Gianluca's smile was a cross between a predator who finally had its prey in sight and an angel offering salvation to the frightened prey. We sat across from each other in his dining room.
He continued to smile and flash a set of perfect teeth in my direction each time he paused from shoveling a spoonful of food into his mouth. I didn't know what to say to him.
The silence didn't seem to bother him as much as it did me. I pushed the food around my plate as I thought of what to say. I had no appetite after seeing what played out the night before.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I forced myself to ignore the constant vibration. Whoever was calling would have to wait. I still wasn't sure what Gianluca meant by his three rules. He was unfazed by the murders he committed. I could tell by the way he greeted me this morning with what I presumed to be a welcoming smile.
Gianluca's eyes wander from my plate to my face. He does this three more times before saying anything.
"What's wrong?" Gianluca searches my face for any signs. I was never good at this game. I never learned to hide my emotions. I stare back for as long as I can. Eventually, my gaze drops and I resume looking at my uneaten plate of food.
"What's wrong Nicca," Gianluca asks again.
"Nothing," I mumble. Gianluca doesn't look convinced by my words. He pushes his chair back and stands. He walks a short distance to where I sit and pulls me to my feet. His arms wrap around my waist and he holds me tight against his body.
He whispers in my ear that everything will be okay. He told me again how sorry he was about choking me several weeks ago. Once more he begs for my forgiveness. I feel nothing as he hugs me while his hand rubs my back. He tells me how much he loves me and that he doesn't want to lose me again.
My phone chooses this moment to start its incessant buzzing again. I can tell that Gianluca can feel the vibrations because he holds me tighter. He takes a deep breath and I worry about what he'll do. I don't have long to wait. Gianluca pulls away from me.
"Answer it." His voice is low and threatening.
My hand shakes as I reach into my pocket and pull out my cellphone. Abel's name flashes on the screen. There's a slight tremble in my voice as I answer the phone.
"Hello?" Abel's voice is loud to my ears. "Nicca? Where are you? I went to your house but no one's home." I think carefully about my response as Gianluca's eyes never stray from my body.
"I'm at a friend's house," I tell him. Abel hesitates. I can barely hear him breathing on the other end of the line. I wonder if he can tell I'm lying. I wait a few seconds more before saying a tentative, "Hello."
Finally, I can hear Abel breathing. "Oh," he says. His voice is quiet. "Friend, huh? Well, I was just wondering if you've heard from Dax recently."
"I haven't. Why?" Maybe this is Abel's way of warning me that Dax knows about my mother. I wait for Abel to explain why he asks. He remains silent.
"Dax is looking for you." That's all he says before I hear a click.
I don't know what to think. Too many thoughts bounce around my head as to why Dax would be looking for me. Even though, I want to know the reason. I can't help but think about Abel. His voice when he gave me that warning sounded strained. I feel like I've unknowingly hurt him somehow.
I couldn't possibly tell him the truth of where I am. Especially, with the trigger happy Gianluca. I silently curse Gianluca in my head. In this instance, I hate him more than anything and anyone else. It's the first real emotion I've felt since seeing my aunt's lifeless body.
Gianluca clears his throat. How could I forget about him, when he stands so close to me? I mask my hatred and look at him.
"Who was that?" He shows no emotion as he asks the words. There's no hint of anger that I can tell of. His tone is inquisitive.
"A friend from school. He wanted to tell me another friend of ours is looking for me." I keep my answer as short and simple as I can. Gianluca raises an eyebrow.
"Why would this 'friend' be looking for you?" I have no way of answering that. I'm not even sure what Dax wants with me.
I look around the room, avoiding his eyes. His hand touches my chin and raises my head to look him in his eyes.
"Well."
"I'm not sure," I tell him. "My friend never said why. He just said he was looking for me." Gianluca takes his hand away.
"Let's talk," he says and walks out of the dining room and down the hall. I reluctantly follow after him.
He leads me to a room that holds two chairs and a sofa. He takes a seat and signals for me to have one as well.
"What were the rules I told you yesterday?" He's calm when he asks. Seeing him this way frightens me more than when he yells and waves his gun around. When he's this way, I'm not sure of what to expect.
"The rules?"
"Yes. Explain the rules to me. Once I'm satisfied, you can go. I love you. I'm not holding you hostage Nicca. A relationship can never work that way."
All I can do is watch him. A relationship? I didn't know that's what this was. It was more like hunter and hunted.
Was this love to him? How could it be? I may not have experienced real love, but I knew what it was supposed to be. Love was supposed to be between two people who when faced with death would choose to die together than be alone.
Love was being unable to live without the other. It was lifting the other up when they fell.
Gianluca's love was not love. It was warped and twisted. His love was chains that bound you to him and forced you into a life of servitude. How could he sit there and profess his love to me when he obviously had no idea what true love was? Love was freedom.
I stare at him flabbergasted.
"Nicca," he says, "it's in your best interest to answer me."
I recite the rules to him. "I have to stay loyal to you, come over here on the weekends, and if I break any rule I will be punished."
He nods and smiles. "Love knows no bounds. I've punished myself for so long that finally god has decided to wash my sins away and reward me. You're my reward Nicca. I will always cherish you. All I ask is that you follow these rules."
He comes to sit beside me on the sofa. He leans forward. I can feel his breath on my face. He kisses me. This kiss is unlike any of the others Gianluca has given me. He puts all of his emotions in that one kiss. He forces me to accept all that he is.
By the time he pulls away, we're both panting. I hate him. I hate myself more. I'm nothing more than a coward. Too afraid to tell Gianluca how I really feel. I'm nobody's reward. Gianluca is just fooling himself.There's a knock on the door.
Gianluca looks up to find his mother standing there. She wears a frown. Her gray eyes show a mixture of anger and concern. Gianluca straightens his clothing as he stands and greets his mother.
"Giudice and Castillo are here to see you," she says. "Deal with them quickly and send them away." Gianluca spares a quick glance in my direction. "I'll see Nicca safely home. I'll take him there myself." He gives a brief nod before disappearing out the door.
His mother watches me. It's the same look she gave me the first time she saw me. Disbelief and fear overtook the emotions that previously showed. I wondered what that look meant.
She takes a seat beside me.
"What is your last name Nicca?" She smiles sweetly.
"It's Asling," I tell her. Her eyes widen in shock before masking it.
"Asling," she repeats. "What's the name of your father? Do you have any brothers or sisters?" I look at her confused. What does any of these questions have to do with anything?
"My mother never told me about my father. The only thing she says is that I look just like him. I don't have any siblings by my mother. By my father, however, I wouldn't know."
She takes a few minutes to carefully digest the information that I've just told her. She gives me a thoughtful look.
"You seem to be a nice boy. That's why I'm going to tell you this: follow his rules. For your own safety, follow his rules."
"Can I ask you a question?" She nods her head in answer. "Why did you ask about my family?"
"Curiosity got the better of me." She laughs at her reply.
"Why is Gianluca so insistent that he loves me?" I don't know what possesses me to ask this question. Once it's out, I wait anxiously for her answer.
She is silent for a moment as she thinks over her answer.
"Gianluca sees this as a way to atone for what happened in the past. He plans on making things right with you. Answer me this, what would you do when the one person who knows you better than yourself dies before their time? You spend a lifetime dealing in the what ifs.
Gianluca always worries about the inevitable.When he was young, he did something he spent years regretting. Despite knowing that he did it out of love, Gianluca felt that he was tainted and deserved to die for what he did.
No matter what I said to him he still felt this way. It took love to heal him and love to destroy him all over again." She pauses. Her eyes gloss over with unshed tears.
"Gianluca's soul is burdened with too many things for such a young person. He finally found what he's been looking for in you. So, I say again, please follow his rules. Do not break my son when he's starting to heal again."
With that, she stands. She leads me to a car waiting outside. We drive in silence. I want to know more about Gianluca and what happened in his past. His mother was so sincere when asking me to follow the rules without actually explaining why I should. All she did was create more questions for me.
She lets me out in front of me house. I think about going in but decide not to. Instead, I walk down the street once I see Gianluca's mother drive away. I wanted to think. What was love exactly? My idea could just be as wrong as Gianluca's.
What did I know about love anyway? My mother only loved herself. I'm not even sure she loves Dominic. I continue to walk until I hear my name being called. I turn around to see Dax walking towards me.
He approaches me and glares. His fist are balled at his side. He takes a fighting stance. He knows. I can tell just by looking. I'm still unsure of what to say to him. Nothing I say will make it better.
"I thought we were friends," he yells. "We invited you into our little group and you never once tell me that that bitch was your mother. You could have told her what she was doing to my family. You could have pleaded with your mother." He stops as an idea begins to form.
"Wait, you can still do that. If you're really my friend, you'll tell your mother to break up with my father."
Dax is so proud of his idea. He grins from ear to ear as his body starts to relax."I can't do that."
"Why not," he pleads. I struggle to find the best way to explain.
"I've stopped caring about what those two do anymore. You can only care for so long before you realize that going any longer will end up driving you insane. They're both adults. They know what they did was wrong, but they don't care. If they don't, why should I. It's pointless."
Dax frowns at my words. I'm sure he doesn't understand what I'm trying to say. I want to tell him that it's not my fault that our parents are evil beings bent on destroying everyone's happiness.
"Pointless," he laughs. "How is putting my family back together pointless." He screams. I can see his body beginning to tense. "We were happy until your mother came into the picture. Your mother did this. She did this." He yells out his frustration.
I can feel my phone vibrating in my pants. I ignore it. It would be disrespectful to answer it while Dax is pleading his case to me. What do you say to make the hurt go away?
I would tell him sorry if I was. I can't be sorry for what my mother does. She has to take responsibility for her own actions. I can tell this is eating at Dax, but there's nothing I can do. How did he even find out about me being Nova's son?
My thoughts immediately turn to Abel. He promised he wouldn't say anything to Dax. I believed him.
"Nicca, all I'm asking is for you to talk to that bitch you call a mother and make her understand."
I pity Dax. He and his family are better off without a man like Dominic around. I shake my head.
Out of the corner of my eye I can see a fist coming towards me. It connects with my jaw. I stumble backwards a few steps.
Dominic nor my mother understands what love is or they wouldn't have done what they did. I wish I could make Dax see this.
His fists rises again. I prepare for the impact. If this is what Dax needs to do to understand that me talking to them will do nothing then I will gladly take his punches.
Dax's fist never lands. I open eyes that I had not known were shut. Abel holds Dax's arm in his hand. This is the second time Abel has saved me. I can't hold back my smile any longer. Love, is knowing that you can count on the other person to come when you need them. Love is forgiving. Love is Abel.