"The mind plays tricks on the body from time to time, but the heart don't ever lie."
- Johnta Austin, The Heart Never Lies
I was in Hell, or I might as well have been. Instead, I was sent to a planet that was a duplicate version of Earth. In fact, when I stood on top of the glass skyscraper, I would stare up at the sky, and watch clouds slip past the real Earth. It was a beautiful sight, even as I cried, and ached to return.
The planet I was on wasn’t even real, only a mirror image of what I could have had. When I failed my mission as one of the new lineage of Watchers, my punishment was undesirable. Casted away, banished from Earth and Heaven.
The punishment was stripped me of my duty as Watcher. Worst of all, I had become a Fallen. No longer was I doused in white and gold. My wings weren’t beautiful, but dark as sin.
I stretched my black wings, and then my arms. The sun had risen over the horizon. A ball of yellow-orange lit the sky. I ran my fingers through my pastel hair, and smiled. Thaddeus loved its soft pink tint.
“Thaddeus…” I whispered. Hope for a carbon copy of him to appear before my eyes blazed through my body.
But he never showed. He was on Earth where all humans belonged. My heart raced at the thought of him. The passion that formed between us had been forbidden. I had fallen in love with a human – my mission.
I told Thaddeus everything. He knew I was a Watcher, God’s holy angel. Despite of what I had said, he still loved me, regardless of how insane it all had sounded.
I knew I’d be punished after exposing my true identity. The new lineage of Watchers was women, because the first line betrayed their duties. Holy angels, all men, procreated with human women, and took them as wives. The end results were Nephilims.
They weren’t human nor angel, but giants that roamed freely. Pure evil bled through their veins. The humans lived among them in fear and anguish.
I jumped off the top of the skyscraper. My wings expanded six feet in width as they caught the wind. The crisp morning air forced its way between each feather. Chills rushed over my bare skin. I loved the feeling of weightlessness. It made me feel…free, again.
The morning walk was my usual. I passed the café that I adored once, when it was real. Thaddeus said I was obsessed with caffeine, and I was, it was an addiction. The way it made me feel, it was human-like. Those feelings of giddiness, energy, and happiness plagued my body with every sip.
On the duplicate Earth, I had to pretend.
I walked through the door, and bumped into a citizen. He didn’t even look, or express any distraught. To him, I didn’t exist. The short blonde girl at the counter worked fast, and poured coffee. Every action seemed predetermined. Every day, she poured that same cup of coffee to that same woman in the cardigan. Her lips moved, but not a sound escaped her mouth. She grinned, and then waved.
I always tried guessing what they said to each other. Often, I even made up their conversations. It would have gone something like this:
“Good morning, Diana!” the blonde girl exclaimed. “Here’s your café mocha with skim milk. Just the way you like it.” She grinned.
“You’re a darling, Jessie. Tell Michael I said hello!” The woman handed her exact change and left the café.
It never changed, never missed a beat.
I gazed down at my palms. They felt clammy. The feeling was new. Warmth escalated past my wrists, and toward my elbows. It started to burn.
“What the –” I stopped, and wiped the beads of sweat that settled above my brows.
A chair scooted across the floor, the first noise I’ve heard since arriving on this planet, however long ago that was…I had no idea.
A woman gazed at me, and never once turned away. There was no way she could have noticed I was there. No one has ever paid attention to my existence.
“Hello?” I said out loud. My voice sounded large inside the silent café. “Can you see me?”
She nodded.
I swallowed, and stepped forward. “You…can see me?”
“Yes, Harahel,” she replied. “You are the impiety of a Fallen, indeed.” The woman glowed, literally. Right away I knew she was one of the Holy.
“Have you come to take me home?”
She shook her head. “Do you even know where you are, Hara?”
“No, I don’t…” I muttered. "It seems to be a mirror image of when I was on Earth?" My statement turned into a question, I was clueless.
“You’re on Replica,” she answered. “All of this is inside your mind. This is your world. Oh, and how rude of me, my name is Anapiel, but you can call me Ana.” Her eyes were a pool of liquid blue.
I couldn’t look away from her, she was too graceful. “But how are you here, then?”
Ana chuckled, “It’s because of our higher power. Now, Hara, you should know better by now.” Her smirk turned into a toothy grin.
“Right…” I huffed. “Then if this is my world, I play by my rules?” Confidence prickled inside my gut and chest. I felt enlightened by this feeling.
Ana weaved her long side braid through her slender fingers, and flicked it back over her shoulder. “Unfortunately, for you, that isn’t how this works.” She moved with elegance, and stood before me. Her finger twirled a long strand of my hair. “Now listen carefully. I’m only able to tell you this once.” She tucked the pink tendril behind my ear, and took a step back. “This is your chance to return as a Holy. I expect you will not reject this offer?”
“That depends…”
Ana’s eyes widened. “You’ve sinned, Hara! Now you must repent!” She shook her head and hands. “I apologize for that, but I need you to finish this task. You were never meant to save him…”
I stepped forward and grabbed her dainty wrist. “I was Thaddeus’s Watcher! I was sent to ensure he kept his sanity after the war…” My voice trailed off. I remembered all the nights I’d spent with him. His terrible dreams haunted him.
“He is stricken with anxiety and panic attacks. That will be the death of him, I swear,” said Ana. She walked across the café and sat down at a circular table. “His impending death will not be stopped. It’s his time to go –”
I stomped toward the table, and slammed my fist onto its surface. The people around us were not disturbed. They carried on, and sipped their drinks.
“What was the purpose of my mission, Ana?” I asked in between shallow breaths.
“To help him pass in peace, to be his guiding light, that is all,” she replied.
I paced back and forth in front of her. “What will happen to him? Tell me!”
Ana stood and grabbed both my arms to stop me from moving. “He has post-traumatic stress syndrome, Hara. It has gone untreated by his choice only. The consequence will be him accidently shooting his sister when she enters his apartment one night to check on him.” Her eyes glistened. She looked close to tears.
“No,” I said in disbelief. “His sister will die? But he –”
She sighed. “A stray bullet kills him.”
I walked away from Ana, and looked out the window. The sun was high in the sky, its rays beamed down on my fake world. Why is it his time to go? What about his sister? Why her?
“I still don’t understand why good people die young and tragically,” I murmured, “and the bad live a long human life…” A hand touches my shoulder.
“Don’t fret over such a thought, its God’s will, not yours.” Ana kept her hand in place. “Do you want to be forgiven, Harahel?”
I nodded, and wiped away the tear that escaped my lower eyelid. “Yes.”
“Then harness your power.”
I turned and faced Ana. “What power?”
“It’s a gift,” she said. “Can’t you feel it scorching through your body?” Her hands latch onto mine. “I can.”
My hands grew warm, so I pulled away from Ana. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I stared down at my open palm. An orange ball of fire rotated in the air.
“This is my gift?” I felt confused. “Am I supposed to burn down my world?”
Ana smiled, and shook her head. “Just be prepared for the task.” She walked toward the door and stopped. “Be careful. The mind will play dirty tricks.”
Before I could respond, Ana walked out the door. I watched from the window as she expanded her white wings, and shot into the sky in a blur.
What’s my task? I wondered.
I decided to take a familiar walk in the park. People sat silently on benches and blankets. Some reading and others ate their lunch. Everyone was seemingly at peace in Replica.
Wish I could say the same about the real Earth.
A bald man sat on a bench across from where I stood. I called him Smiley. He always chose the same spot and ate the same food, a turkey sandwich with no cheese. Mustard was questionable.
I sat next to him. “Hello, Smiley.”
He looked forward, and grinned as he chewed.
“Not very talkative today are we?” I asked knowing I wasn’t going to get a response. I stood and patted his knee. “Well, it’s been a nice chat as always.”
The brick path led me to a small pond. Ducks fluffed their wings proudly. I wiggled mine a little. They quacked and swam off in a fit.
“Intimidated much?” I muttered.
“Hara,” a male voice says from behind.
I already knew who it was by the deepness in his tone. When I turned, I still wasn’t prepared for what I would see. Who I would see…
“Thaddeus…” I lunged forward in a flight response.
He pulled me against his chest tightly, and wrapped his arms around me. “I’ve missed you so much,” said Thad, his lips pressed against my hair.
“I-” My voice hitched with a sob, and I started over, “I can’t save you!”
Thad cupped the nape of my neck and forced me to look up into his eyes. They were sea-green. Magnificent in every aspect, from the gold speckles to the hints of blue etched within the irises.
“Shh, don’t be upset. I’m here, okay?” He leaned down and kissed me with tenderness that I could no longer contain.
I stood on my tiptoes, and crushed my lips harder against his. He jerked away, his bottom lip swollen and moist. His eyes glazed over as he looked lost in thought.
“Thaddeus, what’s wrong?” I brushed my fingertips against his stubbly cheek.
He pulled the hood that covered his head, and let his tousled blond hair fall over his forehead. That’s when I noticed the difference.
The mind can play dirty tricks…
Thad bit down on his lower lip, his brows furrowed. He looked anxious.
“We can stay this way for eternity,” I whispered. Even the smoothness in my tone didn’t calm his worried look.
He didn’t respond. Sweat formulated at his temples. I reached up and dabbed the perspiration away. He was warm, too warm for a human. Then again, he wasn’t real, or was he? I could no longer differentiate between the times I’ve lost between both worlds. Replica became my home.
“Help me, Hara…” Thad’s body began to tremble. He doubled over and yelled, “I must pass over! The pain is too much!” His hand gripped my arm as he tried to steady himself.
I scanned his body for a wound, but none were visible. “What’s happening? Please tell me so I can help you!”
He stood up straight, his body no longer trembled. Blue flames swirled around his left hand. His eyes blazed red.
“Help me fight this!” Thaddeus yelled. He pushed me back, and I stumbled. His hand rose in front of him.
A blue flame spiraled at me, so I expanded my wings, and flew into the air. He was trying to hurt me. I landed back onto my feet and balled my hands into fist. They burned the tighter I squeezed. When I unclenched my hands a large ball of fire hovered in front of me.
Thaddeus’s eyes widened. “You can’t do it, can you?” he mocked. He was acting childish. This wasn’t him.
I closed my eyes and whispered, “This isn’t the real Thad.” With my final words, I blasted him with flame.
He made no attempt to move. I watched as the flame engulfed his entire body, swallowing him whole. His hand reached out from the blaze, so I walked forward.
“Hara,” he said. There was no sign of pain in his tone of voice. “Thank you.”
That was the moment I knew I’d helped guide Thaddeus to the light. I had to overcome love for a human to lead him to ultimate peace and harmony. I fulfilled my duty.
“You’re welcome,” I said without remorse.
His body flashed a brilliant light into the sky. He was gone from my sight. I didn’t feel sad. Instead, I felt whole again. I had figured out what it really meant to be a Watcher.
Love held no bounds to the satisfaction I felt when sending Thaddeus off to heaven.
Maybe we will meet again, Thad?
“You will.”
I turned around and watched Anapiel walk toward me. She extended her arm, and held out her hand. I grabbed hold.
“Can I go home now?” I asked.
“What are we waiting for?” She laughed and tugged me upward into the sky.
I looked at my outstretched wings and noticed they were a brilliant white, no longer charcoal black. I was a Holy. I’d been forgiven. Thaddeus was forgiven.
Replica disappeared below me, swallowed into darkness. I gazed up and saw the magnificent bright light.
The gates of heaven awaited my return.