Beep
Beep
Beep
I open my eyes and the immediate next second, a terrible headache takes over me. So bad, that tears start to form in my eyes.
"Hyung, she's up!" I hear somebody softly speaking.
Then, a shift and the bright light that was blinding me is covered by a dark figure, looking down at me. It takes me a while to adjust my vision, but eventually it does.
Hoseok.
"Hob...i..." I whisper, realizing my throat is dry and that my voice is gone.
"Shh, don't talk." He says wrapping his arms around me in a warm hug. "Thank God!" I hear him whispering. "You have to drink this, it's water with some kind of pill, the nurse said it should make you hurt less."
I can barely sit, my body hurting like a bitch, feeling like my ribs have been broken. But I somehow manage to drink the glass my brother hands me.
"You're so..." my brother starts after we break the hug, slowly dazing off as he analyzes my body.
I hear somebody shifting on the other side of the bed I was laying in and another dark figure appears before my eyes.
Jimin.
Jimin?
I burst in tears.
"Shh..." he whispers caressing my hair. "Don't cry, please don't cry."
But that can't make me stop crying.
"Yunhae, I know what happened, what truly happened." Jimin says and Hobi nods. "It's going to be alright, okay? Everything will be alright..."
But I don't hear what he says next, because I drift into darkness again.
***
I wake up again, this time my body hurting less.
I'm in a hospital, I think, my assumptions being confirmed by my surroundings. It's dark outside and I assume it's pretty late. I wonder for how long I have been here. I have no idea.
The room was lit up by a simple lamp on the bed side table, and I see a figure slumped in the metal chair on the right side of my bed, but I couldn't see their face. That beautiful auburn hair...
The figure shifts and I catch a glimpse of Seulgi's face, her eyes closed and her hair slightly tangled. She had a grey blanket over her and she was sleeping so peacefully that my heart hurt. I can't help but feel touched by the fact that she's here, standing by me, even though she doesn't owe me anything. I wonder where my brother and Jimin are though.
I look around the room to find a clock and I see a phone on the bed side table. I recognize it as being Seulgi's and I tap on the home button to see what the time is.
2:34 AM
"Yuna..."
I turn my head to look at Seulgi and I see her looking at me with sleepy eyes.
"You're up..." she whispers and then stands up.
She steps towards me and sits on the side of my bed, hugging me.
"Poor little thing..."
She eventually pulls back and I see her eyes slightly puffy.
Did she cry?
"How are you feeling?" she asks and I smile.
"Way better." I answer and I realize my throat isn't hurting anymore.
Probably that pill that my brother gave me had effect.
"That's good." She says zooning off.
"Thank you for staying here by my side, really." I say and she gives me a tired smile. "Where are Hobi and Jimin, though?"
She sighs and sits on her metal chair again.
"Hoseok is talking to the doctor and he also sent Jimin home to clean himself up at least." She says.
"Clean himself up?..." I ask, confused and Seulgi looks at me as if she was thinking whether it's right to tell me or not.
"Yes." She says eventually. "He carried you in his arms to his car and to the reception. And you were bleeding pretty bad."
Oh my God...
"I-is he okay? I-..."
"Everybody is alright, the only one you should worry about right now is yourself." She says smiling wearily.
I look at her with wide eyes, trying to process the everything. Everybody is alright, no need to worry.
Wait-
"How did Jimin carry me-..."
"Apparently he answered your phone call right before that girl... threw it away... and because it didn't break, he basically heard everything you talked."
She shrugs lightly.
"So he knew she did something to you and came right away to your highschool." She says holding my hand.
Jimin heard everything?
Oh no.
No no no no...
"W-what happened with Danbi?" I ask.
"I don't know, but the boys will go tomorrow to talk to the principal and-..."
"N-no..."
There's no use in going to the principal, because Danbi can black mail me anytime and that's not the point of it all. Seems like I can't get out of this without being dragged down.
God, what have I done...
"Did Jimin tell you what he heard?..."
Seulgi frowns lightly, thinking. Then she shakes her head.
"Not much, he's just said the girl was crazy." She says, shrugging.
I nod, relieved.
"Why? Is there anything-..."
"No, no, I was just... I don't know, curious." I say.
Seulgi looks at me and gives me a warm smile.
"You don't deserve this happening to you." She says.
I open my mouth to disagree with her but she continues:
"I'm not talking about what happened with that Danbi girl, I'm talking about everything you've gone through so far. You're... you're still so young and you've already suffered more than a lot of adults ever have. That's not fair."
"What makes you believe I don't deserve this?" I ask.
"Yuna, everybody makes mistakes, but that doesn't mean we have to suffer to make up for them." She sighs.
"But what if I'm making those mistakes while being fully aware of what I'm doing, wanting to do that? Those mistakes are who I am-..."
"But they are still mistakes and you can still learn from them. Mistakes don't make you a bad person, honey, unless you refuse to consider them wrong doings until the very end."
She has a point.
I've never thought about that this way. I've always thought of myself as a complete disaster, with tons of mistakes holding onto me like they'd be stick to me with glue. And I refused to see myself in any other way, because I was afraid I might give myself false hopes. It's easier to believe you're a bad person than to think of yourself as a nice human being, because you just assume it's in your blood to do mistakes with every chance you get. And at some point, it seems basic, like something that you simply have to do, like brushing your teeth.
"I guess you're right." I say and she smiles.
I hear the door opening and we both turn our heads towards the entrance. A dark figure steps towards my bed and it takes me a while to realize it's Jimin.
"How are you feeling?" He asks me, standing near my bed, panting like he'd been running all the way here.
"Better." I say, avoiding my gaze.
"I'm going to look for Hoseok." Seulgi says standing up.
Both me and Jimin look at her as she leaves the room. Jimin sighs and goes to sit in Seulgi's chair. He closes his eyes and takes deep breaths. I try to sit, despite the fact that my back was still hurting. He looked like he was ready to fall asleep. He deserved to sleep, but I'm too selfish.
"Jimin." I say, almost whispering.
He looks at me, waiting for what I have to say.
"I..." I begin.
But I have no idea what to say. Only if I do the right thing...
"I have to tell you something." I say eventually.
I sigh. It's not easy for me. I don't even know where to begin, but I know that this is something that I have to do.
"It has to do with why Danbi said those things to me..."
"You don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable with it." He says wearily and I shake my head.
"No, it's only fair for you to know that." I say. "Even though you might be engrossed after hearing what I have to say."
"I wouldn't..."
"You haven't heard it yet." I say staring at my hands.
My scars have turned silver, because I haven't cut myself in a while. I guess they're beginning to heal.
"It has to do with why everybody hates me, I-..." I break off. "Hell, it has to do with everything..."
I take a deep breath and begin my story:
"My mom... died in a car accident almost 4 years ago... but nobody else was involved, she was alone on the road, driving in order to get me from JungKook's." I say. "I-... We had a fight that night because she didn't want to let me go to a party with Hobi... such a stupid reason, right?"
I chuckle, but I was already feeling tears stinging my eyes. This is the first time I'm telling this story to anybody ever since she died. But this is the right thing to do.
"My mom was taking some kind of... medicine for uhm-..." I sigh. "She used to have some bad episodes of mental illness, especially after my father died, but... the medicine was helping her keep it all under control. Apparently it was hereditary..." I whisper.
I sniff lightly and take another deep breath.
"After we fought, I ran to JungKook's and apparently, she forgot to take her medicine before coming to get me." I say. "I still don't know how exactly it all happened... A-all I know is that... Hours later somebody called JungKook's mother a-and-..."
I break down in sobs. I feel warmth wrapping around my body and the mint and green tea hugs me, calming me down. I tried so hard to forget everything that had happened that night, I tried so hard to ignore all the thoughts that were coming rushing back every time I saw photos of her...
"I-I killed her..." I sob in Jimin's shirt. "I killed my mom, Jimin. It's my fault she's dead... She died because of me..."
"Stop." He says, his voice lightly shaking. "It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself."
"I-I can't... I constantly hear v-voices telling me that it was m-my fault, this... has been going on f-for years now a-and I'm just..." I stutter.
He strokes my hair without saying a word, hugging me tight like he's never going to let me go. And I need it, I need the warmth of his body, lingering on mine like honey, his heart beating fast against his chest, his heavy breaths ruffling my hair. For a second, I forget what I was talking about, I forget that I'm crying and that old wounds have just been opened again. I forget the story I told myself he should know about. I simply forget everything.
There's only him and I now. Nothing else.
"So tired..." I whisper, finishing my phrase.
I pull back and close my eyes in order to gather my strength. I have to get it done, I have to finish the story. I can do it and I will.
"I've been living with that thought in mind ever since then a-and I guess... that's the cause I started to push away everybody who cared about me." I say. "More than that, I created a game... in order to hurt anybody who'd fall in love with me. Make them fall then let them crawl..."
I smile bitterly.
"Because love is a lie, an illusional attraction to a being based on superficial appearances." I say. "And love can only bring sorrow, as the love my mother had for me killed her. I killed her."
I look at him, he was already watching me carefully. I sigh.
"The game... Anybody who would fall for me had to bring me flowers for a couple of times just so they can't prove their feelings to me. After that I would leave them and act like it never happened." I say, avoiding his gaze. "I found it funny... how each of them thought they would be different to me, that I wouldn't leave them."
I chuckle bitterly.
"And I could've sworn I could lure you in this game once we placed the bet."
And there is goes, my undercover is gone. He wins this bet.
"I'm not sure I believe that anymore." I whisper.
I smile wearily, but it fades fast.
"My mom gave me this necklace when I was a kid. She liked flowers... And the psycho part of me thought it's only fair to use that as the symbol of my stupid game." I say.
He doesn't say anything, only leaving me time to finish my story. Maybe he thinks I'm a freak.
But that's alright. Because I am.
"And Jaehyun has been one of my victims as well." I sigh. "I ruined a relationship. And maybe a many others..."
I realize that, despite the fact that I already knew the things I'm telling Jimin, saying them out loud hurts me, as if I am aware of them just now, as if everything comes after me and the realization of all that I have done is something bigger than what I have expected.
"Hell, I even have a greenhouse with the flowers I've been getting these past few years." I chuckle bitterly. "I guess Danbi was right, I am a psycho-..."
"You're not a psycho, Yuna." He says.
I look at him, searching for any sign of irony. There's none.
"You're not a psycho." He repeats.
"How can you say that after what I've just told you?" I ask, somehow despaired to have him being honest with me.
"Being broken doesn't mean you're psycho. Being hurt doesn't mean you're psycho." He says as he looks into my eyes.
"But it can make me be..."
He sighs.
I frown.
"I don't care. What's so bad in being a psycho as long as you have people that really care about you the way you are?" he says. "You're not... alone. And you shouldn't punish yourself more than life already has."
I look at him with curiosity.
My hands hesitantly fly to the back of my neck, unlocking my necklace.
I hold it in my hands, looking at the silvery twinkle it has. This isn't just a necklace anymore, it's a part of me. Despite the fact that I was scared to give this away at the beginning, now I understand it's no coincidence. My mom gave me this because she loved me. It's only fair of me to do the same thing further.
He was right, when you love someone you don't really have the will to deny it.
I raise my head to look at Jimin.
"I know the deadline is tomorrow." I say. "But there's no use in waiting. You should have this. Congrats."
I hand him the necklace and he looks at it dumbfounded.
"No matter what happens, I will talk to JungKook and-... do what I should've done long ago." I whisper.
To be honest, talking to JungKook felt like the easiest thing to do right now. Breaking his heart felt like the easiest thing to do. Truth hurts, but it's the truth.
One I've kept hidden for years now and I surely can't do it anymore.
"Jimin?" I say and he suddenly lifts his head to look at me. "For me... You really are my serendipity."
He gives me a warm smile and I see a sparkle of hope in his eyes. My heart melts when I realize that I could say something to make him feel less miserable.
And maybe that's the way it had to be. A month isn't even that long. It can feel like... a second. But I guess, when something is meant to be, time doesn't really matter. And as much as I didn't like Jimin at the beginning, I didn't know we would be... so similar. I didn't know things would turn out this way. Even though he might not be in love with me, I know I've learned to love freely, without expecting anything in return, love itself included.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm doing the right thing, as Yoongi sunbae adviced me, I'm true to my own self, listening to my mind and my heart at the same time. And as my brother has told me, this is the only way I can be truly happy.
So I'm going to wait for the sun to rise in my life.
___
This has been written for like 2 weeks now, it's just that my heart can't seem to let go of the drafts, sorry😅 3 chapters left whooop how y'all doin'?