But of course, Ursa wasn't meeting all seventeen girls at once. So, even after Aiga had gotten Katara dressed and put on her makeup and jewelry, there was still a lull in which the girls waited to be summoned. Aiga suggested they go visit Toph, something Katara was very much agreeable to.
Toph's room was near the end of the hall. Katara came to her door and paused, turning to Aiga. "You sure she's in here?" she asked. Toph always answered the door before Katara even got a chance to knock, and she enjoyed yanking the door open and giving Katara a mini heart-attack.
"Oh, for the love of-" Toph growled, throwing open the door. "I hate this."
"Hello to you too, Lady Bei Fong," Aiga said, bowing and attempting to keep her smile from breaking across her face.
"Yeah, yeah. Felicitations, what a fairy-tale day and all that yuck," Toph said, waving her formality away as she encouraged the pair inside.
"What do you hate?" Katara asked, sitting on Toph's bed. It pretty much looked the same in here, except for much of Toph's fabrics and details were in browns and greens whereas Katara's were blue.
"Being on the second floor! Obviously," Toph huffed like it was the clearest thing in the world. She held up her foot, scowling at it like it had betrayed her. "I mean, I can still feel things, but it's like I'm getting it second hand, as though it's a friend of a friend trying to recite shit to me. First chance I get, I'm gunna have words with Sparky."
"Oh, you think he'll just move you down?" Katara crossed her arms.
"It's either that or I tear up this carpet to feel the stones underneath. Or, he brings me slabs of metals and I get to redesign it."
"Zhi would have an aneurysm if you did that."
"Tough nuts," Toph said, flopping face down on her bed.
"Hey," Katara said, standing, "Is this...is this from Sokka?"
Katara had spotted a picture on the wall, an ink drawing so horribly done that it could really only have been made by her brother, bless his heart. And, if she wasn't mistaken, it seemed to be of Toph...except, it was hung upside down.
"Is it supposed to be that way?"
"What way?" Toph turned her head, tilting her ear up to hear Katara's voice better.
"This picture. It's of you, I think, and it's the wrong way," Katara said. Maybe Toph wanted it that way, stylistically. Maybe Sokka had, and it was art 'she just didn't understand', something he'd said to her on more than one occasion.
"It probably is. I tried hanging it. Can't blame a blind girl." She shrugged.
"Why would he make you a painting if you can't see?" Aiga frowned, rubbing her chin.
"Sokka tries to pawn off his drawings on anyone that will take them," Katara replied, for she had a stack of drawings from him she'd taken. In moments when she had missed her family, she'd taken them out.
"Actually, I can feel the raised ink on the paper, so I can sort of feel his drawings," Toph corrected.
"Huh."
"Speaking of your brother, did you see that we have these locked chests for our rooms, with like, super intense locks? I mean, they're metal so I can get into them, but I bet the average lady can't. Might be a good place to...hide something of importance. Something I know a certain Ambassador currently has."
Katara hadn't noticed. "Wait, how do you know Sokka has half of the items?" Toph blinked, and for a second Katara thought maybe she just wasn't going to answer.
"Easy. I can always tell," she said slowly. "Heart-rate. Aiga has the other half," she said breezily, "But the point is, maybe we don't have to do this back and forth thing with them. Maybe we can just...keep them in one place."
"That still seems dangerous." Aiga hushed her tone. "We shouldn't even be talking about this," she added in a near furious reminder.
Toph looked ready to fight her back, but reeled herself in.
"You're right," she agreed, which was the closet Katara had ever heard Toph come to apologizing. "I just want to get rid of it all fast."
Katara didn't answer, but sent a look, something she hoped conveyed 'Toph, we all do.' Then, of course, she realized Toph couldn't see her and said it out loud.
"You know what else sucks about this room?" Toph said after a second, rolling around on her nicely made bed, probably just out of spite.
"What?" Katara deadpanned.
"The rest of y'all only have three other people to a bathroom. I have to share it with four people. What kind of shitty luck is that?" she asked. "I mean, it's me, Saoirse, Ty Lee, Suki, and Yue," she listed, holding out a palm, fingers outstretched to represent five. Frankly, Katara thought, that sounded like a great group.
"Maybe I'll have to kill one off." Toph was still talking. "Ty Lee used to bother me, but she's-" Toph made a weird hand motion where she just waved her hands around in the air, but Katara got the gist. It was meant to represent 'part of the group', "-now, so can't get rid of her. Suki's boss, Yue is nice to everyone and somehow it works for her. So, I guess it's going to have to be Saoirse."
"If someone hears you talking like that, they may think you're serious!" Aiga chastised.
"You hate bathing," Katara also added, "Fine layer of dirt and all?"
"I dislike it due to the principal of it all!" Toph said, which Katara took to mean she was just looking for things to complain about.
"Oh, two of you!" A handmaid that Katara had seen around before - she thought maybe she was Anaselma's - was at the door. "Lady Ursa will see you now. Please, follow me."
The girl nodded to Aiga in the way that two people who were on the same level of importance did, acknowledging the other. Aiga followed respectfully behind. Toph's handmaid was nowhere to be found, but that was hardly surprising. Katara wondered how long it would be until someone got wind of it and told Toph that even if she didn't need a minder, she did need a handmaid. Or, maybe there were just bigger fish to fry than a rebellious competitor.
"Lady Ursa is taking groups of six, but rotating them out," the handmaid explained. "Two by two. She alerts me when it's time to switch, but it seems most girls stay around an hour and a half."
Katara wasn't sure how far Ursa's cunningness went, but if this were Katara and she was thinking about these girls in a very political sense, this was a stroke of genius. She made it seem like the girls were special and loved, but at the same time she could chart how they responded to different girls. Nadhari, for example, was probably pleasant around Mai but couldn't help being nasty to other girls, which she hoped Ursa would see.
The handmaids didn't bring the girls into Ursa's private chambers, as Katara was sure many of the girls were expecting and hoping. None of them had ever actually seen inside the Royal Family's rooms that stood behind the two golden doors. Well, except Katara. She wasn't supposed to have, however, so she wasn't about to offer up what Zuko's room looked like, even if the satisfaction of watching Mai's or Nadhari's face at the news was tantalizing.
Instead, they were brought to some of the many, many fancy rooms of the palace, near where the grand balls were held. When they'd met General Iroh for tea, the room had been a little stiff feeling. She never thought of Iroh as a staunch type of person, but he was a general and the brother of the Fire Lord, talking to a group of young girls, so the slight barrier had felt reasonable. Ursa's tea room was small and comfortable and seemed like something a mother would share with her daughter. It gave the idea that this wasn't Ursa the Mother of Zuko talking with the girls, but Ursa, A Fellow Female.
As they were being shuffled in, Maiha and Jin were being escorted out. They nodded in a friendly way to Katara and Toph, but both were holding onto a sheet of paper and seemed deeply engulfed in whatever it said. This did make Katara wonder where they'd gotten it and what it said.
"You're either very lucky or very unlucky," Anaslema's handmaid prefaced before they entered, as a couple other handmaids came around to clear the previous two girl's places and set fresh tea cups. "For you're the last two. Which means you'll leave with the two that came before you and get less time with Lady Ursa, or you'll get to talk to her alone."
She bowed, slipping inside to speak to Ursa for a moment.
Aiga had become adept at reading Katara's expressions.
"You were probably difficult to find. I do not think it was on purpose," she said, but Katara could never be sure of anything anymore.
"It's no matter to m.," Toph almost wiped the gloss Aiga had convinced her into wearing off, but Aiga grabbed her arm at the last second. "But I do have other things to do today..."
"Like what?" Katara snorted.
"Well," Toph's grin was feral, "Sparky asked me to meet him. Dunno what about...but that's sure interesting, eh?"
Although it did pique Katara's interested what business Zuko had with Toph, she also knew that Zuko saw Toph as nothing more than a sister, so she didn't linger on it, as Toph clearly half-hoped she would. She knew Toph well enough to say that Toph was the sort of person who liked setting fires, sitting back, and watching the world burn. Usually, it wasn't done out of malice, but Toph also wasn't being super careful to not hurt feelings. So, Katara was not going to react.
Instead, she shrugged.
"Have fun I guess?"
Toph almost pouted, but realized Katara wasn't going to play. "If I said that to any other girl, they'd be begging me to tell why and offering their firstborn child or something to change places."
As the door re-opened and Katara caught a glimpse of the other girls sitting around the table, she snickered. "Well, Avizeh is here, so don't let her hear. Or, next thing you know, there will be five witnesses coming forward saying that they heard Prince Zuko announce his undying love for you, two articles in the news, and one ring maker on hold to make the royal engagement ring."
"There might also be a rumor you're pregnant," Aiga added in.
Toph tilted her head. "Maybe I should. Some chaos is always fun."
Before Katara could argue, Ursa was waving them inside.
Both girls bowed before Ursa.
"Princess Katara, Lady Bei Fong, please take a seat," she said. Katara took a set at a rich red cushion, sinking blissfully into the feathers. Toph hadn't moved.
"Aren't you going to help me, or ask handmaid to, Lady Ursa?" Toph asked in a small and helpless voice.
"Lady Bei Fong," Ursa sipped her tea with a sparkle in her eyes, "We both you know are more than capable of finding the place yourself. Your tricks that my brother-in-law finds so hilarious will not slip past me here."
There was a scattering of giggles from the remaining girls. Toph seemed stunned for a moment, a look rarely worn on her face, before she nodded twice.
"Yep, you're just like Sparky," she said, doing away with any sort of formalness and plinking down next to Katara.
The others at the table, besides Avizeh, were On Ji, Besu, and Ty Lee. Katara was sure her sigh of relief to not be seated with Nadhari or Mai was very visible, but she was too relieved to care.
Besu and Toph did a funny movement in which they knocked their fists together in greeting, and Ursa seemed enchanted by it.
"Please, help yourself to the snacks. Attendants will be coming around with my favorite teas, if you so wish to try them," Ursa said.
"No need to tell me twice to eat," Toph said, fingers wiggling as she filled up her plate like this was dinner instead of a mere tea meeting. Katara took some cookies and some spicy looking meat on a stick, finding the spread of food in front of her unusual, but welcome.
"All my favorite snacks as well. I could have gone more traditional, with dainty finger cakes or fruit, but I want to feel comfortable, just as I wish you all to do too," Ursa said. Katara's fingers jerked back to her. She had not expected Ursa to be so perceptive.
Ursa met Katara's eyes with a knowing look, something near a smile, and suddenly Katara was burning to ask her a thousand questions. She hadn't had an opinion, much like Toph, whether they were going to be alone with her or not, but Katara found herself so hoping that she'd even get a moment alone.
"We were just talking with Ursa about her Royal Wedding," On Ji interjected in a dreamy voice. Katara tried not to let her lips pucker. They had Ursa right in front of them, who seemed very willing to answer anything, and they were asking about trivial things like what colors she used in her wedding?
Katara paused before saying something unkind.
These girls had just survived a battle that left people dead. This was more action than they thought they'd ever see here. They were forced out of their rooms, had lost important items and their clothes alike, and were still around. So, for an average girl like On Ji, was it really so bad to talk about things like this? Normal things? Lighthearted, un-scary things?
Katara, and even Toph, decided not. Katara let herself sink into the conversation. She tried to summon the way she talked with the girls back at the start of the competition, but she'd found friends in Toph and Suki quickly, and had mostly talked them. She tried to think back to even the girls on the tundra, but Katara hadn't had many female friends.
So, instead of trying to be someone she wasn't, Katara decided she wouldn't make an overly large effort to join in, but merely listened and sipped on mango-lemon green tea.
"As I was saying, I only had two ladies standing up with me for my vows," Ursa said.
"Can you only have two?" Avizeh sounded a little frazzled. While Katara wasn't up to snuff on Fire Nation wedding customs, she imagined that they were talking about something like a witness or someone to sign a document, like they did in her tribe...or had, when they still had paper.
"Girls and boys often stand by one pair of the intended when they wed, as a symbol that the bride and groom respect what they've done for them to get to that point," Ursa cut in for Katara. "You know, I can't say I know many Southern Water Tribe customs regarding matrimony."
Katara realized that the gaze had turned to her. She was about to decline, until she saw that Ty Lee and On Ji looked actually interested.
"Well, it's not much. It usually begins by the male giving gifts to the female. Then, to prove his worth, he will usually help the bride's father for about a year, doing various things from joining in hunts to building a shelter for himself and his future wife. Then, sometimes couple will just go off and that will be it. I wish that it could be as romantic as this all is, but when you're nearly starving, having lavish ceremony to an event sometimes is unneeded. You make a pact with another person to love them and to care for them and that's how it is. But-" She realized how small and unofficial this all felt. "If someone really wanted to prove to the tribe that they were taking under a true vow of love, there's a small ceremony. We have witnesses for the sides stand up, and the wife will weave a blanket for the pair. A part of that blanket will be wrapped and tied around the couple's hands, to signify an unbreakable bond. To cheat or leave a union after this would be..." Katara shook her head. Luckily, the group seemed to gather the meaning.
Ursa looked thoughtful. She wondered if she was going to tell this information to Zuko, or if she actually was genuinely curious? Maybe both?
"Thank you, Katara. You never have to share if you feel uncomfortable," Ursa reminded, "But to answer your question, no, Lady Avizeh. I only wanted my childhood best friend and my other closest friend that I had made during the competition. I didn't need any more support than that."
"I have so many friends, I don't know who I'd choose," Avizeh whispered in a quiet laugh.
"Some do have many. Nia, may she rest in peace, had twelve girls," she said. Some girls looked confused, but Katara took a guess that it might be Zuko's aunt. The name sounded familiar too, she was nearly sure of it.
"I want a big wedding." On Ji gave a star-eyed smile, setting her elbows on her folded legs. "Can't you imagine?"
"I'd like it to be a big deal too," Besu added with a small smile, and Katara jumped, having rarely heard her talk. "I just...I dunno. Like the idea that so many people would be happy to see it, to be there."
"If my son picks you, your wildest dreams could come true," Ursa said. "No expense will be spared."
"If I get married, I like how Katara's people to it. No fuss, no drama. If you love someone, why do you need all that anyway?"
Ursa laughed. "I'm somewhat inclined to agree. However, it's more for everyone else than it is for you. I think I loved Ozai enough I would have married him in servant's clothes in the desert, if we needed to."
Now this was interesting. That Ursa had even once loved Ozai. She wasn't sure about currently, but even to have once loved that man...now Katara had more questions than ever.
Ty Lee gave a quiet coo, a small 'aww'. Katara had never thought to ask Ty Lee, who saw their domestic life more than Katara did. Maybe she'd have to later.
"What about you, Katara? What sorts of things do you want at your wedding?" Ty Lee said, turning, smiling as she encouraged Katara to add in.
"Uhm," Katara frowned. She'd never really romanticized a possible wedding. "I guess...well, I don't need to do it the whole way my tribe does. I like the betrothal necklace, but that's more something in the North. I guess I'd just really want my family to be there."
"A very sweet thought." Ursa nodded at her.
"I've heard that in some places, like the Earth Kingdom, the father gives the bride away. I guess I really look up to my dad, and I like that. I'd want to know that he approves of the marriage." Katara looked at her hands, saying much more than she had ever intended to.
"I can't imagine your father would ever disapprove. You have a good head on your shoulders, Katara. I can't imagine you would ever pick a future spouse lightly."
Did Ursa know that she'd turned Zuko down? All of a sudden, Katara wasn't sure that she didn't. That she might even...respect Katara's choice to say no? Or, Katara was just reading into it. Damn it, Katara truly couldn't tell.
"Lady Ursa." On Ji suddenly looked very red in the face. "Can I ask...a well, more personal question?"
"My dear, I would never want you to feel uncomfortable to ask me anything."
"I've just heard..." On Ji frowned, swallowing. "It was a myth of sorts in my town. We weren't as big a part of the Fire Nation as other cities, but...well...no, never mind," she squeaked, covering her face, her skin as red as the cushion Katara sat on.
Toph coughed into her tea, trying to hide a laugh. Whatever On Ji was about to ask was apparently setting off Toph's sensors on something.
"Oh," Avizeh realized and grimace, looking at her tea though it displeased her. "I think I know the rumor. On Ji wants to know, and I guess I do too...I hear that on the night of the wedding, there's uh, people watching to be sure the union is...consummated."
Toph burst out laughing, covering it up by shoving more chicken in her mouth.
Katara recoiled back. People watching while you had sex? Spirits, and they called the South archaic!
Ty Lee played with her braided hair, her cheeks a little pink as well, and Besu's eyes just widened to nearly comical lengths.
Usra gave a heavy sigh. She set down her tea, something she hadn't done with such ceremony since Katara had arrived, which told her that this was a slightly tense question.
"In short, yes. Spirits knows I've been trying to convince Ozai to abolish that darn rule since he took the throne, but the Fire Nation prides itself on tradition, if you cannot tell."
"Oh, gosh." On Ji looked terrified. Katara wondered if she'd ever even kissed a boy? It did seem awful for someone's first time, which Katara was sure was many of the girls' experiences, to be viewed and charted.
"They attempt to make it less awkward, but nothing much can change it, if you really think about it," Ursa said, patting her hand across the table. "They just want to be assured that the event of an heir will come as soon as possible. The Fire Nation has had two or three examples in which a Fire Lord has died without a son or daughter and it has not been pretty. So, the Fire Sages are overly nervous, and did this to combat that, or at least to give it the best chance. They have very heavy curtains up and the lights are very dim. After, the next morning, they check for blood. The maidenhead."
"Not every woman bleeds her first time," Katara couldn't help but blurt out. She didn't dare ask what if a woman wasn't a virgin, because she wasn't sure she'd like the answer.
The girls were looking at her with mild surprise, and Avizehs' eyebrows were raised in a 'oh, you know from experience?' sort of way. Which, no, she didn't...at least, not that sort of experience. She had just helped deliver enough babies that Katara knew the whole process, from sex to baby.
"Very true," Ursa said, "which is why they require to see the act. And a handmaid checks. To be honest, most are loyal enough to their ladies that they'd say there was blood even if there was none, just because it can be hard to convince old Fire Sages of such things, as if-" Ursa paused, biting her lip. "Excuse me, I didn't mean to speak badly."
"If they've ever been a woman, you were about to say, right?" Toph guessed. Ursa did not confirm it, but her gaze did turn to Toph, which Katara took as a 'yes'. However, she continued talking.
"You can pick who you want in there, if that helps. Three people. One Fire Sage, one male representative, and one female. Non-handmaids, royalty."
"A little," Besu agreed that it was a benefit, settling back. It seemed like most the girls were circling through who they'd ask, or who they'd want.
Katara couldn't help but wonder. Frankly, she didn't want anyone hearing or seeing the union, but...well, not her brother. Ugg, gross. Not Aang, since she thinks this might horrify him. But Zuko would theoretically pick the male. Who would he pick? Maybe Lu Ten? At least she knew that Lu Ten would be respectful about it, and he wouldn't derive any pleasure from it. So, on her end, females...well, maybe Toph or Suki or Eva, all people who she felt close with. Maybe not Toph. Toph may spend the night critiquing Zuko's form or something.
"I didn't want to end on that note, but perhaps it's best you all know. Feel free to pass this along. Now, as for your two assignments." She nodded to On Ji and Avizeh and they joined Ursa in a small side-chamber.
"She'll explain in a moment," Ty Lee said, smiling at the pair. "How are your rooms? Definitely different, huh?"
"You're probably used to it, though," Besu said, "Being a noblewoman and all."
"Not like this. Not something just for me," Ty Lee admitted.
"It's, uh, different. Scattered," Katara said. "Like, scattered around. Not like before. And on the second floor."
"Such astute observations," Toph drawled.
By this time, Ursa had returned.
She bowed goodbye to the two girls, and they both had a paper too.
"For Toph and Princess Katara, as you're both wondering what is happening, the purpose of this meeting is twofold. One, to get to know you all a little better. But today, I am also facilitating an outreach program, to assure the people of the capitol that not only are we strong after the attack, but we are there for them. Being a mother to the nation is a very important part of being the Fire Lady. It's not just dresses and makeup, of course. So, to lead you into this role, I set up different programs to be happening today and I am placing each girl where I feel they would be most useful."
"Clever," Toph breathed under her breath. "I'm sure the papers will love that."
"Perhaps." Ursa stirred some honey into her tea. "But the people we're helping will love it more." In that moment, Katara sort of loved Ursa. Even if she'd grown used to underhanded ways, at her core, she was just a good person.
After the pair left, it was just four. They continued to talk about trivial, fun things. Besu took reign of the conversation, maybe feeling a bit more at ease, and asked about any mistakes Ursa had made as a young Fire Lord's wife. It was a fair question, and Ursa regaled them with tales of her missteps and things she learned the hard way. She was a good storyteller, and funny too. Katara would have never guessed that without this meeting. She had all the girls nearly snorting up their tea in laughter as she talked.
"-And then, I was so nervous to go to my first ball after Ozai picked me. All my formal training, all that etiquette that my parents had taught me and that I had learned here went right out the window. I remember that I had opted to wear gloves, since my hands were sweaty and I didn't want the people I shook hands with to know. But, he'd commissioned me this gorgeous ring when he proposed, that I couldn't not wear it to show off. As I was waving when we walked in, as everyone was bowing, I suppose I waved my hand a little too violently and the ring came sailing off and hit one of the dignitaries square in the forehead. He said he was honored to be hit by it, but spirits, I was so sure that that was it. I'd be out of here that night." She laughed, shaking her head. "I suppose it goes to show as put together as you think I am, every young wife starts out nervous and unsure. It's something you grow into to."
After that, she collected Ty Lee and Besu. Since she did not grab Toph or Katara, Katara wondered if that meant they were on the lucky side. Neither of the girls leaving seemed upset to see the pair alone with Ursa.
When she returned, she poured herself another tea.
"I won't keep either of you long. It would be terribly unfair, and I don't want to upset the other girls. But, I admit, it would be equally unfair for you both to not get the full time. Still, I know you're antsy to get out of here, Toph, so I might just give you your assignment now."
"Please, respectfully," Toph grumbled. "Look, I love tea as much as the next...well, I love tea more than the average lady. But all this wedding talk makes me gag a little."
"Fair. It's not everyone's cup of oolong. You will be going down to the servants housing structures. There's still a fair bit of rubble there from the attack, and I figured no one would be better for clearing rocks quickly."
"Sounds fun. I'm on it, Mama Sparky." She winced, realizing how informally she'd called her. Ursa just patted her shoulder.
"I'm honored to have a nickname, though I request you use it in small company with me only," she assured kindly.
Toph all but ran out.
This just left Katara and Ursa.
"Any questions before I send you off too, m'dear?"
Katara hesitated. Yes, she had a million questions. So many. In the end, two seemed to cover almost all of her worries.
"Did you ever love Fire Lord Ozai? Did you know when you married him that he'd be...this?"
Ursa didn't seem shocked or offended. She nodded, thinking. This question led to so many of Katara's others. Was evilness learned or bred? Would Zuko be like this one day? Could Ozai be redeemed? Could you see it and stop it before it bloomed? Was this love, whatever it was, doomed to repeat itself?
"May I first begin by stating that Zuko is not his father. I have made sure of that," Ursa said, her forehead crinkling. "But even at birth, he was different. But for the actual questions? Oh, my dear child, I did love Ozai."
She motioned for Katara to sit back down, indicating this might be a story. Katara settled herself, nibbling on a slice of flatbread with herbs and cheese and fireflakes.
"I was always going to be in a Choice, what with the fact I was Roku's granddaughter. They'd had their eyes on me since I was born, the Fire Sages. I just happened to be too young for it to be acceptable when Iroh went through his, though I think I could have loved Iroh. He is kind too, as you already know. I did not want to come. I had a boyfriend in my hometown that I thought was my forever. My parents would never dishonor a direct request from the capitol, so I went. I didn't try to win. I knew my old flame would wait if I wanted him to. But Ozai, as a young man, not much older than Zuko? He was...enchanting. He was suave, clever, intelligent, and handsome. When he said he loved you, even if it was all a lie, you felt like he did. I perhaps foolishly thought he held some tender emotions towards me. Maybe he did, but it's so hard to see that today. But if I think back to when we were all in the competition, and when we were first married, I thought it would all be alright. He dazzled me with gifts, called me sweet names, wrote me letters...he can be romantic if he so wishes. Once it began clear he intended to choose me - though I'll never know how much his father was encouraging this - I knew I had few choices. I wasn't going to go back to my hometown, to my boyfriend. I was going to marry Ozai and bear his children. So..." Ursa drew in a near shaky breath. "I worked with what I had. I picked myself up from that sadness and decided that I was not going to be unhappy in this life. That would feel like they won, you see, if I was morose about it. I looked at what the spirits were handing me and I did everything in my power to make it into a life I woke up to that I was happy with. You understand, Katara? I don't know if my love for him was all a lie too, or if I convinced myself into it, or anything. All I know is that I wasn't going to wish for things that weren't there. And I have found happiness. My children. I love them more than my own life. I would do anything for them," she said sternly, in a terrifying sort of tone that Katara knew she meant it with absolution. Katara nodded in agreement, getting her words.
"As to the second part? I saw it. I was more observant than most, or more in tune with reality. He had a temper. He would get upset over small things. He could be unbelievably cold and cruel, especially to handmaids or guards that displeased him. He spoke of ambitions that were...terrifying. And still a part of me thought that maybe if he was shown love, a love his mother - who was cold and detached - and father - who saw his sons more as chips on a board than children - never gave, I could have fixed him. I suppose I was naive. I suppose I should have known. His older brother would have given all the love in the world, but that still hadn't done anything. For years I labored under that thought, until there was something else worth working toward. Now...well, can someone really be forgiven for doing atrocious things? I doubt I'm in the position to be making such calls, but I wouldn't have the answer anyway."
"I'm sorry." Katara's voice was raw, despite having spoken very little.
"I didn't have to answer. I wanted to," Ursa assured. "These are most things you could have figured out yourself, in due time. I'm not going to paint Ozai as a better human being than he is. He has brought the Fire Nation much celebration, made us strong. At what cost?" Ursa shook her head. "Do you have any more questions?"
Katara locked her jaw, firmly shaking her head. She felt a little ill, a little faint. She'd already dug so personally into Ursa's life that she couldn't imagine wanting more out of her.
"In that case, I will just tell you where you'll be going." Ursa stood, motioning toward the door.
"Don't I get a paper?" Katara asked, frowning.
"Some jobs need more instructions than others. This one is more feelings-based, you see. More instinctual." Ursa motioned for the handmaids to start cleaning. "Some of the girls are talking to those affected by the attack, asking what we can do to help. Guards and maids whose houses were destroyed or family slain, dignitaries that were injured, delivery people who got caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time, healers who worked double to make sure those who could be saved were. A lot have family they couldn't just leave alone, so I've set up a daycare in the gardens. While we have some workers watching, it always goes a long way for others - more important members - to come by. If you wouldn't mind, I'm sure the children there would be happy to have you."
"Of course, Lady Ursa," Katara bowed. She wasn't upset to be placed with children. She missed how many there once was in the tribe, or from the stories she heard of her grandmother, back when things were a little better. She knew she was good with children too.
"It is located in the gardens in which we had the small fair of the dignitaries. Do you need an escort?"
"I think I can find it again. And, thank you. That was...enlightening." Katara struggled to show her gratitude about how open she'd been.
"You deserve only truths, Princess Katara."
xxXXxxXXxx
Katara did manage to find the gardens easily enough. She heard the laughter long before she saw it, which was a good sign.
When she came under the awnings, she saw a sea of small heads running around in the grass. Compared to their parents or guardians, and what they were doing here, they seemed extremely care-free. Some had balloons, others were painting with watered-down ink, and most were playing games with only their imagination. She spotted Shoji with a couple other guards, and figured Aang was in the fray (or, worse, he was with Zhao somewhere). Shoji was doing more playing than helping to guard. Small kids, six and younger, were grabbing onto the long handle of a spear, and Shoji and his guard partner were lifting it up, holding it horizontal, and letting them dangle before they fell back onto the ground in a fit of giggles.
She caught a familiar set of robes near the back and paused completely. Zuko sat with a group of small kids around him, grinning and making animals out of the flames on his fingers. From the way that the kids' fingers waved in the air, despite being unable to hear him, she guessed they were calling out animals to do, for they'd all quiet and Zuko would make another ethereal flame creature, leaping from his fingers before sizzling on the ground, leaving behind only embers and slightly blackened fire.
He looked like he was having fun too. He looked relaxed. There was no one here to monitor his actions other than the guards, who had their own hands busy, so he was himself.
At one point, a small toddler tripped over his own feet and fell face first into the grass next to Zuko. Zuko paused his magic tricks immediately, kneeling down to pick the boy up. He set the boy on his leg as he sat back down and made a ferocious tiger right near the boy's face. The toddler's wails stopped as he watched, enchanted.
Even after the boy had stopped wailing, Zuko continued to let him sit there. He seemed so small, in comparison to Zuko. Yet, there was a care to the way that Zuko handled him, a gentle hand on his back, a quiet muss of his hair here and there, a watchful eye in case something happened.
Katara's first thought, though she realized only later his practice might have been from being an older brother to Azula, was that one day he'd make a good father.
Her next thought was a confusing one. As much as it hurt to imagine Zuko marrying someone else, it was a hurt she could withstand. The idea that Zuko would be a father one day to someone else's children? That was almost unbearable to Katara, though she didn't know why.
Third was that it was weird to think of Zuko having children, though by their ages and expectations, it wasn't too strange at all. There were many boys in her tribe that Katara thought were not ready for parenthood in the near future, one of which being her brother, but she admitted to herself that Zuko could probably step into that role tomorrow and be brilliant at it.
And a part of Katara hated how cliché it was, how much of a typical girl this probably made her but...seeing Zuko with a child, imagining all of that, it did things to her.
"Request a royal picture. It will last longer."
Katara nearly jumped out of her skin, as she turned to see Hahn carrying a large piece of wood, his beady eyes watching where Katara was hovering. Katara wondered how long she'd been standing here like an idiot.
"Sod off," Katara snapped, shuddering.
"Yeah, c'mon, this thing is getting heavy." Arrluck complained from the other side. Yue came from around the corner, reading a list of things, nearly colliding.
"Come on, let's keep going. Oh, Katara!" she waved. "Did you get assigned? We're helping to build a new temple area, since some of the smaller gods' offering sites got destroyed in the attack," she said, motioning to the log.
"I'm, uh-"
"She's watching the prince and thinking about making one of those herself." Hahn's voice was utterly creepy. Katara stiffened, despite his observation being not too far off.
Yue struggled for a way to yell at him, horrified.
"Let me," Arrluck said, being more forward than Katara had ever seen him. He dropped his side of the log onto Yue's shoulders, grabbed her papers, and whacked Hahn over the head with them. "You're an ass. Let's keep moving," he said, re-taking his place.
Katara had stayed away from the North Water Tribe representatives, mostly because Hahn made her skin crawl and Arrluck always seemed mousy and quiet when he spoke. Hahn seemed to be the same. Arrluck? Was his newfound confidence because he was on his own and had grown out of his family's teachings, or was he always like this around other Water tribesmen?
Before she could think of it more, Shoji noticed her and waved to her. This caught Zuko's attention. Hahn might have started to make another comment, but Yue urged him forward, sending an apologetic look back in Katara's way.
Katara stepped onto the grass.
"Princess Katara!" one of the girls squealed, no more than ten. "I'm playing princess with my friends. Will you tell me what it's really like? Will you be our queen?"
Although Katara had wanted to say something to Zuko, she found it hard to resist the pleading faces and the crowns made from the weeds and wildflowers that grew in the area.
"Of course," she said, letting the girls take her hand and lead her away to their imaginary kingdoms.
Although Zuko didn't stay as long as Katara, likely could not, she caught him looking at her often, stealing glances that were soft but also willing and intoxicating. She had a feeling he was thinking similar things as she'd been thinking about him.
Katara wasn't ready to be a mother, she knew that much, no matter how adorable and pudgy-faced these kids were. In a not-so-distant future, with the right person? Katara put a pin in that thought.
She didn't actually get any chance to talk to Zuko before he had to bow out for other duties, but she felt like they'd gotten a chance, from how much she knew her mind was drifting to him. How good he was with these kids, how patient and thoughtful. No other ladies from the Choice came out here. Did Ursa know that Zuko would be here, or was it extreme luck?
Either way, Katara stayed until almost all of the children had been collected by parents, and only left once one of the older maids gathered the remaining children into her care, since it wouldn't be long now and it was nearly dinner.
They wouldn't be dining with the Royal Family tonight, but the girls around the table hardly seemed to care. It was very lighthearted, as they all talked over each other to share about their day assignments and what they ended up doing, or about what sort of things Ursa had revealed to them in the tea time. Katara couldn't remember a time that there was so much conversation buzzing around.
As they retreated back to their new rooms, Katara found a missive slipped under her door. She waited until her door was closed completely to read it.
It was simple. But Katara could glean a whole lot from it; probably because she was thinking and feeling the same. Uneven lettering; distracted - probably thinking of her. The nib making deep imprints in the page; frustration - sexual in nature, she had to bet. Short; saying what needed to be said in fear of putting too much out there, things that shouldn't be said on page.
Painted Lady tonight? If yes, return to me a slip of parchment with black ink on it only.
-Z
Grinning, Katara took out a scrap of parchment, smoothed her ink-stained fingers across it, folded it, and sent it off with one of the guards near the doors right away.