Friday, November 4th, 4 p.m.
Christopher knocked on the maroon door seven times every sixty-one seconds, and he'd still received no response. Kate didn't understand, all he wanted was to see Gracie for a few minutes. That would make everything better, if only for a brief moment.
He thought going back to his routine and his classes would've sorted out the funk, but his condition had deteriorated at a consistent pace from the moment he'd woken up.
The violet wave of light, his altered perceptions, and his interaction with Jessica made Christopher question whether or not he was perceiving events as they actually happened. Delusions were not common in his condition, but they weren't unheard of. Asperger's Syndrome can manifest with a myriad of different comorbidities that could explain the events of that morning. He felt lucid throughout the entire experience which worried him more than anything.
Does somebody who is losing their mind know they're losing it, or is their perception so skewed that they can't distinguish what is real and what is false?
◈
Throughout the rest of his classes, Christopher could not focus on anything besides his interaction with Jessica or the driving incident. As a result, his control over his class crumbled around him. The moment a teacher falters in their authority all hell breaks loose, and students run rampant over the classroom. Christopher retreated inside himself, counting the seconds until the day was over. He hoped his classroom survived the day without too much damage.
hen he finally got a moment's respite for lunch, the realization he'd forgotten to grab his lunch struck like a hammer. Christopher contemplated the merits of indulging in cafeteria food to satisfy the rumbling in his stomach, but he decided that hunger was better than the chaos presented by the cafeteria. Horror stories of the lunchroom and flying food, unidentifiable smells, and vomiting were enough to make anyone tread carefully.
He spent his entire forty minutes of lunch staring at the papers that Jessica had submitted. The meticulous and thoughtful assignments were incongruous with her carelessness and general apathy towards school. Christopher had an admittedly scarce knowledge of why people behaved the way they did, but this went beyond that he felt. Logic had never led him astray, and logic couldn't explain what has happening around him.
The ringing of his phone derailed Christopher from his negative train of thought. In his two months of teaching, he hadn't heard the phone ring a single time. On any other day, he would've answered it without hesitation, but today, anything out of the ordinary was almost too much for him to handle.
Christopher knew that if his boss needed to speak with him, the man would more than likely come to Christopher's classroom to talk in person. That was an eventuality Christopher would have dreaded. He answered the phone.
"Mr. Stroud's classroom," he said hoping that was an appropriate way to answer the phone.
"Hey Christopher it's Raymond Kinghorn, your uncle-in-law."
"This is unexpected. Did I do something wrong?"
Mr. Kinghorn laughed on the other end of the phone. Christopher couldn't tell if he was making fun of him or not.
"No son, nothing like that. The Missus and I were wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight? There's a youngster I want you to meet."
"Why?"
"Well you're the resident mad scientist in town, and we've got a few science related questions for you."
"On Fridays, I devote the evening to my research in Twin Falls."
" Do you think you could take a break from your research for a night? I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important."
Christopher paused. His first inclination was to say no and hang up the phone. He needed to get back to his research to clear his head. The last place he wanted to be was at a dinner table full of people forced to have social interaction, especially interactions with Jessica Kinghorn.
However, he knew that he had to say yes. Raymond was responsible for securing Christopher a job at the high school. The school board was hesitant hiring somebody with no background in teaching, but Raymond assured them that Christopher was more than capable of handling the job.
"Yes, I suppose I can do that. What time should I arrive?"
"Excellent! Dinner's at 6:30 be there at 6."
Christopher was confused why he would need to show up half an hour early, but he relented.
"I will be there."
Christopher hung up the phone. The day's events were unfolding before him and they were only getting stranger and stranger, but he had to admit his uncle-in-law had piqued his curiosity. Any opportunity to help out with a scientific puzzle got Christopher's heart racing with anticipation. It wasn't enough to counteract the agony of his day so far, but it a miniscule increment. Besides, human interaction may have the side effect of distracting him from the abnormalities of the day.
The rest of the day passed by in much of the same fashion. The students ran amok and Christopher did his best to hold onto his fraying sanity. For the last hour of the day, he stared at the clock with rapt attention, urging the minute hand to pass over the three. When the bell rang, Christopher was the first one out.
In the safety of his car, he decided to call Dr. Lewis and set up an appointment. Christopher would get all of this sorted out before he went to dinner, and then everything would be okay. Dr. Lewis' receptionist answered the phone and informed Christopher that Dr. Lewis did not have any openings until Tuesday of next week.
Christopher tried to explain to her that his matter was urgent, and he only needed to talk to him for a second. All he needed was a couple of minutes to get his mind sorted.
The receptionist repeated that the doctor did not have any openings until next week and hung up the phone.
Christopher always suspected that she was not overly fond of him.
He could feel his heart start racing, and the familiar blackness encroaching on his vision, so Christopher started blasting his music as loud as he could to drown out all other stimuli. One option remained to normalize himself; one person that could make everything else disappear. She made him feel like the best man in the world.
Gracie.
◈
That's how Christopher found himself knocking on a maroon door every sixty-one seconds. At this point, it was just a matter of time before Kate or her mother would answer the door and ask him to leave, but he would plead with them and make them understand.
I'm not going to hurt anyone. I'm much better now.
Two more minutes elapsed without a response, and Christopher wondered if they decided to call the cops. Kate had a restraining order against him, but he was sure it didn't apply if he didn't mean any harm. Everyone would be able see that and let him see Gracie for five minutes. Five minutes would not be a big deal, then he would wait patiently for the court case.
A voice called from inside, Kate's mother, "Now is not a good time Christopher. Please go away. Kate doesn't want this to turn into a big deal."
"Ms. Ward, Let me talk to Kate please. She'll understand if you just let me talk to her," Christopher replied.
Silence from behind the door implied that she was either thinking over Christopher's reply or going to get Kate.
"She doesn't want to see you, she needs time."
"Well, how much more time does she need? I have been patient for three months, and now I'm better."
"We'll let the courts-" she stopped, interrupted by another, softer voice.
"It's okay mom, I'll talk to him."
Kate.
Christopher's heart hurt at the sound of her voice. Although she decided that she no longer cared for him, he was not sure that he would ever stop loving her. She'd been the first person to look past his idiosyncrasies and look to the person within, and she was also the first person that didn't make Christopher shudder at their touch. That's when he knew she was special, and he would always want her in his life. He never envisioned a scenario where that wouldn't be the case.
"Christopher, please don't make this any harder than it already is," she said using the voice that meant she was trying to explain something to him he didn't understand.
"I'm not making this hard. I'm just standing here," Christopher replied.
"You shouldn't be standing here, I don't want her to hear your voice. This has been difficult enough.. She just stopped crying everyday because she wants to know where daddy is."
"Please Kate, she needs me, and I need her. Just five minutes and I'll leave you alone."
"She's always needed you Christopher, but you're incapable of being there for her when you can't even take care of yourself. I was always the one who had to explain to her when you get in your obsessive phases and ignore us, that you still love us. It's too much for a five year old to handle."
"But I'm better now," Christopher said, a necessary stretching of the truth, "I've been seeing a therapist, and I have a job now. I'll show you and then you guys can come back."
Christopher heard a heavy sigh and the disengagement of the locking mechanism. The door swung inward and Kate stood before him. She'd never looked more beautiful. Christopher wanted to embrace her in a tight hug and spin in circles like they used to, but he restrained the urge.
Kate stood at five feet and ten inches of height, tall for a woman. She gave Christopher a smile that did not reach her eyes, and he was reminded of the perfect asymmetry of her face. When she smiled, a dimple would appear on her right cheek. Christopher used it as an indicator whether or not she was happy with him. Today, the dimple wasn't there. Kate enjoyed pulling her hair into a neat bun and inserting chopsticks, an affectation Christopher always found mysterious. He admired the mystery in her actions, but her normally pristine bun was in shambles with stray bits of errant hair poking out. Chopsticks were nowhere to be found.
Something is wrong.
"Five minutes," she said tapping her watch, "Gracie is upstairs."
Christopher stepped into the house, and Kate's mother stood to the left, blocking the entrance to the living room. Christopher did not need to go into the living room, because the stairs were to his right.
Now that he was here, his heart beat even faster. He could almost feel it thumping against his sternum. It had been so long since he had seen her, and he didn't know how to react. He hoped that she didn't hold what happened against him. It wasn't his fault.
Christopher counted the number of steps as he ascended. There were twenty-three of them. That was good. Prime numbers always gave Christopher some degree of comfort, and he equated it as a good sign.
The upstairs consisted of a hallway and three separate doors. Christopher assumed that one of them was a bathroom, and that the other two were bedrooms. Two of the three doors were shut, and the ghost of reflected pink light outlined the third door, and Christopher knew that was Gracie's room.
He made a concerted effort to quiet his footfalls as he approached. Christopher wanted to observe her in her natural habitat before he disrupted her with his presence.
Gracie's imagination and intelligence with her toys never ceased to put a smile on his face. His heart swelled with joy when he saw her playing with the LEGO set he'd bought her. A T-shirt with personified versions of the nine planets of the solar system looked more like a miniature dress on her. Measuring clothing sizes was not a skill he possessed.
Gracie hadn't developed to the point where she could copy the diagram on the instruction manual, but that didn't make what she created any less magnificent. In many ways, the circuitous avenues of a child's mind are far more boundless than an adult could conceive. Over time, those avenues get blocked for the most efficient route until they're creativity is lost forever, nothing more than a distant memory.
Christopher rapped his knuckle on the open door soft enough as not to startle her. Gracie jumped a little at the sound and turned her head. The amalgam of LEGOs she'd been working on fell to the floor, and she started running towards him. A smile that Christopher had only been able to dream of for the past few months lit her features. He knew everything was going to be alright as she jumped into his arms, and he circled her in his embrace.
Her shriek of "Daddy!" Still hung in the air, and Christopher felt moisture glisten in his eyes.
"Daddy missed you so much," Christopher said.
"Do you want to play?" She asked, her voice had never sounded so melodic.
"Nothing would please me more," Christopher replied.
Children are notorious for their short attention spans and Gracie's active mind was no different. She didn't bog herself down with adult situations; Daddy was here now and that's all that mattered.
Christopher dropped to his knees and started to work with the LEGOs. He noticed she'd arranged the blocks into piles corresponding to size and color, and it reminded him of how he'd been as a kid. Always the authoritarian, Gracie directed Christopher into building the structure she saw somewhere in her imagination, all thoughts of anything outside that moment vanished into the wind.
As was true of all good moments, it passed by in the blink of an eye.
Kate stood in the doorway. Her eyebrows were downcast, and the corners of her mouth wavered as if she bordered on a smile, but didn't have the energy to maintain it. She had the good grace not to say anything and motioned for Christopher to leave the room.
It would be so easy to stay in the room with his daughter and forget the world until they dragged him away from her kicking and screaming. The thought tempted Christopher, but he'd made a promise. Five minutes.
He leaned towards Gracie and planted a kiss onto her two cheeks and forehead. She giggled at the familiar ritual and kissed him back in the same fashion. Christopher stood up and felt another piece of his heart shrivel up and break off with a brittle snap. Leaving Gracie behind was like leaving behind some vital organ necessary for Christopher to function, and he worried about the fallout. Coming here had been a bad idea, but he knew that it's a mistake he would have made on repeat.
"Daddy, you're leaving again?" She called behind him.
Christopher didn't have the heart to reply. If he opened his mouth, tears, apologies, and begging would issue forth. He didn't make this harder on anyone than it needed to be.
"You might get to see Daddy again soon sweetie, if you're patient." Kate said, "Daddy still has some stuff he needs to do."
A constant of complaint of Kate's had been that Christopher never gave any of the hard talks, that he always made Kate play the bad guy. In this moment, he wanted to help her and show her that he was capable of helping, of pulling his weight. He turned around to tell Gracie that Kate had done nothing wrong and it was all his fault, but the words wouldn't come out. In times of stress, speaking to other people became too hard for his body to handle. His mouth would gape open, but words wouldn't come out, like a fish out of water trying to explain that it needs air to breathe.
Kate put a hand on Christopher's back, "It's okay Christopher, really." She applied a little pressure nudging him out of the room.
She waited until they got downstairs before she started on the lecture, "I hope you know how much harder you made this on her."
"You don't understand, I needed her."
"I understand perfectly Christopher. You can't help yourself, but Gracie needs better than that. She needs a dad that can control himself, and put himself aside for his daughter. I know you want to, but that's just not enough anymore."
"I can change, just give me another chance please. I've made so much progress. Ask Dr. Lewis, he'll tell you. Legally, he's not supposed to, but he will understand given the circumstances."
"I'm sure he'll testify in court Christopher, then we'll talk," she replied. She had a look on her face that looked familiar, but he couldn't remember what it meant.
Christopher wanted to ask her what it meant, but asking Kate how she felt tended to increase her irritation towards him.
"If the court says, can we all be a family again?" Christopher asked.
"It's a little too late for that. I've replayed that moment in my head a thousand times wanting to forgive you, wishing that it had never happened, wishing I could rewind us to that moment and do everything differently, but I can't. The time for you and I has passed, but if the doctor really thinks you've changed, I don't want to tear you out of Gracie's life. A girl needs her father."
Christopher nodded, "I wish I could take it all back too." He turned away from her, she grabbed his hand.
"I still love you ya know, I'll always love you," she said with a tenderness she only reserved for him and Gracie.
"Then I don't understand love."
He kept walking, hoping he could keep himself together long enough to leave the house and go where nobody would be able to see him. When he passed the archway to the living room, Christopher felt a blast of heat radiate from the entryway. The heat was stifling, hotter than the uncomfortable humidity of a sauna. Kate's mother still stood in the archway. She grimaced at the heat, but did not budge from her position.
They're trying to hide something from me.
Christopher wanted nothing more than to dive past her into the living room and reveal the subject of mystery. However, He'd already tested the frayed ends of Kate's patience far more than he should have, and this would be the tipping point.
Regaining his composure, Christopher continued to the door as if he didn't notice anything. Two sighs of relief sounded behind him.
The front closed with a soft click, and Christopher looked over the emptiness of Lancet Falls, devoid of all signs of life. There were no children playing outside. It was either too cold or they weren't home from school yet. No cars scooted by; most adults were still at work at this hour. Logically, it made sense why he didn't see anyone, but he couldn't shake an ominous feeling.
Lancet Falls is a ghost town.
Christopher was not a human that acted on instinct. He would arrive at a conclusion based on a series of factual reasoning, calculations, and a series of weighed out pros and cons. Despite all that, he couldn't banish that thought. It clung to him like a parasite.
He shivered, and it had nothing to do with the cold.
Hey everybody!
This chapter was surprisingly hard to edit, and way more dialogue than I'm accustomed to! I hope it turned out alright. Emotional scenes with Christopher are tough to handle, but it touched me a lot. I hope things work out for him.
Hey this is the obligatory time I ask you to vote because it means a lot to me. :)
Finally, what did you guys make of the chapter? What do you think happened in their past? Did you like the introduction of Christopher's quasi-family? What about that blast of heat?
Thanks for reading this far! I don't think we'll be having another slow chapter like this for the remainder of the entire book, so I hope you all enjoy what's to come. I know I've loved writing it. :)