"IF WE'RE QUICK, we can go and get ice cream before Mum gets back," Dad says softly.
"It's our secret!" I say eagerly, holding out my little finger.
"You are one devious five year old," he says as he completes the pinky promise.
He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder tickling my sides. I laugh uncontrollably as I kick around. He laughs with me as he runs down the stairs. He gently puts me into the backseat of the car and jumps into the driver's seat.
When we arrive at the park, we run to the ice cream truck. I get three scoops, chocolate, cookie dough and chocolate, and ended up dropping some on my dress.
"I love you, Dad!" I say, taking a long lick of my ice cream.
"Is it because of the ice cream?" He asks with an amused smile.
"Yep!" He kisses my head and takes my hand in his.
"I THINK IT'S time to talk," My father says as he sits next to me on the couch.
"Now? We've kind of talked about this already," I say, starting to freeze up.
"You've been in Rome for three months and I really want to clear the air. I want this to be different. I want us to be completely honest with each other."
"Okay." I shift so that I'm looking at him properly.
"I know that you hated me when it happened. I hated myself. I ruined my marriage and I ruined my chance of having a happy family. Then again, your mother and I lost our marriage years before it happened. We were happy, but the problem was that we moved too fast. We were high school sweethearts and were never ready to spend the rest of our lives together.
"You know, you changed things for a while. When you were born, it was the happiest day of our lives. Our marriage became reminiscent of our high school relationship. It was bliss. You were our saving grace that we never knew we needed. But then it ended, like all good things. We started fighting again. She lost her job and it caused a strain on our relationship because our financial situation was tight.
"It began to get lonely. It is impossible to stay in a loveless marriage, but I wanted to because of you. I didn't want you to grow up with divorced parents, but I didn't realise that this would hurt you more. You grew up in an unhappy home as I continued to make mistakes. I just wanted to feel loved again.
"I feel even worse now than I did before, even though I thought that could not be possible. You have gone through the exact thing your mother went through, and I am so sorry. I know that you would never do the same thing. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."
"I completely understand. I know that it was hard on both of you. You made a mistake, and I got past that, so can you," I say gently, putting my hand on his arm.
"I love you."
"I love you too, Dad."
"WHAT DO YOU mean?"
"I mean, your father had a heart attack and we are on our way to Menlow Hospital," he says, his voice soft and soothing.
My heart rate spiked and I fell to my knees. My phone fell out of my hands and landed on the floor with a thud that seemed much louder in my mind than it probably was. I could hardly breathe as I tried to wrap my head around what was happening. My hands were shaking too much to drive, so I ordered a cab.
I was going insane during the entire drive there. Fear courses through my body as the thought of my father in the hospital enters my head. I tried to shake it off, but I couldn't. My head was spinning and my body was shaking.
I stumble into the hospital and one of my father's old friends, Joseph, is waiting for me. He leads me to my father's room and I stop by the door. He pats my shoulder and walks away. I take a few deep breaths as I wrap my fingers around the doorknob. It's cool around my fingers and I shiver.
I slowly turn the knob and I gasp. There he is. He's on the bed with a blanket pulled to his chest. There's an IV drip attached to him and the monitor is beeping steadily. His usual tan complexion looked much paler and stood out against his sunken eyes and cheeks. He managed a weak smile when he saw me. Leon walks out of the room without a word and I walk to my father and take his hand into mine.
"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault isn't it? I lied to you and and you were worried and now this happened. Oh my god, Dad! What have I done?" For the first time that day, I cried.
"Hey," he says, his voice a raspy whisper, "it's not your fault. I should have talked to you. I just made my own assumptions without hearing your reasons. You're my daughter and I should have trusted you more to actually fix this."
"I don't know why I did it. I just don't know why. I wasn't happy, and I made mistakes. It's what you said four years ago, I made the same mistake. But unlike you, I wasn't brave enough to say anything. I was too embarrassed and I'm so sorry," I say.
"It doesn't make you weak or a coward. If there's anybody who can understand and forgive you, it's me. I just want you to know that I want you to be happy. No matter what you do, or what you choose, I will always support you as long as you are happy. All I have ever wanted is for you to be happy. To have a love that you've always wanted. A big happy family and a house that is built on love. I hope to see it someday," He says softly and my eyes widen.
"Don't you dare speak like that. You're not allowed to speak like that. You're my father and I can't lose you. I just can't..." My tears were unstoppable.
"Shh. I love you so much," He presses a kiss on my forehead and pulls me into his chest. The side of the bed presses into my stomach, but I don't care. I cry into his chest and I can feel the slight shakes underneath me which are his sobs.
"Don't leave me," I say in between sobs.
"You are so strong and so brave. I am so proud of you. I will always love you."
"I love you too."
Suddenly, there was a long beep and the heart monitor flatlined. I screamed for the nurse and doctors came rushing in. Tomas was at my side in a second and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. He led me outside and I was forced to watch through the window. My breaths became shorter and my vision blurry.
"He's going into cardiac arrest."
"On my word. Clear!"
"Clear!"
"Clear!"
"I'm calling it. Time of death: three fifty-nine."
Tomas' chest muffled my screams. I don't know when I stopped screaming. But I know for a fact that I did not stop crying.
I never will.
My father is dead.
And it happened! This was surprisingly easy to write, it has helped get my groove back a bit.
I thought I would just update early because of how long the wait was for the previous chapter. I really hope this year goes more smoothly, at least this month. It should be enough.
Thanks for reading 🙈 Sorry for any errors 💚
~Lexy 😈