(...and boy do I love a guy with beanies.) and lips so lush that they should belong to... Oh, I don't know, something lush and pink but definitely not a guys face.
Get a grip of yourself Kenny... You're not the kind of girl that does this, Yeah he's cute so... he'll never look at you anyway.. so out of your league even if you had one..
I mentally scolded myself before snapping back to reality...
"Oh, did you mention he's British? " Omg, even my inner voice, which is usually my voice of reason, is fan girling on me right now.
"hehe.. it just had to be said, now focus " I ignore my two timing inner voice finally noticing the other guys standing beside him. I recognise one of them from my music class. Greg or Hank or something.. They had also helped me with my books, I guess I should thank them.
"It's fine, thanks for helping with my books" I tried to say as casually as I could completely ignoring my thumping nose. Gosh, I hope it's not bleeding or swollen. My nose is already prominent as it is, I don't want to be looking like a clown in front of this British Adonis. I unconsciously touched it to check if it was bleeding, squinting as I did.
"Yo Eddie, we better go, you know how Mr Humphrey gets when we're late" Greg or Hank said from behind him.
" In a bit Tony " He responded never taken his eyes off my throbbing nose.. Okay so Tony was nowhere near Greg or Hank except its still four letters, but hey, I tried and...Oh my gosh, it's swollen isn't it, darn it. I don't blame it for thumping so much though. It's probably imitating the erratic beating of my heart.
"You should go check that out. I could accompany you to the nurse, if you don't mind" He says gently
"What?? uh, no I'm totally fine. It gets this way sometimes, you know good ol Rudolph..."
Shit! I was blabbering... This is why I don't have friends. He must think I'm some nicompop who names her nose after Santa's favourite reindeer. I looked up at him waiting to see the confusion in his eyes but was surprised that it was amusement instead. He chuckled and gave me an apologetic smile and surprise.. it's dimpled. Its like adding cherry on top of my favourite ice cream.
" Okay Rudolph" He says cheekily, slightly tapping my nose and walking away with his friends. Bag and books in both hands I began to walk the opposite direction, but some sort of force was pulling me to look back at him one last time. So I did. He walks different from the other guys, smart and gait, taking long powerful strides like an athlete and grace of a swan like he owned the place.
Oh, wow, look at me I've turned poetic. Something is definitely up with me.. Maybe it was mom's banana pancakes that I drowned in syrup.. Yeah, it's probably the syrup that was preventing me from leaving this spot where I have a complete view of his retreating figure. It seems so movie like, and I can feel a sigh coming from the depths of my whole female being.
"Miss Laurent?!" À loud voice barked bringing me back to reality. I whipped my head to find out the person who dared interrupt my reverie and was faced with the last person I ever wanted to see. Principal Evans. My face paled and all the previous thoughts of Edward and me chasing the person that interrupted me with a chain saw eluded me. Right now I was racking my brain for the excuse I was gonna give this hard and formidable man. His face was grim, with a scowl perpetually etched on his lips and he was tapping his right foot with folded arms, apparently waiting for me to reply the question I hadn't heard.... Shocker.
"Principal Evans" I choked. It was all I could come up with given that I'm a terrible liar naturally.
"Aren't you supposed to be in class Miss Laurent" He repeated, probably guessing I hadn't heard him the first time. Or was it the second, I couldn't tell how long he'd been standing there since my brain had been occupied with thoughts of Edward Harris. Well, he wasn't wrong.
" I.. I was uhm, I -"
"Save it for your teacher Miss Laurent . Youre lucky I'm in a good mood today. Now scoot"
He didn't need to tell me twice. I ran off to class as fast as my legs could take me. Looks like I'll be spending my day with delinquents after all.