Naoto: "Watch your head." Naoto said, helping me into the passenger seat.
Layla: "Thanks."I said, slipping into the seat.
He closed the door before making his way to the driver's side. I took this brief moment alone to straighten up and calm my nerves. I strapped on my seat belt and tried to get comfortable.
'This is so silly, Layla, your acting like a schoolgirl. Calm down.' I thought, anxiously waiting for him to get in. 'He's just a guy. Yes, he's an attractive guy, but he was still just a guy.' I thought, taking a deep calming breath.
Naoto: "Ready?" he said, buckling himself in.
I quickly nodded my head, and he smiled before driving off.
We sat in silence as he drove. I didn't particularly know what to say, and all my attempts at starting a conversation failed because I kept psyching myself out. Every time I thought of something to say, I talked myself out of letting it slip out of my mouth.
Naoto: "You don't have to be nervous around me, you know?"
Layla: "What? Nervous? I'm not nervous." I said, startled.
Naoto: "Of course you're not, but you should probably tell that to the notebook your about to rub a hole into." he said, referring to the small tendency I have of fidgeting when overthinking.
Layla: "Oh, I didn't realize." I said, moving my book out of reach.
Naoto: "You look like you're being interviewed for your first job, the way you're fidgeting." He chuckled.
Layla: "Oh no, I was a million times more nervous then. "
Naoto: "Really?" he asked, amused.
Layla: "Oh, yes, definitely, this is mild compared to then, so it's a good thing that this isn't an interview." I said, relieved.
Naoto: "Who said this wasn't an interview?" he quickly looked over at me. "You got to grill me a few minutes ago. It only seems fair, don't you think? Tell me something about you."
Layla: "Well, you pretty much know everything about me. My age, favourite gum." I said, remembering him listing off facts about me.
Naoto: "I only know the basics. Things you tell everyone. I want you to tell me something" He briefly paused. "Real."
Layla: "Real? Are you calling me fake?" I joked.
Naoto: "No." he laughed. "I mean, tell me something no one else knows or wants to know about you." He said, completely serious. "Let's cut out the unnecessary pleasantries and small talk."
Layla: "I don't think we know each other well enough to talk about those things."
Naoto: "That's what makes this so perfect. No biases, no judgment, just two almost strangers talking about things that the other probably won't remember. There is no pressure to say the right thing out of fear that it's going to be used against you. You have fifteen minutes of raw truth, go for it. What do you have to lose?"
Somehow the thought of being completely truthful with him made my heart panic. The uncertainty that lingered at the idea of talking to him so freely worried me. 'Should I really do this?' I thought, contemplating whether I should say anything to him. Taking a deep breath in, I sighed before I spoke.
Layla: "I..." I paused. "I don't know who I am," I said, letting it sink in. "I know that sounds so millennial of me. Just saying it crawls my skin, but it's how I feel. It's how I've felt since my parents passed away." I shuffled in my seat. "I don't mean 'Who am I?" in the sense of, I'm trying to find myself and my inner peace or whatever cringeworthy inspirational posts there are on Tumblr or Instagram. I mean, in the sense that I have no clue who or what I am."
Naoto: "How so?" he questioned.
Layla: "Well, for example, you know you're Japanese, right?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
Naoto: "Yes." he said.
Layla: "Yeah, well, for the first few years of my life, so did I." I said plainly.
Naoto's expression shifted from contemplative to confused as he drove.
Layla: "Exactly. The confusion you're feeling right now is all I felt growing up." I said, looking over at him. "My parents adopted as a newborn. When I was younger, I knew I looked different from my parents, but there was a disconnect when it came to my understanding that they were Japanese, and I wasn't." I said, laying my head back on the headrest. "All I knew was my parents. I grew up around their language, their music, their culture, so imagine how much of an outcast I was in kindergarten and onwards. A little lost black girl, thinking she was Japanese." I said hurt, remembering all the harsh things people said to me in my childhood. "I knew my parents tried their hardest to make sure I knew I was just like them regardless of my complexion. For the most part and they did a great job, it was just everyone else who always made sure I felt alienated," I said, remembering how unpleasant family gatherings were. "In school, when I tried hanging around Asian kids, they always looked at me like I was confused." I bitterly chuckled. "White kids never hung around long enough for me to stick out like a sore thumb, and when it came to black kids, apparently I wasn't 'black' enough to be considered black," I said, holding up air quotes. "So, all in all, I was screwed from the get-go," I said, saddened by what I was saying. You know what's the most messed up part of this story. The only place where I felt like I belonged and felt wanted was with my parents, and now they're gone." I said, letting my last word settle in my chest. "So when I say I don't know who I am, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I'm kind of lost, and I don't even know where to start looking." I said, finishing off my dialogue with a deep breath.
The mood in the car was solemn.
Layla: "Woah, what was that? Talk about a mood killer, right?" I joked, trying to change the atmosphere. "You better be careful about what you ask for next time, Naoto," I said, turning to him with a manufactured smile.
The car was stationary as he looked at me while I tried to console myself.
Naoto: "Don't do that." he put his hand on my cheek.
Layla: "Do what"? I whispered.
Naoto: "Mask your pain with humour." he said, wiping away a tear that I hadn't realized I'd shed.
The words he said resounded throughout me. He said it like he had known me for years. His words hit a chord, making the tears stream down my face. He leaned over, getting me some tissues from the glove compartment.
Layla: "Thank you." I said, taking the tissues. "I usually don't cry in front of strangers, I swear," I said, dabbing away my tears.
Naoto: "Don't worry, I'm not exactly a stranger anymore. He said, looking at me. "After all, you did steal my kiss, remember?" he smirked.
I slightly chuckled to myself, feeling some relief.
Naoto: "Thank you for sharing that with me." he said sincerely. "You don't deserve to feel lost. I know you'll find yourself soon. Sometimes all you need are people you trust and love to point you in the right direction. Give it time, they'll find you." he gave me a comforting smile. "Let's see if we can get your bag, that's a good place to start."
I nodded, and we got out of the car. The studio's parking lot seemed quite deserted, but somehow that didn't clue me in to the fact that the studio was closed until I saw the big old fashion closed sign on the door.
Naoto: "The studio is rarely ever closed." he said, perturbed. "Let me try calling Sato." He said, pulling his phone out to call.
I stayed silent as he called.
Naoto: "Hey, Sato, it's Naoto. I'm at EXPG. It's locked. Where are you guys?." he paused for a response. "You're on vacation? I didn't know you knew the meaning of that word." he joked with Sato over the phone. "That's good to hear," he said, smiling. "Anyways, the reason I called was to find out where you have the bag I gave you the other day... Yes, that bag. Yes, Layla's bag. I'm trying to give it back to her right now." he said. "It's in the studio? Is there a spare key?" he paused. "No? alright, umm." he thought for a second before speaking again. "When are you guys coming back?" he asked. "Three days? Do you mind waiting for three days?" he asked, covering the phone's microphone.
Layla: "I don't." I said, just happy to know where it was.
Naoto: "Very well, we'll come to get it then," he said, returning to the call. "Alright then...enjoy your vacation. Tell Nana I said hi. Bye." he said before hanging up. "My bad, maybe I should have called before I wasted your time." he apologized.
Layla: "You didn't waste my time." I shook my head. "You might have messed up my mascara, but that's a bone I'll have to pick with you later." I smiled.
He, in turn, smiled.
Naoto: "Well, now that our little adventure is over. Where else should I take you, Miss Kato?" Naoto asked.
Layla: "I think I've had more than enough excitement for the day. I think I should call it quits." I replied.
Naoto: "I understand." He nodded his head. "Should I take you back to your hotel?" he asked.
Layla: "Um, actually, I'm supposed to meet a friend at a cafe. Maybe you can take me there?"
Naoto nodded. We got in the car, and we were there in no time. When we drove, I quickly texted Takanori letting him know where to pick me up. Takanori was quite testy about me kissing Naoto, so I figured being dropped off by him wouldn't go over too well.
Naoto: "Is your friend inside?" Naoto asked, parking the car.
Layla: "Oh no, not yet, but they'll be here soon." I said, gathering my things together.
Naoto: "That's alright," he said, unbuckling his seatbelt. "Should we go in?" he asked.
Layla: "We? I paused.
Naoto: "Yes, we. I'm starving, and I'm sure you are as well. Unless you're ashamed of eating with me." He said, turning the spotlight on me.
Layla: "Ashamed? Of eating with you? You're kidding me, right? It would probably be the other way around."
Naoto: "Why? What is there to be ashamed of when standing next to you?" he asked.
I shrugged, not wanting to point out our obvious differences, his fame, our difference in social status, and last but not least, how melaninly enhanced I am. I could already see the tabloid's headlines in bold letters. J. Soul Brother's Naoto found a girl 'Straight out of Compton' or Naoto's suddenly into 'chocolate,' Yeah, I'd rather not. He may not be ashamed to be next to me now, but he sure will when everyone blows everything out of proportion.
Naoto went to speak before his phone rang.
Naoto: "Hello? He answered. "Yes," he said, then sighed. "Damn it, I forgot," he said, irritated. "I'll head there now then," he said before hanging up his phone. "We're going to have to take a raincheck on lunch," he said, looking over at me.
Layla: "I understand, maybe next time." I said, relieved that there probably wouldn't be a 'next time.' Knowing me, I'd choke on what I was eating with him. I had a bad habit of making myself look like a fool in front of him. So this was probably for the best.
I stepped out of the car, then closed the door behind me. As I turn around to wave goodbye, the passenger window rolled down.
Naoto: "80-1874-3678." Naoto said, leaning over to look at me.
Layla: "What?" I said, baffled by him rattling off numbers.
Naoto: "My number. Write it down." he said, then repeated it for me to jot it down on my notepad. "Got it?" he said, checking to see if I wrote his number.
I nodded.
Naoto: "Good." he slightly smiled. "Maybe we can make that rain-checked lunch, dinner instead."
Layla: "Sure,"
I couldn't really comprehend everything that had happened between us. In every situation, Naoto has been nothing but incredibly cool and smooth. It's strange being around someone so assured of himself.
Layla: "How do you know I won't blow up your phone at like 3' o clock in the morning?" I asked.
Naoto: "I'll make sure to wait up." He smirked.
I laughed.
Naoto: "I can't wait to hear that beautiful laugh over the phone later."
I froze. 'Did he just call my laugh beautiful?' I thought.
Naoto: "Goodbye, Miss Kato." he said, then he drove off, leaving me still frozen in place.
This man is going to be the death of me. He keeps luring me into a false sense of security before dropping heart-stopping lines like those. Lord, what have I done to deserve this mistreatment.
My new phone vibrated, pulling me out of my daze. It was Takanori calling.
Layla: "Hello." I answered.
Takanori: "Gumdrop, I'm inside. Where are you?" Takanori asked.
Layla: "I'm heading in now. I said, shuffling inside to meet him. What are you wearing?"
Takanori: "My usual ensemble. Black hat, shades, and moustache. Just look for the only man dripping with debonair." He joked
Layla: "I see you, silly. I'm hanging up." I said, laughing.
Takanori: "See, you found me in no time. If I said dripping in sex appeal, you would have found me faster". He said, tilting his shades down to wink at me.
Layla: "I can't with you."
Takanori: "But yet you can and do every time." he smiled. "Hungry?" He asked.
Layla: "Not really. I shook my head. "I'm more tired than hungry now." I had way more than enough excitement for the day with Naoto. My body just really wanted to crash.
Takanori: "Okay, let's head back then." he said. I nodded, and we left.
We just so happened to be only 10 minutes away from the hotel, so I was face first in a pillow faster than you can say 'Houston Texas Baby' 5 times fast.
Takanori: "Not gonna change?" he said, probably staring at me laying diagonally across the bed, face firmly planted in the pillow.
Muffled by the pillow, my no was barely audible.
Takanori: "Okay," he laughed.
I felt him sit at the end of the bed.
Takanori: "Oh, by the way, I forgot to ask when you're leaving Japan. I have a shoot in Hokkaido tomorrow for three days. I only reserved this room until tomorrow at 12 because I leave early tomorrow. Should I reserve the room for longer for you?" He asked.
I popped up.
Layla: "No, no, that's alright. Um, I'm leaving tomorrow too." I said boldface lying.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't let him pay for a hotel room he's not staying in.
Takanori: "Really? Why didn't you tell me I would have done something more since today was our last day together."
Layla: "It slipped my mind."
Takanori:" Oh, okay well," he said, then he held my hand. "Layla, I'm so happy you tackled me and almost broke my ribs." he chuckled. "If you hadn't, I wouldn't have met an angel like you. Thank you."
Layla: "I should be thanking you."
We both smiled at each other.
Takanori: "You're not going to break my heart. Are you, Layla?" he joked.
Layla: "I would never." I smiled at his silliness.
Takanori: "Good, then you better keep in touch with me when you get back to New York." he said.
Layla: "I definitely will."
Takanori: "That's my girl." he said, rubbing his thumb against my cheek as he cupped it.
I could only smile.
Takanori: "I'm going to take a shower." he said after he got up, walking towards the bathroom. "If you wanna hop in, you know where I'll be," he said, still walking.
Layla: "Nah, I'm good. I'm going to go watch the sunset on the balcony."
Takanori: "Your loss." he said, shutting the door behind him.
I chuckled to myself as I walked out onto the balcony to catch the sunset. It didn't last very long. The scenery and cool breeze were like a lullaby because I was out like a light. When I woke up, I was no longer in the lounge chair on the balcony, but the bed hand in hand with Takanori.
It was nice, laying there holding hands. I usually sleep alone or with Zach, which is pretty much like sleeping alone. He never liked cuddling, so I didn't know how it felt. 'This is probably the closest I'll ever get to cuddling.' I thought, staring at our hands interlocked. 'What a pathetic life, Layla. You had to fly all the way to Japan for anyone to show you any form of affection.' I thought to myself. As I stared at Takanori, wondering why he was holding my hand as we slept, my body reminded me why I woke up in the first place. 'I gotta pee.' I quickly and quietly slipped out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. Not wanting to disturb Takanori with the lights, I left them off. I felt around for my phone until I found it then turned on the flashlight.
'Oh yeah, I forgot I wrote this down.' I thought to myself when the light flashed on to the page where I had written Naoto's number. I quickly tore the corner of the page where the number was written and took it with me to handle my business. While washing my hands, I looked at the torn piece of paper.
'You don't actually think he gave you his number, right? He wouldn't just give out his personal number, especially not to me. Most likely, this is an office number or like a pager or something.' I thought, drying my hands. 'I shouldn't even call it. He won't answer anyway.' I thought, taking a seat on the floor, resting my back against the door. 'Hell, maybe I should just call. It's probably going to go straight to voicemail, or better yet, it's the number to a pizza shop.' I said, putting the number in my phone. Before pressing the call button, I glanced at the time. Wow, 2:53 am. I can't call now.' I thought, putting the phone on the floor next to me. 'But then again, I did warn him I might call around 3.' I chuckled to myself, remembering what I told him before he left. 'I'm going to call, what's the worst that could happen. He's probably sleeping by now." I said, picking up my phone to call him. I rested my head against the door, just listening to the phone ring, positive that I wouldn't hear his voice on the other end of this call.
Naoto: "Hello." he answered.
Layla: "Holy crap!" I said, dropping the phone on the floor. "he answered." I squealed, on the verge of having a heart attack.
Naoto: "Hello?" he repeated.
'Oh God, Layla, hang up the phone,' I thought, grabbing my phone before ending the call.
'I can't believe actually he answered the phone.' I thought, floored from my near-death experience. "I can't believe I'm stupid enough to call the man at 3 in the morning! I must be high or just straight stupid.' As I continued to panic, the phone rang, the same number I just called displayed on the screen again. 'Oh my god, he's calling back! What should I do? I panicked.
Layla: "Hello." I hesitantly answered.
Naoto: "Miss Kato? Is that you?" Naoto asked when I answered.
Layla: "Hey, Naoto." I said, trying to play off my embarrassment.
Naoto: "I guess you're a woman of her word," he chuckled.
Layla: " I guess so." I chuckled nervously. "If I can be honest with you, I didn't think this was your number," I said, feeling guilty for assuming he'd give me a bunked number.
Naoto: "Is that so. Why?" he questioned.
Layla: "It just seemed a bit farfetched that you would randomly give out your personal number to a stranger like me." I answered.
Naoto: "I told you before. We aren't strangers anymore. You still have my kiss, remember?"
Layla: "Oh yeah, that pesky little thing."
Naoto: "Pesky?" he scoffed. "That's harsh. From what I recall, you were thoroughly enjoying it. You liked it so much. You were trying to take me home last night." he teased.
Layla: "I don't know what you're talking about." I said, denying his statement.
Naoto: "Denial. I see, Nice strategy." he laughed. "So, I have to ask. What made you call?" he asked curiously.
Layla: "I have no clue." I said, shaking my head.
Naoto: "Are you sure, or are we still in denial?" he asked.
Layla: "No, I'm not. I don't know why I called. I just started to dial your number. Now that I think about it. It was very silly of me. I must have woken you up."
Naoto: "You didn't wake me up. I wasn't sleeping."
Layla: "Really?" I asked.
Naoto:" Yeah, I was working," he replied.
Layla: "Wow, you're still working until 3 in the morning. Do you even sleep?" I asked.
Naoto: "I do but not recently unless 45 minutes a day counts? "
Layla: "No, Naoto. It doesn't."
Naoto: "Oh, really, I'll take your word for it."
Layla: "What keeps you up so late? Designing?" I asked curiously.
Naoto: "Sometimes." He answered. "My year is divided straight down the middle. For right now, I'm on my offseason from J Soul Brothers. When that's over, I take a break from Studio SEVEN and so on." He elaborated.
Layla:" Wow, you're a hard-working man." I said, impressed.
Naoto: "Just trying to keep busy."
Layla: "Very busy. I feel like I should let you get back to work."
Naoto: "No, it's okay. I needed a break." he said, then breathed deeply. "What better break than talking to you?"
I didn't respond. I was too busy wondering if I should ask a question that had been nagging me.
Layla: "Naoto, Why'd you give me your number?" I asked.
Naoto: "Isn't it obvious?" He asked before briefly pausing. "I wanted to talk to you," he responded.
Layla: "Why?" I asked, unable to understand why he would want to talk to me.
Naoto: "Because I like hearing your voice. Is there something wrong with that?" e asked.
Layla: "No, I just don't know what's so fantastic about my voice that you want to hear it."
Naoto: "Well, that's for me to know, and you to find out."
Layla: "If you say so." I chuckled. "So Naoto, you made me tell you something real about me, so tell me something about you."
Naoto: "Right now?" he questioned.
Layla: "Yes, right now." I said adamantly. "It's not so easy once the shoe's on the other foot, huh?"
Naoto: "It's not." he chuckled. "I think my 'real'... is a bit too real for me to speak about right now, especially over the phone. I know it may seem a bit unfair, but could I plead the fifth for now. Maybe next time I see you, I'll share it."
Layla: " What? If I knew I could plead the fifth, I would have. I could have at least saved face today." I complained. "You just conveniently left that part out early today."
Naoto: " Well, I didn't hold you under oath. I just gave you an outlet, which was apparently needed because you were able to get some of it off of your chest."
Layla: "Wow, so no '15 minutes of raw truth' from you, I'm guessing." I said, repeating what he said earlier that day.
Naoto: "What kind of truth do you want to know? Pick something."
Layla: "Fine. Let's see," I said, thinking about what to ask him. "What scares you the most?"
He paused for a bit before answering my question.
Naoto: "Hurting someone I love." he paused again. "Especially if it happens because I'd allowed others to tell me who to love and how I should love them. In my life, there have always been people who put a strain on people I care about because I'm in the public eye. Because I'm famous, people assume they have the right to force their opinions into my relationships, usually tearing a rift between me and the woman I'm with. As if finding someone to love me, for me and not my fame, wasn't hard enough as it is. Now that woman has to put up with unnecessary hate because we are together. So moral of the story is, I can't love someone without hurting them no matter how hard I try. I, unfortunately, can't protect them from the world. So now I make sure to stay busy, so I wouldn't have to put someone through the frustration of loving me." he said, then sighed.
What he said made me feel sad for him. I wanted to help him, but I knew nothing I could say would change his situation. I stayed silent until I thought of what to say to him.
Layla: "If you found someone who didn't mind all the backlash, would you let yourself love her, or would you listen to everyone else?" I asked.
Naoto: " I'd love her. I've stopped allowing other's voices to overpower mine. Listening to others is a 'young man's game,' I won't play anymore."
Layla: "That sounds great. You should write a book about ignoring people's opinions. I'd love to read it."
Naoto: "You have the same problem?" he questioned.
Layla: "No, not in the love department, but the 'everything else' department."
Naoto: "Really? Expound."
Taking his invitation, I talked his ear off about the many different experiences I have of listening to others and how it never ends up good, but yet I still go down the same road again by putting everyone's opinion before mine. All in all, I spent two hours on the bathroom floor, twirling my hair, talking to him about things I rarely spoke about, it felt good. Once I can get over my initial nerves, our conversation flowed so smoothly. We talked to each other like we'd talked for years.
Layla: "Naoto, I'm starting to drift off to sleep." I said sleepily.
Naoto: "I can tell." he said in a low tone.
Layla: "I'm going to bed."
Naoto: "Okay, Sleep well, Layla." he said.
Hearing him say my name made me smile. He rarely used my first name, and hearing him say it with a deep voice didn't help. It just made me want to hear him say it more.
Layla: "Thank you. You too." I replied.
I hung up the phone and just stayed on the floor, thinking about how nice it was to talk to him for so long. I got up as smitten as a kitten and practically floated to the bed. After snuggling under the covers, I started to fall asleep with a massive smile across my face.
'I wonder what tomorrow will bring.' I thought as I drifted away into dreamland.