Onyxia
The sun burned hot as the tent door was flung open and blankets were pulled off me. Gasping awake, I found myself pinned down and facing a rather gnarly elderly woman. Blinking in confusing, I gasped again as my breasts were exposed and my daughters were shoved towards them. "Hungry." She snapped as my offspring just clutched at my breasts and started lapping away. Hungry? They weren't even crying. I frowned at her. Clutching the twins to me, I sat up a bit more. Wincing with pain as my shoulder screamed at the pressure. The old crow didn't leave, she just stood back and watched me.
Feeling awkward, I made it my duty to just glare this woman down. I had no idea who she was or why she thought it was alright just to barge in here like that. Where had she come from anyway? She wasn't in the travelling party. I soon became aware that there was a lot of shouting going on outside. A child's laugh filled the room and I turned to see Rekker playing with Alex's clothes, pulling them out of the chest and throwing them everywhere. Not that Alex would mind- or care, really- that his son was making a mess of this things. Rekker's blue eyes, exactly like his father's, smiled at me as they beamed my way with pride for what his done. He waved at me excitedly, as if we haven't spent an entire night together. Waving back, I settled my girls on the bed, standing up I stripped off. I heard the old bat grunt with disapproval. As best I could I pulled on black trousers and fastened them at the waist. I was in the middle of binding my breast when Alex stormed into the room cursing under his breath.
Moving like a mountain of hard, solid muscle, he stormed around the room, mouth tight and eyes glaring with fury. "Your father's here, wife." He bit out, gently taking a shirt off his son before it got dirty. He was shirtless, it wasn't lost on me that his body had charged too, only mine altered from carrying children in this world. Alex's body changed as he drew closer to twenty. It was broader, seemed taller, and hard. He looked like he was made from pure, perfected stone. Plus, the beard altered his face, he looked like a wild pirate. Especially with all his new tattoos that stained his skin. He'd changed a lot in the six months we were away from each other. I didn't know how to process that really. On a physical note.... Watching him from the side profile, his muscled clutched and contracted as he finished dressing. I didn't mind the beard, I suppose.
Saying nothing to the unfortunate knowledge that my sire had showed up uninvited, I decided it was best to stay as quiet and unproblematic until Alex didn't hate me as much. Submissive, silent and subservient. I'd be what he wanted from the beginning. Someone to just still and be pretty, someone who would let him use me whenever he wanted. Isn't that what he told me once? That I was just to be expectedly on my knees to retrieve his cock in my mouth? His seed in my womb? I knew he wanted the later. I could see that in his eyes over the past few weeks. He wanted me, but never touched me. Maybe he was just waiting for my body to heal from the birth? I frowned in thought. It didn't matter, when Alex finally decided that I was beddable again, I won't stop him. Not that I was allowed to be law anyway.
Blue eyes glared darkly at me in my closed-mouthiness, I flinched when he stomped up to me. Not that I expected him to hit me, but just after last night, I didn't want to deal with any of his rage. Alex looked more livid at my flinch though, my eyes fell to the floor and I let him manhandle me, a little rougher than necessary, to bind my breasts with a bandaged roll, before tugging a short-sleeved shirt over my head and carefully tugging my arms though. "Somehow yesterday's little incident reached your mother's ears now they both here to berate me." He commented, as I soothed my hair, tearing up automatically a little each time my fingers brushed the cut I kept forgetting graced the side of my head.
Alex eyed me with hot protectiveness, but I knew it was solely inner fury that someone had ruined something he deemed his property. His knuckles were a wreck, broken, bruised and bloodied. A small part of me fumed once more. It wasn't his place to do what he did. That was my decision to make, that he once again removed from my grasp. "I'm done speaking to them, you can try." He snapped, before picking up Rekker in one arm and Torvi in the other, indicating with a nod to gather Imogen in my uninjured arm. "Time to say goodbye." He murmured to them, before leaving.
The slow walk to the large makeshift tent my people had set up for my parents felt like it was a stroll to me death. At least one part of me. Alex had made himself clear by burning all my garments from my clan. I was no longer Viking. I was a Celtic bride. I was to be seized and metamorphosed completely. My old life had to die now, my husband had had enough of my distortion of identify. Clearly I can no longer be me, if I was to be fully his.
My mother almost collapsed on sight from seeing me. Glancing at Alex, I took in the general agreement that I must look horrible. I haven't seen myself in any mirror yet, but everyone's reactions told me enough and my pain just confirmed it. Imogen pulled at my now shoulder length hair, fascinated by the white strands. "Mother." I sighed, not feeling warmth or much emotion in the broad-spectrum of withdrawing myself. "Alex said that you've come to visit." I added, gaining nothing, but tenseness and a stern side eye from my husband. "I suppose you've come to say goodbye? We'll reach the shore line in a few days." I commented dispassionately.
Staring at me as if I had grown a another head, Alex frowned at me, studying me for a long time whilst my parents couldn't look past my injuries. My mother's eyes slowly moved back and forth from Torvi to Imogen to Rekker, over and over. Weighting up the obviously and vivid similarities between the siblings. They all looked like Alex, and mainly Alex. Blonde hair, blue eyes, strong little limbs, the same pouting lips. My mother frowned deeply. There was something in her eyes that I didn't like, a form of disappointment that she was somehow underling inside her. I glanced at our children, my eyes flickering to the hard stare between my mother and my husband. They were never on unequal ground, in fact they always seemed to have a respectful understanding between them, but this day they seemed furious at one another. Why? What was going on here?
My mother had seen my children before obviously, so why the surprise that they look like their brother? Of course the three of them would look similar. I nudged Alex with my foot discreetly, but he only tilted his head my way to say he noticed but wasn't going to provide me his attention. I wanted to know what they were screaming about before I was retrieved. "Onyxia, please." She pleaded. "We are going home. Now." She sent a dark look at my husband. "You wanted a year? You've had one. You wanted heirs for peace you have them. This marriage cannot go on, she's sixteen-"
"Seventeen." Both Alex and I said at the same time. As if it made a difference. If I wasn't given to Alex, I would have been given to someone else. I tried not to wrench at the thought of some unknown stranger having my body. It was unthinkable. I only wanted Alex. I could only imagine him inside me. No one else would compare to him. They wouldn't touch me like him. They wouldn't move like him, sound like him. They would never compare to him.
Watching him carefully out of the corner of my eye, I tried not to react as Rekker and Torvi both latched onto their father's face and was tugging at a lip or a nose or one ear, trying to get his attention. He didn't counter to it, just gazed down at them in one moment to another, arms filled with his living offspring. He was a good father, but I already knew that. "You can't annul my marriage, Bellatrix." Alex snapped, "Only my wife can do that." He nodded to three women that I guessed were wet nurses, "The children have seen their grandparents, they can be taken inside to rest now." He stated in native tongue. I could tell that my father, at least, had no idea what Alex had said, but my father looked red enough to burst.
Narrowing my eyes, as I allowed my children to be taken from my arms, but keeping an eye on where they were taken, I gazed at my pathetic, ill-tempered father. "Why are you here?" I questioned, moving closer to the huddle. Grasping Alex's bicep, just like I used to do. His muscles were thick and hard under my fingers. Glancing around my surroundings, I spotted a newly dug grave and a body in a white blanket that I knew was Jaymen. My heart clenched, he had to leave his brother here. He'd hate me more for that. "It can't be out of some concern for my wellbeing, which would be ridiculous given that you're an abusive pile of shit." He went to strike me, but Alex moved forward with warning, and without my permission. I didn't even flinch an eyelash at my father's outburst. I was used to it. I was used to being in pain. Alex knew that. "I am not weak." I hissed, he scowled at me and continued to present himself in a protective stance in front of me. "Jackass." I snapped at him, kicking his ankle lightly.
My mother spoke before anyone else could. "I heard you were attacked, Onyxia. How do we know this wasn't a planned attack?" Alex cracked his knuckles. Ah, so that was what the yelling was about. They thought he'd planned to kill me off. It would make sense, he'd gotten what he'd aimed from me. Heirs of mixed clan blood that would stop any future feuds. "You gave me your word, and you've crossed it. More than once." There was a strong fire in her eyes that burned with accusations that Alex couldn't deny. I clutched him harder in response, letting him know I held my own opinions on the matter. "I am taking my daughter home with me, Alexan." She ended, firmly.
They stood and shouted amongst each other, I couldn't get a word in as they spoke over me. Frustratingly speaking on my behalf. One was angry that I was left unattended, the other was angry the incident happened at all, and the third was set on accusing Alex that this was some long winded plan to assassinate me. They were all angry. How dare they? Justice was mine to take. It was my decision to resolve what to do. Alex's actions last night I understood, but I couldn't link them to be fully directed to me. He'd been heavy in grief. First for his father, and now processing his brother's death. He had completely overstepped, and in no way was I pleased about it. He thought I didn't love him? He thought I went for a walk and got myself beaten and raped out of spite from some burned clothes? Was he that stupid?
My attention to their words sharpened significantly when the logical second of my brain started noticing a pattern. Whilst my body started to freeze and grow cold with realisation, my mothering instinct didn't just kick in, it ran riot on a stampede. Where were my children? I saw the direction they went in, but not what tent. My heart started racing. It was only me. The only thing my parents were fighting to keep on our turf was just me. Only me. She kept repeating it over and over. I'm taking my daughter home. Not her family, or her grandchildren. The way she looked at them... My breath caught. They look like Alex more than me. Alex had made it vividly clear that they were Celtic children, that there were to have no part of my upbringing. My mother didn't need them, she didn't see their value. I was the value. I could remarry, and have pure heirs. Heirs she wanted. This whole time Alex kept warning her. Indicating the cost. Either she got me and never saw her grandchildren again, separating me from husband and my offspring, or she lost me completely to Alex. I looked at them all, but mostly I stared at my husband.
For a long while I studied him. This isn't about you, Onyxia. It's not about your feelings. That's what he said last night. I swallowed hard, he'd been so angry. I couldn't even think back to a time in the beginning when he was so angry and cruel. Hurt. He was hurt. I massaged my shoulder, wincing in pain. Looking around for a moment before returning my gaze to the rigid, forceful man in front of me. Do you know what happened this morning? No, you don't. You never know what's happening. That was true it seems. They had obviously had a plan here, there was clearly a deep debate that lined previously to this moment, and I had no idea about it. Alex hadn't trust me enough to tell me that I would be left here without my children if I didn't agree to live here forever. He was wrong, I didn't hate our children, I loved them entirely. I was just incorrect to assume that he would be like every other man. Another husband would have been disappointed and bitter. Another man wouldn't have waited for my body to heal, leaving himself sexless, for a month. He would have taken me, every night.
My glare travelled to my father, he met my gaze fully. We have had plenty of heated exchanges and battles of who would scowl the longest in my lifetime. There have been many beatings in front of helpless witnesses. There have been endless insults. My father wouldn't want me to stay because he missed me or loved me, he wanted me to stay because for the most part of the year I've had Alex's cock inside me squirting out enemy seed. I took control from me. I had, in a way, picked my own husband. In doing that, I wasn't alone to be battered and bruised, I had an ally. I've had that from the very beginning, I noted. Alex has always been a shadow at my back shielding me. Alex didn't fully see me as a prize – He definitely counted me as one, but I was something more- my mind thought to last night. You've taken from me something unforgivable. That is what he had said. If I've taken something, I certainly needed to give back. He was right, I shouldn't have gone home. I had done to him what my family did to me. Left. This place is not your home any longer, and you've wasted enough time here. Yes, I agree. Gazing blackly at my sire, my brain clicked. Alex was bossy, yes, but he never tried to tame me and take my every control. I had choices I didn't get to have as a child. I didn't need my old family, he was my family now. He had been for quite some time now. I was not leaving my husband again, and I was certainly never leaving my children. I'd be dead before that happened.
I was done with people deciding my life for me.
I watch all three of these fools argue over what to do with me. It was too much, and I snapped. "I am not going anywhere!" I bit out in a firm lash before anyone could speak for me. Alex scowled at me, I gave him a stern look. Daring him to imply that he wanted me gone. "You do not get to be angrier than I am!" I shouted. "I am angry." I stated, vividly, slamming my hand on the table loudly and so hard my palm burned in pain. "I am furious." Alex gritted his teeth, his tight jaw clenching. He wouldn't be happy with me overtaking his authority, especially in front of my parents. He was going to hate this whole thing, but it needed to be said and done. "But I am not going home with you," I directed at my mother specifically, "And certainly not with a pig like you." I lashed out at my disgrace of a father. "You're both so pathetic, you've gotten exactly what you wanted. How could you expect anything more? You wanted me traded off to settle accounts in your own interests and that is exactly what has happened." My chest panged with agony from shouting, and I had to take a gasping breath.
For a split second, I thought I saw Alex move to help me, but I glared at him so dangerously with wrath that he froze. "Don't you fucking touch me." I warned, and an unreadable expression masked his face. His blue eyes flickered with a million thoughts. Ignoring him I turned back to my parents. My body shook with unexposed rage. I couldn't help it any more, this year had been hell, and I was sick of staying complacent. "What did you think was going to happen with you left me there with them?" I spat the word, murderous thoughts of straggling that witch Willow until her eyes popped and blood fountained from her lips fuelled me. Without her I would be cradling three children, not two. "Did you think he would greet me with whispers of love and soft caresses? Do you think I'd be satisfied to live in bliss and content to spread my legs at command?" Alex shuffled on his feet, I didn't look at him. I didn't care if he felt hurt at the moment. He deserve pain. I looked at my father, I looked at his loathsome pale face. Hate and resentment filled me. "What do you think he's been doing to me whilst you've been happily lapping up peace, 'daddy'?" The grand King Lucifer clenched those fists that he used on us so often.
"Onyxia..." My mother pleaded in warning. I almost broke. I knew that begging sound, but for once I couldn't cave under it. It wasn't my place to be her pawn of protection anymore.
I smirked, "He's been fucking me. He fucked me almost every day, again and again. He puts himself so deep and hard in me that I don't have a choice, but to take it. Sometimes he comes so much that I can't keep it inside. It comes dripping out of me. I get so sore, father, I really do." I continued, my voice casual with mocking indifference. "So I take him in my mouth, on my knees, like such a good little girl." I licked my teeth, and my father saw red. Swing at me, but his fist was caught mid-air in a crushing grip by my ever-so-protective husband. That punishment that I allegedly had waiting for me was likely to come sooner, and be harsher now. I rolled my functioning eye and moved away from the table.
I didn't understand why they were all fussed about. Well, maybe not Alex so much, but my parents... It's not like I haven't had close calls like this happen. There was a strong reason why I was so heavily respected, and I had to go through a lot to earn that respect from my male peers. My unworthy father was blood red, and spat harshly at me. "You go then. Go, but if you ever come back you ungrateful worm..." Spitting on the ground like an insolent goat, he finished. "I'll kill you. No one would ever find your body. You'll be just as useless and worth nothing than you are now." I gave a humourless huff of laughter, but Alexen went pale. I was too exhausted to waste the energy to assume what he was thinking. My strength was fading remarkably quickly. Bloody useless, I cursed myself, I'd be nothing but a dead weight until this damn head injury heal. I tried blaming Alex, my AJ, but honestly I couldn't find judicious reason.
The thought of being married off to another strange brute made me feel sick to my stomach. I couldn't imagine another pair of hands touching my skin. Pinning me down. Hurting me. I answered dryly. "You should just kill me now. It would be more humane." I jerked away when Alex reached out to pull me to him, and to make myself feel better, I slapped him. A hard, sharp crack that caused him to sling his head back as an angry red print appeared on his cheek. "I said; do not touch me." I hissed through clenched teeth.
Taking a noted step back, Alex just frowned at me. It was as if he was heavily confused. Why? It was pretty clear in my eyes, I don't know what he was struggling to catch on to. I looked at all three of them, "This is a betrayal. This is a disloyal unfaithfulness that you have planned behind my back. This aura of distrust was behind the cause of yesterday's attack." My husband winced, frowning deeper. "You can leave, Mother." I commanded, sharply. "We're done here." It took every ounce of courage, but I left that tent. I didn't hid the tears that welled up in my eyes, or the fact that I gasped out sobs as I hid back in the tent they treated me in last night.
Forcing myself to sit, I groan in pain as my body screamed in pain. It was traumatising, more deeply than I imagined it would be. I only had Alex to compare with what it feels like to have someone inside of me. Yes, Alex did hurt me sometimes when he was trying to push all the way in, but it wasn't like that hurt. When that massacred beast of a man pushed himself inside my anus it burned. It felt like I was being ripped in half. My insides were scorched in pain. It humiliated me that I couldn't even sit without feeling the ghost of him in me. What if I'd lost this too? What if I couldn't feel the same when Alex wanted to start having sex again? What if I couldn't get wet? My pants turned into hyperventilating. I needed to get these clothes off me. In a panic I started tearing at my clothes.
Hearing loud bickering between Sabe and Alex, but it was my husband that entered the tent. He looked furious and instinctively I backed away. He paused for a second then glared daggers at me. Muttering in his own language, he came to assist me in striping down, putting up with my sobbing and reluctance to accept his help. My head spun, and my eyes struggled to focus, the heavy pull of the blackness of unconsciousness raked viciously at me to sleep.
Fighting him off and tugging away from him until I just collapsed in a whimpering state in a tight ball sitting on the ground. Once I was as naked as I was going to get, strong arms pulled me into a tight embrace. Almost sitting straddled on his lap, Alex held me painfully against his body. There was no affectionate patting, no soothing words, just his strength and hardened benevolence. Hiding my face in his chest, I stopped crying. Just growing quiet and docile. Allowing this part of me to die, there was no need to further connect myself to this place. It was never going to be home again.
Tomorrow I won't have a mother. I won't have a father. I won't have my siblings. I won't have my friends. I felt my heart physically snap in half. It was agonizing. Breathing was a task that felt impossible. Sabe brought something in the room, but I barely noticed her. Breathing in the warm scent of my husband eventually calmed me to dead silence. His arms never loosened from me. He didn't say a word. I was vaguely aware that he was rocking me, slowly and absently. Too slight to noticed at first. I closed my eyes. We weren't the same people anymore. Change had transformed everything. I had cried after losing my virginity to him. Not because I woke up in pain or scared that I was alone with him, in fact I remember waking up calm. Calm and protected. That's what upset me. The thought that I was content that I woke up in his bed, with him right next to me, and wanted to stay there. That I felt safe to stay there with him. I was stuck in that feeling now, only this time it lasted longer than a passing thought. Alex had been a dangerous stranger, a rival, back then. Such an endless time ago. Now... Now I wasn't sure what he was.
My fingers were numbing and my body was too light, I couldn't keep my eyes open. My brain didn't even register Alex picking me up, I didn't even process thoughts when I wrapped my legs around him and my good arm hoist around his neck. I barely felt the bed I was placed on, or the blankets put over me. I just couldn't stop the trembling. Even when a heavy blackness took over me and I fell into a dark, dreamless sleep.
Alexan
Emotions were a sickening mixture fuelling my body, making my feel sick inside. I watched my tiny little wife pass out in a deep and exhausted sleep. Lítill víkingur. I haven't called her that in weeks, months maybe. At this moment she looked impossibly young, she finally looked like the teenager she was. Is. It was so hard to remember that. She'd always been an incredibly fit and thin girl, but now she looked the most slender I've seen her. Icy white hair fanned on the bed, her long fringe had fallen over her eyes. Her lips were sore and pouted. A dark angry bruise marked her jaw and cheek, her eye looked slightly better today though, but still a harsh black eye. Gently, I stroked her soft skin, my beautiful Valkyrie.
Nyx was my equal in many ways, my partner in this life, my eternal mate like the wolves that howl at night. I needed her these past half year, I didn't know what mess and destruction would greet me when my feet landed on home soil. My mother, aunt and uncle remained, and unleashed without my presence. It was something that had been plaguing my mind for the past four months I've left home.
Throughout this entire thing Nyx has been labelled a pawn for us all to tug in the directions we wanted. A marriage for a truce, a body to bare a child, a spirit to break, and a piece in a revolving game. This time I didn't need her as a pawn, I needed her as a player. I needed her beside me, aiding my every move. I knew, as soon as my feet hit that soil, there was a game to be played, and it was a long time coming that my mother's family was irking for the crown upon my head. I winced at the thought of what the reunion will be between my mother and my wife. Much had changed since Nyx had left, and she wouldn't be happy about the developments.
My heart hollowed as my mind spun webs of thoughts. I couldn't stop thinking about what she had said. Yes, I knew it was to spite her father, but I couldn't help feel a ring of truth to her words. Was that how she saw me, in honest truth? Just a soulless, sex-hungry brute that was heartless against her. She had clearly picked me over them, but on the scale of heartbreaks and betrayal, myself and her parents were on nearly level balance. I was just has bad as they were. Yet, her words bothered me to endlessness. As far as our sex life goes, besides a few unfortunate occurrences at the beginning, I had given her space as often as possible. In fact, she had instigated intercourse between us probably more than me. It disturbed me that she painted me in this image in front of her parents. What was the reasoning behind it? It was like she wanted to make a strong point, but about what? I couldn't stop thinking about Bellatrix's reaction to her daughter's rape.
What if something similar has happened before?
I went numb and cold. Not liking the thought that someone might have tried. She was a virgin when she came to me, so it was obvious they weren't successfully. Onyxia would fight, I knew she would fight hard. Tooth and nail. It burned me to think of anyone touching her. Sunken jealousy rekindled, I couldn't stop thinking about Luis. Bloody bastard. I couldn't close my eyes and not picture a body pressing against hers that wasn't mine. Someone else getting to touch the softness of her skin, hear the small sounds she makes, feel the tight clasp of the most private part of her. Now, I couldn't stop myself from closing my eyes. I needed to think about it, because it had happened. She was attacked. She was barely alive, because of me. I groaned into my hands, hating myself rapidly. She couldn't even stand to touch me. Curse everything and anything.
Screaming and panic erupted outside the tent; my mind ripped at the instant to leave and investigate and wanting to protect my unconscious wife at any cost. Sabe was outside the tent, blade drawn. I sighed, she'll be safe under her right hand's watchful eye. Leaving the tent, I met furious blue eyes and elfish features. Sabe was as beautiful as she was a smiling assassin. Not to be trusted due to the knife that is always dangled above my back. She would have no issue backstabbing me or anyone in order to protect my loyal wife. I clenched my jaw. They had loyalty to each other more than anything I could drag out of Nyx in a year. "Man to man," I muttered, Sabe rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. I've seen these girls, it wouldn't surprise me if friendship didn't cross boundaries into friendlier, intimate territory. I didn't care if it happened in the past, I wouldn't let it bother me if it happened in the future. At least Sabe had value and worth to me, she wasn't utterly pointless as Luis was to me. Loathsome worm, he was. "I don't take threats lightly. I will do anything to protect my family." I warned, deadly serious. There was no limit I wasn't willing to cross anymore. I looked back into the tent, "As far as I am concerned," Meeting her eyes sternly, weighing this decision. "You are my family as well, because you are her 'family'. Do not make me rethink that." I inclined my head as a gesture for her to go in, if there was an issue, I want someone watching her.
With narrow eyes, she nodded. "They've left in a rush. Not happy, not by a long shot." She commented. "We have to leave by sundown or they'll be coming back. It's best that we're gone by then." Sighing deeply, she watched our surroundings like hawk. "The other scum seems to have escaped." That made me pause. What? I was ready to storm off, but she stopped me. "That's not for you to worry about. He'll be caged. But a quick word of advice...?" I sighed, and forced myself to comply. She was up to something. Whether it was a smart decision to have the heard of women that follow my wife separated had me on the fence, and out of all the women, Sabe was as close a right hand as my wife's own flesh.
I gave her a flat look of impatience. "Out with it." Snapping at her was a good release for my uneasy energy.
Blue eyes bore into me, deadly serious. Clearly there was a deeper issue I was overlooking. I put the thought aside, they could have their secrets. The gods know, I've kept a lot of my own secrets. "Man to man," She mocked, "If you want to be a part of our family, know your place. We're all equal. I understand that you think what you did yesterday was some bizarre form of masculine pride, but you've done nothing but disrespect and insult her."
"What are you talking about...?" Lost for words, I didn't understand.
"What happened, happened to her, not you." She bit, her tone was deeply irate. "I understand you were angry. I understand you were shocked. I am angry, I am upset, I am beyond content." I clenched my jaw, taking her words in. "If you had done that in front of our people you would be beaten in return." Frowning, I glanced back to the tent. "There are debts to be repaid, and crimes to get repentance for. Our atonement is our compensation." A serious undertaking took to her tone, as if there was something to her meaning that was more than what I knew as their intentions. As if this wasn't about the accomplice. "Don't stand in our way." Final was final, her lecture was done.
Without warning she punched me hard in the jaw, I blinked in shock as my cheek roared in pain. "You deserved that, don't even pretend you didn't." Fine, I probably did. Some of the men around camp paused to see what happened, but I merely massaged my jaw. "Another thing, my king, whilst I have your attention – And, prey, I have it in full- don't you dare embarrass her like you did last night, the whole damn camp heard you wailing like an old bakers wife!" Trying not to roll my eyes, not really wanting to have this conversation with her. She grabbed my face aggressively, forcing me to meet her gaze. "You're so concerned over you're obsession of rumours following Onyxia, you should pay attention to your own disgraces. You think we don't know, but we do. How many women have you slept with whilst there has been vows placed over your head? You make a damned fool of her. A right damnable fool. Worse enough, that she lets you! You're right, there is a whore in your marriage, your grace, but it isn't your wife." Narrowing my eyes, my defences rose. Three months stressing over a wife that left me had given me plenty of time to think. There was a long list of regrets that I need to address and correct. Her comment lashed me, cutting deep into my pride. I was a different person then. That was a different time. It wouldn't happen again, I promised myself. If I wasn't so sure that Nyx finally came to a realisation that her opinions of marriage had come true in seeing me turn out like her father, I would never have let her friend berate me so publicly. I knew my people though, I have heard the talking behind me back. Everyone had their own opinions on why their favourable queen left. Even being an outsider, they did truly like her.
It burned to say it, but I knew I had to, to finally convince myself that it was the truth. "She didn't sleep with Luis-"
"Oh, course she didn't, you moronic simpleton!" She let out a frustrated groan. "I should punch you again!" She blurted out, I moved back three steps. The woman cracks a hard blow, my check was already bruising up. "You are so stupid, Alexan, so unbelievably stupid." Grunting, the words were familiar, coming from my sister's mouth, my little cousin's. They all shared the same and shared frustration with me. "Hopefully you're intelligence improves on the trip back." With that she stormed inside the tent. "Bring the children in here, stupid." She goaded, practically trembling with anger.
Marching towards the tent, I ignored everyone else. No one stopped me or asked me questions. As soon as I sat between the cribs, my heart filled and everything in me softened. They were so beautiful, I can't believe I help make these incredible humans. Somewhere deep inside me, I felt the same empty feeling I had about Rekker. That feeling that felt like something special was taking from me, twice now. I wasn't given the opportunity to fully know my son until he was almost a year old, now I had missed out on almost the entirety of Onyxia's pregnancy. I wish I could have given her a better birth, which was terrible on all fronts in my opinion. I only had my sister's pregnancy and birth to compare to, reflecting on how her husband treated her made me taste a sour flavour in my mouth, feeling like I was becoming the same.
Shaking the unwanted thought away, I picked up Imogen, she was awake and wriggling. In the month that she's been in the world she seemed to be growing quickly, I decided that she'll be tall when she was older. Like their brother both girls had dusty blonde hair and my bright blue eyes. Clutching her to me as I walk around the tent, my happiness dampened. Their mother's family didn't want them, because they looked so much like me. Was that such a bad thing? I certainly felt like it was the Gods' playing a game. There was much talk that the children mightn't have been mine, but here they were, a splitting image. I did wish they looked more like Nyx. I wanted a reminder of her on this earth. I wanted her memory to last.
Well and truly, I wanted us to last. It was torture without her. She didn't choose to stay because of you, my mind hissed at me, she stayed for the girls. I nodded to myself in acknowledgement. Imogen stared at me with giant eyes, watching me curiously. I enjoyed our silent conversation, we've had countless since we met each other. Plenty together whilst Nyx was sleeping, that was our faviourite time. Rekker would hold one girl and I'd cradle another and we'd just chat. Small whispers of nonsense, but memories I'd solidify in my heart. It hit me that I had done exactly what Sarabii had done to me. I had completely exiled and isolated Onyxia from the children, just like I had been from Rekker. I convinced her that I was disappointed in her, that our daughters were less than because of her. For that and a lot else I was devastatingly sorry. Fixing this wasn't going to happen easily. If it happened at all.
Groaning into Imagen's chubby shoulder as she cuddled against me, I couldn't stop the sinking feeling that I had completely ruined my family. I was a monster. I took a divine and pure girl worth the world, forcibly ripped her from her world, destroyed her spirit, degraded her to the point of self-mutilation, placed unreasonable blame upon her, piled my distrust and jealousy, and finally broken her. Shattered her from everything until she was left with nothing. It made me sick to my stomach. I clutched my daughter tighter to my body, trying to absorb her unconditional love whilst I had it freely. Glancing at the Torvi and Rekker napping in the padded bedding, I let them be, taking my daughter with me to stand in the tents open door.
It was chaotic. People were taking down tents and packing the camp up to keep moving. There were men rushing to arrange a sense of defence around the camp. The old crones were wandering around our tent to care for the children's well-being. There was search parties rushing about. Men were coming back from hunts with large deer and pigs being lugged behind them. Each member of my people glanced my way with a weary anxiety. To them I imagine I was the family dog, so loving and gentle, which had suddenly bared teeth and snapped. I put a member of our clan into the ground like a viscous beast, lacking control and humanity. I sat down, legs outstretched to lie Imogen on them, she smiled and stretched her tiny limbs. She was quite a fat child, I decided. Most babies are fat, I was sure, but my children tend to look like they made the most of their time sharing food in the womb.
Maybe I was jealous? I suddenly considered. Onyxia had so much time with them, carrying them in her, that perhaps I felt envious for their connection. Our connection had to be learned, it felt unfair. I watched Nyx each night while she slept, knowing how badly she needed sleep from her exhausting efforts to be a mother. She wanted to be the first thing they saw, falling an asleep and waking up. She wanted to be the one feeding them. The one bathing them. Cleaning them. She's always wanted children, and that experience had been poisoned and tainted by my actions. Just like our marriage has been treated with careless disregard. It was a time like this I wish I had taken better care of her arm ring, instead of letting it be broken.
Once again, destroying something important to her.
Whether the runaway was found today or not was of little importance to me now. He was a dead man, living on vanishing time. Fate was surely going to catch up to his crimes, and when that happens, I wanted to be there to bare witness. That would be enough for me. I pondered over Sabe's words as I watched a large buck be cut open for supper preparations. His antlers were large and magnificent. Remembering how much I've cost my wife, I thought a peace offering was in due course. When I let out a sharp demand for the antlers to be cut and brought to me, I was met with sharp glances and compliance without question. Making her something would be a kind gesture to settle a peace between us.
Nyx didn't wake for hours. I didn't expect that she would, but my concern over her injuries grew the longer she lay in the tent. Banning myself from checking on her, I focused all my energy elsewhere. Franticly caring for the children, feeding them, bathing them, teaching Rekker to take a piss standing instead of pissing down his leg with his pants on, putting them to bed, watching over as the twins were breast fed and burped. They didn't cry much, I counted myself lucky that they were well behaved. My nephew had been a nightmare. As they slept, I aided with the packing of camp. Making myself as useful as humanly possible, whilst forcing myself to smile and remain polite and friendly. When there was nothing for me to do, I cut the antlers. Snapping them into workable pieces and beginning to carve them into the shapes I wanted. Every now and then my eyes were drawn to Nyx's tent, the healer went in and out, coming out with bloodied rags and a worried expression each time. It was the damn head wound, I knew. I had seen a couple of bad head injuries during combat. The words that she'll be find murmured in my head a thousand times.
The afternoon was hitting late when we had to pack her tent and wake her. It was like watching a thoughtless ghost wondering around camp, dazed and drowsy in her loose black gown. She stayed extremely close to Sabe, barely letting her get more than two steps away. Our eyes met once or twice but no emotions filled hers. My wife remained utterly wordless as we mounted and set on our way, I didn't say anything when I just tapped her shoulder and gestured her to ride with me. She just sat behind me on the horse, her head resting against my back, pressing her body into me as she closed her eyes and felt like she slept. Only her functional arm clutched around my waist tightly.
Still not too happy to be on a horse, I really have to remember that. We marched for about half an hour before she became too sore to ride straddled, stopping without halting anyone else, I pulled her off the horse before pulling her back on side saddle in front of me. Onyxia moved like a straw doll, lifeless and malleable, not making a sound nor giving any resilience. She just slept against me. Or at least I think she slept. Her eyes were closed but she tensed ever so often, leaning against her wounded shoulder. Breathing her agonizingly familiar scent in, I murmured softly. "Do you want to move to the other side? So you're against your other shoulder?" Her eyes opened, but only to stare at the nothingness in front of her. In silence, she shook her head. She wasn't going to talk to me. Great. I sighed, deeply. "We're not stopping until sundown, and when we set up again it'll be night..." I offered. She ignored me. "Fine." I murmured. Leaning my chin against her head, my body relaxed in the first time in months it felt like. It was the same form of relax content I had when we were spooned together in my bedroom at Kastala Brúviður. I missed that. I missed the warmth of our bedding surrounding us like a cloud as I clutched her warm body to mine, so soft and smooth. I've never felt like that better. Thinking over all the women in my life, maybe I've never really been in love with anyone until her. The crave to be inside her wasn't based on sex, it was drawn from a painful yearning to feel connected with her. I felt loved and protected when we were caught in the afterglow of sex, it confused me. Even when she was right next to me I missed her like she was world's away.
Time passed and my daughters woke each other up with hungry crying. Stopping my horse automatically, Nyx woke up quickly and jumped off before I could even process the thought to help her. The women moved to pick them up and feed them themselves in the shaded cart. My wife fumed, "Wage es nicht, sie zu berühren, du alter Schläger! Ich werde sie füttern!" She lashed out in her mother's language, probably too angry to notice she did that. Don't you dare touch them, you old bat! I'll feed them! The women tried arguing with her, everyone stopped until the squabble stopped and my daughter's drunk from their mother's breasts. She didn't trust them, but she's going to have to get used to their presence while the girls were young. They were heirs in wedlock, nothing was more important to my people now.
As we continued, Nyx stayed with the children, keeping them company. I listened as she spoke and played with them. Talking to them about the land, telling them stories. Then it was noiseless, and she had fallen asleep once more. The ride was filled with small conversations about my wife, I commented on none of them, but I knew they were guilt ridden. Whatever caused the rape, it wasn't a wide spread plan. Which caused me to wonder what the plan was? Was it to hurt her? To rape her? Or to kill her and remove the queen as an obstacle? I didn't know, but they seemed to regret it. None of them could look her way and not wince.
The talks didn't stop when we settled and the search parties returned. The tents were erected quickly, and people were desperate to settle down for the night and get dinner started. Nyx came into our tent with the children, I left her in peace as I sat outside near our fire and continued sculpting. I made several things for the children as gifts and safe keeps, but for my wife I had broken off and smoothed out the antlers tips. Carving in them runes, then after much thought, Viking symbols and vows. A peace offering, but symbolic like her arm ring. I had it tattooed on my arm in tribute, but she hadn't commented on that much when we first reunited. Finishing up, I hid my work away, entering the tent. "Dinner's ready. We're eating together in the great tent if you're interested in joining us." I grumbled, not meeting each other's gaze. She was washing herself in the corner, I couldn't bare to look at her naked body right now. I knew how bruised and battered it was, plus she needed a sense of privacy. Nyx was barely able to balance. I moved to cradle her head and leaned her wet body against me. "Shh... Don't. You need food and rest." I ordered softly, holding her until her legs strengthened again and she stood by herself. "I'm sorry for what I said to you last night." I whispered. Keeping my hand cupping her head, finally she looked at me. Still emotionless and concealing. At some endless time later she tried pulling away, but I followed her, not wanting to break the connection. She let me for a moment, before pushing me away with a strong arm and walking away to pull on a short sleeved dress that looked far too big on her slender frame. Making it vividly clear she wanted me to leave. Reluctantly, I did. Feeling like I had finally broken everything that was between us. All due to my own stupidity and anger.
Dinner was tasteless in my mouth. Gathered all together in a squadron it should remind me of all the grand dinners back home. All the talking, drinking and high spirts where contrasted by an awkward silence and ashamed chewing of food. The past two days had brought ill will amongst all, even the day darkening into night felt gloomy and miserable. Onyxia didn't show up for dinner, the children were present at the table, and so was Sabe. I sighed heavily as I forced more chunks of meat down a constantly dry throat. I had finished carving my gifts between barely eating and feeling the need to spit hate filled comments at myself in my head. They were the tips of the antlers, but I managed to make them look as identical and unique as I possibly can. Something that she will think unique and keep, although I couldn't blame her if she just threw them away or left them behind. I had crossed a line fighting with her and there was no recovery from it.
As the night turned dark and obscure, food was forgotten. The men stayed were all women turned to their beds, drinking heavily and eagerly to promise the blackness of sleep. Without thoughts or dreams to plague the mind. Small chatter turned silent when my wife finally made an appearance. My heart sped up and my attention pin pointed, I watched her with the fascination of a child. What was she doing here now? I thought she'd be deep in sleep. Resting her body, healing her wounds. Her face was stony and blank under its bruised façade. Marching right up to my table, she fisted her functioning fingers and stared at me. Her expression was as detached as her voice. "Alexen."
I didn't immedently reply. An odd sinking feeling fell into the pit of my stomach. There was something not right here. "Onyxia." I returned, frowning at her. Something in her demeanour was almost expectant. As if she was waiting for me to do something. Her whole body language was taunt and prepared, as if she was formulating for something to happen. Something she needed to ready herself for. Something that she's been priming herself for all day....
No.
Oh, no.
My heart deflated entirely. No, she wouldn't. Not like this. Light headedness hit me like a serge, stinging behind my eyes with a sudden pain before quickly receding. Cursing my wife for the calculating minx she was, I gritted my teeth as she finally spoke. "I have decided that before we proceed any further into our journey that we must sought out any tension. Obviously my departure has caused a great insult, and a wrong doing that I now fully understand." Gods above help me, I never picked her for a sacrificial lamb. This was unbelievable, and infuriatingly unavoidable. I couldn't refuse her in front of my men without looking weak. That I was sure she knew and plotted on purpose, although I don't think she suspected just how what she was asking would haunt me.
"Nyx..."
"And so I feel it is right that we get the punishment that I have taken upon myself over with." She continued, a hint of impatient determination in her voice. "I know full well that the men feel that I owe them this as I robbed your people of enjoying the process of witnessing our children being brought into this world, and of robbing them of me acting as your queen." I wish I could roll my eyes, but I saw the faces of the men. They were uneasy, but an aura of respect and admiration glinted in their eyes. They needed this as much as she did to reinstate her position and hierarchy of them. With them. "If it's all the same to you, I would like to take my punishment now. Get it all done and dealt with." It was said so matter of factly, she might as well on commented on scratches on the table top. For a tense moment, I glared darkly at her, scowling hard enough the façade cracked slightly and she started to frown and shift on her feet.
The men were completely silent. Waiting for my response. Of bloody course, I had to punish her! The bloody cheek of this woman! There was no way out of the corner she pushed me in. "Fine." I lashed, throwing the chair back with a slam as I stood. So sharp and sudden, she jumped along with some of the men. Perhaps my anger will aid me in getting this done faster and with ease. Jabbing a finger in her direction, I have firm warning. "I will not tolerate a single word of complaint from you after this." Skirting around the table, I began unbuckling my belt. "If you're stupid enough to want this while you too weak on your feet to even bathe yourself, then you'll take just as willingly." I boomed, her frown grew.
"I won't complain." Nyx murmured.
Pointing at the table, I motioned her to move. "Bend over it, dress up." She moved cautiously, but not fast enough. With a hand gripping her bicep tightly, I dragged her to the table and bent her over, yanking up her dress until her thighs and already bruised ass was visible. Bloody hell. Curse her to the darkest shit in hell! I will never forgive her for this moronic forgery of bravery. "It'll be twenty. You are to count, you're at fault, it is your responsibility." Nyx nodded, folding her arms under her chest. The men looked more and more guilty and uneasy. I addressed them with an authoritive bite. I was their king, I dared them to plot or cross me again. "Once this is done, then it is done. Finished. Enough!" I roared. "I've had enough of this foolishness and stupidity based on rumours and lies spurred on by my mother." My mother, I will have to address that issue within the months coming. I doubted it would end well. For all I knew my people were almost starved in my absence due to her. It wouldn't be the first time something of that like happened. This time, they had my attention and protection against her. Her hand in the death of my child will never go unanswered, Nyx herself will ensure that I imagine. Yet, taking the action out of my hands didn't dampen how torn I was on the matter.
Folding the belt in my palm, I readied myself. So did she, but I knew she'd try to fight the pain with silence. It wouldn't do her any good, I knew that from experience. My father had a stronger lash, but I was going to try to make my promise just as firm as his. I learned my lessons, I was merely teaching her, hers. A common thing for a wife, but it still made me roil against hitting her. I didn't want to prove her right. I wasn't her father. I wasn't going to continue his stride as her abuser. I loved her spirit, I never wanted to break it. Clearing my throat, I ordered. "Count, Nyx." The crack echoed but she released nothing but a surprised grunt. I had seen this done with a stick. It can't be thicker than your thumb, which was what was accomplished. You can beat your wife's mistake out of her, as your husband's right, but curse you if you strike her with anything thicker than the thumb of your hand. The thought angered me now. I would kill the man who wedded Imogen or Torvi and struck her as I was doing to their mother now.
The skin on her arse whitened before it started to bloom red. "One." It was a quiet rasp, as if she was holding her breath. Or trying to catch it again. Fighting the guilt to stop, I lashed again. Taking in a long, deep breath while she took a few, we continued. "Two." I rolled my wrist, steadying my feet. I was sure every emotion was written on my face, just as I was certain the main one appearing was blistering anger. Refusing the men acknowledgement, I struck again. Again. Again. Again. Again, and again.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight....
Twelve to go. She was counting up, in my head I was counting down. I hit a little too close to a scratch on her leg, it had started to seep blood. I hated her for forcing me to do this. She was beaten half to death yesterday! It was unbelievable! Wouldn't she want to prolong it until she was bloody healed? Or even partly? Her breathing grew harsher as her body was tensed to snap. The men were deathly silent, I barely spared them a glance. Her arse and the tops of her thighs began to chafe and bead up with blood. In my restlessness, I changed sides. It'll be an easier strike, a faster one. To end this parade of disgrace. Nyx met my eyes, her head leaning on the tabletop. Her eyes were red rimmed, but she didn't outwardly cry. As strong as a barge. Shaking my head, I flexed my fingers and grip before continuing. Stop being a coward, get it done with! I fuelled myself. Hitting her hard, the snap of the belt against her skin echoing in the stunned silence of vexatious men. She whispered a soft 'Nine', and another blow came straight after. She gasped, not ready for it, but when was she ever going to be fully ready? Letting out a chocked moan, she slipped on her feet, having to pull herself back onto the table. "Ten!" I nodded, halfway. Almost there. She met my eyes again, there blue was swallowed in a deep blackish ocean of colour. Glaring at her, I clenched my teeth so hard my jaw spasmed.
Get
It
Done
With!
Finish it!
We were half way, ten blows to go. Just get it done. We can work on this disaster of a marriage once we reach the safety of Celtic shores. If she was going to ignore me and give me the silent treatment, I would return in like. More than one of us can mask detachment. By Odin's beard, it was clear we needed some separation and space between us. "Keep counting..."
Thwack!
"Eleven..."
Thwack!
"Twelve..."
Thwack!
"T-Thirteen...!" She shifted again, her arse was bright red, and the blood had smeared making her surface wounds look monstrous. Nyx was gasping for breath through the pain, and I was panting with frustration as I was delivering her agony.
Anger ran through my veins. I hated her with everything in this moment. I was finally getting my head clear about this whole thing, and she had to go ruin everything. Had to disobey. Had to get herself in trouble. Had to get herself hurt. Had to be argumentive. Had to get her way. Had to make a scene. Had to be the spoiled, manipulative brat she's always been. Forever a thoughtless, self-absorbed child. It was a burden and a lifelong curse to be chained to her by marriage.
Thwack!
Thwack!
Thwack!
Thwack!
"Count, damn you!" I rumbled and roared. My impatience with this whole blasted spectacle was eating ate me into an irate fury to red I could barely see straight. "Where were we, Onyxia?" Demanding an answer, fiercely.
Hyperventilating under the flurry of blows, she was trying to catch up to the pain. Her screams and moans were a speechless muteness. She had been biting her lip to shield the pain and keep quiet, but her teeth had torn it again, blood dripped down her chin and on her teeth. When she could form words, she bleated a "Seven-S-Seventeen.... I think...." Slowly, repositioning herself.
Three more to go. Good. "Almost done." I swallowed, "Stop crying." Whispering, not able to look at her devastated face any longer. I aimed lower this time, giving her somewhat of a break. She wouldn't be able to sit down, let along ride a horse for a long while. She gave me a muttered response of a number, but the pain was getting to her. She was struggling hard to contain it. Her gasps turned to screams and shouts of agony. My arms burned with the effort of hitting her on repetition. It felt like a joke that I was growing tired. The Gods were playing a game to be sure.
Last one. I hit hard and true, Nyx cried out on a sharp scream. Gasping fast as she absorbed the blow. Her body shook, and she stood straight, barely able to maintain upright as she pulled down her dress. "Twenty...." Dark eyes swivelled in my direction as I fastened my belt. "Thank you, my king..." I scowled at her. Fuck you, I wanted to reply. Nyx moved to turn and leave, but her legs couldn't carry her weight any longer.
I caught her on strident reflexes. Clutching her high in my arms. Holding her against my chest with one hand, I clutched the antlers. "Hold these. Be useful for once." The anger in my voice was half hearted, softening as I marched out of the dinner hall. She looked at the gifts with phased interested, but as if she had no idea what they were or why she was holding them. "You are such a stupid, imprudent little fool, you know that?" I reprimanded her, as if telling off a child. "I can't believe what a bitch you are!" Leaving the tent, ignoring them men I left behind, I entered our shared one.
The children were deep in sleep, in fact I thought I heard Rekker snoring, but that could have been Logan. The dog barely stirred as we entered. Laying her on the bed, I tugged off her dress. "I hate you so much right now. I don't even want to look at you, I'm so livid with you." Carrying on, I grasped the pot of larded salve. "Hurry up! Turn around!" Nyx turned on her stomach the best she could. Still holding the alters, one in each hand. Not surrendering them when I tried to pry them off her. I let her hold them, if she wanted to sleep with them, then to each their own. Rubbing the cold and odorous cream into her buttocks and the backs of her thighs a little harder than necessary, I made sure her wounds were cared for before putting it away and washing my hands. Nyx had fought the smell by burying her face in the pillow. "You are to eat an entire filled plate of food in the morn, do you understand me? I have had enough of this nonsense, Onyxia." No reply, but I knew she listened. "I made those for you." I explained, gesturing to the antler tops, and the engravings. "Do whatever you like with them. Keep them. Rid of them. Stab me with them in my sleep. See if I care." Bitterly, I looked away as I closed the tent.
As I stripped bare, she had turned on her good side, black eyes watching me in silence. I glared at her the entire time, even when her eyes fell onto my manhood. She was kidding herself if she thought I'd even be remotely interested in sex tonight. Or tomorrow night, or any other night until we reached home soil. She needed to heal. She needed to care for her children. She needed to get her damn priorities straight. Lying next to her but facing away, I yanked the warm, thick covers over us.
"Good night, Alex." Her voice was soft and subdued.
I rolled my eyes. "Just go to sleep, Nyx." I snapped.
It was going to be a long journey.