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「kaycee rice」
"order for kaycee!" the barista called out as I stood up from where I was seated on a barstool, walking over to the counter and voicing my thanks before picking up the two drinks and walking out of the coffee shop.
I got into my car, placing the drinks in the cupholders, turning on the ignition and putting on my seatbelt. carefully, I backed out of the parking space and weaved my way out of the lot, not bothering to turn on the gps because I knew exactly where I was going by heart.
subconsciously I hummed along with the radio, taking small sips of my coffee during the short drive. this was one of the few times when I was unbothered, one of the days I was free. gabe was busy with his friends all day, and wouldn't return home until 9 or 10, meaning that I wouldn't have to spend time with him, practically against my will. I could do whatever I pleased on that day, I could relax and not think of what I planned to do that night. what I didn't know would be a huge mistake.
when I arrived at my destination, I quickly parked and then hopped out of the car, entering the front door of sean's house without even knocking. to that household I was like family, constantly being told that I was welcome at any time. once I had walked in there at 1 a.m., gone up to sean's room and curled up in his bed with him after going to a party with tahani and bailey, all because I had had one drink and was worried my parents would find out. I had woken up later to sean telling me that breakfast was ready, and we baked and watched friends for the rest of the day. it always felt like my second home. until I didn't have one.
sean was waiting for me on the couch, netflix already on on the tv and a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the coffee table.
"here's your tea." I purposely handed him my drink just so I could see his disgusted face.
"kayc," he gagged lightly after taking a sip, making me giggle, "may I please have the right drink?"
"yep, here you go. I can't believe you fell for that, again." I said as I gave him his drink.
"yeah, yeah. you got me again." he rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me down on the couch. he accidentally pressed against a spot on my stomach where I had a really bad bruise (well, a bruise that had been bruised multiple times in the same place), and I winced despite having a hoodie on. "are you okay?" he asked, frantically spinning me around to face him.
"i'm fine." I lied.
"you sure?" his eyes were staring right into mine, and for a moment I just wanted to lean in and connect our lips, too. but I knew that I couldn't. there'd be consequences, for me and sean.
"what's this bandage on your forehead?" he averted his eyes to the partially-bloody new band-aid on my left temple, where I had hurt myself yesterday.
"I slipped and hit my head on the bathtub while getting in the shower. it's not that big of a deal." it wasn't a total lie. at least the hitting my head on the bathtub part. but I hadn't slipped, I had been pushed. more like shoved. I had gotten to gabe's house 15 minutes later than I was "supposed to be there", and he started accusing me of cheating on him. all I wanted was to get it over with, get what he forced me to do every time I came over over with, but as soon as we got up to his room he backed me into the bathroom. then he started yelling at me and insulting me, then punching me in the stomach and slapping me while I pleaded him to stop. finally, he shoved me down, and my forehead collided with the edge of the bathtub, immediately busting the skin open. as I had stood up, with blood still trickling down the wound, I was thrown onto the bed. he was drunk, I could smell it on his breath, but that didn't mean he'd have done anything less if he was sober.
"I know you're not that clumsy. hell, you've been getting hurt a lot lately, and I know they're not accidents. you know you can talk to me, kayc." sean tucked a loose curl behind my ear, and I pulled his hand back in front of me.
"i've told you everything, sean, okay? I slipped and hit my head on the edge of the bathtub. that's all. now never mind that, friends is currently playing on the tv and our eyes are not looking. that's illegal in my book, so unless you want to go to shamu wilson juvenile detention then I suggest that you watch."
I pulled a blanket off the top of couch and laid it over us, leaning on sean's shoulder as we watched. a few minutes later oreo came running in and got on the couch with us, laying in my lap. I smiled at the feeling of the situation, feeling more loved and understood than I felt with anyone else.
around 5 episodes in I nodded off, my head making its way to sean's lap as my breaths evened out. I remember him playing with my hair as I fell asleep, and pulling the blanket more onto me. that was the last time I could recall feeling safe.
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later that day a little after 8, sean gently shook me awake.
"hey ricebowl, wake up." he whispered softly, brushing hair out of my face.
"what time is it?" I asked groggily, rubbing my eyes.
"around 8:15. you've been sleeping for a good 6 hours." he smiled.
"oh god, i'm sorry." I sat up, placing my head in my hands. "this was the one day that we were both free to hang out, and I ruined it."
"no you didn't. I was with you, so there's no way it could have been ruined. i'm just glad that I actually managed to spend time with you alone. even if you were sleeping the whole time."
I chuckled at him, shaking my head. "still, i'm sorry that all we did was watch friends like the past few times."
"seriously, kayc, don't worry about it. you clearly needed the sleep, you always seem to show up to class exhausted. maybe you should see a doctor about it."
"yeah, okay. but right now i've gotta get home."
"you could always sleep over, even if you have to leave first thing in the morning."
"no, we're taking down the christmas tree tonight. kylie and devon are leaving tomorrow, and we always do it with all of us, so it has to be tonight. thanks for the offer, though."
"then at least let me drive you home. you can get you car back after will's class tomorrow."
"sean, I told you it's fine. I can drive myself home perfectly fine. i'll see you in class, okay? bye." I said, giving him a hug and exiting through the front door.
little did I know, that not letting him drive me may have been the worst decision of my life. maybe what happened wouldn't have if I had let sean take me and asked him to quickly stop by gabe's house. if I didn't hide it from him anymore.
but I didn't know that.
when I got in my car I took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself mentally for what I was going to do when I got to gabe's house. part of me was determined, the other part terrified. I drove silently, this time, desperately wanting to get there as fast as possible, break up with him, and leave so I could go home and take down the christmas tree with the rest of my family.
it was cold for january in los angeles, although that's the coldest month. my blue sweatshirt and grey sweatpants somehow weren't doing the best to keep me warm, my body shivering beneath them. it could've arguably been the nerves and my fear for what I was about to do.
I pulled up by the curb of his house, turning the car off and resting my head on the steering wheel. for a few minutes I just sat there, trying to control my breathing. on the drive there I had become a lot more fear than determination, my mind making me consider all of the possible outcomes of me breaking up with gabe.
after taking what must've been my hundredth deep breath, I got out of the car and walked up to the front door. I opened my phone up to the call app, and into favorites where the only people listed were my parents, siblings, tahani, bailey and sean. then I put it back in my pocket, my hand still holding it, finger ready to tap any one of them in case of emergency. with my other hand I knocked on the door 3 times, and then grasped the railing of the porch.
gabe opened the door about 10 seconds later, looking drunk as ever. I gulped, and hesitantly but quickly spat out what I needed to say, just ripping off the band-aid.
"i'm breaking up with you."
at first it all seemed to happen so quickly. with the first tug, I clicked call on someone's name. the sound of the call just made him angrier. before I could even tell what was happening I was being forcefully pulled into the house, the door slamming as I took the first blow to my stomach. gabe pulled my phone out of my pocket, my car keys along with it, and chucked my phone across the room after ending the call. then he looked back at me, the anger in his eyes something more than i'd ever seen before.
I tried screaming for help, tried doing all of the things that would've made my beatings worse before. there was no use at that point, he was furious and he had made his decision. a few more punches were thrown at me aimlessly, and then he threw me over his shoulder, my arms and legs still flailing. then everything started to go into slow motion, as the basement door was thrown open and I was carried down, doing everything that I could to try and escape from his grasp.
he input some code into a box beside the door of the room, and threw me in. my body came into contact with something soft, and I realized it was a bed.
the comfort ended soon, though, as the door slammed closed and gabe walked over to me, pinning my arms above my head. I grunted, trying to kick him away as he continued to punch me all over, kneeing me in a few places as well.
he stripped both of our clothes away as I started to lost consciousness, the pain evidently becoming too much.
the last thing I could remember before I passed out was gabe saying something through gritted teeth.
"you're never leaving."
and I wouldn't be. not for nearly 4 years.
that didn't matter then, though.
what mattered was that I was there, and I couldn't escape.
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a/n I know this is a little short, and I said I was going to pre-write this story, but that's already seeming to not work out.
but I will still try to do this.
i'm sorry to everyone that our precious kaycee is in so much pain and that this is happening to her. just wait like 3 chapters.
I think.
this is more gonna be a pre-planned book than a pre-written, which is still better than all my previous attempts.
just so you know, there will either be another chapter out in the next few days or like in a while.
okay bye lovies!
-bea 💕