Oh the ever so sweet sound of silence. Nothing could compare to it. Although for some... that silence isn't always so sweet. Instead of bringing that person peace and comfort it brings them dread and fear. Overwhelming them with all of the negative thoughts and emotions that are constantly racing through their minds. Things that need to be done, things that you should have said or shouldn't have, things that you hope to happen or hope won't happen. All constantly nagging at you from the inside.
Amelia is no stranger to this. She knows the struggle of wanting to be in silence but also dreading the idea of being alone with her own thoughts.
Being afraid of your own thoughts and mind has to be one of the deepest struggles because you can't run away from yourself.
Amelia
I let out a deep sigh as I lay across my bed painting my fingernails a glossy gel, strawberry pink. I love that glossy gel look, it makes me feel happy. As I lay there my mind starts to race and wander. I swear I always think at a rapid speed and my brain never shuts off.
I can't believe I'm actually going to fake my death and leave all this shit finally behind me. I'll finally be able to start over. Create my own world... But what about Caelynn. What is she gonna do without me? What are my parents going to do to her? Will her life start to go to hell just like mine had? Am I leaving only to leave her with the same fate?
Tears begin to form in my eyes, "No you're not going to start crying and feeling bad about this now. Caelynn will understand." I assure myself as the tears threaten to escape.
God, I hope I'm making the right choice and not going to be making everything worse.
I'll still stay in contact with Cae, she knows I could never fully leave her behind. She's my little sister and truly the only best friend I've ever had. I know she won't blab to anyone about my new identity and life. I trust her more than I even trust myself.
The white oak, hand carved door to my bedroom swings open, snapping me out of my deep thoughts and back into the harsh reality of the real world.
"Amelia. My dear. What are you still doing sitting up here?" My witch of a mother acts as if she is exasperated by having to even ask the question.
"I'm painting my nails."
She crosses her arms over her chest and huffs, "You're supposed to be ready and downstairs already."
I look down at my tight pink baby tee, and white boot cut yoga pants. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing? I think I'm ready enough." I smirk snidely.
"You look like a whore! Bennett and his parents will be over soon so you can apologize and beg for him to take you back since you tried to embarrass him."
I hop off of my bed. "Are you fucking kidding me?! I already told you I'm not apologizing to him and I'm most definitely NOT getting back together with him. He is the definition of a narcissist and I want nothing to do with that anymore. I'm sick of taking a backseat in my own life. He is not allowed to control me anymore and neither are you! I'm not your puppet child anymore!" I scream at the top of my lungs with everything in me as if it's the last thing I will ever say, and in all honesty it very well could be... My family is very connected and have friends in the highest of places. You never know what strings they could pull to truly have me silenced forever.
"Amelia, I believe your father and I have made ourselves quite clear. Your back talk, disrespect, and irresponsibility will not be tolerated."
On the inside I'm screaming and balling my eyes out, going into a full blown meltdown but I can't show weakness on the outside especially to my mother. So what do I do instead? I laugh hysterically out of anger.
"You guys really are so pathetic. If finally standing up for myself after being put down my whole life is disrespectful then yeah I guess I am. I'm fed up with all of your bullshit."
She lunges towards me like she's ready to actually rip my head off. She grabs the top of my already messy ponytail and pulls my head backwards.
"You will not talk to me like that you little spoiled bitch. I have tried to be nice to you for far too long so here is your last warning. We will get rid of you before you can do anything to destroy this family. You're father and I won't let you ruin our reputation so keep doing as you are told. I'm sure this rebellion phase will end soon as you won't want to see what will happen if it doesn't." She threatens twisting my hair up into her fist more and more.
"I hate you. If I'm the little spoiled bitch then you're the big spoiled bitch that I learned everything from." I spit at her.
She gives my hair a hard yank before dropping it out of her hand. I wince. The hair she was yanking was right next to the bald spot that Bennett left from pulling out my hair. She then slaps me across the face. I accidentally bite the inside of my cheek as she does it, sending spit and blood flying.
"Be down in the grand foyer in five minutes. I don't want to have to send your father up here to get you. He won't react as kindly to your tardiness." She informs me before slowly closing the door behind her, acting as if she didn't just threaten and physically assault me.
God please save me from this Hell hole! I'm so done. Maybe it would be easier to just actually die. We have this whole plan going, we can still follow through with every aspect, the one difference is I wouldn't have a life to start over... Oh my goodness. Stop it Amelia. These are not good thoughts to be having. You know how missed you would be by Caelynn. You can't and you won't do that to her. That would kill her. At least with faking your death you can still keep in contact with her. Not only that, but what would Sutter say? What would he do? He would be so angry if he found out I was thinking so darkly.
I swing my door open and slowly make my way down the stairs as I turn the corner into our foyer, I see my parents, Bennett, and his parents all standing around drinking refreshments, waiting for me.
"Please no." I mumble to myself.
"Ahh there she is, our sweet princess. How did you sleep darling?" My ever so charismatic father inquires as if he actually cares.
"I slept fine. Thanks for asking." I say playing into the charade that is my life.
"Wonderful, I was just telling the Ellis family that you haven't been feeling like yourself and may have made a big mistake recently. They so kindly agreed to come over in hopes of making amends." He continues his monologue.
I try my hardest not to roll my eyes but I can't help it. "I'd rather not make amends. I really don't want to see Bennett or the Ellis family ever again. What's done is done. I have no regrets on the matter." I say coldly.
My fathers eyes widen and his voice turns from light and hopeful to deep and threatening. "Amelia this isn't about you. It's about doing what's right."
"I am doing what's right for me."
My father's face begins to turn an angry shade of chartreuse as I see him start to roll his fists up along his sides.
"No worries Mr. Davenport. I think it might be better if Amelia and I talk alone. Conversations like this can be hard to have in front of parents." Bennett assures, patting my father on his upper back.
He adjusts his tie and clears his throat. "That's a great idea Bennett. I understand."
Bennett comes up beside me placing his hand on the small of my back moving me out towards the patio. We step outside and his demeanor completely changes of course.
His grip tightens on me as he pulls me back into his rock hard chest. He presses his mouth up against my ear and through clenched teeth whispers, "You can't get rid of me that easily you little bitch. I still own you and I always will because our families have an agreement."
I quickly jerk myself out of his grasp and away from his body. "Bennett give it the fuck up. You don't own me. I'm over all this shit."
"Come on babe, stop with the rebellion. It's only going to make things worse. You'll never find anyone that's going to actually love you. You're just an easy whore to fill a man's needs when he can't get the one he really wants."
"You are such a despicable person. You literally disgust me. I don't know how I stayed with you as long as I did."
Just then my phone begins to vibrate. I'm getting a phone call, thank God, anything to save me from this nightmare of an interaction. I slip the phone out of the small pocket on my yoga pants and take a peek at the caller ID. It reads: Nerd Worm🪱
Ahhh yes, Sutter, just the escape I need.
Bennett grabs the phone out of my hand. "Who the fuck is Nerd Worm?! What the actual fuck Amelia?! So you are fucking around!"
"No I'm not. Give me my damn phone back. It's none of your business." I say reaching up for my phone, as he lifts it higher.
"Who is this?"
"Nobody. Give me the phone. Now."
He presses the answer button. "Hello, who the fuck is this?"
"Bennett, stop it! Give it back! Please I'm begging you." I say still trying to grab my phone back.
"No." He slaps my hands down. "Hello! I know there is someone on the other line. I can hear you breathing, you little coward. If you're her side piece I suggest you get lost before things start to get real ugly for you."
I finally swipe my phone out of his hand and pull it to my ear. "Hello... Are you still there? I'm sorry about him. I didn't know that he was even going to be here. I kind of got blindsided..."
"Yeah I'm still here... It's okay. Are you okay?" Sutter asks immediately worrying about me.
"Okay good. Yeah I'm fine. What's up? Is everything okay?"
Bennett rolls his eyes and throws his hands up. "Unfucking believable." Before walking back inside.
"I know it's not one of our scheduled days but I've been thinking a lot about things and I don't know if I can go through with helping you with all of this. It's kind of a lot."
"Whoa whoa whoa wait. You're backing out. You can't back out! I need you!" I exclaim trying to hold back the fear that is bubbling up into my throat.
"I'm really sorry, Amelia. I just... I don't know. I really do want to help you but I don't know if we should be doing this. You're asking for a lot." He politely explains.
"Okay okay. You're just getting cold feet. That's okay! I'll come over right now and we'll sort this whole thing out. See you in 10, kk?"
"No Amelia, you're not getting what I'm saying. I don't think this is a good idea..."
"No I hear you loud and clear. It's okay. I'm heading over to your place now and we will talk this whole thing out and get back on track. Everything will be peachy." I assure him but I realize that I'm actually trying to reassure myself.
"Amelia I..."
"See you soon, bye!" I quickly hangup and let out a deep breath.
I rush back into the house and up to my room. Quickly fixing my hair and makeup, I have to look perfect if I'm gonna convince Sutter to stick with me... Or I mean the plan. Yeah.
I grab my purse and car keys and dash out the door to my beautiful baby of a vehicle.
I get to Sutter's house and start rapidly knocking on the door.
To my surprise sweet little Shay opens the door, "Oh hey sugar, what are you doing here? I didn't know you and Sutter had a playdate scheduled for today. Unless you decided to stop by just for me?" The ten year-old smooth talker leans up against the door, raising a sly eyebrow.
"No I'm sorry Shay but I actually am still here for Sutter. It's an emergency." I inform him as I slide past.
Sutter walks out of his bedroom. Shirtless. He sees me and then quickly retreats back into his room. I put my hand in the door before he can fully close it.
"Sutter. Please."
He stops and sighs, slipping on a shirt before sitting down at the edge of his bed. Dammit, why did he have to put a shirt back on. I was really enjoying the view. He needs to show all that off wayyyy more often. Snap out of it! Amelia focus. You are here to schmooze the pants off of him, not the other way around.
"Please don't bail on me! I need you. Seriously. I will do anything you want." I plead, getting down on my knees on the floor in between his wide spread legs.
His eyes widen slightly as he looks down at me. "Amelia, stop."
"What?! I'm not doing anything besides begging you to keep helping me. Pleaseeee Sutter!" I continue to plead.
I know how this looks. It looks bad and pathetic but I promise you. It's totally innocent. It's not my fault that the positioning may look a little... Questionable.
"You don't need to beg me to help and I don't want anything from you. We've already talked about this... Can you please get up off of the floor so we can have a real conversation?" He asks putting his hands out in front of him to help me up.
He's such a gentleman.
"Yes yes of course. Sorry that was pathetic, I guess it's just a habit. Something that I need to break." I mumble, as I sit up beside him.
He glanced down to my white yoga pants. "Wow brave color choice."
"Hey! What the heck is that supposed to mean?"
"Good way for me to know that it's not your time of the month." He chuckles.
I nudge his chest. "Whatever! I can't believe you just said that."
"Well by goly it was said."
I roll my eyes and scooch back to lean against his headboard. "Anywho moving on... You changed the subject. So back to arguing about it again."
"We weren't arguing. You were begging and I was denying."
"Duh that was apart of the arguing."
He moves from the edge of the bed to sit in his office chair. He spins around a couple times and proceeds to attempt to change the subject yet again. "Okay but before we get into that, why was Bennett at your house earlier and why did he have your phone?"
"He was there because my parents invited him and his family over so I could make amends and get back together with him basically because I'm the horrible person that ruined everything." I explain crossing my arms under my bust to accentuate my already perky chest.
"Oh gotcha I see... I'm sorry they did that to you."
"It's fine. I stood my ground and stuck to my guns. Bennett was pulling me outside on our patio when you called. I was really happy that you did. It gave me an excuse to get out of there."
His lips press together tightly forming a tight line as he nods. "Happy I can be that saving grace for you."
"Me too."
"So why did he have your phone? He didn't seem to know who I was though, which is a good thing. Do you not have my number saved?" He inquires.
"No I do I just have it saved under a nickname. So nobody will know that it's you." I assure him with a small smile.
"Oh gotcha. What's the name?"
"Oh uh. Don't get mad. It's kind of embarrassing."
His eyebrows scrunched together as he leans forward in his chair towards me. "Okay that doesn't sound good."
"It's Nerd Worm, and I even have a worm emoji at the end of it."
His mouth drops, "Nerd Worm? What does that mean? I understand the nerd part, I'll own that one for sure but worm. Why worm?"
"Okay so first off no offense at all in the slightest, but worms can be really long and you're really tall so yeah. Honestly it was really just the first thing that popped into my head. It means nothing truly. I can change it if you want me to."
He halfway chuckles as he rubs the bottom of his face. "No don't change it. That's just an interesting connection."
"Now that we got that all squared away, can we get back to the arguing part again?" I inquire sarcastically.
He shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest. "Yes please continue."
"Okay! Where was I?"
I begin to think to myself. Dammit I lost my train of thought. I hate when that happens. It's sooo hard to get it back on track afterwards. I honestly don't even want to argue anymore, I just want to jump on his lap and see what happens. Come on, woman! Control yourself! Now think!
"I believe you were going to yell at me about why I shouldn't be having second thoughts about all of this." He politely reminds me.
"Oh yeah! Thanks!"
He nods, leaning forward in his chair towards me halfway smirking.
"Anyways I was going to say that I know it's a super complicated plan and there is A LOT at stake here, but we don't have to worry about if it fails because I know it won't because I trust you and all your smarts."
"That didn't sound like you were trying to argue with me again. That sounded more like a compliment to me."
"Maybe it was. Look Sutter, trust me like I trust you. It's gonna work out. It has to. There is no other option. Plus I know how to get my way. I've had years of training."
He shakes his head and rubs his face with his hands.
"What?! I'm just being honest."
He covers his mouth with his hand and nods.
"Come on, tell me what your thinking! Go ahead and say it. It won't be anything new. Whatever it is I'm sure I've heard it all before." I say as I feel myself starting to get more and more defensive.
He clears his throat, "I was just going to say that... That's really sad. That shows what kind of role models you have had growing up and... I'm sorry for that Amelia." His voice comes out soft and gentle.
I feel my heart drop into my stomach as a lump begins to form in my throat. I don't even know how to respond to that. I'm stunned. My face flushes. I've never had anyone say something like that to me. It's always been some condescending remark.
He notices my silence and slides his chair closer to me. "You don't have to get defensive with me. I don't ever want you to feel like I'm judging you or like I'm going to judge you on anything. We may joke around about things but in all seriousness, I want this to be a safe space for you because I know that's something you've been lacking."
How does he know exactly what to say? It's like he can constantly read my mind or something. It's freaking weird! But also incredibly endearing and I honestly love it.
"Thank you, Sutter. You have no idea how much that truly means to me." I smile, trying to fight back the tears that are threatening to escape from my eyes.
He leans in and gives me a hug, wrapping his warm arms around my shoulders. His embrace is tight and comforting. I feel like I just stay in it forever.
"Just know that for this to really be pulled off you're going to have to change things about yourself like your name and maybe even dye your hair a different color." He informs me.
I slowly pull away from the hug, "Yeah as much as I would hate to change anything about myself in that sense, I do know that I will need to. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it though. That's a later problem."
He nods his head slowly and clasps his hands together in his lap. "I guess it is."