A/N: phew, what a chapter! Spent the night writing it, and it's one of the most important one of this book. I can't wait for you to read it, I tried my best to make this chapter one of the best ones. Tell me what you think is going to happen in the future, I'm actually super curious to know what are your thoughts about this!
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I was almost jumping up and down when I came back to my room to get prepared. I put my pajamas on, which consisted of checkered pants and a black tank top. The night was quite cool, so I put Michael's shirt over my bare arms. I knew that, secretly, he loved to see me in his shirts, which explained him asking his staff to put one of them in my room. These little details, these kind gestures... This was one of the things I loved most about him: he was not afraid to show how much he cared for someone.
My hair was still damp from the shower I had, but I didn't want to waste anymore time by blow drying them. I wanted to join Michael in his room and have one of those sleepover we loved so much where we spend the night talking. I jogged down the stairs and across the house, and entered the room without even knocking since the door was open. Thing I regretted at the minute I saw the embarrassed look on Michael's face when I laid my eyes on his naked chest.
"Oh shit. Michael, I uh— I'm sorry," I apologized immediately, turning around so that he could put his t-shirt over his body. "I—I should have knocked, I'm sorry I barged in like this, b—but the door was o—" I started babbling, but soon I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder from behind me, "—open," I finished my sentence and gulped. I turned around, and looked into Michael's eyes. I could feel my face heat up as I stood there awkwardly.
"It's alright. Take a deep breath," he reassured, giggling a bit. "You just saw me without a shirt on, what's the big deal?"
"I know you're embarrassed too, but you're acting like you're not because I am incredibly embarrassed right now, and that's actually very nice of you to—" I started babbling again, but Michael cut me off. Again.
"Hale," he giggled again, but I didn't look up. "I was embarrassed for a split second, yeah," he admitted, and tilted my chin up so that I could look into his eyes. "But then I remembered it was you, and that I shouldn't be," he told me, and I relaxed a bit at his words. "The reason why I get shy when people see me without a shirt on is my vitiligo. I don't want people to see it because I find it disgusting I... I hate it, I hate myself," he confessed, an I rubbed the side of his arm for comfort as I felt his pain deep in my guts. "But—," he sighed heavily, and looked back into my eyes. "I don't hate myself when I am with you," he truthfully said, looking at his forearm on which were a multitude of little white spots.
"Oh, Michael," I sighed as his words warmed up my heart, and brushed his arm with the tips of my fingers. "Don't let your vitiligo define you. Don't be so harsh on yourself. You're... You're beautiful."
"Don't say that," he shook his head, and got out of my hold. "You're just trying to be nice."
"Michael, listen to me," I asked him gently cupping his face in my hands. He looked back into my eyes with intensity. "I meant every single word. I'm not trying to be nice, I'm just being honest. You are beautiful, inside and out."
"I'm sorry, I just—I have a hard time coping with my appearance," he sighed, and went to sit on the edge of his bed where I joined him. "Joseph used to use my physical appearance to hurt me when I was younger. He would call me 'big nose', or joke about my teenage acne. It hurt me, you know? And the pain... It never went away," he explained, and I snuggled close to him to show him some support. Automatically, he took my hand in his and put them both on his lap. "Since then, I've always hated mirrors. I used to cry when I saw my reflection in them, so I started avoiding them. You telling me I'm beautiful is something I can't seem to believe because I was called ugly for years."
"I'm going to repeat you this until you start to believe it, then," I said, squeezing his hand a bit, which made him smile. "Everything about you is beautiful, Michael," I paused for a second, battling with myself on whether to add something or not. I sighed, and went on, "there's something I particularly love about you. I read in your book that you hated it but I—I love your smile," I confessed, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable all of a sudden.
"You do?" he innocently asked after some long and awkward seconds. He laid his hopeful eyes on me, and I felt those butterflies in my stomach again for the second time of the day. "I love yours too. A—And your laugh too. It's infectious."
"Yours is quite infectious too," I giggled along with Michael.
A comfortable silence settled between us. I laid my head on his shoulder as he was rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. Whenever we were together, we always had this type of moment where we're just the two of us showing each other affection, and I cherished it.
"Thank you," Michael broke the silence with this soft voice of his. "I didn't realize how much I needed that."
"Anytime, handsome," I smiled widely, as Michael looked at me with sparkly eyes.
It was getting harder for me to keep my eyes on him when he looked at me this way. Michael was the first man to ever look at me this way, like he would give me the world if he could, like I was the only person he could see. I remembered vividly how John used to be with me, and even though we were engaged, never did he look at me the way Michael did. Was it what sincerity really looked like?
"Uh, okay now! Enough about me," Michael looked away embarrassingly and stood up from the bed. He, just like me, was always shy when we looked at each other this intensively, and it always brought a smile to my face to see him like this. "Here's some ice creams, some snickers and other snacks," he enumerated, putting everything on the bed, and came back to sit crisscross on top of it. "Now, I want you to tell me everything you didn't tell me before you fell asleep on me the last time I called, and started snoring," he snickered, and I threw a pillow his way. Of course, he laughed even more.
"I don't snore, okay? And plus... maybe I fell asleep because you're too damn boring," I shrugged, suppressing a laugh. He looked at me with his mouth forming a O-shape, and threw the pillow back in my direction.
"If you want war, you'll get war, smarty pants!"
Just like that, we were engaged in a pillow fight. We were running across the giant bedroom, chasing after one another, just like two kids would. Those were the careless moments I enjoyed when I was in Michael's presence. He never failed to make me feel like a child again, to forget all of my daily adult problems, and this was precious.
Of course, Michael was the king of pillow fights. After a few minutes of being chased by him, I asked for a truce because I knew I wouldn't win against him. He chuckled, and let go of his weapons that he put back on the bed where he joined me again. I was laying on the bed, looking at the ceiling, and Michael laid down next to me, on his side.
"Oh, you didn't even tell me the reason why you're back from New York already. What happened?" I asked, turning on my side to by face to face with him, using my hand to support my head.
"I just didn't want to stay in this hotel room any longer," he shrugged slightly, and looked down for a split second. "And I wanted to be with you. Ever since I told you Lincoln found Hayden, I couldn't bear the thought of being away from you."
"Wait, what? Y—You came home early because you wanted to be with me?" I asked, quite taken aback by his statement. "Michael, I—"
"You don't have to say anything," he giggled slightly, and I couldn't help but feel embarrass. "I've done everything I had to do. I simply asked to bring my meeting with Sony and the attorneys forward, and it happened this morning. It's not that big of a deal, really."
"How did it go?"
"It went okay. I signed the six albums deal, so it's some good news," he smiled, but I could see there was something bothering him. "It's just... They talked about going on tour, and I just don't feel like it."
"Don't you like going on tour?" I asked, frowning a bit.
"I do. I—I love seeing my fans all around the world. They're everything to me. It's just that... I feel lonely most of the time, it's hard for me to sleep at night, and I get scared on airplanes."
"Maybe you could negotiate with them the number of shows you'll have to perform?" I wondered, as I sat up.
"Maybe, I don't really know," he shrugged. "I don't want to think about it for now," he shook his head slightly and sighed heavily. "For now, I want you to tell me how you feel, and what you're planning to do concerning Hayden. I know it must be heavy on your mind."
"I stopped by his house before I came there this morning," I admitted, and Michael's eyes widened a bit. "Oh, I didn't come in, though! I just stayed outside like some crazy stalker."
"You don't feel ready to go talk to him because of what your grandmother told you?" he asked, before he took a bite of the Snicker he just unwrapped.
"About that...," I sighed, and started playing with my fingers on my lap. "I may have found the reason why my grandmother doesn't want me to meet him."
"W—what? What did you find? Where? And when?" Michael asked right away, taken aback by my revelation.
"I uh... I think Hayden might be my brother," I blurted out, and Michael's expression was halfway between shock and sadness. "It's just what I think, I could be completely wrong, but I have a feeling that this is all true."
"H—How did you discover this?"
"I went in my grandmother's attic to see if I could find anything about him. While searching I found a photo album I've never seen in my life. There were pictures of my dad as a teenager, and the further I went into it, the more pictures of him and Hayden I found," I narrated, and Michael brought a hand to his mouth. He seemed pretty shaken up by the news. "Then I found a picture of Hayden's graduation day. The name on the diploma was Hayden Rupert Thames. Rupert was my father's name."
"Hale... I—I don't know what to say," Michael almost whispered as he scooted closer to me, and ended up in front of me. He put his hand on my knee and rubbed it gently for comfort, which I appreciated. "I can only imagine how betrayed you feel right now."
"This is exactly how I feel, betrayed," I nodded. "I feel like no one's ever told the truth to me, you know? Like my whole life was just a lie."
"Trust me, I understand that feeling," Michael told me in a low voice, as if he could feel just how angry and sad I felt. "Is this why you didn't get out of the car this morning? Because you don't feel ready to meet him?"
"Yeah, I don't feel ready to meet my father's illegitimate child," I shook my head, looking down at my hands. Michael rubbed my knee again, and I smiled a bit at his gesture. "I just don't know what to tell him, and I don't know how I would react in front of him."
"It's never easy to discover family secrets, you need to take the time to process. There's no hurry. Hayden is there, in Montecito, he's not going to disappear. You need to think about yourself, and your own sake. If you feel like meeting him right now isn't a good idea, then we can make some research about him in the meantime. Maybe that would help you cope with this situation," Michael advised, and I nodded. He sighed heavily, and rubbed his forehead before he added "I wish I could have done that when I was in your situation."
"W—Wait, you've been in my situation?" I asked, taken aback. "I—I didn't know – when?"
"A few years back. One day, Joseph came home with his daughter. He had an affair in mother's back, and Joh'Vonnie was born from that affair. He raised her secretly for a few years, it's only when she was older that he had the courage to man up and tell us what happened."
"Michael... I'm so sorry."
"Don't be sorry," he said, giving my knee a little squeeze. "I had a hard time accepting Joh'Vonnie because she represented my father's unfaithfulness. He betrayed the entire family, and above all, my mother. She gave him everything, but still, he cheated. I could never forgive him for that. I forgave him for what he's put me through, but I could never forgive him for doing that to her," Michael explained, and I could clearly see that he was becoming upset. "She's my everything, and I can't bear the fact that he hurt her that way."
"He didn't have the right to do that to her," I shook my head.
"The worst part of it, is that Mother actually accepted Joh'Vonnie. She sometimes shows up at Hayvenhurst during family gatherings, and my mother is always a real sweetheart to her. She is incapable of hating someone. She never hated Joseph for being a bad husband, while she had all the reasons to."
"Katherine is way too precious for this world," I pointed out, and Michael nodded his head, agreeing. "If I happen to be right, I don't even know if my mother knew about Hayden. I've seen only pictures of him and my dad, but never with my mom, so I guess she didn't."
"Do you feel ready to talk to your grandmother about this?" Michael asked, and I shook my head quickly. "You're mad at her, huh?"
"I never expected her to lie to my face. Not for so many years, not her," I paused for a second, and let out a slight sarcastic laugh, "not any of my family members, actually."
"I'm sorry you have to go through this," Michael sincerely apologized. "You'll get through this. You'll get the answers to all of your questions. I promise," he smiled slightly as he took my hands in his and rested them on my lap. "I'm going to be there for you."
"I know you will," I smiled at his kind words, and looked at him straight in the eyes.
I know I was entering dangerous territory when I allowed myself to drown in the depth of his stare. This was new to me, this feeling inside of me. The butterflies, the rapid heart beat, the difficulty to make eye contact... I knew what it meant. I was more than aware of it.
And I was also frightened.
***
Even though my eyelids were closed, I knew morning was there, but I didn't find the courage to open my eyes. I shivered a bit and blindly put the covers back over my body, and enjoyed the newly found warmth. I turned my back to the window that allowed the sun rays to enter the room, and tried to go back to sleep once I found the perfect position.
When I felt the mattress move underneath me, I automatically opened one eye, only to be welcomed by a sound asleep Michael. We were facing each other – or should I say, we were face to chest. Soon enough, he put one of his arm around my waist, as if it was a natural move for him, which took me by surprise. This proximity between us filled me with warmth and joy, so much that I could have cried right here and there because of the way I was feeling inside – after all this time, I was undeniably happy again, at that instant, in Michael's arms.
Without thinking much about it, I scooted closer to him and snuggled against his warm body. As if he felt it, he pulled me closer to him with his arm, and my small figure ended up compressed against him. I wasn't complaining though. His body heat, his scent, his lean body against mine, his arm around my waist... all of this made me feel some type of way.
The only thing I could hear was his breathing and his heartbeat. Somehow, it put me at ease, and it made me relax under his touch. It even became a sort of lullaby to me, for it put me back to sleep in a heartbeat.
My sleep didn't last long, though. While I was still in the comfort of his arms, the phone on the nightstand rang, and Michael automatically jumped out of bed. I doubted he even took into consideration the fact that we were cuddling.
"Hello?" he sleepily asked, sitting on the edge of the bed by the nightstand, and rubbed his left eye with his free hand. Suddenly, as if he just realized it, he looked back at me, who was on the other end of the bed, with widened eyes. I waved awkwardly, and his face turned a light shade of red. "Pardon? I'm sorry Bill, I uh, I—I just woke up."
I giggled quietly at his embarrassed and shy self, and looked at his every move from afar. Since we visibly fell asleep while listening to some music, Michael was wearing the same clothes as the night prior, but this time, each and every button from his green shirt were open, and his undershirt wasn't tucked in his tight black pants anymore. His once neat low ponytail turned into a messy one – his curly mane was all over the place. There was something beautiful about the fact that he allowed me to see him like this. The previous night, he told me how insecure he felt about his looks, but still he didn't cover his vitiligo in my presence, nor did he put any make up on his angelic face.
Guess he didn't lie when he said he didn't hate himself when he was around me, I thought to myself, and this thought alone brought a blissful smile to my lips.
"Thanks, Bill," Michael said in a professional tone, and hung up the phone. Once he did, he sighed heavily, and brushed both of his hands over his face.
"Hey, is everything okay?" I asked immediately, as I joined him on the other end of the bed. I knelt by his side, and watched his demeanor closely. He seemed upset. "Michael?"
"I'm fine, it's just... Joseph is here," he announced, and my concern turned into panic. There was no way in hell I could meet Joseph after what Michael told me the night prior. To me, he represented my father's mistake since, I assumed, they did the same one. "Don't worry, he's not going to come on the grounds of Neverland. I asked my guards to tell him to take an appointment because I was busy."
"I'm sure he didn't like that."
"Probably not, but I don't really care. I just got home, I won't face Joseph today and that's final," he told me in an assertive manner, which was pretty new to me. I wasn't use to this much sternness in Michael's voice. I guess this is what his father brought out of him. "Now," he said, turning his body to face me entirely. "Let me explain."
"Don't," I put my hand up, signaling him to stop talking. I put it down on his knee shortly after that. "Michael, it's okay. I guess you didn't want to wake me up since I was invading your private space by sleeping on you, right?" he nodded his head with a shy grin, and I hid myself behind my hands. "Then you fell asleep after me, and this is why we ended up sleeping in the same bed. Right?"
"This is exactly what happened," he blessed me with one of his high-pitched laugh I loved so much. "I'm sorry, I would have slept on the floor like the last time, I wanted to wait for you to move your head away from my lap, but you seemed comfortable there, so I ended up sleeping too. I don't want you to think I—"
"I'm not thinking anything. It's okay, Michael. I trust you," I reassured him, patting his knee gently. I paused for a second, and cleared my throat. "Plus, it was quite pleasant to wake up there... in your arms."
"Oh boy," he laughed nervously, touching his chin. "I'm sorry, did it make you uncomfortable?"
"It didn't make me uncomfortable at all. You uhhh— you helped me feel warmer," I honestly said, my shy ways coming back. I could feel myself blushing. "It was very nice."
Michael didn't add a word. Instead, he put his hand over mine that was still on his knee, looked at it for a couple of seconds, and then placed a kiss on top of it. The feeling of his lips against the back of my hand lingered for a moment, and sent electricity throughout my entire body. This time, it was stronger, it was like I could even feel the bond that was linking the two of us.
"It's already noon and a half, you should go get prepared and pack. In the meantime, I'll have something to eat fixed for the both of us," he announced in this soft voice of his. He laid his sparkly stare on me one last time, and disappeared in the long hallway leading to the kitchen.
Once he was out of sight, I let myself fall on the comfy mattress and looked at the ceiling. I brushed my hands over my face, trying to wipe off that idiotic grin I had on that wouldn't leave my face.
I let the heaviest sigh out of my mouth, "yeah, I'm screwed."
***
As I finished packing my belongings, my pager, which was still on the nightstand, started buzzing. Quickly, I ran to it and noticed it was the ER calling, which meant that something huge happened and that I needed to go to the hospital as soon as possible.
"Shit," is all I said before I started running across the room to gather the rest of my stuff.
Duty called. This was one thing I could never ignore. I was supposed to work the night shift, but emergency couldn't care less about my work schedule. When the ER paged, I needed to be present at any time. I would have loved to spend more time in Michael's company, this is actually all I wanted at that moment, but it would have to wait until next time. This job was always a good mean to keep my feet firmly on the ground.
"Michael, I got paged!" I called as I jogged down the stairs with my bag over my shoulder and my pager in between my hands.
As I was dealing with the device on my way to the kitchen, I didn't even pay attention to Michael, and bumped into him with such force that he had to catch me mid-air. In the process, my pager crashed on the ground, in the middle of the dining room, but I didn't seem to care. The only thing that drew my attention was the position in which Michael and I were at that instant. One of his hand was behind my neck while the other one was on the small of my back, and we looked at each other without saying a word. My hands were on both of his shoulders, but as he helped me stand on both of my feet again, I slid them to the back of his neck. We couldn't take our eyes off of each other, it's like we were hypnotized, in a kind of trance, even.
Gently, Michael rubbed his thumb on my cheek, which helped me relax under his touch. My whole body was screaming for him to kiss me, but my mind didn't understand what was happening. It is when Michael's face inched closer to mine that I realized where this was taking us. At some point, his face got so close that I could feel his breath tickling the tip of my nose. He inclined his face towards me, and parted his lips slightly before crashing them onto mine. The feeling of his mouth against mine caused the butterflies to come back, but this time it felt like the amount had tripled. Every parcel of my body seemed to be filled with electricity, except for my legs that could barely support my own weight at that point.
For the first time in twenty-eight years of existence, I discovered what it felt like to be kissed the proper way. Michael's kiss was gentle, sensual and filled with good intentions and love. Everything was perfect...
Until the first flashes started invading my head.
I abruptly pulled away from Michael as voices made their way into my brain as well. I wanted to leave before it became to much to bear, I didn't want Michael to see me like that. Not again.
"I—I have to go," I told him, ignoring the piercing sounds in my head.
"Is everything okay? D—Did I do something wrong?" he asked, as he let go of me.
I shook my head no, as I gave his hand a squeeze before leaving. "C—call me," is the only thing I managed to say.
Quickly, I ran to my car that was parked just in front of the house, and sped away. Once I left Neverland's grounds, I drove until I found a spot where I could park to get a grip on myself. The visions were more painful as time passed by, and it was becoming harder for me to deal with them. It felt like tons of needles were being jabbed in my brain, and that they were accompanied with piercing, mind-wrenching sounds. I tried to stay focused on the road, but everything that was happening in my head was taking too much room for me to ignore it.
Every flash I had seemed to be from a previous vision I had, but it was way faster than the last time and... backward. It's like I was erasing everything, like my brain wanted me to forget each and every vision I ever had. In between them, many new fragments of vision emerged, but it was way too hard for me to even try to focus on them. There were way too many images, flashes, voices... I felt like my head was about to explode. I abruptly stopped the car in the middle of the road, and cupped my head in my hands.
"Stop!" I cried as the pain was becoming unbearable because of the voices inside my head that were louder.
"I can't marry Debbie, I wouldn't do that to you!"
"I couldn't leave you even if I tried to."
"They're after my money."
"Your secret is safe with me."
"I love you, Hale."
And then, nothingness. Back to darkness.